Brotherly Bonds
by Leah by Michelangelo
Summary: Another collection of one-shots surrounding the brothers and their brotherly moments.
1. Raph's Hero

**This takes place when the turtles are seven-ish years old. Enjoy!**

 **Ch. 1-My Hero**

 **Raph's POV**

I peered into the dojo and saw Leonardo practicing kicks, so I crept in and sat off to the side, trying to be as quiet as I could. Suddenly, I tripped and fell to the ground with a thud. He turned and glared at me. "Raph!" He whined, frustratedly. "I'm trying to train! Go away, I don't have time for you right now."

I slowly got to my feet and left the room with my head bowed. My elbow stings really bad, but I don't think much of it. Leo was really mad. He probably won't want to play with me for a while now. I winced when the dojo doors slammed behind me as I left. I sighed.

Then I heard someone giggling. I looked up and glanced around. It sounded like Mikey. My hope renewed, I slowly wandered towards the giggles, eventually peering into the kitchen and seeing my two younger brothers on the floor playing with…something or other. They had a container of 'Baking Soda', which seemed to be dumped in a pile on the floor and a broken jar of…something…labeled vi-ne-gar. Donnie was pouring some of the vinegar onto the baking soda and it was bubbling and making a weird noise. My eyes went wide. Whoa, that was cool. I stepped into the kitchen slowly.

"Donnie! Donnie! Can I try?"

Don handed Mikey the container of vinegar slowly, "Sure Mikey, but be careful."

I smiled and approached them. "Hey guys!"

Sadly, I startled Mikey and he dropped the vinegar which spilled all over the kitchen floor and began fizzling what was left of the baking soda with a shrill hiss.

"Raph, look what you made Mikey do!" Don yelled angrily.

My eyes went wide in shock. "I-I-I didn't—"

"Great now you've made a mess of everything! There's no way we can salvage any of this for later now!"

"Aw…no more?" Mike asked, sadly, making me feel even worse. He sounded so disappointed and it was my fault.

"Sorry Mikey." Don said sadly. I looked down, a little bit ashamed. I looked back up at Don when he cleared his throat. "Mikey and I are going to play in main room. You can't come until you've cleaned up the mess."

I glared. "Why do I have to clean it up? You two were the ones that started it!"

"But you were the one that made Mikey drop the bottle, resulting in a huge mess. So you're the one who has to clean it! Come on Mikey!" He dragged Mikey away and I was left alone with the mess.

My jaw clenched and my eyes tear up a little. I could never do anything right. My shoulders drooped and I cleaned slowly. All I wanted was to spend some time with my brothers. And none of them wanted me around. I sighed.

As soon as I had finished in the kitchen, I headed slowly for my room with a strange feeling in my chest. I looked over and saw Donnie and Mikey laughing and playing, neither of them taking any notice of me. My head and shoulders drooped and I turned away, sadly. They'd probably be happier if I didn't try and join them. My heart hurt again and I rubbed it gently with one hand. I turned back towards the hall that led to my room, but I stopped short, and my eyes wandered once again to the dojo. It sounded like Leo was still busy. I sighed again.

I wish there was someone who wanted me around. Well…there was one person I hadn't tried yet. I slid silently into the dojo, being extra careful so that I wouldn't upset Leo this time. I opened the door to Master Splinter's room quietly and squeezed inside, shutting it behind me. Almost as soon as the amount of silence in the room sinks in I realize that I made a big mistake. Sensei will get mad at me for interrupting…My legs shook a little as I took a few steps forward. Master Splinter was in the middle of the room and it looked like he was meditating. He didn't react. So I took a couple more steps towards him. He still didn't react. So finally, I reached out to tap him on the shoulder. But as soon as my hand was about two inches from his shoulder he grabbed it. I jumped in surprise, but didn't cry out.

He sighed and stood, turning to look down at me. Yep, he was upset. I shouldn't have come here. I stared up at him, my body shaking with fear that he was going to start yelling at me. He must have felt how bad my hand was shaking, because he was still holding onto it. I hated crying, especially in front of my father, but I couldn't stop the tears that welled up in my eyes. "I-I'm s-sorry S-Sensei." I whispered fearfully. "I'm so sorry!" I sent him the softest, most earnest, most honestly pleading look I could muster, hoping that he wouldn't yell. "Please don't be angry!" I added, a couple of tears actually getting away and staining my cheeks.

Splinter's face became an expression that I couldn't read and he knelt by my side. When he spoke his voice was soft and deep. "And why would I be angry Raphael?"

I lowered my head. That was Sensei's way of seeing whether we knew what we'd done wrong. "Because I interrupted your meditation and broke your focus for something that was not an emergency."

He chuckled a little, and I looked up at him, confused. "Raphael, despite what you think, that is not enough of a reason for me to angry."

I blinked hopefully up at him. "So you're not angry?"

He grinned and shook his head. "No."

I smiled a little and he grinned back.

There was a long moment of silence and finally he asked, "And why did you interrupt my meditation, Raphael?"

I was suddenly unable to look him in the eye, ashamed of my reason for coming here. Now Sensei will know what big baby I am…

"Raphael?"

I looked down. "I—I just wanted to ask if I could…" I slowly glanced back up and saw that Splinter had an eyebrow raised. He looked calm and indulgent, so I decided to go ahead and ask. With a deep breath I blurted it out in one rapid gust of breath, "Can I stay in here with you?"

Any hope I might have had melted away when I as his face change from indulgent, to stern and disapproving. I looked down and away in a poor attempt to hide my teary-eyed and devastated face. I only half-heard what Sensei said after that.

"Raphael, I still have much meditation to do and—" He must have looked down and caught my expression because his sentence never got any further than that.

I rubbed my chest with one hand and hastily cut him off because I just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible before my father could see how weak I was. "That's okay, Sensei. I'll just go…" I said, my voice betraying how truly saddened I was by his answer as I turned to leave the room.

"Just a moment, Raphael." He called, tugging me back gently and turning me around to face him. I looked up into his eyes and he smiled kindly at me. "I suppose you can stay—" There were stars of joy in my eyes and I beamed at him. He smiled, but gave me a stern stare. "—if you can stay quiet." I nodded emphatically and threw myself against his robes, hugging him tightly, burying my face in his chest since he was still kneeling.

"Thank you, Sensei! Thank you!"

He hugged me tightly back and rubbed my shell soothingly. "I love you very much, my son."

I hugged him even tighter. I knew, even then, that this was a one-time offer that would probably never present itself again, but just knowing that Sensei would do something like that for me eased the ache in my chest. When we finally pulled away, he settled down once again in a meditative position and closed his eyes. Slowly, I crawled over and into his lap, leaning my head against his chest softly. Whether his meditation was actually successful at all, I have no idea, but I do know that Splinter didn't push me away. And that made me feel more safe and loved than I had in a while.

I never really wanted to read or fantasize about superheroes at that age the way Mikey did. Because as I already had a superhero: Master Splinter.

* * *

 **Master Splinter's POV**

I glance concernedly down at the little emerald green form curled in my lap. Raphael does not usually seek me out in this manner, and I am a little curious as to what has brought on his sudden need for physical reassurance. Even now, he clings to me tightly as though he is afraid of being pushed away. As my eyes pore over him silently, I realize that there are white smudges on his skin, particularly his hands and knees. And he smells faintly of…vinegar? I can tell from his breathing that he is indeed awake and is obviously doing his best to keep his promise of silence.

But I know that I will not be able to quiet my mind until I know exactly what is going on in Raphael's mind. "Raphael, what is this?" I asked, pointing to one of the white smudges on his arm.

"Baking soda." He whimpered quietly.

I raised my eyebrows and then I connected the dots. "Ah, you were observing the way it fizzes when combined with the vinegar."

He shook his head and I glanced questioningly at him. "Nah, Donnie and Mikey were." He leaned more heavily against my robes, his small hands tightly bunching the fabric. "I had to clean up the mess."

I was not very pleased to hear that, yet I decided that I needed to investigate a little further. "And why is that?"

His voice sounded strained as though he were trying to hold back tears. "Because it was my fault, Sensei. I didn't mean to! It was an accident! I was watching from the door, and it looked kinda cool, so I went over and said hi, because I wanted to ask if I could have a turn, but they didn't hear me coming and Mikey dropped the vinegar bottle and it spilled all over…I didn't mean to, Father, honest!"

I frowned and wrapped an arm around him, rubbing his shoulders softly. "I'm sure you didn't my son. But it was very fair of you to help them clean up the mess." He looked up at me with confused eyes and I frowned. "Is that not what happened, my son?" He looked down, reluctantly. "Raphael, tell me the truth."

"It was my fault Sensei. I cleaned it up."

My eyes narrowed. "And Donatello and Michelangelo didn't help?"

Raphael just looked away and murmured. "It was my fault. They didn't have to help."

I sighed and put a hand on his shoulder. "Raphael, in the case of accidents there should be no 'fault'. Your brothers should have helped you."

"Donnie was mad because I made Mikey drop the bottle." He argued. Obviously he has certainly taken the idea that it was his fault to heart.

I decided I needed to make certain he understood. "Raphael, did you intend for Michelangelo to drop the bottle?"

"No."

"Did you purposely sneak up to them with the intention of scaring them?"

"No."

"Then how is the fault your own? You were not holding the bottle and you were not the one being startled. Not only should your brothers have been more observant, but they had no right to blame you for what happened, understand?"

He looked a little uncertain, but as he thought through everything that I had said, he nodded. "Hai Sensei."

I smiled at him and stroked his head softly. He clung to my robe once again, his expression changing. I rub his shell and wait as I sense that he is trying to compose a question.

"…Splinter?"

"Yes, my son?" I ask, glancing down at him. He looks as though he is trying to work his way through a problem.

His eyes are innocent and inquiring when he looks up into my eyes, yet at the same time much more serious than an eight-year-old's eyes should ever be. "Do my brothers like me?"

I smiled at the question. "Of course they do, Raphael."

His serious pout made my smile vanish. His eyes were filled with sadness. "They sure don't act like it sometimes."

I raised an eyebrow but decided to wait, knowing that he would let out all of his grievances in his own good time.

"Like earlier when Leo yelled at me because I tripped and fell and the noise disturbed his training. It wasn't like I did it on purpose! I just wanted to sit and watch him practice because sometimes afterwards he's willing to play with me. But I tripped and fell and he yelled at me and told me to go away."

I pulled Raphael up a little and looked him in the eyes. "Did you hurt yourself at, Raphael?" His eyes avoided mine and I knew the answer. "Where?"

He held his elbow out and I took it gently. Turning it slightly I could see that he had skinned it rather badly.

"I didn't realize it was cut until I started cleaning the vinegar. I think some got on it. It stings really bad." He admitted, quietly.

I sighed softly. "You should have asked Leonardo to help you bandage it."

"He was yelling at me the whole time Sensei. And he said he didn't have time for me. I didn't wanna make him more mad."

"I will have to talk to Leonardo about being more considerate."

Raphael shook his head and pulled on my robe, making me look down at him. "No Sensei, it's okay. You don't have to punish Leo, it wasn't his fault."

I narrowed my eyes. Here we go with faults again. "It wasn't yours either, Raphael." He just looked away again and I sighed. He wrapped his arms around my middle and cuddled up against me. I smiled and tickled the underneath of his chin making him giggle. His young laughter was sweeter than honey.

"You're the best dad ever." He said with a smile and an adorable little yawn.

My heart swelled with happiness. "Thank you, my son."

He curled up a even closer and murmured, drowsily, "Sensei, do you ever get…lonely?"

"My son, everyone gets lonely. Loneliness is a feeling that resonates within us all at times." I paused before asking slowly, "Do you get lonely, Raphael?"

"Yeah." The matter-of-factness in his tone made me frown. "Sometimes I guess I just feel like they wouldn't even care if I just disappeared."

I sighed and patted his shell softly. "Trust me Raphael, your brothers would be most concerned about you."

"You really think so?"

"Yes." I replied with certainty and he smiled. I could tell he was getting sleepy, so we fell back into silence and it didn't take long before Raphael was sound asleep. I smiled down at him before resuming my meditation.

* * *

 **Leo's POV**

I was in the dojo practicing my kicks for almost two whole hours after Raph left. I was going to keep going, but when I was practicing my hi-jump kick I noticed in the area where Raph had fallen earlier, there was a large, red blotch on the mats. Was that…blood? Was Raphie hurt? He hurt himself? Well, he had fallen pretty hard. And I had yelled at him for it…My eyes widened as I realized that I'd yelled at my little brother meanly and that he might even be seriously hurt.

I came out of the dojo and found Mikey and Donnie playing in the main room. I smiled as Don wrestled Mikey to the ground yelling, "The zombie king got you Mikey! Now you're part of the monster army!"

"Hey guys, where's Raph?" I asked, noticing that my red-masked sibling was nowhere to be seen. "I wanted to apologize for yelling at him earlier."

Donnie gave me a flat look and crossed his arms. "Did he ruin your day, too?"

I frowned at that. "That's not a nice thing to say Donnie. And no, he didn't. I was mean to him and I shouldn't have been."

"Raph made Mikey spill the vinegar bottle and it fizzled all the baking soda! Now I don't have any for next time." Don said with a pout.

"How did Raph make Mikey spill the stuff?" I asked, not really convinced that Raph would really 'make' Mikey do something like that.

"He startled us! He came out of nowhere just as Mikey was about to pour!"

Mikey reached over and put hand on Donnie's shoulder. "It wasn't on purpose, Donnie."

I crossed my arms over my chest. "Then if it wasn't on purpose it wasn't Raph's fault." I said evenly.

"It's technically still his fault Leo, he was the catalyst that started it all!" Don argued, but I glared him down.

"Sensei always says that there are no 'faults' in accidents!" I said. "So where is Raph?"

Don at least had the decency to look guilty. He shrunk down a little. "We—we told him to clean up the mess in the kitchen."

I frowned and read between the lines of what Don had just said: they'd made Raph clean up the mess all by himself. I turned and headed straight for the kitchen. It smelled funny, but the floor was clean and there were lots of dirty rags in the sink. "Looks like he did." Then my eyes caught a small smudge on the floor. "Blood." I stated. "Just like in the dojo."

"Blood?" Donnie asked me, confused.

"I found a smudge in the dojo. Raph was trying to come in and watch me earlier, but he tripped and fell. I yelled at him for disturbing my training and told him to go away. I didn't realize he was hurt."

"Do you think he's okay?" Mikey asked softly from behind us and we both patted him on the shoulder.

"I'm sure he's fine Mikey. He must be in his room." I said and the three of us all left the kitchen and headed down the hall to our brother's room. But the room was empty. I was starting to worry. "Where could he be?"

"Let's check our rooms." We did and there was no Raph.

We all met back in the hall, a little more panicked than before. "The spare room?" Don suggested and we all rushed to it. Nope, no Raph.

We looked everywhere. The tree in the dojo, every cupboard in the kitchen, the entire main room…until finally, Don turned to stare at the gaping mouth of the tunnel that led into the sewers. "You don't think…"

Mikey trembled and began to cry. "We yelled at him! We were all mean to him! So he went…he went…"

I held my little brother close and frowned. Master Splinter was always talking about the dangers that lurked in the sewer tunnels and the monsters that might get us if we dared to disobey his orders. "You don't think…the monsters might have…" I looked worriedly at Donatello, who had tears in his eyes.

"Carnivores are drawn to the smell of blood…if Raph was bleeding…"

I began sniffle. "No…we—we have to save him!"

"What?! But if we go out in the sewers, the monsters will get us too!" Mikey wailed. "How are we supposed to save Raphie?!"

I blinked back the tears. "Maybe we can't go out into the sewers, but Master Splinter can."

Both of my brothers shuddered. Donnie cringed. "But Leo…when we tell Master Splinter we drove Raph into the sewers and he got captured by monsters…he'll get really mad."

"And what if we lose Raph forever because we didn't say anything?!" I yelled back as I raced to the dojo. Mikey and Donnie were close on my heels. "Master Splinter! Master Splinter!" I yelled urgently and my father emerged from his room almost instantly.

"My sons! What is wrong?!" He asked worriedly, his eyes filled with panic as he realized that all three of us were crying. "What has happened?"

"It's Raph, Sensei!" I said, tears running down my cheeks. "He's gone and it's all my fault."

"All our fault, Sensei!" Mikey corrected as he sobbed. "We were real mean to him. And he was hurt. But we were so mean he must have decided to leave and now the monsters have got him!"

"You have to save him, Sensei, please!" I pleaded.

"We want Raphie back!" Don exclaimed.

* * *

 **Splinter's POV**

I tugged my crying and frantic children close for a brief moment before pulling away to look them sternly in the eyes. "My sons, you must learn that if you truly love something, you need to treat it with care. Not only your possessions, but each other as well. And while I am glad that you have learned that not doing so can lead to losing something you love forever, I can assure you that your brother will be fine."

They all looked up at me with teary, yet hopeful eyes.

"So you'll save Raph from the monsters?" Leonardo asked. I smiled an rubbed his head affectionately.

I didn't answer right away. "My sons, the way you treated your brother today was harsh and unjust. I understand that sometimes you do or say things in anger that you do not truly mean, but I think you will all agree that you owe Raphael an apology."

"You mean the monsters don't have Raph?" Donatello asked curiously.

I smiled at him and slid open the door to my room. "Not unless you count me as a monster, my son."

They all gathered at the door and looked in to see Raphael curled up on the floor of my room, asleep.

"Raphie!" Michelangelo crowed, running over to his brother's side and pouncing on him roughly.

Raphael's eyes snapped open and he grunted as he was smothered in a hug.

"Raphie! I'm so happy you weren't eaten by monsters!"

Raphael blinked slowly and stared wonderingly at Michelangelo. "Huh?"

Less than ten seconds later, Leonardo and Donatello had joined Michelangelo in smothering their red-masked sibling in a warm embrace. I smiled. I have a feeling that Raphael loneliness will not be a problem for the next couple of days.

* * *

 **Well, how was it? Review please!**


	2. You're the Best

**Here you go guys! A special holiday update. I'm out of town at the moment and I haven't had as much time or patience to write as I would like to, but I have almost the whole month of January off from school, so I will be updating like crazy once I get home! Anyway! Happy Holidays!**

 **-Leah**

* * *

 **Ch. 2-You're the Best**

"Raphie! Raphie! Raphie help! Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

Raphael rolled over with a groan, lifting the covers up just in time for his youngest brother to jump in beside him. "What was it this time?" Raph mumbled sleepily, sitting up and looking down at Michelangelo, who now had his arms wrapped tightly around Raph's waist.

Terrified baby blue eyes looked up into his older brother's. Raph's annoyance faded a little and he sat up wakefully. "Hush, Mikey, hush." Raph rubbed circles with his fingers on Mikey's shell softly. "What happened?"

Finally, Mikey's tears slowed and he looked up, his eyes wide and desperate. His sniffles slowed to the occasion hiccup and finally he answered the question. "There was something in my room Raphie! I swear there was something in my room! I heard it moving around! And it hissed! And it had big green eyes! I saw it, Raphie! I saw it! I swear!"

Raphael sighed and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes with a yawn. This had been happening every night for the past week and a half. He hadn't told Master Splinter anything yet because he'd just assumed Mikey would get over it the way he always did. But so far, Mikey's story had been the same every single night, except he'd never really been quite this upset. Now, Raph was worried.

"Aw, come on, Mikey." He patted his brother on the head. "You just dreamed it. Go on back to your room."

Mikey grabbed his older brother by the shoulders and shook him roughly. "No! No, Raphie! I wasn't dreaming! I saw it! I swear! Look!" He showed Raphael a bruise on his arm. "I pinched myself and it was still there! I wasn't dreaming Raphie! I really wasn't! Please let me stay here with you! Please! Please!"

Another sigh escaped Raphael as he raised a skeptical eyebrow at the youngest of his brothers. He turned his back to Michelangelo. "It was just a dream, Michelangelo, you need to go back—"

"No! Raphie please! Please! Let me stay!"

Raphael rolled his eyes and relented. "Fine. Just be quiet. And for goodness sakes, stay still."

Mikey hugged Raph enthusiastically before he settled down and made himself comfortable. A soft, sweet yawn escaped him and he murmured. "Goodnight, Raphie."

"Goodnight, wackjob. No more nightmares, okay?"

"Wasn't dreaming…" Mikey whimpered as he drifted off into sleep.

Soft snores filled the air and Raphael suddenly found himself alone. Well, alone as far as wakefulness was concerned. Unfortunately for him, he was never able to sleep when one of his brothers was spending the night with him. When they had all shared a room it was a little bit different. He'd slept easier back then. And of course, they had all shared a bed and so he was used to sleeping with his brothers. Now that they'd had separate rooms for a year, having any one of his brothers sleeping in the same room with him left him feeling uneasy. Besides, right now he was too worried to sleep. Mikey's dreams had been happening for the past week. And now Mikey claimed he wasn't dreaming. Of course it wouldn't be the first time Mikey had had incredibly realistic dreams, but this time…Raph had a strange feeling that Mikey was telling the truth when he said he wasn't dreaming. And it that bruise had really come from where Mikey had pinched himself, he must have pinched really hard.

Raph was torn from his thoughts by the sound of something thumping against a wall, but not just any wall. That was the wall between his and Mikey's room! Raph slowly stood and made his way over to the wall, pressing the side of his head against it. He could hear something moving around in there. He even swore that he could hear something scraping across the floor.

He didn't sleep at all after that.

* * *

The next morning he went up to Sensei. It was breakfast time, but Mikey was still asleep. Raph was the last one to the table, so he knew that Sensei would ask him to wake Mikey.

"Raphael, would you please go wake Michelangelo?"

"No Sensei."

Everyone turned to him with shocked expressions and he glared back at them. He looked sternly up at his father. "Mikey's been having nightmares, Sensei."

"Hm, indeed? And how long has this been going on?"

"For the past week and a half Sensei. He's gotten so scared that he comes to me and ends up sleeping in my room."

Sensei rubbed his temples with his fingers. "Ah, so that is why you have been so tired lately. I take it his presence makes it difficult for you to get your rest."

"No Sensei."

There was a short silence in which no one said anything. Sensei raised an eyebrow. "Was there something else you wanted to tell me, my son?"

"Mikey said that there was a monster in his room, Sensei."

"And you believe him?" Sensei sounded incredulous. In fact, he was surprised that Raphael, probably the most cynical of his sons when it came to superstitions, had even accepted Michelangelo's explanations.

Doubt flashed across Raphael's young face. "I'm not sure, Sensei."

Donnie and Leo looked at Raph like he was crazy. Leo scoffed. "Oh come on, Raph. You actually believe that Mikey saw a monster?"

Raphael glared. "What part of 'I'm not sure' didn't you get?" He remarked snarkily.

Sensei frowned. "Raphael." He warned, absently. His mind was fully engrossed with the problem that had been presented to him. The old rat approached his second son and put a hand on Raphael's shoulder. "You have a reason to believe Michelangelo was not dreaming, my son?"

"Hai Sensei. He said that he saw something moving around in his room. After he fell asleep last night I heard something."

"Raphael, it is possible that simply because Michelangelo told you what he had heard, you—"

"No, Sensei. I didn't imagine it. I swear. And Mikey swore that he was awake when he saw it Sensei. He was telling the truth Sensei. I could see it in his eyes. There was something inside. That, or it was in the walls. But I know I heard something." Raphael said, confidently. He knew what he had heard. More importantly, he could tell when Mikey was fibbing and Mikey _wasn't_ fibbing this time. When he said he was awake, he meant it.

The old rat shook his head and rubbed his temples. "I will consider what you have said, my son. And we will let your brothers sleep for now. But I'm afraid that I will not be able to support your belief in this monster unless you can show me evidence."

"Yeah, Raph! Seeing is believing. Show us some evidence!" Don demanded, narrowing his eyes.

He lowered his head and shifted uncomfortably. By addressing his answer to Sensei, Raph was making it perfectly clear that he was ignoring his smart-brother's interjection. "I don't have any evidence, Sensei." He said softly.

Donnie glared at Raph for the jab. "Fine, be that way. Since you don't have any evidence, I don't believe you!"

"I wasn't talking to you!"

"My sons…" Splinter cleared his throat to grab their attention before things got out of hand. Two young pairs of eyes looked up at him. "Have some respect for each other. Raphael, it is your opinion that Michelangelo was telling the truth. Donatello, it is your belief that Raphael or Michelangelo imagined this phenomenon. Unfortunately, without some kind of proof, I will be unable to side with either one of you. But, in the meantime, we will allow Michelangelo to sleep in."

"But Sensei, that's not fair!" Donnie whined as he pouted.

Master Splinter raised an eyebrow. "Indeed? But Michelangelo has not gotten any sleep for this past week, Donatello. For that matter, neither has Raphael, and I do not hear him complaining about the situation not being 'fair'."

Raph preened and smirked at Donnie.

The young purple-masked turtle scowled.

Raph's smirk grew wider. "Don't get mad at me Don. Mikey and I have been unintentionally losing sleep. You're always up late because of all the weird stuff you do."

Donnie bristled. "It isn't weird stuff!"

"Weird stuff." Raph muttered under his breath as Sensei turned his back to them.

"Why you—" Don stood and moved over to Raph, reaching out and grabbing his older brother with a growl. Just then Sensei turned around and caught them.

"Donatello! Stop this nonsense at once!"

Don released Raphael and glared at him. Raph glared right back, knowing that Donnie probably wouldn't be talking to him for a little while now. And he'd probably have to apologize later. But that's fine. Right now he was in no mood to allow Donnie to push him around. He knew what he'd heard and there was definitely something in Mikey's room. And if Sensei and the others wouldn't believe him, he was going to prove it to them.

* * *

In the dojo later that afternoon, Raph was punching his dummy around. He had long since worked up a sweat and now his little body was practically drenched. Once again, his fancy footwork slowed and he reached up to wipe the liquid that had accumulated just above his eye-ridge.

"Don't overdo it." A voice said from off to the side.

Raphael growled. "You ain't the boss of me, Leo."

"I know. I'm just telling you. Sensei will get mad if you're in here too long. Especially after you didn't get too much sleep."

"Buzz off." Raph snapped angrily. The whole point of this was to work off his annoyance at the way that his brothers, namely Donnie, had been treating him all day. Let's just say that while Mikey was being extra considerate, more so than usual, Donnie was going out of his way to be annoying because Raph still hadn't apologized for getting him in trouble with Sensei earlier.

Leo moved to stand behind the dummy and leaned against it as Raph punched. Which, all things considered, was a rather stupid idea on his part. "Do you actually believe that Mikey has a monster in his room?"

An extremely hard kick sent the dummy lurching backwards and it fell, taking Leo with it. Leo cried out in surprise as he fell, but as soon as he sat up he frowned at his immediate younger sibling.

Raph stood with his hands on his hips. "I never said it was a monster! I just said that something was moving around in there. Mikey was the one who decided it was a monster! Not me! And why the shell does it bother you so much?"

Leo smirked and stood, poking Raph audaciously in the chest. "Because you're scared!"

"I am not scared!"

"Yes you are!"

"No, I'm not, Leo! And tonight I'll prove it to you! I'm gonna show all of you guys that I was right, and when I do, you're going to feel real small!"

* * *

That night, when Sensei called bedtime the four of them stood quietly and made their way towards the hall. Leo and Donnie went ahead to their rooms. Leo turned to look back in time to see Mikey approaching Raphael with a pleading look on his face and the blue-masked turtle sighed.

 _I hope Raph sets Mikey straight. He'll never learn if Raph keeps babying him._

Raph caught Mikey's wrist before the youngest turtle could head off to his room and pulled him aside. "Mikey…"

"It's okay, Raphie. I know you don't believe me. It's okay. I'll go back to my own bed."

"No, Mikey, wait. I believe you."

The smile on Mikey's face was the brightest that Raphael had ever seen. He couldn't help but smile back for a moment. But he immediately stiffened as he was reminded of what he had to do. "Mikey, you can sleep in my room tonight. Just don't mess up my stuff okay?"

Michelangelo nodded, but then he pouted confusedly. "But what about you?"

"I'm going to sleep in your room."

Mikey's eyes went wide. "Raph, are you crazy? You can't sleep with the monster!"

"I won't be sleeping with the monster, knucklehead! I'll scare the darned thing away! It won't ever bother you again, I promise." He said, knowing that Mikey would buy it.

The pair of baby-blue eyes widened more than Raphael had thought was remotely possibly as Mikey stared at him in awe.

"Raphie, you'd do that for me?!"

"Of course I will. You're my little brother. No monsters mess with my little brother."

Mikey's arms wrapped around Raph's waist and began squeezing the life out of him.

"M-Mikey…can't breathe!" Raph rasped and Mikey immediately released him.

"Thanks Raphie! You're the best big bro ever!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't get used to it. I'm doing it for my reputation too, ya know." He murmured, trying as hard as he could to stop the embarrassment from cracking his tough-guy exterior.

"Thanks Raphie!" Mikey said, affectionately snuggling up to his older brother's plastron.

Raph smiled and patted Mikey's shell softly. "Yeah, you're welcome. Goodnight Mikey."

"Be careful Raphie!"

Raph entered the room slowly and turned on the light. The room was a mess. But not much more than it had been the last time he had been in here. It was so messy that it was hard to tell whether something had been in here or not. He sighed. Trust Mikey to make this even more difficult. Oh well. He switched off the light and jumped onto the bed.

His eyelids began to droop. He was just drifting off when…

 _Hiss… hiss…_

Something was shuffling. Raph's bright green eyes snapped open and every muscle in his body went rigid.

 _Hiss… hiss…_

Mikey was right! He could definitely feel something moving around. There was a loud scraping noise and the hissing got louder. The sounds of something metal sliding open with a loud creak split the air and Raph shuddered. He suddenly realized that whatever this thing was, it was climbing up through the grating in Mikey's room. Mikey's room was the only one that had extensive grating, which Donnie hypothesized, was connected to the sewer system. Fortunately for them, it was a tunnel system that was now out of operation, so, thankfully, Mikey's room didn't smell any worse than the rest of their home.

He grabbed his sais, but unfortunately he found that they were not on his belt. Of course! He had left them in the dojo!

 _Oh shell!_

The hissing was getting even louder and he jumped off the bed to the door. It was jammed.

 _Aw man!_

He heard the sound of something shifting directly behind him. Oh shell. Slowly, he swiveled around and his breath caught in his throat. He tried to yell, to scream, but his voice was hoarse. Terror had consumed him. He was horrified. In front of him, sitting right in the middle of Mikey's room, was a gigantic six-foot alligator. Sensei had warned them all about the ferocity of the alligators that could be found in the New York sewers. Of course they had never encountered one before.

 _Until now._

The alligator opened its mouth and Raphael backed up until his carapace was pressed against the door. He wanted to scream, but he didn't dare move a singly muscle. Somewhere in the back of his mind he remembered that Sensei had said that they could not outrun or outswim an alligator that was bigger than they were. So if he couldn't outrun it, he wasn't about to provoke it if he could help it.

Its bright, green eyes, so eerily like his, yet so alien, glowed in the dark. Its vertical pupils were extremely dilated in the dark. It hissed a little.

For a few moments it seemed as though the two of them were waiting for the other to make the first move.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the alligator's mouth closed for a few moments and Raph tensed yet again. Its eyes flashed and he jumped out of the way just in time to avoid getting chomped. The alligator's body whacked the door loudly.

"SENSEI! SENSEI HELP! SENSEI! DADDY, PLEASE!" Raph cried at the top of his lungs as the alligator began chasing him around the room, hoping against hope that his father would hear before he became alligator food.

* * *

Outside, Master Splinter had come running at the first sign of a commotion. He usually didn't hear these things from his room behind the dojo. But tonight he was on edge and he was straining to listen more carefully than usual. Something in the airwaves was telling him that something was awry. The second he heard a loud thud he sat up in bed and eyed the door worriedly. Less than ten seconds later, he heard a loud cry: "SENSEI! SENSEI HELP! SENSEI! DADDY, PLEASE!"

He jumped up to his feet and rushed out the door. Horror consumed him as he ended up standing in front of Michelangelo's door. He turned the handle and tried to shove his way inside, but it seemed to be jammed or blocked by something. "Open this door! Michelangelo! Open this door! Open this door, Michelangelo!"

He threw his body weight against it roughly, but it didn't budge. Suddenly, he got an answer. "Daddy! There's a—" The voice was suddenly cut off and Sensei stilled, horror pooling in his stomach. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

* * *

Luckily for Raphael, though the alligator was large, fast and dangerous, he was smaller and agile, and in this tight of a space, that was his only saving grace.

Someone was trying to open the door. Undoubtedly, finding it locked and proceeding to pound against it loudly. "Open this door! Michelangelo! Open this door! Open this door, Michelangelo!" Sensei called frantically, obviously worried.

Raph was busy dodging the alligator, but he tried to pause to answer, "Daddy! There's a—" Raph's distraction cost him dearly. The alligator lunged left and he jumped left. The creature's gaping maw latched onto his shoulder and dug in. He cried out. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The alligator began shaking him around, trying to tear off his arm. Raph yelled once again as his shell and head were whacked repeatedly against the walls and furniture of Mikey's room.

* * *

"MICHELANGELO!" Sensei yelled at the top of his voice. As more cries and sounds of pain followed he began pounding on the door with all his might. It would take about ten hits to break through the thick hinges.

Then something tugging at his sleeve made him look down.

 _No, it couldn't be…_

His eyebrows furrowed. "Michelangelo…" Suddenly his mind put the pieces together. Michelangelo had come out of Raphael's room.

 _No, that couldn't mean…_

He seized Michelangelo by the shoulders and looked him in the eyes.

"Who is in your room?!"

Mikey blinked sleepily.

"Michelangelo, who is in your room?!"

"Raphie…"

Sensei let go of his youngest son and fell backwards, his eyes clouding out with fear. "Raphael…"

Then, with a new surge of determination, Splinter rushed against the door with absolute fury.

His other two sons emerged from their rooms and rushed to their sides.

"What's going on?" Leo asked.

Mikey, with tears in his eyes attached himself to his older brother's plastron with such force that he almost knocked Leo over. "Leo, Leo, Leo…"

"Mikey, what's going on? Who was screaming?"

"The monster! The monster's got Raphie! He was sleeping in my room! The monster got him!"

Don frowned, still unwilling to believe in monsters, but both the older siblings took one look at their father and they knew that something was indeed, horribly wrong. Sensei finally burst in and they all rushed towards the door, but Sensei held them back. "No, my sons. Stay here. There may still be danger." He rushed inside and they heard him gasp.

* * *

Inside, Splinter's heart stopped at the sight before him. His second son, limp and bloody was clutched in the jaws of a six-foot alligator. He growled as he stared it in the eyes. "Let go of my son!"

The creature hissed and Splinter struck, hitting it with no mercy. After a vicious pounding, the alligator finally withdrew with a hiss, trying to take Raphael with him.

"LET GO OF MY SON!" He hit it right in a pressure point in the neck and jaw of the creature, and the young turtle fell to the ground with a sickening thud and a weak groan.

Splinter rushed to his child's side, all the while keeping his eye on the gator as it slipped back through the grate it had come through. Much as he wanted to pursue it, he let it go, in favor of staying with his injured child.

"My sons! Come and help me with your brother!" He called, now that the danger was gone. They rushed into the side and gasped when they saw their brother.

"Raphie! You said you would scare the monster away! You promised it wouldn't hurt you! Please, please don't die!"

"Your brother is not going to die, my son. And I doubt that that beast will ever return here."

"So, he did scare it away?" Mikey asked, his eyes wide and childish.

"Yes. He did. He is quite the hero, my sons. But I assure you, he will be fine."

Donnie jumped forward and reached out to cradle his immediate older brother. There were tears in his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Raphie! I shouldn't have been mean! You were right and I was wrong! And now you're hurt! Maybe if we had believed you, you wouldn't be hurt."

"D-Donnie?" Raph asked weakly, opening his eyes just a crack.

Everyone gasped in shock and leaned in closer to him. "Raph!" they all said simultaneously.

He flinched away with a whimper. "What the shell are you guys doin'? Just go away and let me sleep!"

"Raphael, you have been attacked by an alligator, you must stay awake until I have finished caring for your injuries. "

Raph rolled his eyes and sighed. "Is it gone?"

"Yes, my son. It will not be returning anytime soon. That was a very brave thing you did for your brother."

"Yeah Raphie, you're the best."

Raphael just smiled and nodded weakly. "Yep. I know."

* * *

 **Well, How was it? Review Please!**


	3. Young at Heart

**Ch. 3-Young at Heart**

An eighteen-year-old mutant ninja turtle sat out on the porch at the old farmhouse thinking about his life. Contrary to what one might think, this was not at all unusual. Not for him.

Truth be told, Leonardo had been pondering the circumstances of his life since his childhood and he often wondered whether or not his brothers did the same. He had once asked his younger brother, who was more in-tune with emotions than any of his other siblings, and he had not gotten straight answer. Then again, Raphael almost never gave a straight answer when it came to those types of questions.

His brothers had to, he thought, have looked back on their lives at some point or another, the way he often did. How could they not? It was a natural thing to do, wasn't it?

But the four turtle brothers hadn't exactly had all the time in the world to sit around and think. Especially over the last two years. They'd been busy saving the city, and in some cases, even the world. Their life was a demanding one that required constant work, time and effort to maintain. Not to mention the amount of grit and dedication that went into their ninja training.

It felt nice to get away to the farmhouse for a little while. To escape the bright lights, the big city, and most importantly the relentless work they had to do in New York. Oddly enough, it had been Raphael who had suggested the trip. Though they were initially shocked, after their arrival Donnie, Mikey, Splinter and Leo had soon realized that Raphael seemed to be just as at ease here as he was in the city, no matter how much he said otherwise. He was just whining to keep up his tough-city-guy persona. Even more surprisingly, that big-city attitude hadn't lasted very long.

Raphael was opening up a little. He was reverting slightly to the way he had been when they were children. Donnie and Mikey seemed shocked by the radical change in Raph's behavior from a loud-mouthed badass, to a rather loud-mouthed cheerful and simplistic young adult. Not too simplistic, though, since he still indulged in working on his bike for a couple of hours every day.

For some reason this change in Raph had really thrown Donnie and Mikey off. They had been much more surprised than Leo was. Why, he wasn't entirely sure, though he suspected that it was because most of the walls the hothead usually surrounded himself with were down.

Raphael was acting, Leo thought, much like a human child portrayed in the movies about country farms and things. He constantly went on long runs through the fields, and he usually brought something interesting back with him.

It was beautiful up here of course. And it contrasted greatly to the sewers that they had grown up in.

Leo briefly found himself thinking about how different their life might have been if they had lived out in the country, in a place like this, rather than in the sewers of the great metropolis. Is this what Raph would have been like? So open, free and limitless? It was hard to imagine. His younger brother had always been such a puzzle to him. A puzzle that was impossible to solve. Every time Leo thought he'd finally put together all the pieces, there would always be a couple that just wouldn't fit. It was vexing. And yet, as he watched his brother running through the fields, filling the bird feeder with seeds, digging a trench out down to the field so the rain wouldn't wash them away, training in the woods amongst the trees, skipping stones across the pond, hopping across the river, Leo couldn't help but smile. Raph really was his little brother. It was obvious, no matter how much Raph tried to hide it, that he was happy here. He was free. He wasn't being contained. Leo had fleeting memories of Raph mentioning how much he hated being confined to the sewers, to a small space, and that sometimes he just wanted to get out there and run.

Raphael acted like a child here. Perhaps that was what had surprised Donnie and Mikey. Raph's cynicism always made him seem older than his actual age, but there are rare moments, when he indulges, that he could actually seem younger. Of course, whenever he acts immaturely or hotheadedly he is definitely acting like a child, but Leo was really thinking about the times when Raphael, even as a teenager, would seem like the little eight-year-old Raphael he remembered from their childhood.

Leo giggled as he thought about the way Raph used to come over and lean on him to get his attention when they were that age. His eyes sparkled as he remembered how Raph would keep leaning until he fell over. Raph was always doing that. Pushing him over. And then he would go tell Master Splinter, "Daddy! Raphie leaned on me again!" The smile on his lips didn't fade as his thoughts shifted to Donatello.

Donnie, too, had shown signs of relaxation and openness that Leonardo had not seen in a long time. Don was slightly more ill-at-ease here at first because of the lack of sophisticated technology here on the farm, but he had slowly adjusted back to the tempo of everyday life in the country. He was glad to see Dr. Cluckingsworth, of course, and the two of them were able to bond a little more. But Don was also, in Leo's opinion, working on a smaller scale and at a slower pace than he would have allowed back home. That, in itself, was a miracle. For the first time in years, probably since they were eight years old, Donatello was not overworking himself. In fact, he seemed to be taking his time and enjoying a small amount of leisure. Donnie was going for walks, exploring things, and gathering samples, mostly mushrooms and other fungi, that he brought back to the house to study and catalogue. He collects molds, spores and fungus. It's a whole thing.

Leo didn't understand his genius brother's fascination with the stuff. It didn't really matter to him. But whenever he was walking through the forest and he saw an unusually mushroom, he would slice it off and carry it in to Donnie. Leo enjoyed seeing the way his little brother's eyes sparkled with mirth and appreciation as he graciously accepted the little fungi as though Leo had just presented him with a block of pure gold.

And Mikey, well, Mikey hadn't changed much. He was still cheerful as ever. Leo often wondered: What would our life be like without Mikey? But whenever he tried to think too much about it, the dismal answers made him stop as soon as he had started. Mikey was the sunshine. He brought life into their family, even when the darkness threatened to swallow them whole.

Raphael was the pessimist, the cynical one. Mikey was a full-fledged optimist on steroids. He was so cheerful that sometimes you couldn't stand to be in the same room with him. He was cheerful to the point of it being unbearable. Yet, despite their opposite personalities, Raph and Mikey were a great team. They balanced each other out, or canceled each other out, if you prefer. Raph was the negative and Mikey the positive. They pulled together to work something out and in the end everything was neutral. Whenever Mikey had his head in the clouds, it was Raph who pulled him down. And when Raph was just about thinking that the world was submerged in darkness, Mikey was the one who pulled him out and showed him the light.

With Donnie and him, things were slightly different, Leo mused. They were both largely neutral. And they agreed on many things, which gave them a nice common ground on which to build a strong, trusting friendship. Of course they had their spats and their moments where they wanted nothing more than to wallow in a pit of despair, but it was always their younger brothers who would pull them back.

Raph was always the one who gave Leo pep talks. He knew what Leo held dear and he knew exactly how to use it to his advantage. That was why their fights were often so deadly, because both of them knew exactly how to perturb each other. But in the long-run, Leo appreciated the fact that Raph knew him so well, because his hotheaded brother always knew when to help and when to simply leave him be.

As for Donnie, Leo suspected that Michelangelo was Donnie's main comforter. He and Raph did, on occasion, step into the mix, but mostly it was those two. It had always intrigued Leo that Donnie and Mikey had such a close relationship given the fact that they were polar opposites.

Once, when he had mentioned it to Donnie, the genius had said the same could be said of him and Raph. That comment had made Leo gawk. It wasn't that he and Raph were total opposites. He actually believed that they were just too alike for their own good.

"Meow."

Leo looked down, staring straight into the bright, amber eyes of a dark-gray tabby cat. It seemed to be gauging him, thoughtfully. He raised an eye-ridge and then his eyes went wide as it jumped up into his lap. It clawed at his shell a little and he frowned trying to push it off. But the cat wouldn't take 'no' for an answer. It climbed up his arm and onto his shoulder.

"Hey! Get down from there! I said get off!" He tried to shake it off gently but the cat stayed firm. He frowned and glared at the disobedient cat. He could easily throw it off but he didn't want to hurt it. And he definitely didn't want it getting mad at him.

"Aw relax, Leo. She's just trying to play with ya!"

Leo looked up, surprised that he didn't hear his brother approaching. His jaw dropped, but he slowly snapped it shut after he decided that it would probably be safer not to ask.

Raph's left knee was badly skinned and he was carrying no less than three cats in his arms. Again, Leo wondered whether or not he should ask for an explanation, but in the end the situation left him too stunned for words.

Raph plopped down onto the old wooden chair beside Leo and put his feet up on the rungs underneath, holding the cats in his lap. They were all meowing loudly. And Leo just stared at his brother for a few moments. He couldn't decide whether he wanted to laugh or send Raphael an inquiring stare. In the end, he did neither and settled for a flabbergasted, "Huh?"

Raph rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to say something when Don and Mikey came over from the field in front of the barn. Don, who was carrying Dr. Cluckingsworth, was definitely not very pleased to see cats on the premises.

"Alright Raph, how do you explain them?" He pointed to the cats.

Raph shrugged. "Dunno. I saw them in the field while I was walking. I just ignored at first, but they followed me all the way into the woods. What's the matter, Don? Don't like cats?"

"I like them fine." Don said with a glare and Leo could just feel the 'but' that was about to come. "But," Leo smiled at Don as the brainiac went on, "the cats could go after April's chickens. And that wouldn't be a good thing."

The cat perched on Leo's shoulder had turned around and taken a seat. It was now eyeing Dr. Cluckingsworth with a curious expression on its face.

"Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Can I have one?! PLEASE?!" Mikey begged.

Leo chuckled at Mikey's pleading face, but he shook his head. "No, Michelangelo. You already have a cat. Ice cream kitty."

Mikey deflated a little. "Yeah, I guess so."

Raph frowned and added. "Yeah, knucklehead, think about how jealous Ice Cream Kitty would be if you got a real cat. He'd never forgive you."

"Oh, wow, I never thought about it that way. You're right. Thanks Raph!"

Leo smiled.

Donnie then noticed Raph's bloody knee and all hell broke loose. "Raph, what happened to your knee?"

"Skinned it."

"I can see that." Don said with a roll of his eyes. " _How_ did you skin it?"

Raph shrugged absently. "I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"You hard of hearing Donnie?"

Donatello glared at Raphael. "I didn't hear an answer there, Raphael."

"Maybe I didn't understand the question."

"I'll go get the first aid kit."

"Don't bother. You won't be getting anywhere near me with it."

"Excuse me?" Don asked, his eyes narrowed.

Mikey and Leo glanced with surprised eyes in Raphael's direction. Sure their hotheaded brother didn't like getting fussed over, but they had all been raised with an understanding of the necessity of cleaning all their injuries and taking care of themselves. Raph really should know better.

"Raph, let Donnie clean out that knee or it could get infected." Leo advised calmly.

Raph shook his head. "I already washed it off." He countered, defensively.

"We need to use disinfectant."

"I used soap, pea-brain."

"We at least need to wrap it then." Don said calmly.

Leo marveled briefly at how calm Don was even though he had to deal with Raphael as a patient.

Raph said, stubbornly. "Make me."

Donatello stood with his hands on his hips, his arms akimbo. "Is that a challenge, Raphael?"

Raph smirked. "What do you think, Donnie-boy?"

Don growled and lunged, knocking Raph off his chair. The cats jumped frantically out of his lap with startled cries and then proceeded to the yard where they began, as Don had predicted, chasing the chickens. The chickens began clucking really loudly, which startled the cats and a few of them went running. But, the one on Leo's shoulder stood fast. She didn't go anywhere. He stared at the cat and it blinked slowly back at him.

The commotion finally settled and Leo's brothers were now staring incredulously from Leo to the cat on his shoulder.

Mikey slowly asked, "So what's up with that one? Doesn't it want to chase chickens, too?"

Raph chuckled and shook his head, holding an arm out in front of Leo's plastron. The dainty, gray tabby climbed down onto his arm and went to perch on his shoulder instead. "She," he emphasized to his little brother, "has got a lot more sense than those three jokers." Raph gestured to the other cats. "They're not too bright. But Raj here is smart."

Don's eye-ridge shot up in intrigue. "Raj?"

"Short for Mirage." Raph said tersely.

His three brothers all smiled at him as he petted her softly. She purred. Raph smiled.

Mikey grinned and joined his brother in petting the pretty, gray tabby. "Are you going to keep her?"

Raph sighed and shook his head. "No…I don't think it would be right, you know, taking her away from her friends and her home." It was obvious to the three of them that Raph really wanted to keep her and that this decision had saddened him.

Leo put a hand on Raph's shoulder. "It's okay, little brother. You'll see her when you visit."

Don smiled, Raph's conduct concerning the knee issue earlier now completely forgotten. "And I'm sure she and Dr. Cluckingsworth will get along just fine. They'll be great friends."

Raph grinned appreciatively at his siblings. "Thanks. Yeah, I'm sure she'll be fine."

"Guys, it's time to eat!" April called from inside the house.

They slowly stood.

Leo threw an arm over Raphael's shoulders. "Come on, Raph. Let's get some food for your new friends."

 **How was it? Review please!**

 **And if there is anything you want to see in future chapters let me know!**


	4. Frostbit

**Exploring different types of 'brothers'.**

* * *

 **Ch. 4-Frostbit**

"Casey, he's over there!" Raphael yelled pointing out the lowlife who they were chasing.

"I got him in my sights!" Casey shouted, shooting a puck at the creep. It went astray and hit a light pole. "Aw shell!" They turned the corner just in time to see the door to a warehouse close.

Raph glanced over at his friend. "There's no other doors to that section of the building! Let's go to the roof and wait for him to come out!" But Casey wasn't listening to him. The human shook his head.

"No! I'm not letting him get away!"

Raphael threw down his hands and rolled his eyes. "Aw no, Casey!" He barreled after his friend, entering the building only a step behind the human. Immediately, his senses started screaming danger. Before he even fully processed what he was doing, Raph leaped forward, shoving Casey to the side just as a shot rang through the air.

They guy they had been chasing ran past him out the door and he shoved Casey back so he could get up. "The things I do for you, Jones!" He grumbled as he jumped to his feet, Casey not too far behind. But before they could reach the door, it closed with a heavy slam and the sound of a heavy lock turning could be heard. "Dammit!" Raph yelled at the top of his lungs slamming his fist against the door.

"Now look what you've done! You let him get away!" Casey yelled.

Raphael scoffed. "I let him get away?! If you hadn't—" Raph shuddered. Suddenly his eyes widened and he looked around, taking in details he hadn't even noticed before. "Aw shell." He whipped his t-phone out of his belt. "I have to call my brothers."

Casey did a double take. "Huh? Aren't you gonna finish yelling at me first?"

"No time." Raph said hurriedly, repeatedly trying to call his brothers, unsuccessfully. "Damn. No signal!"

"Whoa, Raph slow down! What's the rush?!"

"Have you got reception?" Raph asked, gripping Casey Jones firmly by the shoulders and shaking him.

The human blinked slowly. He reached down and got out his phone, only for the turtle to snatch it from his hands. Raphael grunted and threw it back at Casey. "You don't have a signal either!"

"Raph, seriously, what is the rush?!" Casey asked, forcing Raph to look him in the eyes and trying to grab Raph by the shoulders.

The red-masked turtle slapped Jones' hands away roughly. "Look around you Casey! We're in a goddamn freezer!"

Casey did look around. And he slowly came to the same conclusion as Raphael. But he still didn't really understand. "So? You've still got that emergency beacon thing on your t-phone, right?"

Raph's eyes widened as he realized Casey was right. He immediately activated the beacon. He began to pace rapidly up and down aisles of refrigerated crates, but Casey stopped him.

"Come on man, relax! Your brothers will be here soon! Besides it's not like we'll here long enough to freeze."

"Maybe you won't." Raph admitted softly.

Casey raised an eyebrow. "Huh?"

"I'm a fricking turtle Casey! I'm cold blooded! I can survive ten, maybe fifteen minutes tops in an icebox like this! If my brothers don't get here by then—" Almost as if to illustrate his point, the cold began to sink in and he swayed a little. Casey came forward and immediately supported him.

Dark, brown eyes were now clearly filled with the same panic Raph had displayed not moments earlier. Casey's mind suddenly began running much faster than it usually did as he searched for answers. Suddenly, a light bulb went on. "Wait, you're cold blooded and I'm warm blooded. So I'm like a source of heat for you, right?"

Raph slowly nodded, not sure where the human was going with this. In fact, he wasn't really sure he wanted to know.

* * *

"Leo! Mikey! Raph's emergency beacon just went on! It looks like he's stuck somewhere in the warehouse district." Donnie said, drawing his other brothers to his side.

Leonardo sighed. "He went out with Casey. I'll bet you five bucks they're in over their heads again."

Donnie frowned and shook his head as they made their way to the Battle Shell. "No thanks. I won't make a bet that's already been lost." Leo looked up at him curiously and he elaborated. "Raphael would never intentionally activate the emergency beacon unless something was really, really wrong. We need to get there as fast as we can."

Leo's eyes glinted the way they did whenever his little brothers were in danger. "Alright Mikey. What's the fastest route?"

* * *

"C-C-Casey…"

"Raph don't talk, save your strength buddy." Casey said worriedly. He'd forcibly pulled Raph up against him and held the turtle tight in an effort to keep his friend warm. And now Raphael was literally snuggling up to him for warmth. Casey Jones couldn't bring himself to care. Raphael, his best friend, had saved his life more times than he could count. This was his chance to pay back a favor and dammit he, Casey Jones, was not going to let Raph die on his watch. But he was getting worried. The room seemed to just keep getting colder. And so was his best friend.

Raph's emerald green skin had a slight bluish tint to it and despite all Casey's efforts, the turtle's body was slowly shutting down. Raph had said fifteen minutes at most. It seemed like it had been almost twice that long now. Fortunately, the turtle had managed to educate the human on what would happen before he'd lost true cognizance. Right now, Raph was really borderline delirious. Muttering a whole bunch of things that didn't make sense about true honor.

"Death."

Casey stared down at Raphael. "No Raph. You're not going to die, you understand me? You're gonna make it through this!"

"The painful truth…Death."

"Raph, stop it!" Casey yelled, shaking the turtle in his arms gently.

Raph's body leaned more heavily against Casey's and the human struggled to keep them both seated upright. "Casey?" Raph's muffled voice called softly.

Casey bent down and shifted so that he could look into Raph's eyes. What he saw made him cringe. There was an odd clarity in them that he didn't like. Casey cursed. They were running out of time.

Raph was running out of time, and judging by the look in his eyes, he knew it. "Casey, remember our promise?"

Casey had to fight the tears that threated to stain his cheeks. "Raph—"

"Do you remember?"

"I remember." Casey answered slowly.

"Will you promise?"

Anger rose up from some place deep inside him. "No! Raph no! You can't go down like this! We're supposed to go out fighting! In a blaze of glory! Not like this!"

"Promise?" Raph repeated meekly, his thick drawl sounding strained and weak.

Casey's eyes narrowed as they burnt with a familiar, angry fire. "I promise I'm not going to let you die."

Raph glared at him. He coughed a little with a weak smile. "Don't make promises ya can't keep, Jones."

The big, burly human wrapped his thick arms around his friend. "You make those types of promises to Leo all the time."

"'S different. Leo's my brother." Raph grunted weakly.

Casey grinned a little, hoping he could keep this conversation going until the other turtles got here to rescue them. Under any other circumstances, Casey Jones never would have let these words slip from his tongue in Raph's presence, but right here, right now, he had to say them, because if he didn't Raph would die without ever really knowing. "Yeah? Well you're like a brother to me, too."

Raph blinked slowly at the human. A dim smile came to his lips. "We're best buds, ding-dong. We're even closer than brothers. You know me better. You always have. Ya always will."

The long-haired human's dark brown eyes were dulled. "You better make it through this, Raph."

The mutant turtles shivered, clinging to Casey. "I-I'm not sure I—Casey please. Remember the promise." Raph said, abnormally stretching out the words. His dark eyelids dropped closed and his grip on Casey's shoulder went lax.

"Raph? RAPH?!"

* * *

It took them fifteen minutes to reach Raph's vicinity and another five minutes to actually find the right building. It really was a maze of buildings that all looked the same down here. They had to take care while getting from one end of the building to the other, not to get caught by the surveillance cameras or the alarms. So that was another five minutes to make it safely around the back of the building to where the tracker said that Raph's distress beacon had originated. They landed in front of a big, heavy door in the back of the building after Donnie had disengaged all the security cameras.

"I got this." Leo said as he went to work on the lock.

Donnie's vigilant eyes swept the area, carefully taking in every little detail and assuring himself that yes, he had disengaged the security system properly. A confused voice snapped Don out of his reverie. "Hey Donnie, what's IARW Certified mean?"

Horror made the brainiac stop dead in his tracks. "Oh no. No. No. No!" Don yelled, slowly coming out of it and shoving Leo to the side as he worked to pick the lock with tremendous, frantic speed.

"Donnie?!" Leo asked, worriedly.

"What is it? What does it mean?!" Mikey asked, now just as worried as Leo.

Donnie kept his focus on the lock even as he let his voice mutter weakly, "IARW. The International Association of **Refrigerated Warehouses**! If Raph is trapped inside…" Donatello couldn't even bring himself to voice the rest of that sentence. If Raph was inside, he'd be dead by now.

The lock finally gave way with a click and all three turtle siblings burst inside, their bodies immediately feeling the cold. Leonardo's heart iced over at the sight that lay before him. Casey Jones had his arms wrapped around a still, blue-tinted mutant turtle.

Casey looked up at them and smiled grimly, though he, too, was suffering severe cold related symptoms. "Guys. I knew you'd come. I knew you'd come…to save him. He's…still alive."

Those words made a spark of hope leap into Leo's chest. Raph was still alive? But how? He ran forward and was surprised when neither Donnie nor Mikey followed. "Move it! They don't have much time!" He yelled loudly, making his stunned siblings spring into action.

* * *

They got Raph and Casey to the Battle Shell and raced them back to the lair as quick as they could. Sure enough, Casey had been speaking the truth. Raphael was still alive and even though he was in a state of hibernation, Donatello said it wouldn't be long before he snapped out of it. After that, it was a whole different ball game entirely. Raphael would probably be sick for at least another month and a sick Raphael never mixed well with a worried family. But Raph was alive. That was what mattered.

Somehow that idiot Casey Jones had managed to keep their brother warm long enough to save both of their lives. Leo had a new found respect for Casey Jones. A new respect and fondness. Anyone who saved one of his little brothers' lives was a friend of his, but this…Casey had come to Raph's aid when Leo could not. Casey had not given up on Raphael. Casey had managed to help Raph live through something that, by all laws of science, should have killed him. For this, Leo's sword would be forever Casey's, should the human need it. Whether he was aware of the change or not, Casey Jones had proved himself as a part of their family. And Leo would be proud to call him brother.

"ACHOO! ACHOO!" Echoes of the loud, raucous sneeze filled the lair. Leo rolled his eyes as he poured out three cups of tea. One for Master Splinter, one for himself, and one—

"ACHOO!"

—for Casey Jones.

* * *

 **Well, how was it?**


	5. A Child's Doubts

**This is a little on the long side, but it had to be in order to have the depth that I wanted. Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Ch. 5-A Child's Doubts**

Leo was following Sensei around the kitchen, going on and on about something-or-other. Sensei was smiling. Slowly, timidly, he pulled on his father's robe. Master Splinter looked down at him with a gentle, but warning gaze. "Raphael, do not interrupt."

Disheartened he turned away and left the kitchen. He saw Donnie in the corner doing something to the toaster. "Hey Donnie, wanna see what I made?" He asked hopefully.

Donatello shook his little head from side to side. "Sorry Raph, I'm right in the middle of this. I'll come by later."

Raph sighed. With Donnie, later always ended up being never. It wasn't Donnie's fault. He would say later, but when later came around he'd get distracted and head off to do something else. Raph turned and headed down the hall to his room. On the way he passed Mikey's door. He peeked in.

Mikey was on the bed playing with his action figures. Oh well, he probably wouldn't have been interested anyway.

The little turtle returned to his room and shut the door. He looked down at the heavy, slightly bent piece of metal laying in the center of the room.

He had found it out in the sewer tunnels a few weeks earlier and forced Leo to help him carry it back to the lair. It was pretty. A lot cleaner than the things they usually found in the sewer, and even though it was thin, it had weighed too much for him to carry it all by himself. He'd made Leo promise not to tell Master Splinter about it. Then he'd gotten to work. He quickly discovered that his normal markers didn't work very well on the metal. But when he tried permanent marker it worked a lot better. The only permanent marker he had was black, but he decided it would have to do. There was a wall in the main room that was blank and that was where Sensei displayed all of their drawings. But Raph didn't want to just make a drawing. He wanted to make the biggest and best drawing ever. So he got to work. He drew his entire family, including himself. Then he stepped back and looked at it. It looked good, but without color it felt like it was missing something. And that was when he'd looked in his box of art related things and saw the superglue. He smiled.

It had taken him a whole week of scavenging to find everything that he needed. He even found an extra tube of superglue, which was an added bonus. Once he had everything he'd gotten back to work on his masterpiece. He used slivers of wood and cardboard to make the first letter of each of their names. He painted them red, orange, blue and purple. He painted Master Splinter's capital s white. He wanted to paint it red, but he didn't think his brothers would like that. Once all the paint was dry, he carefully glued the correct letter above each of them. The superglue had dried really quickly and he'd rushed off to tell Master Splinter, but everyone was busy.

So here he was, back in his room with his masterpiece, alone. He sighed. If only there was someone to show it to. He carefully tip-toed around it and climbed up onto the end of his bed. He stared down at it. Oh well, I'll try again later. He thought to himself as he rolled over and fell asleep.

Later that night, after they'd eaten dinner and Sensei had put them to bed, Raphael got up and went cautiously to his Father's room. He peeked in and saw Splinter meditating. He gulped and knocked softly on the doorframe to get the rat's attention. Splinter opened his eyes and sighed, turning to face the door and Raphael. "Raphael, it is well past your bedtime and you know not to interrupt my meditation."

Lowering his head, he timidly responded, "Can I show you something, Father?"

He received a stern glare. "No, you may not. Please go back to bed, Raphael."

Suddenly, Raph was desperate. "Please? I tried to ask you earlier but you were talking to Leo and you told me not to interrupt. Well, I didn't interrupt! Please, let me show it to you?"

Splinter sighed and bent down on one knee to look his son in the eyes. "Raphael, if you return to bed now, I will let you show me in the morning."

"Promise?" He asked, his big green eyes shining.

The rat mutant nodded, indulgently. "Yes, I promise."

The next morning Raph woke up with a smile on his face. He rushed into the main room. There were sounds coming from the kitchen. He ran as fast as his short little legs could carry him. Sensei was alone in the kitchen. Good. Raph wanted to show it to his Father first anyway.

Raph went over and tugged insistently on Splinter's robe, trying to lead him away. And the old rat was by no means pleased. "Raphael, I am right in the middle of preparing breakfast!"

The mutant child's bright cheerful smile vanished. He was confused. Father had said in the morning. Father had promised. He pouted, both hurt and angered by Splinter's attitude. He tugged at Splinter's robe again, this time more insistently.

Splinter was thoroughly annoyed. "Raphael, I am busy! Please, go sit quietly at the counter with your brothers."

Raph did as Splinter said, noticing that his brother were now in their customary places at the counter and were staring at him. He glared at them and stomped over to the counter, jumping up onto his seat. He crossed his arms and lay his head down on the countertop, scowling angrily off into space. _Busy. He hated busy. Splinter was always busy. He's always too busy, always._ He breathed deeply as his eyes began to water. _Always too busy for me._ He wiped the tears away with the back of his hand before anyone could notice.

Little did he know, someone had noticed. From Raphael's left, a pair of big, blue eyes was watching him worriedly. Slowly, the eyes moved off Raph to their Father. Why was Raphie so angry? What did Sensei do? Yeah, he'd yelled, but Raph wouldn't be that mad at Sensei just for yelling, would he?

Raph silently ate his breakfast while his brothers chatted incessantly. He finished first and took his dish in to set it on the counter by the sink. His brothers followed soon after and Sensei also joined them. They stood in a straight line, awaiting Splinter's dismissal. He nodded at them. "You are dismissed."

Mikey and Donnie went running off before the sentence was even finished, while Leo hesitated a moment before slowly leaving the room. Raphael lingered. He approached and Sensei looked coldly at him. "Raphael, if you try to forcibly drag me off again I shall give you a time out. Not only is it rude, but it is ill-mannered to act in such a way." He scolded.

Raph bowed his head and said nothing. On the inside, he was crushed. Why was it that every time Sensei looked at him it was in a bad way? And why did Sensei's voice always sound soft when speaking to the others and so hard when speaking to him? What did they have that he didn't? What was wrong with him? Was he really that bad? Did Father not like him?

"Go play with your brothers. You and I will speak more about this later."

Later? Speak more later? That meant Father was really upset with him. His eyes began to water as he turned around and shuffled out of the room. Why couldn't he ever do anything right? He hadn't meant to upset Sensei. He'd just been excited. And Father had promised. He'd promised. He'd promised.

Raph bit his lip. As soon as he'd made it out the kitchen door he ran to his room as fast as he could. Leo tried to stop him, but he'd just wiggled away from his older brother and sprinted away. He was too upset to realize that Leo had seen the tears running down his face and spilling from his eyes. He slammed the door to his room, which Sensei would probably yell at him for later, but he didn't care. Sensei didn't care about him, why should he care about Sensei?

He stared down at the big piece of metal. He glared at it angrily. Part of him wanted to destroy it, to tear it to pieces, but he couldn't do it. Just like he couldn't hate Sensei. He loved Sensei. He loved his father, Splinter. But why, oh, why didn't Splinter love him? He always tried to do everything right. He really did. But he always got scolded for doing it wrong, even when he thought he was doing it right. Sensei had once said that everything was as the universe intended it to be. Had the universe decided that he would be wrong? Had it decided that he could never be right? His big green eyes filled with even more tears. He climbed into bed and pulled his covers up around him, tucking himself in. His little body was shaking. He grabbed his pillow out from under his head and wrapped his arms tightly around it, burrowing his face into its softness. If only the pillow could hug him back…

He cried and cried and cried. The pillow was wet with tears. His eyes hurt. He cried himself to sleep. When he woke up, hugged the pillow to his chest with all his strength. Maybe now, he thought, maybe now Splinter will come. He'll come and I'll show him and he'll love me.

Raphael wiped his face and slowly left his room. As soon as he stepped inside the main room he was pounced upon by a very hyper Mikey. "Raphie! You sleepyhead! You napped all day!"

"It's only been a couple hours, Mikey." Don pointed out from the background.

Mikey pouted at Donnie and turned back to Raph. "Come and play with me!"

"Mikey, I was gonna—"

"Don't say no! Please, please, please Raphie? Donnie's a big meanie and he won't play! Please, please, say yes?"

Reluctantly, Raph rubbed the back of his neck. Mikey was hard to say no to. "Why don't you ask Leo?"

"Leo's out scavenging with Sensei! Please, please Raphie, please?" Mikey's baby-blue eyes were huge and watering.

But Raph wasn't paying attention to that. His chest hurt. "Sensei went out with Leo?" He failed to conceal the hurt in his voice. Leo was always with Sensei. Raphael had to fight to get the slightest second of his father's attention and Leo didn't even have to ask for it. It was so unfair. What made Leo so special? What made Leo so perfect? Raph hung his head. Leo was Splinter's favorite.

"Yeah." Don confirmed. He frowned at the hint of sadness in Raph's voice and posture. "You okay, Raphie?"

Raph jerked away from his brother's reach. "I'm fine." He forced a smile. "What did you wanna play, Mikey?"

Donatello frowned and watched as his little brother dragged Raphael away.

Leo and Sensei didn't return until it was almost dinnertime. As Splinter prepared their worms and algae, Leo looked over at his little brothers. Mikey and Donnie were chatting away about some game or other, but Raph was silent. Leo's bottom lip pushed out. Raphael was sitting on the opposite side of the table from him, and was staring down at the tabletop. Thankfully, Raph's distraction meant Leo's intense glances went unnoticed. Raph was clearly still upset. But instead of anger, he was now displaying sadness.

Sensei came over with their plates, but Leo kept his eyes on Raph. Splinter put a plate in front of him, then Donnie, then Mikey and finally Raph. Raph looked up at Sensei as he put the plate down. It was a painful, pleading, desperate look. Father wasn't looking, and didn't see it. But Leo did. Leo saw. He alone saw the tears in Raph's eyes, he felt the pain of the rejection. He couldn't let Raphie be sad. He couldn't let that look stay on his younger brother's face. He nudged Raph's foot under the table. Raph looked up. Leo sent his sibling a challenging smirk. Raph scowled furiously and Leo was confused. Why was Raph angry at him?

Raph, suddenly feeling the need to escape, pushed the plate in front of him away and announced loudly, "I'm not hungry."

Splinter sighed and put down his fork. "You can eat with us, Raphael, or you can go to bed."

Raph stood. "I'll go to bed then." He said stiffly, rapidly disappearing out the kitchen door.

Donnie, Mikey and Leo stared after him, shocked. The rest of dinner passed in silence. Leonardo ate quickly, planning to go to Raph's room as soon as he was finished. Splinter dismissed them all, but before Leo could run off, the old rat grabbed his shoulder. "Do not worry about Raphael, my son. It is just a tantrum. Please spend some time with your brothers, I will speak to Raphael in the morning."

Leo nodded, but as soon as he was out of the kitchen he frowned. He knew what Raphie's tantrums were like. This wasn't a tantrum. Raphie was hurting. His brother needed him. But he could feel Splinter's eyes watching him. He'd have to do what Sensei had asked first.

That night, after Splinter had put them all to bed, and once he was sure that Donnie and Mikey were asleep, Leo snuck down the hall into Raph's room. He crept up to Raph's bed and smiled as he saw that the red-masked turtle was sleeping. But his smile quickly turned into a frown. Raphie's cheeks were wet and his pillow was soaked. Tears came to his own eyes. Raphie had been crying. Raphie had been crying alone. For who knows how long. A soft whimper made Leo look down at his brother's face. Raph's eyes were closed and he was asleep, but he looked like he was in pain.

"No! No please! Don't leave me! I don't want to be alone! Please! I love you! Don't leave me!"

Leo sprang into action. He pushed his way into bed beside his struggling brother and held Raph still, cooing and shushing softly, wrapping his sibling tightly in his arms. "Sh…Raphie…it's okay…I'm here. Leo's here, it's okay."

Raph's eyes opened slowly and initially he clung to his older sibling, but when he realized who it was he began to shake and he rolled over to turn his carapace to Leonardo. "No. Go away Leo. Leave me alone."

"Never." Leo responded, grabbing onto Raph from behind. "You'll never be alone, Raphie. Not while I'm around."

"No! I don't want you! You don't understand! You'll never understand. He loves you! You're his favorite!"

This time when Raph wrenched away Leo let go, staring with wide eyes. "Raph…are you talking about Father?" He asked, shocked.

"Master Splinter." Raph said with a sniffle.

"Master Splinter is our father." Leo said, slowly rubbing Raph's arm with one hand. He was confused and he didn't understand why Raph was so upset.

"Your father."

"Our Father." Leo corrected, rubbing Raph's shell slowly. "He loves all of us, Raph. Just because he yelled at you today doesn't mean—"

"But he always yells at me, Leo! I'm not like you. I can't do right."

"Of course you can! Remember that time you made Sensei that little bird statue?"

Raph did his best to push his older brother's hands away and to hold back his snivels. "That was a long time ago." Suddenly he burst out into tears and couldn't take it anymore. He rolled over and flung himself into Leo's arms. "That was before he stopped loving me!" He wailed.

"Sh…Raph, hush. Sensei still loves you."

"No he doesn't!" Raph whimpered, curling up against Leo's plastron.

Leo rubbed his brother's shell and waited, knowing that Raph would tell him everything sooner or later.

"Remember the metal?" Came the soft whisper.

Pulling back a little to see Raph's face, he nodded. "The one I helped you carry in here?"

Raph nodded meekly. "I-I made something for Sensei." His young green eyes brightened and he stared at Leo, daring to hope. "Ya wanna see?" His little heart swelled as Leo nodded and a small smile graced his lips. "Can you help me pull it out? I put it under the bed."

Leo helped Raph and it was out from under the bed a few seconds later. Raph set his jack o' lantern on the floor so that it was easier to see the details of the drawing. A bright smile spread across Leo's face.

"Do you like it?" Raph asked doubtfully.

A playful hand punched Raph's shoulder. "It's so cool! Sensei's gonna love it, Raph!"

Tears returned to Raph's eyes and the little turtle bowed his head. Leo frowned. Raph kicked the floor awkwardly. "He's not gonna see it, Leo."

"What do you mean? You've got to show it to him, Raph! He'll really like it!"

The younger turtle burst out into tears. "I tried Leo! I tried so hard! I tried to tell him but he yelled at me! And then he was with you scavenging! And now he's mad at me! He hates me, Leo! You should have seen his face!"

Leo softly put a hand on Raph's shoulder. "Raphie, that was because you tried to pull him at breakfast, not because he didn't want to see it."

More tears filled Raph's eyes and it was making Leo tear-up too. "Bur he promised Leo! He promised me! He promised." Raph was absolutely anguished, he dropped to his knees and wept.

Slowly, slightly confused, Leo dropped down beside him, his mind repeatedly mulling over his brother's words. "What do you mean, Raphie?" He asked with a whisper.

"I went to see Sensei last night, after you guys were asleep. He promised me that I could show him in the morning. He promised Leo. He promised."

"And so you were trying to…" It was all starting to make sense. Raph's behavior at breakfast, Sensei's reaction, Raph's hurt. All of it made sense.

"He'd promised. I just wanted to show him. But he got mad at me. He yelled. I tried again after breakfast…"

"I know." Leo said quietly, pulling his younger brother into his arms once more. He'd noticed that Raph lingered after they had been dismissed. He'd waited right outside the door and he'd heard what Sensei had said.

"He was so disappointed in me, Leo. All I'd wanted was to show him. That was all. And now he doesn't love me anymore." Raph had long ago lost control his tears. They came freely, running rapidly down his cheeks. "He doesn't love me and he's going to send me away! He's going to leave me out in the sewers alone and I'll never find you again! I don't want to be alone, Leo! Don't let him leave me! Promise! Promise you won't let him send me away!"

Leonardo crushed Raph to his plastron in a vice-like hug. "I promise. I'll always be with you, Raph. You'll never be alone. Never. I love you, Raphie."

"So do we."

They looked up, startled, and found that Donnie and Mikey were standing just inside the door. "How long have you been there?" Leo asked.

"Long enough to know what's wrong with Raphie." Donnie answered.

Mikey was standing slightly behind, but he pushed forward and rushed over to Raph's side, pressing himself against his older brother's plastron. "I love you, Raphie." He whimpered, clinging like an octopus to Raph.

Raph smiled, tears of relief spilling down his cheeks as his brothers wrapped him in a group hug. "I love you too." He choked out, his throat sore from sobbing.

Mikey pulled back a little and sent wide, pained looks at his siblings. "Why would Sensei break his promise to Raphie? And why would he be so mean?"

Leo stood, determined. "Let's go ask him."

Raph's green eyes were wide and fearful. "Leo, no! He'll get mad!"

"I don't care if he gets mad with me. I'm mad at him, too." The blue-masked turtle said sternly. He marched to the door and his three younger brothers scurried after him. They all tensed as Leo crossed the dojo and pounded on Splinter's door.

Splinter appeared at the door and looked down at his eldest son. "Is something wrong, Leonardo?"

A hurt sob escaped Raph before he could stop it. Donnie and Mikey saw the tears in his eyes and wrapped their arms around him. He took little comfort from it. Sensei's voice when he addressed Leonardo was so different from the voice Sensei had used with him last night. Right now was so soft, so understanding and then it was stern and reprimanding. Splinter really didn't love him. He keened and fell to the floor, once again unable to stop the tears.

Splinter pushed past Leo and rushed across the dojo. "Raphael!" He yelled, suddenly filled with concern. He tried to reach his hysterical child's side, but Donatello and Michelangelo stepped in front of their brother.

"Don't touch him!" Mikey said, his voice shaking with nervousness and possibly fear.

"You don't deserve him!" Donnie yelled, angrily, though there were tears in his eyes.

The rat mutant stared in confusion and worry at his sons' behavior. He slowly reached between them, trying to get to Raphael.

"No! You'll never take him away from us!" Michelangelo shouted, shoving Splinter's hand away.

"Take him away from—" His voice faded away. He was lost in a sea of confusion. "My sons, what are you talking about?"

Leonardo slowly came around to stand in front of his Sensei, placing one of his hands on Raph's shoulder to let his brother know he was there. He stood with his back straight and his eyes narrowed. "If you do not love my brother, Father, then you can't love me."

"Leonardo…" Sensei's voice shook. "What—"

"You promised him, Splinter. You promised. And then you didn't let him show you." Leo said, tears starting to fill his eyes. "You yelled at him! And you punished him for being mad! But it was your fault! It was your fault father! You were mean to him all day! That's not fair. It's not fair that Raphie got blamed for something you did wrong! And it isn't fair of you to stop loving him because of it!" He shouted.

Splinter was in shock. A promise? What promise? Suddenly, Raph's voice from the night before echoed in his ears:

 _'You promise?'_

 _'I promise, Raphael_.'

Then he remembered just what he had promised. And Leonardo's words fell into place. He had punished Raphael for his own mistake not only that, but he had been very terse with the child all day. He had just assumed that Raphael was having a tantrum. But his assumption had been very, very wrong. And now, Raphael thought…

The rat's heart turned to water as he looked down at his grief-stricken child, sobbing with abandon in his brothers' arms. Splinter cried too. His turtles were all still very small and he was easily able to brush Leonardo away and to gently shove Donatello and Michelangelo away from Raphael's sides. He lifted Raphael up out of their grasp.

"No!" They cried, tears running down their faces.

Raphael, who felt himself being lifted, opened his eyes and stared at his father. He was absolutely terrified. He tried to wriggle away, but Sensei was holding firm.

Seeing the horror in his son's eyes made Splinter's heart shatter. "Raphael…" he whispered, "it's alright, my son, it's alright. Do not fear. Please, please, do not fear me. I love you so much, my child. I am so sorry. I did not intend to hurt you. Please, my sweet, loving child. Please forgive me!" He pulled Raphael in and pressed the little turtle against his chest. He felt Raphael cling to him and start crying anew. He smiled and kissed the child's head endearingly. His fingers gently stroked the strong carapace, comfortingly. "I love you more than this world, my son. You will always be my little Raphael, my little ninja. I have loved you from the moment you came to be and I will love you long after I am gone. You and your brothers are the light of my life and I would gladly give it to keep you safe."

"I love you too, Daddy." Raphael whimpered, tucking his head into his father's neck.

Splinter set Raphael down and saw that his three other sons were staring blankly at them. He smiled and opened his arms. They were soon filled with four little turtle tots. "My sons." He sighed contently.

Raph was the last pull away from the hug, when he finally did, he took Splinter's hand, which made the rat mutant smile. Slowly and nervously he looked up at Sensei. "Father?"

"Yes, my son?"

"May I please show you something?" Raph was shaking like a leaf.

Master Splinter smiled and bent down to kiss Raphael on the head. "Of course you may, my child."

Leo, Donnie, and Mikey smiled. Raphael led the way to his room.

Donnie turned on the lights as Raph led Splinter over to the foot of the bed. They stopped in front of the piece of sheet metal. Splinter stared, he dropped to his knees and inspected the drawing. Then he looked up at the letters, which were very well-shaped. "Raphael, this is what you've been trying to show me?" He asked softly.

The young turtle nodded his head, nervously. "Do you like it?"

Splinter stared down at the painting once again then over at his son's eager and worried face. He smiled and bowled the little turtle over so that Raphael landed plastron-up. He tickled his son's sides viciously, making Raphael shriek with laughter. "I love it Raphael! I will be sure to put it up on the wall, but not until I'm done here."

Raph cried out, joyously. Splinter smiled and looked over at his other sons, "But I think this could get even better results if I had a little help."

Mikey beamed and jumped over to Raph's side, slipping his little fingers into the sides where Splinter couldn't reach. Meanwhile, Donatello knocked Leo over and began tickling his big brother. Splinter saw this and immediately used his other hand on his eldest son.

Once the tickle war was finally over, they all collapsed in a big happy pile of exhaustion. Four little turtles curled up in the arms of their loving father. Raphael smiled, his eyes watering, this time with joy. He was surrounded by his brothers and snuggled up against his father's furry chest. There was nothing better than that. His heart was warm.

* * *

 **Please tell me what you think! How was it?**


	6. Suspicions

**I wrote like four new chapter for this fic and I liked them all, but lacked the motivation to finish like three of them so this is the one that I did finish. I hope you enjoy it!**

 **Ch. 6-Suspisciouns**

Leonardo stood in the middle of the main room with his hands on his hips glaring coldly at his three younger siblings. "Alright, who took it?!"

Mikey and Donnie exchanged confused stares. Raphael didn't even bother looking up as he casually turned the page of his Modern Ninja magazine. "Wasn't me." He stated distractedly. After all, this usually happened about once a week.

They were brothers. And therein lay the problem. To Donnie, Mikey and Raph, being brothers meant being free to borrow each other's things, and as long as it wasn't something extremely valuable or Raph's magazines, they didn't have to ask. But with Leo, you always had to ask. It was a trivial issue really. Donnie, Mikey and Raph were so used to borrowing things from each other without asking that they sometimes forgot their big brother had different standards. Shell, they'd all slipped up every once in a while!

But over the past few weeks, things had been disappearing from Leo's room. Things that none of the three younger siblings had asked to borrow. And Leo had somehow latched on to the crazy idea that the culprit was doing it deliberately. To annoy him. Naturally, his main suspect at the moment: Raphael. Taking a deep breath, Leo crossed his arms over his plastron and said in his best 'calm' voice, "If the one responsible comes forward now, I promise I won't be mad." He stared directly at Raphael. Donnie and Mikey glanced curiously between the two.

Raph's eyes slowly rose to look at his older brother over the top of his magazine. "You'd still be mad. And it _wasn't_ me."

Donatello frowned and narrowed his eyes, scrutinizing his red-masked sibling. He didn't really know why, but something about the way Raph had deflected Leo's insinuation was bothering him. Raph and Donnie were a lot closer than they might seem at first glance. But the way that Donnie read Raph was different from the way Leo or Mikey read Raph. Leo connected to Raphael on the stubborn and protective level, Mikey on the emotional level, and Donatello on the instinctual and intellectual level. Donatello knew for a fact that Raphael was a lot smarter than even the hothead himself would admit. Sure he was no rocket scientist, but he wasn't bad and he learned fast. If it weren't for Raph's constant and flippant bouts of rage, Donnie would prefer having Raph's assistance rather than Leo or Mikey's. However, that was beside the point. Don didn't like the way Raph had responded to Leo's implications. It was too…automatic. Like he had been expecting it or like it had happened before.

After mulling it over for a few moments, Donatello realized that Raph and Mikey were the ones most commonly blamed for unexplained things that happened around the lair. Mikey, being the supreme dork that he is, always leaves behind some indication that he was the one who did it. After all, if he pulled off an awesome prank he wanted to make sure that his brothers knew he was the one responsible for it. It was strange, really, but for Mikey, it just wasn't worth it if he didn't get the credit. So whenever something strange happened that didn't have one of Mikey's calling cards, like these things disappearing from Leo's room, the immediate assumption was always Raph.

That was undoubtedly why he had reacted so reflexively. Raphael had known he would be the first to be blamed. Donatello frowned a little more introspectively at his older brothers, who appeared to be having a glaring contest. Leo blamed Raph for a lot of things, things that weren't always the hothead's fault. And Raph in turn cussed at their older sibling until he was blue in the face.

"Where are they Raphael?"

"What? I don't have any idea what you're talking about, Leo!" Raph growled. He was slowly losing his patience. And he wasn't about to sit tight and get blamed for something he hadn't done. A placating hand on his shoulder suddenly made him turn. _Donnie? What the shell?_

Donatello glared at Leonardo. "Leo, I don't think jumping to conclusions is going to help you find whatever it is your looking for."

"I will find it as soon as Raph tells me where it is."

Raphael bristled. "I told ya Fearless, I didn't take yer shit!" Raph yelled, but before he could beat some sense into his brother, Don stepped in front of him.

"Leo, I don't think it's very fair of you to just assume that Raph was the one responsible." Don said, folding his arms over his plastron, mirroring Leo.

Pointing a finger over Don's shoulder at Raphael, Leo grumbled, "He is the only one who have any interest in doing this to me, Don! He enjoys getting me worked up."

The red-masked sibling rolled his eyes. "So maybe I do, but that doesn't automatically make me guilty, Leo! What the shell happened to 'innocent until proven guilty?!'"

Forest-green lips tightened. "Doesn't apply. I know it was you!"

Don wasn't going to stand for any more of this. Here he was trying to stop this fight and here they were shouting over him like he wasn't even there! He was fed up. "Leo, shut up!" He snapped.

Raphael's face hardened into an expression that Donnie had never seen before. And he didn't like it. Not at all. "Now you listen to me Mr. Judge-Jury-and-Executioner, I did not take whatever the shell you're looking for out of your room! And I'm sick and tired of you always pinning the blame on me! It's not my fuckin' fault, Leo! If you were half the brother to me that you are to Donnie and Mikey, you'd at least have enough respect for me to believe that not everything that comes out my mouth is a worthless lie!"

All four of the brothers froze. They didn't know or completely understand the full implications of Raph's sentence until a few moments later once their minds had fully processed it, but they could all tell that a bomb had just been dropped. A gigantic, emotional, fire-bomb. A Raph-bomb. Bombs like that one usually only slipped out in in the aftermath of life-threatening situations. This one was weird. They didn't really know how to handle it. Especially not Leo. He just stood there, gaping like a gob-smacked walrus.

Mikey's hand suddenly brushed Donnie's palm. The brainiac turned to see his little brother giving him the fearful eyes. Don took Mikey's hand and gripped it reassuringly. "We respect you, Raph." He murmured.

Raph turned his carapace to them and it off. "Yeah. Yeah. Whatever. It's cool, I get it."

Donnie's eyes narrowed. What the shell was that supposed to mean? Wait…Raph was headed for the garage! He grabbed his brother's wrist. "Raph don't—" Raphael turned to face him and his voice died.

"Donnie I have to—"

The purple-masked turtle nodded and released his brother's wrist. He could see the desperation in those green eyes. Raph needed to escape. He'd already assumed as much though. "I meant don't take the Shell Cycle. I haven't finished working on the brakes yet."

Leo's face, which was still flushed from the shock of the words he'd been dealt, went a whole shade paler. Mikey noticed this, he too was a little disturbed by the thought that Raph had almost gone out on a motorcycle with no brakes, but his attention was on Raph and Donnie. His older, red-masked sibling flashed a wan smile at Donatello and made for the exit, but once again Don held him back.

"Be careful." Don whispered softly.

Raph's answering smile was less than convincing. "As I can be." He went out the door without looking back.

The lair door closed loudly. Donatello sighed loudly. Then he wheeled around, his ire and frustration flaring up once more. "Great, I better go prep the lab. He'll be coming back with injuries." He sent a glare at Leo, but the ninja leader just blinked blankly. "What? You never noticed that Raph gets injured almost every time you two fight? Very observant, Leo!"

Bristling a little bit, Leo finally snapped out of his shocked stupor. He opened his mouth, planning a retort, but Don's face stopped him cold. There was a dim gleam in the genius's eyes. Don wasn't angry with him, not really. Donnie was just lashing out. Still, he paused and absorbed his brother's words. Raph's words really burned. The insinuation that he didn't care about Raph the way he cared about Donnie and Mikey. It really hurt. Raphael was his brother. He loved Raphael. If Raph truly believed that he didn't care…then Leo had failed as a brother. "I—didn't know. I didn't realize. I can't believe that Raphael feels that I don't care about him. I love him as much as love the two of you. I just get frustrated."

"I know." Don said softly. He took a deep breath. "I know, Leo. But Raph takes things deeply. You have to be more careful about the way you act around him."

"That's difficult when he's screaming at me, Donnie." Leonardo said dryly.

Glaring sternly at his older brother, Don added, "Leo, I think we can both agree that Raphael isn't the one at fault in this case. You started the fight."

"What difference does it make?"

"It makes one to Raph, Leo! You can't blame him every time the two of you have a disagreement! Because, whether you realize it or not, Raph takes everything seriously and the idea that he can't do anything right weighs heavily on his conscience!"

That made Leo pause again. "I'll go after him."

Don's shoulders drooped. "No. You'll only risk him further if you drive him into another confrontation."

Now Leo was even more annoyed. "Then what the shell do you want me to do, Donnie?!"

"Nothing Leo! I don't expect you to do anything! I expect you to step down and let me take care of it!" Don said, his patience finally wearing thin. He stuffed some bandages and basic first aid supplies in his belt. "I'm going."

"I thought you said a confrontation would put him at risk." Leonardo said, frustrated and confused.

"I'm not going to confront him. I'm just going to keep an eye on him from above, make sure he doesn't get in over his head."

Mikey blinked at him. "So you'll make sure he doesn't get in over his head by staying over his head?"

Donnie face-palmed. "Just keep your t-phones handy. I'll call if we need back up."

* * *

It didn't take him very long to find Raphael. Sure enough, the hothead was surrounded by Footbots and already well into a battle. Don was about to jump down and join them, but he hesitated. Raph had his hands full, yes, but he was still winning. For now, Donatello would wait.

Raph's battle was taking place on a roof a couple only two stories shorter than the one Donnie was watching from, and in this sector of the city the buildings were close together. If Raph did have an issue, Donnie knew he could jump to his brother's side faster than he could say booyakasha. He watched the battle below him very closely, taking careful note of his older brother's injuries so that he could care for them all later. And then it happened. Raph finished off his last Footbot. Don smiled, pleased.

Then he heard a noise on the roof behind him. He started to turn, but it was too late, the Foot bot had gotten the drop on him. It was about to bring its katana down and slice into his shell. Don froze. Something whizzed through the air past his ear. And the next thing he knew, the Footbot was on the ground, sparks crackling around its head. It's right optic and head had been skewered. By a sai. His eyes scanning the roof he was on for more Foot and finding none, Donnie whirled around, only to find that the roof where Raph had just been was now abandoned. There was nothing left but a bunch of dismembered Footbots. Shell. Where was—

"That was really stupid, Donnie." A dark voice growled from behind him, making him jump.

He spun around to find that Raphael was less than ten feet away from him. He put a hand on his plastron and sighed. "One of these days you are going to rival Sensei."

Raphael raised an eye-ridge, though he was obviously still quite incensed.

Don answered the inquiring stare, "With your ability to give me heart attacks."

"What were you thinking? You could have gotten yourself killed!" Raph yelled, deliberately ignoring Don's pitiful attempt to evade the issue.

"Maybe I was thinking that I was going to make sure you wouldn't be!" Don yelled back. He gasped as a sai was suddenly shoved very close to his mid-section.

"Don't ever do that again." Raphael growled, more like a feral animal now than a humanoid turtle.

Despite the very close proximity of a sharp blade, which could easily pierce through him, Don shook his head. "No promises. I'd do it again in a heartbeat if it meant that I could save you from danger."

Realizing that fear and intimidation tactics weren't working, Raphael's anger diffused a little. "Donnie…if you got killed trying to watch my back it would destroy me."

"And if you got killed when I might have been able to prevent it simply by keeping a watchful eye on you, it would kill me. The same would go for Leo or Mikey, too. We're brothers Raph. If we don't have each other, then we don't have anything."

Raph smiled a little. That lopsided little smile of his that Donnie felt was truly genuine. "There ain't never been a set of brothers like us before, huh, Don?"

Donatello smiled back and put a hand on Raph's shoulder. "And there will never be again." Raph smiled, then looked out upon the cityscape. "You done for the night?"

Raph's lips drew together in a tight line. "I still got a lot of energy to burn."

"Think a run would do the trick?" Don suggested quietly.

With an amused look, Raph turned to his younger sibling. "It might. You up for a run, Donnie?"

The brainiac smirked. "I thought you'd never ask."

"Chinatown and back?"

Donnie nodded. "Sounds good."

They took off at a quick, yet leisurely pace and made their way towards Chinatown. As they stayed side by side, Donnie had to pull his steps a little considering that his legs were longer than his red-masked brothers. In terms of speed their order was actually: Mikey, Donnie, Leo, Raph. And Don was really only faster than Leo when he wanted to be. His long legs gave him the advantage. Raph, though he was unquestionably the slowest excelled not only in pacing but endurance. Maybe Raph wasn't as fast as they were, but he could run about twice as long before he lost steam. Don knew that setting himself at Raph's pace would be good training, as well as give him a chance to chat with his older brother. "Hey Raph."

"Hmm?"

"That was some aim. That Footbot on the roof behind me, I mean. You were two stories below and over fifty feet away. That's gotta beat some kind of record." He remarked pleasantly. He frowned when he looked over and saw Raph shaking his head.

"Longest recorded throwing knife kill in history was eighty-seven feet. And this," he waved his sai, "isn't exactly a throwing knife."

"No, I didn't notice." Don said, feigning shock. Raphael rolled his eyes and chuckled. Donnie grinned. Then he asked slowly, "You know, I actually felt the air as it moved past my head. There was a lot of force in that blow."

Raphael sighed. "I know, I know. Throwing my sai directly at ya wasn't the safest thing I could have done. But I heard it and I looked up and I saw you and I saw the Foot and I did the first thing I could think of. It was all instinct."

"Well I'm glad your instincts are so fine-tuned. I do not fancy having a sai embedded in my head." He looked over and saw Raphael flinch. "Raph, I didn't mean…I don't doubt you. You've always had great aim."

The older turtle shook his head. "I know. But even I miss, Donnie. I'm not perfect like Fearless Leo."

"Leo isn't perfect either. You know that."

Sinuous shoulders sagged a little and for a few moments they ran in silence. "Sometimes, Donnie, I really not sure I know anything anymore."

Donnie sighed. "Well Leo isn't perfect. And there was nothing perfect about the way he was acting earlier today. It wasn't fair of him to blame you like that and it definitely wasn't fair of him to treat you the way he did."

"Cool off, Don. It's over and done with. There's no point staying angry at him."

The younger turtle gawked. "Who are you and what have you done with my brother, Raphael?!" He exclaimed, half serious.

Another chuckle split the silent early morning air. "Oh I'm still me, Donnie. I'm just not quite the hothead I was a year or two ago. Right now being angry at Leo would just be a waste of energy. I wasted enough earlier. No need to drag it out and risk another fight. Contrary to what Leo thinks, I really don't like fighting with him that much. Sure I like to bust his shell, but that don't mean I'm looking for trouble."

"I think you and Leo have a lot to talk about when we get home." Don said softly.

Raphael scoffed. "Oh sure. Like Fearless will listen to me!"

The purple-masked turtle shrugged. "I don't know Raph. I think that this time, he just might."

* * *

When they returned to the lair, everything was dark. Donnie took care of Raph's injuries, even though the hothead insisted he could do it himself. There really wasn't much to take care of, a couple of shallow cuts, a shallow cut and blow to the head, which wasn't even bad enough for Don to fear a concussion and a dark bruise on his right shoulder. His head looked really bad, and Don had been a little worried, but in the end, even the brainiac conceded that the trauma was minimal and was only troubling to look at. It would probably heal in a couple of days. And even after all that happed, the genius still wanted to get some work done in his lab. Raph sighed as he made his way out, closing the door behind him. He'd give Donatello an hour. Then he'd herd the brainiac to bed.

He turned around and came face to face with Leonardo. Raph couldn't help but tense. Leo approached him slowly with the wariness of one confronting a stray cat or an injured dog. Raph eyed his older brother warily, but allowed Leo to come closer. A forest green hand tilted his chin up and turned his head slightly to the side to get a better look at he light trauma. Raphael growled a little, but let the older turtle look him over.

"Shouldn't Donnie keep you overnight for observation?" The leader finally spoke.

Raph rolled his eyes and shook his head negative. "Nope. It looks worse than it is. Don ain't even worried about a concussion."

Slowly, Leo nodded. Raph eyed him curiously. Fearless didn't look so fearless right now. In fact, he looked a little bit scared. Raph raised an eye-ridge. "What did you really come out here for Leo?"

Leo blinked at him.

"Oh come on, Fearless. Ya weren't waiting up when Donnie and I came in. You must have come for a reason. And I assume it ain't just to make sure I'm fine and dandy."

"Actually it was." That made Raph look up. Their eyes met. "I wanted to make sure you were alright. I was worried."

Raph softened a little at Leo's admission. But then he smiled, bitterly. "No lecture for breaking curfew?"

The leader shook his head. "Not this time."

"Alright. Well if you ain't gonna lecture me, can ya go in there and lecture Don? He needs the 'ninjas must be observant at all times' speech. He almost lost his shell out there today."

"What?" Leo's eyes were filled with concern. "Is he—"

And emerald green hand stopped him mid-sentence. "He's fine. I took care of it."

"Thank you."

"What the shell are you thanking me for?!" Raph asked, an uncomfortable feeling brewing in his gut. It took him a few moments to realize just what his gut was trying to tell him: this could turn into another fight.

"For looking out for him." Leo answered, coolly.

"He's my brother, of course I'll look out for him!"

"You were mad at us." Leo pointed out.

Raph's eyes narrowed to slits. "I was mad at you."

"Don't change the subject. You were mad. You could have gone off and done whatever."

"My anger can't change the way I feel about you guys, Leo. I'd never let anything bad happen to any of you!" Raph said. The anger inside of him was rising. What the shell did Leonardo think he was? He'd never abandon one of his brothers because he was angry. Maybe it had happened in the past, but that was years ago. He'd changed. But before he could get mad at his older brother, a forest green arm snaked around his shoulders and pulled him close. He froze.

His older brother only clutched him tighter. "Then never assume that just because I fight with you means that I don't care. You're my brother Raph. I love you. Don't you ever forget that. I love you just as much as I love Donnie and Mikey. I would lay down my life for you, Raphael."

"Leo…"

Leonardo just kept going. "And do you know why I lecture you Raphael? It's because I love you. I can't stand seeing you hurt and I lecture you because I want you to be more careful next time and to take better care of yourself."

"Leo!"

With a sigh of annoyance, Leo pulled away and looked at his immediate younger brother. "What, Raph?"

"You're lecturing." Raph smiled at Leo's putout expression. Leo released him and he pulled away, heading for his room.

"Raph, wait!" Leo called.

The red-masked turtle turned back around and his older brother came up to him with a very grave, saddened, guilty look on his face. "Raph—I'm sorry I blamed you for taking the candles from my room."

"Candles?" Raph raised an eye-ridge. "Ya mean that's what you were looking for?"

"Yeah. April gave me a box of scented candles for mutation day." The eldest turtle shifted nervously, his eyes glued to the ground. "I-um-I…"

Something clicked in Raph's mind. "You wouldn't be apologizing unless you found out who took them." Raph observed and Leo nodded.

With a deep breath Leo admitted. "It was Sensei. He apparently ran out of candles the other day. April was supposed to get him more when she got us groceries last week, but she forgot."

"It ain't like Sensei not to ask."

"I know. He said he meant to tell me earlier in the day, but that after meditation it had slipped his mind. I'm really sorry Raph. I—I really acted like a jerk."

That made Raphael smile fully. "Happens to the best of us, Fearless." He patted Leo's shoulder, amicably.

Leo frowned and shook his head. "No, Raph, I'm serious. I wrongly accused you and I wasn't being reasonable. I'm really sorry, little brother."

Rolling his eyes, Raph sighed. He whacked his brother on the shoulder hard. "Eh, forget it! It ain't worth beatin' yourself up about."

Leo's smile gleamed. "You know, Raph, I really don't deserve a brother as awesome as you."

Raphael flung an emerald green arm over Leo's shoulder and tugged him into a headlock where he gave his brother a noogie. Leo laughed and Raph growled playfully. "Ya know, big brother, sometimes I think the same thing!" He released Leo with a smile and whispered. "And just for the record, I already forgave you."

* * *

 **How was it? Review Please!**


	7. Drowsy

**I loved this chapter. This is one of those ones for me that starts out one way and ends in a way that I had not foreseen!**

* * *

 **Ch. 7-Drowsy**

The lair was dark and all its inhabitants were asleep. All except one, that is. One turtle sitting cross-legged in the dojo, his frame illuminated only by dim, flickering candlelight. There was strength and confidence in his posture and in the serene look on his face. Suddenly, his eyelids flicked open and he relaxed. His original intention had been to get in some extra meditation. Unfortunately, he really wasn't in the mood. And just why wasn't he in the mood? Well, he, Hamato Leonardo, felt guilty.

At first he had just put his lack of focus down to having a rather stressful day, but the longer he thought and the deeper into his meditative state he sank, he had realized that he felt guilty. The real reason for his guilty conscience could be summarized by one word: Raphael. Somehow, it was often Raphael who got him to think about things he didn't usually think about. And today, the subject was his free time.

With all of Leonardo's obligations to his Sensei and his brothers, there was very little free time to speak of. Or was that just what I've been telling myself? He wondered.

If Raphael hadn't started this he wouldn't be here right now. Trying to sort through everything he'd seen and heard. Remarkably enough, this time Raphael had managed to plant thoughts in his head without actually screaming them at him. Or yelling, or anything of that kind, really.

They hadn't really been bickering as much lately as they usually did, which pleased Leo. But he was beginning to think that the only reason they hadn't been bickering was because Raphael had been avoiding him, and that did not please him. Raphael was a very pivotal member of his team, and a very loyal one. He needed to make sure he retained their bond in order to ensure that his team didn't fall apart.

Why was Raph avoiding him, though? What reason would Raph have to act that way? Leo knew that his brother wasn't exactly clingy, but still Raph wasn't the type to just avoid them without a reason. Yeah, sure, they annoyed the hothead and made him mad or whatever, but he'd never estranged himself from any of them.

But if Raph was avoiding Leo, why had he approached the leader the way he did? Shell, that was what had started Leonardo on all of this! That was what was making him feel guilty, after all.

It had all started earlier that day when Raphael had trudged into the dojo…

"Hey, Leo! Mikey and Donnie got the old Mazes and Mutants board out. Wanna join us for a couple o' rounds?" He asked in his very offhand manner.

Leo, who was in the midst of a kata, paused and shook his head briefly before resuming his movement. "Can't. Sorry. Lot of training to do today. Want to master this kata."

Raphael's eyes lingered on him for a moment before he finally lowered them with a sigh. He looked down at his feet and turned to leave. "That's what they said you'd say." He mumbled, his voice sounding almost…sad.

Leo stopped mid-step and watched his younger sibling leave. That was when he'd started feeling guilty.

And now, here was hours and hours later, still in the dojo and still feeling guilty. The whole thing made him feel a like an insensitive jerk. After all, Raph wasn't usually the one who came asking him to join them. It was usually Mikey, who if he didn't get his way, would get down on his knees and beg until Leo said yes. Whenever Donnie needed him, the brainiac would come into the dojo and politely request Leo's presence in the lab, or wherever he was needed.

But Raph…Raph would usually wait until he was out of the dojo. Then he'd challenge his big brother to a really competitive arcade game or a light-hearted wrestling match. Raphael approaching the way he did was an unusual experience for Leo.

"That's what they said you'd say." Leo whispered quietly to himself, an echo of his brother's words from earlier that day.

 _That's what they said you'd say._ 'They' was obviously Donnie and Mikey, which immediately meant that Raph had come in to ask Leo on his own. It wasn't just the words, though. It was the way that Raphael had said them. It was a dull, flat tone, a resigned acquiescence. Leo didn't like it. Not coming from Raph, nor coming from any of his little brothers, but especially not Raph. Raph was a rebel whose heart was filled with fiery passion and an inherent inability to take no for an answer. Whatever he wanted, he fought with all his might for it and he never gave up, he never lost hope, he never lost strength. Raphael was incorrigible. Raph wouldn't just let something slide, especially if it hurt his feelings.

But today, Raph had. And now Leo was worried. He tried to think of past situations like this and he came up empty. Over the years Raph and the others had approached him countless times asking to play games, or watch cartoons, or whatever. Sometimes he said yes and sometimes he said no, it really just depended on what his plans were. They all had moments like that, he knew. During more recent days, though, Leo had to admit that his training kept him from spending as much time with his brothers as he would have liked to. And he knew that his brothers felt the same. He knew they missed spending time with him. He missed them too. But this was necessary. He had to do this to make sure that he could be a better leader for them.

The memory of Raph leaving the dojo with his shoulders drooping made Leo frown. "I have to train so that I can improve and take better care of them, but…" The image flashed before his eyes once again. "Perhaps I am doing too much. Yes, I need to train, but I need to be there for my brothers, too. They need me. If all I do is focus on my training, I could lose them. I could lose the bonds we all share. I can't afford that. I need my little brothers." He whispered, his head sagging forward.

"And they need you."

Leo sat up and twisted to look over his shoulder. "Raph. I-I didn't realize you were—"

"S'alright. I just saw the light, thought maybe you were Sensei." The muscular emerald green turtle leaned heavily against the door-frame, looking sleepy.

The older sibling grinned as Raph yawned and stretched like a cat. He could still remember back when they all shared a bed. Raph would always stretch like that and take up as much room as possible. _Huh. Bed-hog_! He thought with a smile. Out of all his brothers, Raph had probably changed the most since those days. As it became clear that Raph wasn't about to leave, Leo asked, "Were you looking for Sensei?"

Raph shrugged in the way that Leo had come to learn meant yes. "Was hoping to talk to him about something."

"Something that's giving you insomnia?" Leo asked, gently. It was a not-so-concealed attempt to find out why Raph was still up.

Emerald green eye-ridges furrowed in confusion but then Raph grinned, rubbing the back of his neck rather sheepishly. The older turtle couldn't help but smile at his younger sibling. Raph was only this open when he was truly exhausted. Raph slowly met Leo's gaze. "Nah, nah, I just got back. Haven't even gone to bed yet." The hothead gestured to his belt, which Leo belatedly realized was full of equipment.

Suddenly, Leo felt very disturbed. It was almost four o'clock in the morning. _When had Raphael even gone out? How could he not have noticed?_ "When did you leave?" He asked, his hands shaking a little.

"Right after dinner." Raph said slowly as he straightened, obviously a little more awake now. "You seriously didn't notice?" Leo was going to ignore the question, but when Raph took a step forward, he realized that there was a tint of worry in the hothead's tone. Leo looked up and shook his head.

Crossing his emerald green arms over his chest, Raph frowned. "Maybe you've been training too hard."

Leo sighed and shifted, preparing to stand. "Maybe, little brother, maybe." A dark green hand was thrust into his line of vision and he took it, graciously. Raph helped him up. Leo nodded gratefully and Raph grunted in response.

Slowly, Leonardo found that he was really, really tired as well. His eyes threatened to drop closed right where he stood. He hummed and leaned heavily against his sibling. Raphael caught him and frowned yet again, more severely this time. "Make that 'maybe' a definite yes. C'mon Fearless, let's get you to bed."

That snapped Leo out of it, a little. He raised his head and pushed away from Raph slightly. Though, to his credit, Raphael had been expecting this and he retained his hold on Leo's wrists. "Leo, you need to sleep. Your training can wait till tomorrow."

"Not training. You!" Leo mumbled, his mind viciously battling the impending fog of sleep, or perhaps more accurately, given his state of exhaustion, a complete shutdown.

"What?" Now Raph was very confused and Leo was getting frustrated at his inability to think without loud pounding in his head. Master of willpower, Leonardo straightened and managed to put on his hands on Raph's shoulder to steady himself. He looked his younger brother over closely.

"Leo?"

"'R you okay?" He asked, his voice low with sleepiness.

The younger turtle was stunned. "Yeah. I'm fine." Raph responded, hesitantly.

"Y'sure?"

Raphael nodded gently and began herding Leo to the door. He really wished that his older brother could learn how to take a break. It wasn't that Leo didn't get tired during the day, it was just that he was so busy training that he never focused on how tired he was. Then at the end of the day all the exhaustion would hit him like a tidal wave. Raph had no idea why, but whenever Leo got really tired like this, he'd start talking funny and saying strange things. It had always been a thing Raph had kept to himself since he knew that Mikey would undoubtedly use it for amusement and Donnie would probably start going crazy researching sleeping disorders. There was nothing wrong with his big brother that a good long sleep wouldn't fix. Raph had everything under control. He steered Leo out the door and down the hall. He could feel Leo staring at him, but he just ignored the older turtle.

Finally they reached Leo's room and he dumped the blue-masked turtle on the bed. Raph turned to leave, but a voice called him back. He slowly crossed back over to Leo's bed. The forest green turtle was wiggling his way into the covers and Raph smiled at the sight. "You need something?" He asked.

"What happened?" Leo asked softly, his voice slightly obscured by the covers, which he'd pulled halfway up his face.

All Raph could really see of his brother was a bright blue mask and a forest green head. He quirked an eye-ridge and canted his head.

Leo blinked sleepily, but Raph could see that Fearless was going to force himself to stay awake until Raph answered. Another mumble left the blanket and Raph strained to hear. "Why were you out so long? Danger?"

Rolling his eyes, Raph smirked and shook his head. "Nah. Casey and I went to check out that old abandoned warehouse district he found." Raph scoffed at Leo. That glare was a lot less effective when the leader was sleepy.

"Shouldn't have gone alone. Could have been hurt."

"Yada, yada, yada, I know. You don't have to lecture me, sword-boy. I'm eighteen now, remember? I can definitely take care of myself."

"Still my little brother, still have brother rights." Leo argued, though the last part was spoken through a yawn.

Raph smiled and knelt down. "You can't control me, Leo." He goaded playfully, curious as to how his brother would respond. He was surprised when the older turtle looked at him.

"Don't want to. Want to protect you, keep you safe." A hand reached out and touched Raph's shoulder.

Eyes fixed on the hand on his shoulder, Raph spoke honestly, "You won't always be able to." He jumped a little when Leo let out a child-like whine of distress.

"I know." The leader whispered, sadly. He tugged Raph towards him, and the younger turtle allowed it. "That's what scares me most." He pulled Raphael into a lazy hug. "Love you, bro."

"Right back at ya." Raph murmured, reciprocating the hug as best he was able. He smiled as he felt his older brother's breathing evening out. He removed Leo's arms and gently placed them on the bed. He pulled the covers up over Leo, then he stood and headed for the door. Raphael paused and looked back over his shoulder. "You don't have to be scared, Leo. No matter what happens, I'll always be with you."

"Yur a sap." Came a dull mumble.

Raph stiffened and sent his big brother a glare. "Shut up and go to sleep!"

Leo grinned, his eyes only open the slightest bit. "Yur face is red, Raphie."

"I said shut up!" Raph growled, his cheeks only getting redder.

With a mischievous little smirk worthy of Mikey Leo retorted impishly, "Don't have to listen."

Clenching his fists, Raph bristled. "Why ya little—"

"'M sorry, Raph." Leo muttered, rolling over and putting his carapace to the room. Raph had a feeling that this time Leo was actually going to fall asleep, but before he did Raph had to ask…

"For what?"

"Fer saying no." Raph was still confused, but luckily, Leo wasn't quite finished yet. "Should've played with you. Should've played the game." He echoed sleepily.

"Yeah, you should have." Raph grunted in agreement.

And just when Raph thought Leo was finally done he heard: "Forgiven?"

He blinked and shook his head with a little smile. "Yeah. You're forgiven."

"Good."

And that was end of it. Leo's breath even out once again and Raph relaxed. He left the room as quietly as he could, closing the door behind him. In the hallway he shook his head and chuckled warmly. This was a day he'd remember for a long, long time.

* * *

 **How was it? Review Please!**


	8. Don't let it get to ya

**This one's a little bit of a change of pace. It's a little more Don-centric with a dash of Raph-big-brother-ness. It's kind of a 'what happened after' scenario for TMNT 2012 Season 3 Episode 23: The Fourfold Trap. Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Ch. 8-Don't let it get to you**

As soon as they got back to the lair Donatello headed straight for the lab. There was really no point in analyzing the brain worm now. After what had just happened with Karai, it seemed pointless to even keep trying. Even more pointless than it had been earlier…

 _Donnie, you know how much this means to Sensei!_

 _Leo, I'm trying as hard as I can._

 _Well, try harder!_

 _Try harder!_

 _Try harder!_

 _Try harder!_

 _Try harder!_

 _Try harder!_

 _Try harder!_

He looked over at his equipment, hesitantly. All the data and calculations were there. He'd written it all out. He'd formed a hypothesis, he'd controlled the experiment, he'd concocted a solution, and he'd tested it out. But it was all for naught. He had nothing. Absolutely nothing.

 _Try harder!_

Don sat down at his desk with his shoulders slouched, and his head in his hands. He gnawed on his lip distractedly as he allowed his thoughts to stray. Any further work on the brainworm would be pointless. He'd tried everything, but somehow everything was no longer enough. He had to do more. He had to come up with something else.

 _What is that, Donnie?_

 _I'd don't know._

 _Well, can't you like analyze it or something?_

They're always asking me, he thought, always counting on me. But someday…I won't be enough. They'll ask me a question and I won't know. They'll ask me to do something that can't be done. They already have. There's nothing I can do. I can't do everything. It isn't fair!

 _Donnie! Raph's been bitten by a giant poisonous robotic fish!_

His blood ran cold and a shiver traveled down his spine. Of all the things they'd had to face since they're first trip to the surface, that one had scared him a way that no other ever had. Everything was riding on his ability to create an antidote. Donatello was a scientist, yes, but he wasn't a doctor by any means. His experience with venom and antitoxins was precious little. His brothers didn't know that. And Don was determined to keep that way. He'd rather they never knew how close they came to losing Raphael that day. Thankfully, despite his lack of experience, his vast knowledge had pushed him through. He'd done all he could, and luckily, everything had turned out alright.

 _Come on, we gotta get him back to the lab!_

 _You really think you can save Raph?_

 _Honestly, I don't know, Leo._

Yet again, all the pressure had been on him. He was the one who had to save his brother. He'd crossed his fingers and hoped that nothing went horribly wrong. They'd already lost Sensei, and they'd almost lost Leo. They couldn't lose Raph. Another loss would have destroyed them. The only thing that had kept him going through the night was the simple thought: I can't lose another one.

Speaking of Leo…

Not a day went by where Donnie didn't pause to thank whatever goodness there was in the world that had kept his brother alive. Not only alive, but well enough to recover fully from the injuries that had been dealt. Like Donnie said, he was a scientist, not a doctor.

His brothers relied upon him to be both.

When Leo had come crashing through that window—Don gulped and leaned back in his chair, staring at the ceiling. It was like his entire world had come crashing down. He'd had a fight with Leo and everything had gone horribly wrong. They had to run. They'd had no choice.

Sensei was gone and Leo's life was in his hands. He'd done everything he could. He had little to work with. It still wasn't enough. When Don finally left the bathroom at the farmhouse, after almost a full eight hours of caring for Leo's injuries, the first one he saw was Raph.

 _He's in a deep unconscious state. I've done what I can, but there's no telling when he'll wake up._

 _C'mon, Donnie. Isn't there anything we could do?_

Don sat up a little straighter, his eyes brightening. We? Had Raphael really said we? Maybe Raph realized…

 _Hurry up, Donnie! Just do it already!_

 _Lay off, Raph! I've never done this before!_

No. By 'we' Raphael had definitely meant Donnie. And even if he hadn't, the rest of them were all expecting him to just 'fix' Leo the same way he fixed the toaster or the television. But he couldn't do that. Smart as he was, he wasn't all-powerful. He looked up and glanced at his equipment again, then at the failed experiment from earlier. "They expect me to do everything! They just assume I'm the one with all the answers! I do everything for them! I try to give them everything they could possibly want!" He murmured to himself. It was true, of course. Almost everything he built or invented he did with his brothers in mind. Donnie enjoyed building things for all of them like the Shell Raiser and the stealth bike, and the turtle mech. Those were fun for him too, but the real reason he devised them was for their saving-the-city activities. He'd outfitted each of them especially with complex safety and defense features. It was his way of protecting his brothers and showing his love for them.

"Not like they appreciate it." He said, moodily, pitching forward and laying his head on the desk. "Try harder, Donnie. Try harder." He whispered to himself.

"Don't let it get to ya."

He jolted upright and looked around frantically. Raph was standing at the corner of his desk, eyeing him curiously. He sighed and swiveled to face his older sibling. "Raph. I didn't see you there."

"No duh, brainiac." The red-masked turtle grumbled dryly. Donnie just ignored the attitude. Seventeen years of living with Raph and he was completely used to it. He raised an eye-ridge, silently asking just what his brother wanted. Raph's hard posture loosened a bit. "I said don't let it get to ya. You know how Leo is when it comes to Karai. Only reason he said it was 'cause he didn't want to give up on her. It's been a long day, Don. You almost got fried. You should rest. "

Blinking slowly and soaking in that information, Donnie sent Raph a sideways glance. "And what about you?"

Raph leaned back and made himself comfortable on the corner of Don's desk. "What about me?"

"Do you expect me to try harder? You're always going on about how I should move faster, think faster, about how I should be able to do more. You think I should try harder too, don't you?"

"It's not about trying harder." Raph growled. Donnie looked into Raph's eyes and immediately recognized in them a familiar fire, a bright flicker of determination, strength and passion. The essence of his most emotional brother.

"Raph…"

"Shut up, Don. I'm not finished." Donatello closed his mouth and Raphael took a few moments. Donnie had seen Raph this way before and he knew that the hothead just needed a few moments to compose. "It's not really about trying harder, Donnie."

"So you said." He stated. He just wanted Raph to leave him to his thoughts. He was in no mood to stomach a lecture about how he didn't do enough. Most of the time, annoying Raph or interrupting, was a good way to get the hothead to stomp away.

Unfortunately, that didn't seem like an option this time. Raphael glared at Donnie's retort and eventually the genius sighed and backed down. Fine. Then he'd just tune Raph out.

"Hamato Donatello, don't you dare ignore me."

He straightened and stared wide eyed at his brother. Had Raph just full-named him? Donnie looked up at Raph's face. Yep. Raph was really pissed.

The hothead clenched a fist and placed it on the desk. He squeezed his hand so hard that it shook. Don blinked with interest as some anger drained from Raph's eyes. How long had the hothead been able to control his anger like that? When Raph spoke, his voice was a lot softer too. "Leo shouldn't have told you that, Don. You did everything you possibly could. You couldn't have tried any harder."

Donnie glared at his brother's words and his frustration spiked. "How would you know?" It was almost as though Donatello was soaking up his brother's draining anger.

Raphael sighed. The softness in his voice was replaced by his usual, hard edge. "I have eyes, Don." Then he added in a whisper, almost as an afterthought, "I see more than you think I do."

"What about you?" Don repeated for the third time, more insistently than ever.

Raph looks tired, he thought to himself. The hothead was now sitting with his shoulders hunched. "Donnie—I only say the things I do to push you. It's not that you have to try harder. Just you being you is enough. The only reason I push is because I know you can." Raph lifted a hand to his head and rubbed his temples. Donnie raised an eye-ridge, but thought little of it.

"What do you mean?" The purple-masked turtle asked, confused.

"Maybe you don't believe you can do anymore, Donnie. Maybe you don't think you have what it takes to do any better, but you do. I know you do and I believe in you. Only reason I push," He sent Don a very exhausted-looking grin, "is because I want you to believe in you."

For the first time that day, Donnie smiled. "Thanks Raph."

Raph grinned weakly, his breathing a little heavy. "Don't mention it. Ever. Or I'll get ya."

Donnie smiled even wider. He held up a hand. "Swear."

That seemed to please Raphael. Donnie turned away, but Raph's voice called him back, "And FYI," Don glanced over, "only reason Leo depends on you so much is cause he believes in ya too."

Rough as he might be around the edges, Raphael was a very good brother, and Don loved him dearly. Donatello's funk had been dispelled. Now he was filled with pride and affection. "Raph I—" The turtle in question grimaced and leaned heavily back against the desk. Suddenly, Donatello realized that the hothead's skin was just a little bit too pale. He jumped to his feet and grabbed Raph's shoulders. "Raph? Are you okay?" The red-masked turtle blinked slowly, but didn't reply. Don tilted Raph's chin up with one hand. "Can you hear me, buddy? Can you speak?"

Raph's face cleared a little and his eyes narrowed. Slowly, he muttered, "What the shell d'ya think I been doin the last ten minutes?"

Staring his sibling directly in the eyes, Donnie gave his brother instructions. "Listen carefully, Raph. I need you to tell me what's wrong."

"'M fine." He retorted stubbornly.

Donnie growled. "Raph, don't be stupid! You're obviously not alright! But I can't do anything if I don't know your symptoms. You need to tell me now!"

"I said 'm—" he didn't finish his sentence as he was hit by another wave of dizziness. He would have toppled if Donnie hadn't been there to catch him.

"Raph!" Don cried out, beside himself with worry. He thought about calling Leo, Mikey and Master Splinter in right away to assist. _No. I can handle this myself_ , he decided determinately.

"Don…"

He looked into his older brother's weakened, very tired-looking eyes. His heart was pounding in his ears.

"…I think…I think it was…the heat. That damn oven, it—" Raph's words turned on a light bulb in Donnie's head. The oven trap! Of course! The heat must have thrown Raph's systems completely out of whack. Not to mention he was probably extremely dehydrated.

Donnie growled. Shell, why hadn't he noticed it sooner?! _Because you were too busy feeling resentful about the fact that your brothers rely on you!_

"—Easy Raph, it's okay. You're gonna be okay. I'll take care of you." He reassured. He swept his piles of blueprints and papers off the desk, not caring that they getting scattered everywhere. Then he lay Raphael down gently.

"Donnie—" Raph said, weakly reaching for Donnie's hand. Don knew that he needed to start getting equipment, but he took his brother's hand.

"Shh, Raph. Save your energy. I'll do whatever I have to."

Raph nodded. "I know you will." He was still having difficulty breathing. "I—believe in you—Donatello. Do your thing."

Don grinned and squeezed Raph's hand before pulling away. He needed to cool Raph down. Hopefully that would slow down his systems and stop them overworking themselves. Moving Raph was out of the question and beyond his capabilities. But he had a hose in here for washing the Shell Raiser. That would have to do. He sprinted over to it, grabbed the end and rushed back over to his brother. He tugged off his brother's red mask and tucked it away in his belt for now. Raph probably wouldn't enjoy having a wet mask on his face in his current state.

"Don what are you—" He mumbled, sounding slurred and borderline delirious.

"Raph, I need to cool you down so that your body systems will slow down. I'm gonna spray you with the hose. You ready?"

Raph was too far gone now to answer. His breathing was getting heavier and more rapid. Donnie gently hosed Raph down. Raph's head jerked from side to side and there was an occasional whimper, but other than that, it looked like it was working.

Don put a hand on Raph's forehead. Body temperature was coming down. Good. He turned off the hose and dropped it where it was. For a moment he glanced at all the wet blueprints and papers all over the floor around his desk, but he shook it off without a bit of upset. His brother was more important.

Lifting one of Raph's wrists, he checked the hothead's heart rate. Still fast. Raph groaned. Donnie frowned and allowed his hand to rest on Raph's shoulder. "Hang in there, buddy." He said sweetly.

After getting Raph hooked up to an IV drip, he dashed out into the main lair and into the kitchen. So focused on his current task was he that he barely even realized that he had blurred past Leo, Mikey and Sensei, who were also in the kitchen. He headed straight for the icebox. Ice Cream Kitty smiled and purred at him. He didn't smile back. "Ice now, please." The cat handed him the ice. He snatched it was about to take off back to the lab when a hand caught his shoulder.

"What's the ice for, Donnie?"

He growled at the forceful delay and turned to face his addresser. "Raphael very nearly had a heat stroke. Being exposed to the extremely high temperatures of that room for as long as he was threw his body systems into overdrive. I should have realized sooner but I wasn't paying close enough attention. If I don't get him cooled down soon there could be lasting effects so I recommend that you release me now!" Donnie was speaking far too rapidly for them to understand most of it, but both the first and last sentence were abundantly clear.

Leo's hand immediately let go. Donnie shot forward and ran back to the lab. He knew his brothers and Sensei were following him, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Right now he needed to take care of Raph.

The brainiac rushed over to his brother's side and slid the icepack behind Raph's neck. Raph shook his head a little, but his struggles soon died down. Donnie took Raph's temperature and pulse. He let out a sigh of relief and collapsed into his chair, which since he'd failed to move it earlier was also wet.

"Raphael…" Donnie looked up. Sensei was at Raph's side, looking down at his face. "My son." Slowly, the old rat turned to his purple-masked child. "Donatello, please relate to me what occurred."

"Raphael and I were talking. I noticed he was a little tired, but I just assumed it was because of everything that happened today. He was sitting on the edge of the desk. All of sudden, he nearly toppled from dizziness. I caught him and realized that his skin was pale and he felt warm to the touch. I asked him to tell me what was wrong and he kept trying to insist he was fine." Sensei did not look very pleased about that. "As soon as I realized what was going on I did my best to cool him down."

Splinter put a hand on Donnie's shoulder. "You should have called for our assistance."

"There was no time to waste, Sensei. I had to act fast. I knew that I could save him."

Master Splinter nodded, yet said nothing further. He was staring at Raphael.

Suddenly, a meek, worried voice from the back of the room cut through the silence. "Will he be okay?" Leo asked, fear clear in his voice.

The brainiac raised an eye-ridge at Leo's tone. Leonardo wasn't usually that open when it came to displaying fear. After all, that was the main reason Raph called him Fearless. Or at least, that's what Don thought. There was no real way of knowing what kind of motivations Raph had for anything.

"Donatello has done well. I sense that your brother will be fine." Splinter stated, placing his hand on Raphael's plastron. Raph's face scrunched up a little, but other than that there was no reaction. "We must let him rest."

Don nodded his agreement. "Yeah. I'll stay here and monitor him for now."

"Can I stay?" A youthful voice piped up from slightly behind Leo.

First he was hesitant, but Donnie realized that his younger brother was too worried about Raph to get into trouble. "Alright, Mikey. You can stay." The genius suddenly found himself locked in an intense staring contest with Leonardo. The unspoken question was clear: Can I? Slowly, Don thought about it. After their fight earlier, Leo wasn't exactly his favorite person on the planet, but the leader was still his brother. Judging by the fear in Leo's voice earlier, it would probably be safer to let him stay. "You too, Leo."

The blue-clad brother nodded, gratefully, grabbed a stool and sat next to Donnie at Raph's side. Mikey pulled up a seat on Don's other side and they all waited together. After a little while, when Raph's temperature and heart rate had returned to normal, Donnie removed the ice pack. Then the brainiac resumed his previous position.

Amazingly enough, Mikey didn't get very bored at all. He talked and talked and talked. Mostly to Leo and Don, who stayed silent and occasionally nodded a yes or no. But occasionally, he'd drone on to Raphael about all kinds of things, even though the hothead was unconscious and wouldn't understand him. Finally, after hours of yacking, Michelangelo fell asleep, his head resting on the lab table near Raph's shoulder.

Leo and Don smiled at each other. Donnie poked the youngest experimentally and Mikey didn't budge. He grinned and whispered to his older brother. "He's out."

"He's had a long day." Leo agreed, getting up to grab a blanket from the cabinet and tucking it over Mikey's shoulders.

They shared a companionable silence for about thirty seconds until the air went stale and it just felt awkward. Don eyed Leo curiously. "You seem worried."

Leo sighed and his shoulders sank. "I'm always worried about you guys."

"More than usual." Don retorted rather abruptly.

Dark, blue eyes met Don's and then shifted to Raph. "When I landed in that room and I saw him…" His voice died. He stared at the floor and whispered, "He was so still, so lifeless. I thought we'd lost him forever."

So that was it. Donnie looked down at Raphael's still features. He could sympathize with his brother one-hundred percent. Their hotheaded brother had had many close calls, this one was probably one of the closer ones. "You did good Leo."

"How can you say that, Donnie?! I almost didn't get you guys out of there! Raph almost died!"

Keeping his face stoic, Don softly placed a hand on Leo's shoulder. "Three more minutes in that room, and Raph wouldn't have made it, Leo. You got him out just in time."

Leo's eyes were glued to the turtle on the desk. "Not soon enough."

"You can't do any better than your best, Leo. You did everything you could! We made it out. We're alive. You should be thankful for that."

"Donnie, I-" Don looked at him and he stammered a little. "I'm sorry I pushed you. I shouldn't have—"

"Don't worry about it, Leo." Don said, smiling down at Raph's face. "It's okay to push me sometimes. It'll help me become the best that I can be."

Leo's face brightened and he smiled back. "I don't know, Don." The purple-masked turtle stared confusedly at his older brother. Leo grinned and punched him in the arm gently. "I think you're pretty awesome already."

* * *

 **Well, how was it? Review please!**


	9. Replaced

**Raph harbors a lot of insecurities. When Karai comes to live with them, his doubts fester. (Somewhat of a 2012 Alternative timeline fic in which Karai has come to live with the turtles and has been there for a few months)**

 **I really played tug-of-war with myself over whether I wanted to throw this one out there or not. I really like it, but I wasn't sure if you guys would. So if you did like it please let me know at the end, because it would make me feel a whole lot better! Love you all! Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Ch. 9-Replaced**

She took a deep breath and her eyes flicked open. Leonardo took a step back. They both unsheathed their blades and lunged at each other. Narrowed green eyes watched from the sidelines. He wasn't sure whether they knew he was there or not. They probably did. Sensei was watching them as well, his dark brown eyes focused entirely on Karai.

Raph crossed his emerald green arms over his chest. It was no secret that he wasn't particularly pleased to have Karai living with them. But, after they had discovered she was Splinter's daughter and saw how hopeful their father was that she would come to her senses, they had to do something. She'd been here for about a month now. He was just trying to avoid her as much as possible, Sensei too. He didn't know why, but seeing Sensei with Karai really made him burn. Splinter was different around her. And Raph didn't like it.

It wasn't fair, yet he knew there was nothing he could do about it. Karai was Splinter's actual daughter. Now that she was here things would never be the same again. Splinter was gentle with Karai. He was soft and understanding. He wasn't strict with her. Raphael felt…well, he didn't really know how he felt about that.

He glanced over at the mutant rat with a hard stare. His lip pulled back in a snarl and suddenly he just couldn't take it anymore. Raph left the dojo and headed straight for his room, slamming the door behind him. He lay plastron-down on the bed, frowning. It wasn't that he was _trying_ to dislike Karai, he just didn't trust her. Okay, maybe she'd changed, but she had still been raised as Shredder's daughter. And turns out she was actually Splinter's daughter. Splinter's actual daughter, Splinter's _real_ daughter. Raph sighed. Karai coming to live with them had changed everything. She meant more to Sensei than anyone else ever could, or ever would.

Raphael couldn't understand why his brothers didn't see that. Then again, they'd never really had to fight for Father's attention the way he did. Splinter had tried to do the best he could for them, Raph understood that, but there were times where he had wanted nothing more than a hug or even a pat on the head from his father. Sadly, he rarely got what he wanted. His siblings were just too hard to compete with.

Maybe that was why he couldn't get used to having Karai around. She was just another person to divert Sensei's attention. Gee, that sounded selfish. But he couldn't help it. Now that Splinter had Karai…he might as well be invisible. Raph scoffed bitterly. "Why should I care? It's not like I wanted his attention anyway." He whispered in denial. He blinked back the tears and forced them to dispel. _Yeah, who needs Sensei? I'm grown up enough to take care of myself!_

Then again, it wasn't just Splinter's attention. All of his brothers had been distracted by Karai's presence. Donnie made fast friends with her by showing her all his cool inventions. Mikey had suddenly begun following her around pestering her the way he usually only pestered Raph. Yeah, Mikey hadn't really talked to Raph, or even teased the hothead in a while and when he did, it never lasted very long. And finally there was Leo. Raph hadn't fought with Leo in over a week. Shell, they hadn't done anything together at all since _she_ came.

Leo was always with her. He never asked Raph to spar anymore. He never wanted to play games with Raph anymore. He never even wanted to argue with Raph anymore. Leonardo had replaced him. Replaced him with Karai.

Raphael had to admit, he and Karai had a lot in common. Attitude, temperament, even a mutual love of beating the crap out of things. Not only was she taking his father away from him, she was taking his brothers as well. This realization made Raph's chest constrict in a very painful way and kindled fire in his heart. He rubbed his plastron absently with one hand. There was nothing he could do. Karai was making his family happy. Who was he to destroy that happiness?

He stayed in his room the rest of the day. No one came. No one even knocked to see how he was doing. Somehow that only made it hurt more. Maybe he was being childish, but he had hoped maybe one of them might notice his absence and might care enough to go looking for him. Deep in the darkest corners of his heart, he'd known that they wouldn't, but he couldn't help but hope.

Dinnertime came and went. He was still in his room. Still, no one came. Finally, he conceded to himself that no one was going to. He stepped out into the hall, feeling limp and drained.

"Raph."

He jumped a little. Goddammit, why the shell hadn't he heard Leo coming? He looked up at his big brother blankly.

Leonardo's eye-ridges furrowed and he stepped forward. Raph took a step back, which only made him more curious. He eyed Raph's room. Slowly he realized that he hadn't seen much of his red-masked sibling today. And Raph hadn't joined them for dinner. "Raph…you haven't been in your room all day, have you?" He asked, a little concerned. Raph just scoffed and tried to walk past him, but that wasn't enough of an answer for his taste. He grabbed Raph's arm. "Have you?"

With a roll of his eyes, Raph sighed. "Ya seen me anywhere else, Fearless?"

Slowly, Leonardo released his younger sibling. "I-I hadn't realized. Everything okay?"

"Peachy." There was a sardonic edge to Raph's tone that Leo didn't like.

"You sure?"

"Back off, Leo. I said I'm fine, I mean I'm fine." Raph growled grumpily, stomping past him and down the hall to the main room. _Of course I'm not fine. How the shell can I be fine? I've been_ _ **replaced**_ _._ He wanted to scream.

Leo accepted Raph's excuse and watched his sibling go. He shrugged. Sometimes Raph just had bad days.

A few more weeks passed. Raph felt more and more alone with each second. Leo and Karai were always together. The hotheaded turtle never thought he'd say this, but he desperately wanted to start a fight with his older sibling. Then at least he'd have Leo's attention even it was only for a few moments. Most of the time Leo acted as though he didn't even exist anymore. Leo was too busy with Karai.

Splinter wasn't any better. He now shared his meditation time with Karai alone. That transition had really hurt. The old rat's meditation, though they weren't _supposed_ to disturb it, had always been a time when they could go to him with their personal concerns and problems.

Raphael was beginning to regret that he hadn't taken advantage of that in the past. But he'd always wanted to prove his independence. He hadn't wanted to rely on Sensei for anything. And now, when he needed Splinter's reassurance the most, it had come back to bite him. He'd tried approaching his father about the feelings he harbored, but every time he got close, he couldn't bring himself to speak. Splinter was so happy that Karai was back. Raphael couldn't put a damper on that. After all, if there was anyone who deserved all the happiness in the world, it was Master Splinter. And so he said nothing. He felt his brothers pulling farther and farther away from him, he saw his father brimming with happiness and love, he sensed his heart breaking more with every passing day, and he did nothing.

He had to keep up his appearance. He had to stay strong and keep a brave face. If he let it fall then he'd create a problem, he'd dispel their happiness, he'd ruin everything. He couldn't do that. His family deserved better. So he went to meals. Socialized from time to time. Went out on runs with Casey, bashed bots, stomped Foot, all the things he enjoyed, but he found them strangely empty now. It wasn't the same anymore.

* * *

A few more weeks passed. It was a Friday. Casey and April had come over. Everyone was eating pizza and chatting. Raph wasn't very hungry. He had one slice and finished before the others. With nothing left to do, he stared around the room at his family, smiling, joking, relaxing, they were really happy. Suddenly, Mikey dared Karai three slices of pizza that she couldn't take him and Donnie down at once. Naturally, Karai wasn't about to let that dare go unanswered. She growled and wrestled Don and Mikey to the floor, though they put up a very good fight. Everyone laughed at look on Mikey's face as Karai won the bet and snatched three slices of his pizza. Raph stared and his chest began to ache in what was now a very familiar way. He rubbed his plastron absently, trying to dispel it. He kept staring long after the moment had passed.

"Hey Raph, you okay?"

Casey. Damn you Casey! Raph thought to himself as everyone's eyes were suddenly upon him. "I'm fine." He growled. There was a brief moment of suspicion, but his family soon accepted what he'd said and activity resumed.

Donnie, however, was not convinced. Karai released him from her pin and he stood, glancing over at his immediate older sibling. Raph had a very far-off look in his eyes. But that wasn't what worried Don. Raphael was rubbing at his plastron, more specifically the scutes that protected his heart and lungs. Donatello decided to keep an eye on Raph over the next couple days.

The next day, when Raph arrived at the breakfast table, Don immediately noticed the dark circles under his brother's eyes. _Looks like Raph hasn't been getting enough sleep_ , he thought to himself as he munched away at his cereal.

And then their day began. Training, planning, repairing, inventing, researching… Donnie had his work cut out for him. But he decided to lay some of it aside just for today. After training, he followed Raphael out into the main room.

Raph appeared to be following Leo and Karai. Don watched silently from slightly off to the side. The hothead looked at Leo and Karai for a long, slow moment before he turned to his punching bag and began pounding it.

Though he was supposed to be watching Raph, Donnie allowed his eyes to stray for a few moments. Leo was laughing openly at Karai, brimming with cockiness as she attempted and repeatedly failed to beat his pinball record. Without warning, Don felt a little tinge of resentment creeping up inside of him as he watched the scene. He glanced back at Raph, noticing the way the hothead's eyes traveled longingly up to the two of them every time Leo said something. Couldn't Leo at least invite Raph over? Raph was just as good at it as Leo was. Besides, they played it together all the time! Raph could probably give Karai some useful tips. But instead, Leo and Karai just stood there, completely oblivious, acting like Raphael wasn't even there. Somehow, that bothered Donnie a lot.

The next thing he knew, Michelangelo had run in from the kitchen with something in his hands. He flung it at Karai and she was suddenly drenched. _Water balloons_ , Don's mind supplied. He watched as Karai growled and shouted, "I'll get you for this, Michelangelo!" and started chasing his younger brother around the room. He saw Raph step neatly out of Karai's way and again he felt odd. Raph was just standing there staring blankly at the scene. Don's eyes narrowed as Raph reached up and rubbed his chest exactly the way he had the night before. Donnie slowly realized that Mikey, too, was ignoring Raphael. The youngest had completely ignored Raphael and gone straight for Karai. Like Raph was completely invisible. It just—It just wasn't right! Don thought, anger boiling in his gut.

How long had this been going on?

Shell, he couldn't remember the last time he'd invited Raph into the lab to work on the Shell Raiser or the Turtle Van with him! He couldn't even remember the last time he'd seen Raph smile or laugh. What kind of brother was he?! How had he not noticed this sooner?!

Raphael took a long, wistful look at Karai as she wrestled Mikey to the ground and waked him over the head. It had been a long time since he'd had a moment like that with his little brother. Suddenly, he felt a cold hand on his shoulder. He turned to find Donnie standing behind him. The brainiac had a soft, genuine smile on his face. "Hey Raph. I'm trying to get the Shell Raiser back in tip-top shape. I could really use an extra hand, if you wouldn't mind."

For the first time in a while, Raph's chest tightened in a not-so-uncomfortable way. He smiled at Donnie and playfully pulled his sibling into a headlock, feeling more alive than he had in weeks. "Course I'll help, brainiac. You worry too much."

Don let out a relieved sigh and allowed his brother to hold him close. Raph's grip was a lot more tentative than it usually was, as though he feared that Donnie would suddenly revoke the offer if he gripped too hard, yet he could tell that Raph was desperate for contact. The hothead's hands were quaking.

Much sooner than he wanted to, Raph pulled away. He didn't want the others to see and get suspicious. He followed Donnie into the lab and the two of them got to work. They each grabbed a creeper, lay down on it and slid beneath the giant vehicle. Raph glanced around carefully. They worked in silence for a half an hour or so. "Not that much to do here, Don. You probably could have done it yourself." He muttered.

The smart turtle knew his older brother well enough to realize that Raph wasn't complaining, just stating fact. So he decided to state some facts of his own. "I enjoy your company."

Raphael blinked and grinned at his brother, who was currently doing something or other involving a wrench. Inside, his heart was swelling up with joy. "Really?" Damn. He hadn't meant for it to come out sounding like that.

Looking over at his red-masked sibling, Don hesitated. He was a little concerned about Raphael's emotional state. The voice that the question had been asked in sounded small and squeaky, like someone on the verge of breaking down. He motioned Raph to slide out from under the Shell Raiser. Once they were both out in the open, Donnie lay a greasy hand on Raph's shoulder. "Really, Raph. I'm sorry we haven't spent much time together recently. I've missed it, meathead!" He said, punching Raph in the arm, making the hothead growl. Don smiled. That was a playful growl. He shrieked as Raph tackled him and began tickling his sides.

"I've got you, Donnie! Give it up!"

Donatello smiled widely. "Never!" He pushed up and actually managed to shove Raph off. Somehow, Donnie trapped his older brother against a wall and pinned the hothead against it in a firm embrace. At first, Raphael was completely unresponsive. Don didn't open his eyes. He just held firm and hugged his brother as hard as he could.

Hesitantly at first, Raph's arms came up and wrapped around him, but after a few moments, Raphael was clinging to his younger sibling for dear life. He could feel the tears escaping his eyes, but he couldn't stop them. He just couldn't stop them.

All of a sudden, Donatello felt drops of moisture on his shoulder. He could hear Raph's ragged breathing. Tears came to his own eyes and he hugged his brother even tighter, his heart aching in pain. _I never should have let it get this far._ He thought.

Karai's presence had distracted them all, that much he knew from the start, but he hadn't realized just how much Raphael was being hurt in the process. Karai or no Karai, there was no excuse for ignoring their brother. Donnie blamed himself. He should have seen it sooner. He should have realized. Suddenly, he felt the need to tell his brother. "I should have known. I should have seen it sooner. I'm sorry, Raph. I'm so sorry."

"No." Raph said, his hands shaking. "Not your fault."

"You needed me and I didn't see it."

"You're here now." Raph murmured.

Those words lit a fire inside of Donatello. He nodded. "Yes I am." He pulled away and looked his brother in the eyes. "I'm here now, Raph. I'm here for you now. And from now on, I always will be."

* * *

That night, they went out on their nightly patrol as usual.

"Alright. Karai and I will go west. Mikey and Donnie, you go east. Raph—" Leo paused. Their new odd-numbers had made everything more difficult.

Raph interrupted his Fearless Leader. "I know, I know, I'll head north and we'll meet back here. I got it, Leo, geez. It's the same plan every night." Before Leo could even say anything, Raph had jumped off the roof and was heading north.

Donnie shifted and cleared his throat. "Leo, if it's all the same to you, I'd like to switch with Karai for today. There's something I'd like to talk to you about."

Leo frowned and sent Don an inquisitive stare, but the genius revealed nothing. He turned to Karai. "That okay with you?"

She shrugged. "Why shouldn't it be?"

"Alright then." Leo said with a nod. "Donnie." Don joined his eldest brother with no further ado and both teams set off in their respective directions.

As they roof-hopped to the west, Leo turned curiously to his younger sibling. "So what was it you wanted to talk about?"

"Raph." Don answered plainly.

The blue-masked turtle blinked. "What about him?"

Don didn't look at Leo as they jumped to another rooftop. "I'm worried about his health."

As expected, Leo's feet ground to a halt. He stood directly across from Donatello, finally making eye contact. "What's wrong with him?"

"I'm not sure."

Leo's eye-ridges furrowed. He was annoyed. "So you don't even know that something _is_ wrong?" The leader asked dubiously, his arms crossed over his chest.

Donatello didn't like being doubted. "Something is obviously wrong, Leo. He's barely eating, barely sleeping, and he's constantly rubbing his chest!"

A very dark cloud of worry crept over Leo's face. "His chest? You think something could be wrong with his—"

"Heart?" Don finished the sentence. Leo nodded gravely. Donnie sighed. "It's very possible."

Leo looked terrified. When he spoke, his voice was choked up with emotion. "What do we do, Donnie?"

With another sigh, Don did his best to comfort his overprotective sibling. "I think I can convince him to submit to a few tests. But that isn't really what I wanted to talk to you about." Leo took a step closer and stared up into Don's eyes eagerly. "Leo, have you noticed that Raphael has been very withdrawn since Karai came to stay with us?"

Blinking slowly, Leo shook his head. "No...I haven't really been paying attention."

"Think Leo. When was the last time you and Raph actually spent quality time together?"

Thinking hard, Leo rubbed his chin. "Well it wasn't really that long ago…" his voice died. Donatello could see the realization dawning on his older brother's face. Once again, Leo looked terrified. "I—I haven't been neglecting Raph since she came…have I? Have I been neglecting you all?" Leo looked about ready to slap himself.

A hand on his shoulder made the eldest turtle look up. Don spoke slowly and calmly. "We all did Leo. Karai's addition to our family changed our dynamic without us even realizing it. She was someone new and we were all eager to welcome her and make sure she felt like one of us. In the process we neglected each other. You, Mikey, and I all dealt accordingly, but you know that Raph feels things much more deeply than we do. He took the ignorance to heart."

"But why wouldn't he do something? Say something? He's Raph, Donnie, he wouldn't just let that slide!" Leo exclaimed, hoping that his purple-masked sibling was wrong and that he hadn't failed Raphael yet again.

With a sad smile Don shook his head. "He would if he thought it would keep us happy."

There was silence for the rest of the patrol. Leo's head was abuzz with thoughts and emotions. Thankfully, everyone, including Raph, met up unscathed. As they headed back to the lair, Leo noticed that Raphael was not running alongside him the way he usually did. In fact, Raph was bringing up the rear. Karai was at Leo's side. He frowned sadly. Raphael didn't have any ill feelings towards Karai, did he? _It wasn't like she'd replaced him or anything._ Leo's step faltered, but he caught himself. _Raph couldn't really think that…could he?_ He could feel his brothers' eyes on him, but he ignored them.

That was precisely the problem though, wasn't it? Leo had allowed Karai to replace his brothers. He'd been devoting all of his time and effort to her that he had formerly spent with his brothers alone. He frowned. He never should have allowed it to get this far. He should have realized that Karai wasn't just something he could add into his family. Yeah, he liked her and yeah, he wanted her to like him back, but...He shouldn't have allowed Karai's presence to distract him from the brothers who needed him. He'd failed his brothers. He'd failed them all, but especially Raph.

Once they had returned to the Lair and he'd reported to Master Splinter, Leo spied Raph headed down the hall. "Hey Raph!" He called, bounding over just in time to push his way into Raph's room. His younger brother turned to face him slowly. He almost gasped, but he caught himself. Donnie was right. Raph didn't look so good.

"What'd I do this time, Fearless?"

Usually the nickname got him annoyed. Now it just made him feel queasy. Raph automatically assumed that Leo wanted to yell and criticize. Shell, what had he done? "Nothing Raph. I just wanted to tell you, good job out there today."

Raphael canted his head and raised an eye-ridge. "Okay." He said, not entirely sure how to respond.

That only made Leo's heart hurt even more. Had their relationship really deteriorated to the point where a compliment was that unusual? _Shell, how long had it been like this?_ How could he not have noticed?

"Raph," he said slowly, putting a hand on Raph's shoulder. He desperately tried to ignore the way Raph flinched at the contact. "You wanna spar? Or maybe try beating high-score on one of the arcades?"

As he stared into Raph's eyes Leo saw a flurry of mixed emotions. He got the impression that Raphael was thrilled and though he was still disappointed in himself, Leo was pleased to see that his brother was happy. But suddenly, Raph's happiness melted away and was replaced with anger and a little bit of resentment. "Don shouldn't have told you." He muttered, pulling away.

Leo could feel his temper flaring and he tried to force it down. "Donnie had no choice. I'm your older brother. I need to know when something is wrong with my little brothers."

Raph scoffed bitterly. "Oh and I'm now included in that, am I?"

Grabbing Raph's shoulders more forcefully than intended, Leo got in his younger brother's face. "You've always been included in it! You're my little brother!" He couldn't take the look of resentment on Raph's face any longer. Leo threw his arms around the red-masked turtle. "Raph, I love you, bro."

Raph reacted slowly, stiffly. He was stunned to the point of being practically inarticulate. Still, he managed to croak out, "Leo…me too."

With a big smile, Leo pulled back to look Raph in the eyes. "I know." He whispered, rubbing Raph's carapace comfortingly. "You're my little brother, Raph. I love you. No one could ever take your place. No one could ever come close."

"Promise?" Raph asked, feeling childish and stupid, but he just had to know. He needed to hear it from Leo.

"I promise, little brother, I promise."

The hothead opened his mouth to thank his brother, but the words wouldn't come. He just clung to his sibling and cried tears of joy and relief. Leo had promised. And Leo wouldn't lie to him. It would be okay. It would all be okay. They still loved him. No one was going to replace him. He'd get his brothers back and everything would be alright again.

Maybe they could even have a videogame smash-down marathon with Karai.

* * *

 **How was it? Review please!**


	10. Home

**Ch. 10-Home**

A dark silhouette against the New York City skyline, an old, decrepit tenement building. This was the setting of his return. He inhaled slowly through his nose and blew it out through his mouth. The air burned all the way down his throat and into his lungs in a way no other air ever could. His chest felt weighed down by the harsh reality of the time that had passed. The city had changed. A lot of things had changed. He had changed. And that was why he'd decided he had to come back. He couldn't run anymore. It was no use. No matter how far he ran he couldn't escape from himself. It had taken him three years to realize that.

He still wasn't sure he could do this. Shell, what if they'd moved on? Transitioned to a life without him? They were probably relieved to be rid of him. What if his return only brought back those painful memories? What if they didn't want him back? Then at least he'd know. At least he'd have peace of mind in what he was doing. Doubt was what had brought him back here, after all. That one little sliver of doubt, that maybe, just maybe, his family would want him back.

The turtle took another deep breath of city air. How far he'd run over the past three years didn't matter anymore. No matter how far he himself had traveled, his heart was still here, in this city. He closed his eyes and listened to the sound of the cars honking, the chatter of the people, the babbling hum of televisions and radios, the smell of hotdogs and pizza…Home. He was finally home. For the first time since he'd left, he realized how much he'd missed it.

He grinned and turned. His face sobered. There was a manhole cover in the alley below. His jaw hardened and he let out a slow, shaky exhale. Three years, two months and five days…it was finally time to go back.

The manhole cover closed with a gentle tap. Raph hadn't even reached the bottom of the ladder yet before he started to cough. Man, he'd almost forgotten how putrid these sewers were. Almost. Years ago, he'd been used to the smell, but it had been a long time since he'd trudged about in sewers like these. Over the past three years he'd been sticking mainly to abandoned buildings and factories. Being back in the sewers would take some getting used to. But that was okay. Right now, he knew exactly where he was going. Three years since he left, and he could still find his way there with his eyes closed.

Next thing he knew, he was standing in front of the door to the lair. A wave of anxiety washed over him. Maybe this really wasn't such a good idea after all. Maybe he should crash somewhere else for the night. No. No, he had to do this. He had to know. He had to eliminate all of his doubts. If he didn't, he'd never be able to move on. He took a deep breath and opened the door.

The lair was completely dark. It was almost four in the morning, so he hadn't exactly expected them to be up, but he couldn't help but feel a little bit disappointed. He had almost been looking forward to seeing the look on Leo's face when he walked in. But it's not like Leo would have been up waiting for him. After all, three years was a long time to wait. He padded silently over to the dojo and looked in. The room was dark, but he could see Sensei's candles were all in place just the way they had always been and he grinned. Some things never change. But some things did.

There was a small shelf off in the corner of the room. He frowned and raised an eye-ridge. Silently making his way over to it, he took a good long look at it. His chest tightened. It was filled with pictures of him and his brothers. Most of them were ones he recognized since they never had a lot of pictures in the lair, but there was one that was unfamiliar, yet the image brought tears to his eyes. Right in the center in a worn wooden frame was a picture of him hugging Sensei. With a trembling hand, he picked it up. A few tears ran down his cheeks, but he wiped them away in the blink of an eye. He put the frame back on the shelf and pushed all of them back a little. He removed his sais from his belt and placed them delicately in front of the pictures. Splinter would find them in the morning.

He returned to the main room, about to head straight to his own, but the sound of soft snores coming from the lab made him pause. _Working late again, Don?_ He thought with a wan grin. Creeping into the lab with admirable stealth, he rolled his eyes as he found his brainy younger sibling passed out on the keyboard. That was going to leave a mark in the morning, but he couldn't move Donnie without waking the genius up. So, instead he went over to the cabinet where Don used to keep the blankets, thankfully, they were still there. Draping the fuzzy blanket over his little brother's shoulders, his heart swelled as the smart turtle sighed contentedly.

Closing the door to the lab softly behind him, he then proceeded down the hall to his room. He felt a little bit uncomfortable with how little it had changed. He wasn't sure why, but he would have been a lot more comfortable if his brothers had repurposed this room. This used to be his sanctuary, his haven. Now it was a grim reminder of what he used to be. He'd grown. He'd changed. This wasn't his room anymore. This was the room of a young turtle who had died three years ago.

He eyed the hammock warily. No. That wouldn't work. He wouldn't be able to get comfortable. He settled, instead, for the welcoming stiffness of the concrete floor. For the past three years, mattresses, and bedding had been a luxury he couldn't afford. Not when he was on the move. Even when he did stay in one city for a significant amount of time he was constantly moving around to different abandoned buildings and warehouses, trying to avoid being discovered by humans. The ground was what he was used to now. And sure enough, despite his nervousness at what was to come, exhaustion took over and he was quickly lost in a very light sleep.

His eyes opened about an hour later. It was a good sleep compared to what he'd grown accustomed to. It was probably about five o'clock now. Hopefully none of his brothers were up yet. Raph stealthily crept down the hall. He'd made sure to leave his room open. He knew that a tracker like Leo would instantly be able to see that the room had been slept in. What little things he had taken with him when he left three years ago were mostly lost, but what he did have, he left in there for Leo to find. In the dark of the lair he navigated the kitchen. It was more difficult than it had been in the past. It was Mikey's kitchen, even after all this time. And Mikey had a bad habit of rearranging things on a whim. Nevertheless, Raphael was able to find what he was looking for. He set five places at the table.

He made his way into the main room and peered down the hall. No lights yet, but he could sense that his family was awake. He'd give them an hour to ponder his return. Then he'd go face them. For now, he'd reacquaint himself with the New York Sewer System. Much as he loathed to admit it, he'd really missed this place.

* * *

When Leo left his room that morning he was puzzled to see that the door to Raph's room was ajar. He canted his head slightly to one side and frowned. Had Mikey ended up sleeping in Raph's room again? Leo sighed. Nothing had been the same since Raph left. Even now, three years later, the wound was still fresh. No matter how hard he tried to deny Raph's absence there was always something, be it an object, action, or thought that reminded him of his missing sibling. Echoes of the horrible things they'd said that night plagued his sleep.

At first they had all thought Raph had stormed off to spend the night at Casey's, but when they called the human the next morning he said he hadn't seen Raph since the week before. Leo shook those painful memories aside as he stepped softly into Raph's room. Returning to Raph's room always made his heart ache. Yet at the same time, he felt it brought him closer to his brother. The air was stale and slightly colder than the rest of the lair due to the fact that it was currently empty. But there was something odd. Something different from the last time he'd been in here. The smell…it smelled like his brother. It smelled like Raphael. But that was impossible. Leo and Mikey had both spent so much time in here mourning their lost sibling that any residual scent of Raph had long since faded. Yet now it was fresh once again. Leo froze where he stood in the doorway as his eyes fell on something else. No…it couldn't be…

He bolted out the door into the main room, looking around frantically.

Don trailed sleepily out of the lab and yawned, pulling the blanket more tightly around his shoulders. "Hey Leo," he said tiredly, "thanks for the blanket."

Leo turned to Donnie, confused. "What? I didn't give you a blanket Donnie."

That woke Donnie up a little. "Then who did? Mikey?" He asked, confused. Sure, Mikey might do something like that, but things like that usually came from Leo.

The older turtle's eyes widened even further. "Or Raph."

Scowling at his older brother, Donnie grumbled irritably, "Raph's gone, Leo."

"No." Leo gripped Don's shoulder tightly. "No, Donnie. His room, his room! Go look in his room!"

Thinking that Leo most likely dreamed whatever he was shouting about, Donnie just nodded indulgently and headed down the hall to Raph's room. Less than a minute later he came running back and flung himself against his big brother's arm. "Leo…" his voice was shaking, thick with emotion, "do you really think he's…"

"I don't know." Leo answered softly.

"GUYS! GUYS! L-L-LEO! D-DONNIE!"

Their eyes met and they rushed into the kitchen where the yell had come from. Leo grabbed Mikey's shoulders. The youngest was shaking like a leaf and stuttering horribly.

"What is it Mikey?" Leo asked frantically.

All Mikey could do was point. Donnie and Leo followed his finger and stared. The breakfast table was set for five.

Leo frowned and shook his brother harder. "Mikey, you didn't do this, right? This isn't a prank, is it?" Mikey couldn't answer. Leo was growing frustrated. "Michelangelo, who did this?"

"Raphael did, my sons."

They all whirled around to face Master Splinter. Their eyes went wide as they saw the blades in his hands. Raph's sais. They gasped and crowded around their father. Leonardo was anxious. "Have you seen him, Father?"

"No, my son. I do not believe it was his intention to be seen. I believe he first wanted his presence to be known." The old rat said slowly.

Donnie's eye-ridges furrowed. "But why, Sensei?"

Splinter shrugged with a serious frown on his face. "Perhaps he fears rejection."

"So what do we do, Sensei?" Mikey asked.

Their father hummed thoughtfully and looked up into their eyes. "I am going to wait for Raphael." He said, slowly making his way into the main room and plopping down on the couch. The turtles trailed after him and followed suit. Splinter eyed his sons and said slowly, "Sort through your emotions as best you are able, my sons. For sooner or later you will have to confront—" The old rat's voice died in his throat, his eyes watered. The turtles whirled around.

There, standing in the doorway, was their brother. For a solid two minutes, no one moved a muscle. They all stared at Raphael and he stared back at them. Leo was the first of them to break the spell. He jumped over the couch and walked up to his brother.

Raph drew rapidly backwards and his eyes flicked towards the door.

 _No!_ Leo's mind screamed. _Don't let him get away again!_ He shot forward and wrapped his arms around his younger brother, pulling him into a tight hug. "Three years." The oldest turtle choked with tears in his eyes.

Raphael didn't return the hug. He stared at his other siblings' faces and then at his father. Their expressions were blank. Suddenly, he was feeling less than welcome. He nervously tried to remove himself from his big brothers' grip. Leo slowly released him.

Dark blue eyes stared worriedly at the brother he'd missed for so long. He tried to grab Raph by the shoulders, but the red-masked turtle pulled away. "Raph—" Leo caught the uncertain look that Raphael shot at the rest of their family.

"L-Leo—"

Hearing Raph's voice after so long. It felt like a dream. Raph's voice had changed. It had gotten darker and at the same time a little bit raspier. Raph's muscles were chiseled as ever but his color was little bit less than healthy. Wait a second. Could it be? Leo straightened and found that even then he had to look up into Raph's eyes. Shell, Raph had grown at least five inches! And…and he'd missed that. His heart ached in pain. So much had changed. Leo saw Raph cast another look at their family members. There was uncertainty in his eyes. That was another change.

This wasn't the Raph that had left three years ago. This Raph was a stranger. The Raph they'd lost had been fiery, passionate, confident…fearless. This Raph was cold, serious, flighty, and extremely apprehensive. Leonardo tensed as Raph eyed the door once again. All it would take was one wrong move to lose their brother again and probably forever. They needed to be careful. So very, very careful.

Looking at everyone's still faces, Raphael was getting increasingly uncomfortable. "Leo, maybe I should—" He looked at the door and began backing away. Leo wanted to cry out and leap after him.

But someone else beat him to the 'leaping' part. Michelangelo sprinted across the room and quickly became a fifth limb to his red-masked older brother. Unfortunately Raph hadn't seen it coming and he seized up. Three years alone and on the run had conditioned him into being loathe to physical contact. At least with Leo, he had known it was coming. But right now, it took every ounce of strength he sill possessed not to strike his little brother.

Leo, of course, notice right away. "Mikey, ease up."

Michelangelo looked up at Raph's face and quickly realized what Leo meant. He pulled away a little bit, but not before giving Raph one last squeeze. Mikey stepped back and suddenly Donatello was standing in front of him. Raphael stilled as the brainiac gave him a once-over. He knew that Donnie, unlike his other two brothers would be able to see everything. The malnourishment, the filth, the health problems, the old bullet wounds, Donnie could see it all. Finally, the purple-masked turtle stepped forward slowly. He put a hand on the shoulder of his sibling. His hand was shaking. When he actually make contact with Raph's flesh he burst into tears and hugged Raph tight. "You're really back. You're really here. Raphael please…don't ever leave us again."

"I—" Raph's throat tightened. So at least one of them wanted him back. Damn, Donnie sounded so broken.

"Raphie, please, we need you." Mikey whispered from behind him. Raph could feel his eyes beginning to water, but he held back the tears. So he had his little brothers' approval. And judging by Leo's reaction earlier, he probably had Fearless's too. But it didn't matter. They weren't the ones he was worried about.

The tap of a stick on the concrete alerted him to his father's approach. Raphael looked slightly down into Master Splinter's eyes. Finally, the tears in his eyes dripped down his cheeks as his rodent father pulled him into a fond and loving embrace. "Raphael, my son. I feared that I would never see you again. I have missed you so very, very much."

"I-I kept trying to come back but I couldn't." He keened, trying and failing to slow his sobs.

"It's alright, my son. You are here where you belong, but if your heart still requires freedom and independence, my child, I would not hold you back."

All three of the other turtles tensed. Raph looked gravely down into his father's eyes. "Master Splinter, I-I really don't know what my heart will want in the future. But right now…I want to stay."

The old rat smiled. And rubbed his son's shell. "Then welcome home, my little one. Welcome home."

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	11. It's what we do

**Hey Everyone! School is back in session and I'm still figuring out my new schedule!**

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 **Ch. 11-It's what we do**

"We need to do it."

"I'm not even sure we can do it, Raph!" Leo retorted, running his fingers through his bandana tails with an exasperated sigh. "We'd be taking a huge risk!"

"They're the Purple Dragons, Leo! We kick their butts all the time!"

"Yeah, but the Dragons are linked to the Foot and eventually the Foot are going to use the Dragons as bait to get the drop on us." The ninja leader pointed out calmly, doing his best to keep calm in the face of Raphael's impatience. Mikey and Donnie watched them warily from off to the side. They exchanged glances. This could turn into a fight, but right now it didn't look so bad, so they both stayed put. They would only step in if needs must.

Raph actually took the time to consider Leo's words, which did not go unnoticed by his brothers. The hothead calmed a little and threw up his right hand. "Okay, I get that. But we can't just stand by and let the Dragons go out on a crime spree!"

"We won't. If they go too far, then we'll step in."

Emerald green lips pulled back into a grimace and they all knew that Leo's words had unintentionally made Raph even angrier. "Go too far?! They've already gone too far, Leo and they deserve to be punished."

The eldest turtle deflated a little, trying to let Raphael see that he was being genuine. "Raph, believe me, I understand. And I agree to an extent, but we just can't take the risk. We need to lie low."

"Yeah? Well I want action!" Raph shouted.

"And you aren't going to get it." Leonardo answered coolly. "Sorry Raph, but now isn't the time. You can go topside and bust some heads if you have to, but stay away from the Purple Dragons."

Raphael growled. His fingers were clenched into tight fists. He turned on his older brother with a snarl. "I _can_ handle them."

"I never said you couldn't." Leo's hand shot out and grabbed Raphael's shoulder, the two of them locked in an intense staring match. "Follow my orders, Raphael. For once, just listen to me!" Leo was losing his patience and he was yelling again.

The red-masked rebel hissed and yanked free of Leo's grip. "No promises." He grunted, turned about, and headed out the lair door.

Leonardo sighed and shook his head as he watched his immediate younger sibling's form disappear out the door into the sewers. Donnie and Mikey looked at him carefully. To Donnie, Leo looked tired, overworked, stressed, anxious and just done for the day. To Mikey, he looked worried, conflicted, angry, and exasperated. Leo himself was feeling exhausted, put-out, frustrated, worried and a little bit disappointed. Not just in Raphael, but in himself. If he was truly the leader this family needed, he'd be able to keep Raph in more often. He'd be able to get his hotheaded brother to open up and just be more…cooperative. Leo collapsed on the sofa with a sigh. There was no point in being worried. Raphael would be back regardless of what happened up there. The hothead always was. But that didn't mean that Leo would ever be able to stop worrying. Fretting over his brothers' safety had been rather a staple since he was named Leader. Raph was the worst of them because Raph often went up there alone. He knew that he had to let his brother go. He had learned over the years that the hothead just needed time to cool off. But Leo had never been able to get over the thought that one day, Raph's pig-headedness would get him hurt.

"Don't worry about Raph, Leo. He'll be fine." Mikey said, joining his big brother on the couch.

Leo looked up and glanced over at his youngest brother. "Yeah, I know Mikey. Can't help but worry, that's all. He's such a hothead."

Mikey shrugged. "Eh, Raph can take care of himself. He's kinda a free spirit."

"That's what worries me." Leo replied, cracking a little smile. "You know, I've tried to think back and figure out when he got like that and I just keep coming up blank. He was always training and laughing and playing with us as kids. I can't figure out just when he pulled away."

Michelangelo raised an eye-ridge then he smiled, indulgently and threw an arm over Leo's shoulders. "Big bro, that's cause you're seeing it the wrong way. Raph never pulled away from us."

"He _is_ rather distant, Mikey." Donnie said, settling down on Leo's other side.

"Nah, you guys just don't get it." The youngest stated, rolling his eyes at them. Leo and Donnie exchanged glances, then looked quizzically at their youngest brother. "Raph's always been this way, bros. We just didn't realize it when we were little. But think about it. Whenever something was wrong with Raphie, what would he do?"

The two older siblings blinked. Donnie slowly answered the question. "He would go out into the sewers. He had those secret places that he used to go to where we couldn't find him."

"Exactly." Mikey stated confidently, as though everything somehow made sense. Donnie and Leo were still lost and staring blankly at him. He sighed. "Raph has always dealt with his problems alone. That's just how he is. He doesn't like relying on other people to help him. He thinks it makes him seem weak. That's why Sensei has always been more lenient on Raph than the rest of us when it comes to things like that. Because Raph needs that little bit of extra freedom. Raph was born to run. Being tied down and caged makes him nervous, get me?"

Leo and Donnie lokoed at each other, then at their baby brother in complete astonishment. Leo choked out, "You're right, Mikey. I-I never thought of it like that before. I always thought that Raph's behavior was his resentment for me being the leader. And I just assumed that he'd pulled away from us even more as time went on because we'd grown apart. But…if what you're saying is true—"

"Which it is." Mikey interjected.

"—then the only reason Raph has been spending more time out on his own is because he's had a lot more things on his mind."

"After everything we've been through with Shredder, the Kraang and all the rest of it, that isn't so surprising." Donnie added softly. "You've known this a long time, haven't you, Mikey?" There was a short silence. They both stared at the youngest. "You've always known."

Mikey shrugged and smiled. "I'm the Raph whisperer. What can I say?"

Leo rolled his eyes and chuckled at his young brother's silliness. "You've given me a lot to think about, Mikey. I think you've given Raph and me a lot to talk about, too."

"Then maybe you could give me something to think about, Leo."

The eldest turtle blinked at his little brother. That might possibly have been the most mature face Mikey had ever made. Before he could ask what Mikey meant, the orange-masked turtle asked:

"Why do you always try to stop him?"

With a sigh Leo's dark blue eyes dimmed. "Because I worry about him, Mikey. I guess I'm just afraid that one night he won't make it back."

Mikey's wan smile and one-armed hug, oddly enough, comforted him immensely. After glancing over at Donnie, Mikey said, "We all do, Leo. We all do. But he's Raph. Even if we try to stop him the only thing it'll do is make it worse. Fighting with him means it'll be even longer before he comes back."

"I'm not trying to get him angry Mikey! It's just that he always wants to go off and jump right into a situation that could get himself killed! Doesn't he know how much he means to us?! Doesn't he know that we can't lose him?! Why is he so blind of the risks he's taking?"

The youngest sighed and shook his head. "That, big bro, is a question that only Raph knows the answer to."

"I know." Leo whispered softly.

"I try to warn him." They both turned to look at Don. "I try to tell him what could happen the next time he does something stupid. I try to convey to him, every time he ends up in the lab for stitches that he might have lost an arm or a leg, or that two inches to the right might have ruptured an artery or a vein and cost him his life, but he just waves it off. He just shakes his head and pats my shoulder and says that he's alright and that everything turned out okay! Why is he always so stubborn? Why can't he see that I just want him to be more careful? I just don't want to lose him! Is that too much to ask?!" Donnie had tears of frustration and worry in the corners of his eyes. Mikey stood and went over to the brainiac's other side. He and Leo wrapped Donnie in a tight hug. This time it was Leo's turn to be offering comfort.

"I'm sure he'll be fine, Donnie. Don't worry. And we won't lose him. Not now, not ever. Not if I can help it."

Mikey smiled and nodded, even though they were still in a group hug. "Yeah, bro. We're brothers, we stick together and watch each others' backs. It's what we do."

"But what about times like right now? When Raph doesn't have anyone watching his back?"

"He's Raph, Donnie. He'll be okay." Leo offered, trying to sound confident.

Donatello shook his head. "Somehow, Leo…That's just not enough anymore."

They fell into an uncomfortable silence. Suddenly, a phone rang, breaking the silence. Leo's hands shot out to grab it and brought it up to his ear. "Casey? What's wrong?" He hadn't meant the question to come out quite as frantic-sounding as it did, but given the atmosphere, he just couldn't help it. There was a bit of silence on the other end of the line and Leo got even more worried. "Casey?! What is it?"

Casey must have heard the frantic edge in Leo's voice because he sounded apologetic. "Whoa, chill Leo. Nothing's wrong. Everything's cool on our end. Well…" The sound of glass breaking on the other end made Leo frown worriedly. "…mostly cool. I was just calling because Raph…" There was another pause and the sound of more shattering glass. Leo could hear the human man cursing under his breath. With every passing second Leo was wishing more and more that he could travel through the telephone like a cartoon and pop out on the other side where he could proceed to drag the words from Casey Jones' mouth. "Because Raph had a little bit too much."

Leo blinked blankly for a moment. "Too much what?" He asked, rather cluelessly. He could practically visualize the nervous expression on Jones' face as he was answered by a hum.

Finally, Jones blurted out. "Um…beer."

The eldest turtle's face went dark with fury and he growled. "Excuse me. Would you mind telling me that again?"

"Raph had too much?" Casey said nervously.

"The whole thing, Casey."

"Raph had a little too much beer?"

"Yes, that." He said calmly, a little bit too calmly. In fact, it was actually just a cool mask to conceal his inner rage. "Just what do you mean by a 'little too much' and how long has this been going on?!" He shouted finally losing his cool.

Donnie and Mikey had started paying more attention the second Leo had gotten angry. They exchanged shock glances and tried to get as close as they could to hear the conversation, but Leo shoved them away and got up off the couch where he proceeded to pace back and forth. They followed him with their eyes.

"Uh—"

"The truth, Casey!" He shouted demandingly.

"Um—not long man, I swear. And usually we only have one. But tonight—"

"How many?" Leo asked, putting his hand over his face. Goddammit, Raphael! That hothead was truly going to be the end of him. Casey still hadn't answered. He growled. "How many, Casey?"

"Just three."

Leo rubbed his temples and closed his eyes.

"It's not serious or anything. He's okay and all. He's just a little…clumsy. And, uh, he's acting a little loopy. I could let him sleep it off here if you want."

"No. We'll come get him." Leo snapped abruptly, hanging up right after.

Donnie and Mikey were staring at him, waiting for an explanation. Leo took a deep breath and turned to them. "That was Casey." He wanted to say more, but he just couldn't get the words off his tongue.

"So we gathered." Don answered slowly.

Leo nodded, gathering strength. "Apparently Casey and Raph were drinking."

Donnie's eye-ridges shot up. Leo took another deep breath. He knew that his brainy brother's reaction wasn't going to be pretty. Donnie was still. "Drinking what exactly?"

"Beer."

Anger flickered through the soft brown eyes, but Donnie quickly forced it down, though his face was still dark. "Leo. Did you just say that they were drinking _beer_?"

Leo crossed his arms over his plastron mirroring Donnie's obvious disapproval. "Yes. Apparently they have done it a few times in the past as well. Casey says that they usually only have one, but tonight Raph had three."

"Is he feeling sick?! Is he turning blue? Is his pulse and breathing rate rapid?! Shit, why don't those two ever realize that the things they do are dangerous?!"

Mikey rubbed Donnie's shell, trying to calm the brainiac down. Leo put his hands on Donnie's shoulders. "Chill Don, it's okay. They're both fine. According to Casey Raph's just acting a little strange. Casey didn't want the hothead trying to come home alone, that's all."

"But that could just be for now. We need to hurry and get there fast just in case Raph starts to experience other adverse affects!"

Leo's grip on Donnie tightened. "Donnie, slow down. I'm sure that Raph is fine. Three beers is hardly enough for him to be in danger of alcohol poisoning." He frowned at the look of uncertainty in his smartest sibling's eyes.

"I really don't know, Leo. We are mutant turtles. I have no idea how severely we are affected by alcohol. If Raph were human you'd be right, but I can't be sure."

"Why the shell would Raph drink anyway?" Mikey piped up and they looked at him. Leo was practically glaring.

"That's _exactly_ what I would like to know." He said, lowly.

Don nodded in dark agreement.

They left the lair less than ten minutes later in Shell Raiser. If Raph was really out it, they didn't want to take any chances of having to return to the lair on foot. When they landed on the fire escape outside Jones' window, the man opened it almost immediately. "Man, am glad to see you guys. Drunk and ninja does not bode well." The cold, ice glare that Leo dealt him made his squeak and back up.

"Casey," Leo growled, one of his hands clenching into a fist.

"Yeah," Casey gulped, "Leo?"

"Why the hell have you been letting Raphael drink?"

Casey looked affronted. He put his hands on his hips. "It was his choice, man."

"You're older than him, Casey! You're old enough to drink! He's eighteen!"

"He's almost nineteen!" Jones retorted.

"If he was already nineteen, we wouldn't be having this discussion!" Leo countered, stomping into Casey's space. "Besides that, Casey, we're turtles, not humans! Donnie isn't even sure the types of effects alcohol has on us! We're ninjas, Casey! Athletes! Alcohol is not healthy! You shouldn't have even offered it to our brother much less let him have one."

"It was Raph's choice, Leo. And I'm gonna stick to that." Casey responded, not nearly as nervous as he had been a few minutes prior.

Leo glared and looked around the room. "Where's my brother?" He asked, Donnie and Mikey frowning at Casey over their older brother's shoulders.

Suddenly, from out of nowhere, Raphael popped up at Casey's side and leaned heavily on the human wearing a goofy, drunken grin on his face. "Raphael, I am extremely disappointed in you! I thought you were more responsible than this! I can't believe that you drink! Do you have any idea what that does to your body?" Leo glared at the obviously inebriated turtle and Raph's smile only widened.

"Uh-oh," The hothead slurred. "Weonardo's weawing his fwowny face." He drawled childishly. Leo's glare intensified. Donnie, Mikey and Casey Jones were sputtering with laughter. Raph tottered his way over to Leo, wearing a childish pout. As Raph stumbled, Leo reached out and caught him, though the leader was still glaring. Raph beamed affectionately at him and Leo couldn't help but blink. It had been a long time since he's seen Raph smile like that. But he wouldn't let that break his composure. Raph looked at his big brother's unyieldingly angry face and he sighed. "I think he needs a hug." He exclaimed, throwing his arms around his older sibling's shoulders and clinging tightly. Leo stiffened in shock. All laughter completely ceased and everyone stared. Raphael had a contented smile on his face. He was just hugging his big brother without a care in the world. Mad, frustrated, worried, and exhausted as Leo was, he couldn't push Raph away. He relaxed into the hug and rubbed Raph's shell affectionately. "Tomorrow morning I'm going to wake you up bright and early and you are going to get the longest lecture of your life, little brother."

The drunken Raphael sighed and pouted, but acquiesced. "Yes, Leo."

"And what do you have to say for making us come all the way over here to get you?"

"I'm sorry I made you worry."

Leonardo blinked a little and straightened. That hadn't been what he was expecting. He smiled a little. "It's alright Raph. It's just what we do."

Needless to say, each of them made sure to plenty of hugs from their giddy, inebriated sibling that night before he went to bed. While they were definitely not pleased by what he had done, they had to admit, Raph being such an affectionate drunk was oddly endearing. The next morning when he asked them whether he'd done anything weird or stupid, Mikey had just smiled and said. "Nah, not at all, bro. Not at all."

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	12. Picky Portals

**So this is honestly just a real short bit that I whipped out the other day. I was gonna add more to it, but I figured, eh, what the heck, let it be suspenseful. Enjoy!**

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 **Ch. 12-Picky Portals**

Man, and I thought being invaded by alien brain squid thingies was weird. Try this one on for size: my brothers and I are currently facing a creepy dude supposedly from another planet who has magical powers. Uh-huh, you heard that right. Magical powers. I ain't exactly a big believer in the supernatural, but let me tell ya, that stuff hurts too much to be anything but real.

Anyway, this creepy magical powers alien dude is up on the roof of the TCRI building making some giant storm cloud, tornado-looking thing. My brothers and I are trying to get close enough to attack him, but he's whipping up winds around himself that are just too strong. They're forcing us backwards. We have to fight just to move forward an inch.

"You, turtles!" The guy shouts in a loud booming voice that echoes through the whole city. We looked up at him, glaring as best we could through the wind and dust. "I have heard tales of your bravery! Your reputation has spread across the galaxy! I have heard that you are noble creatures! I am in need of your help!"

"You threaten our planet and now you ask for our help?!" I hear Leo exclaim from off to one side.

"The powers I carry are beyond my control! If you cannot help me, this entire galaxy will be devoured by a mighty portal."

Leo and I looked at each other. I sent him a firm stare. He mirrored my expression and turned back to the strange man. "What to do we need to do?" My older brother asked.

Before we got an answer the man screamed. It was a long, loud, seemingly endless scream. Green light suddenly surrounded him and he went limp, though he was still floating listlessly about two feet above the roof. There was now a green sphere around him.

He opened his eyes and stared down at as. I stared slightly open mouthed. His eyes were glowing. When he spoke this time, his voice was quiet and weak. The four of us drew closer to the sphere. "One of you will have to," he panted, looking down at Leo first, then at Mikey, then at Don, "to sacrifice." He finished, looking deeply down into my eyes.

I tensed. "Sacrifice what?" I asked, suspiciously.

He remained looking at me. "Yourself." He muttered, then he added, "Your life, possibly."

"No." We all turned to Leo. He was not pleased. Not at all.

The man in the sphere glared tiredly at my older brother. "You must. Or you kill not only this planet, but the galaxy."

I watched Leo's face change and I got a very bad feeling in my gut. I knew what was coming. I wasn't even gonna let the words leave his mouth. "No, Leo. There is no way—" I didn't get to finish.

Leo cut me off. "I will make the sacrifice. Tell me what must be done."

The man shook his head. "Not strong enough." Leo's eye-ridges furrowed. "You are not the one. Your heart is not strong enough. Only one with a heavy heart may sacrifice to the portal."

I froze. I had a funny feeling in my chest. A couple months ago I'd had a dream. A dream I hadn't relayed to any of my brothers. But since then, I'd had the same dream at least once a month. It always ended with the same ominous warning. "Be brave and stay strong for the time grows near, heavy-hearted one." I whispered aloud. None of my brothers heard me for the whistling of the winds in our ears was too loud.

Abruptly, the winds ceased. The man was staring at me, his eyes flashing, as though he had heard my soft admission. Leo looked concerned. "I will do whatever you require. But I will not allow you to take any of my brothers."

"Then we'll all die, Leo!" I argued warmly, putting a hand on my brother's shoulder. "We have to do as he says!"

"How are we supposed to know which of us has a 'heavy heart'?" Mikey asked, piping up from where stood slightly behind us.

"It doesn't make sense. What even is a 'heavy heart'?" Don asked.

Leo was turned to them, but I was still staring at the man. He was still staring at me. "It doesn't matter what it is." I said softly, sensing my brothers' eyes on me, though mine were still fixed on the limp, pained man in the green sphere.

My older sibling glanced at the man, then at my brothers and then at me. "Raph, what do you mean? How can we figure out who the one with the heavy heart is if we don't even know what it is?"

"We don't need to know what it means because we already know who it is." I turned to my brother, my green eyes gleaming. Then I turned back to the man. "You sent me those dreams, didn't you?"

He smiled bitterly, then seized as he was hit by another wave of pain. "I knew you were the one. Save this world and—and others. You must—" He closed his eyes and fell limp with pain. I turned back to my brothers, who were staring at me, their eyes filled with fear. I removed my sais from my belt and handed them to Leo. He stared at me in disbelief.

"Dreams? What dreams?" Don asked, rushing forward.

Mikey grabbed my arms and yanked me into a hug. "Don't do it Raphie!"

I felt a tear run down my cheek and I wiped it away. I smiled at him. "I'm sorry Mikey, but ninjas have to make sacrifices."

"No!" Leo rushed forward, my sais now in his hands. "You're my little brother, I won't allow you to—"

"Then you would condemn Donnie and Mikey to death as well?" I asked. "Along with the rest of the universe?" He didn't answer. How could he? Damn, can't he see this is as hard for me as it is for him?

"You can't do this." He whispered.

I shook my head. "I have to, Leo." I slowly met his eyes. I glanced at Don and Mikey then back at Leo, "Please, whatever happens, take care of our little brothers."

There were tears in Leo's eyes. "I will."

"Promise?"

"Promise." He whispered softly, his voice hoarse with emotion.

I smirked at them. "Wish me luck." Then I turned toward the man. It stung a little, but I was able to enter his protective sphere of energy. I put my hands on his shoulders. There was an explosion of white light. I screamed. I felt like my body was being ripped apart limb from limb. I felt like acid was eating away at me, burning me. I felt hot and my heart felt like it was about to burst out of my chest.

The last thing I heard was my brothers' voices screaming my name into the sky.

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	13. Eww, Gross!

**Aw! Little Raphie! Just another short one-shot to add to the collection. Father son fluffiness. Enjoy!**

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 **Ch. 13-Eww, Gross!**

Splinter rubbed his aching temples. It was eight o'clock. Time for his little turtles to be in bed. But they weren't in bed. At least not yet. Being a single parent to four mutant turtle sons was exhausting.

"Michelangelo," he scooped up his youngest son and pushed the little toddler gently towards the bathroom, "I have asked you two times now to go brush your teeth and prepare for bed. Do not make me ask again." Michelangelo sighed and trudged off to the bathroom.

"Donatello! Put that away, it is time for bed!"

"Aw, but Dad, I was almost done putting it back together!" The young purple-masked turtle whined.

The fatherly rat looked down at the mess of parts strewn about at his son's feet. "That is not 'almost done', Donatello. Now please, clean up this mess and get ready for bed."

"Yes Dad." He said with a groan.

"Leonardo! Put down that bokken and go prepare for bed."

"Aw. Can I take it with me to my room when I go to bed?" He asked, his bright blue eyes shining.

Splinter's face was stern. "No, you may not. Please return it to its rightful place in the dojo." He turned away from his eldest and glanced around the room once again. Donatello was taking care of the scattered parts of the toaster he'd been trying to reassemble. Leonardo had gone in to return the bokken to the dojo. Splinter could hear the water running in the bathroom, so Michelangelo was doing as told. But where was—

"Raphael?" He called questioningly.

"Here Sensei. I'm all cleaned up." The red-masked turtle's young voice said meekly.

Splinter beckoned his son to come closer. Raph was standing in the shadows of the hallway, so the rat couldn't really tell whether the child was telling the truth or not. And he had to be certain. Especially this week. Raphael had somehow managed to skin his knee while playing with his brothers in the sewers, and the last thing Splinter needed was for one of his sons to get an infection.

Raph stepped up to his father and allowed the rat to examine his knee. The turtle was clean and the bandages on his knee were freshly changed.

Splinter nodded and put a hand on Raphael's shoulder. He was a little stunned that Raphael was ready before the others, considering that the red-masked toddler would usually come up with an excuse to be the last of his siblings to bed. "Well done, Raphael."

The little turtle grinned. "Thanks Daddy." Splinter smiled at the child and pulled Raphael into his arms, tickling the little one's side and chin. To the wearied rat, there were no sweeter sounds than his sons' youthful laughter.

Splinter kissed the young turtle lovingly on the forehead and Raphael let out a whine of juvenile disgust, wiping vigorously with the back of his hand. "Dad." He whined with a pout.

The rat-father laughed heartily and indulged his child. "Ah, are kisses no longer allowed, Raphael?"

"Yich. I'm too big for kisses. They're almost as disgusting as girls."

That statement made Splinter raise an eyebrow. "And how did you decide that, my son? You have never met one."

"Don't have ta. See 'em on TV. They're so weird, Sensei. I don't like 'em. I'm never gonna like a girl. And I'm never gonna kiss one neither. That's just gross. Kisses are gross and girls are gross." The little turtle said, sounding very confident in his reasoning.

"Indeed? Then I am no longer allowed to kiss you goodnight?"

Raphael crossed his little arms, trying to look very grown up and said, "No."

Splinter frowned. "Very well." He said softly. He would allow Raphael the privilege. Though he would miss saying goodnight to his little red-masked son. He stood, about to head down the hall to gather his other turtles and put them to bed, but a little hand grabbed his and tugged him back. The rat turned and the next thing he knew, thin arms were wrapped around his legs.

"But you can still hug me, Daddy. Hugs are good."

Raising an eyebrow he bent down. "Oh are they?" He asked teasingly. He swept his son up of the ground and Raphael giggled with joy and excitement. Splinter could feel warmth spreading through him as he pulled the little emerald green form to his chest. There was nothing more wonderful than holding one's child close.

Raphael burrowed into his father's robes with a happy sigh and a very sleepy yawn. Splinter's nose nuzzled the sweet child affectionately. "I do believe that it is past your bedtime, little one." Raph hummed in response. Splinter wondered aloud. "So hugs are good, but girls are gross?"

"Yeah." Came the sleepy answer from down in his arms. "Girls are gross. I'm never gonna go all goofy over a girl."

"Go 'goofy' over a girl?" Splinter asked, unsure what Raphael meant.

"Yeah, like those guys on TV. They see a girl and suddenly they're actin' all weird. I'm never gonna let a girl do that to me." The six-year old turtle stated confidently.

Splinter smiled and shook his head at Raphael's childishness. Yet he had to wonder, just what _had_ the boys been watching today? Still, he grinned at his son. "Do not be so quick to judge them, Raphael. Someday you might find them interesting."

"Girls?! Interesting?!" He mock-gagged and again Splinter smiled. He tugged the young turtle down the hall to their room and got Raphael all tucked in.

"Wait here while I gather your brothers." He instructed.

Raphael nodded obediently, yawned, and rolled over on his little bed, his breath evening out. Splinter was pleased. At this rate Raphael would be asleep in a matter of minutes. He softly exited the room and pulled the door closed with a gentle click. Then he went and rounded up each of his other sons. He got them all settle down and told them that their brother was already asleep and that they needed to be quiet. He kissed them all goodnight and moved to leave when he looked back at Raphael. He hadn't kissed his second son goodnight. But Raphael had not wanted him to. Splinter slowly made his way over to Raphael's bed and kissed the emerald green forehead anyhow. Raph deserved just as much affection as his brothers, kisses included, no matter how 'gross' they happened to be.

Splinter closed the door to his sons' room and thought over his conversation with Raphael. Though the old rat knew that his turtle sons might never have the option of a relationship, he sensed that one day, perhaps ten years from now or so, Raphael would probably think differently...

* * *

Splinter's lips pressed tightly together and he raised an eyebrow. The battle had ended only a few seconds ago. That was when she had rushed over. And Raphael was holding her hand. She wrapped her tail around him and pulled him into a deep kiss. Splinter exhaled and closed his eyes, a small smile spreading across his lips. _So, Raphael, I see that you have found at least one girl interesting. I must therefore assume that her kisses are far from gross._ He thought as he saw the way that his son passionately kissed her back. When Raphael finally pulled away, his cheeks almost as red as his mask, he approached his sensei, tightly holding her hand in his.

"Mona Lisa, this is my Father, Master Splinter." Raph introduced. He looked up into his father's eyes. "Father, this is Mona Lisa."

The rat father smiled and bowed politely as was his custom. "My son is very fond of you, Mona Lisa. More fond than I have ever seen him with anyone else."

She smiled and looked at Raphael. "As am I of him."

Happy as it made the old rat to see his son so contented, deep, deep, deep down inside of him, Splinter couldn't help but miss the stubborn little turtle who'd sworn he'd never fall in love. But Raphael was growing up. After all, that was life.

* * *

 **How was it? Review Please!**


	14. Losing Control

**Here's another one, everybody! (I'm feeling a little insecure and afraid it's a little too melodramatic, so let me know what you think please)**

* * *

 **Ch. 14-Losing Control**

"Raph, what is your problem?!"

"Back off, Leo! I'm not the only one with issues! You have no right to single me out!" Raph retorted, angrily shoving Leo backwards.

The leader growled in response and used his superior height to his advantage. "Then the same goes for you then, Raph! You're always blaming me when something goes wrong!"

"Well there's a reason for that, dumbbell! You're the goddamn leader! Whenever something goes wrong it's your responsibility!"

"Maybe it is, but I'm not going to allow myself to be blamed for your inadequacies, Raph! You are arrogant, self-centered, and impossible to work with! I don't even know why I waste my time trying with you anymore!" Leo yelled throwing his arm over his face in exasperation.

"Oh, so I'm the arrogant one? Huh, Fearless? Mr. Fucking-Perfect leader?!" Raph shouted, getting up into his brother's face. They were inches away from each other, their eyes on fire.

Leo's right hand reached back to his katana. But suddenly they were both being shoved backwards. They glared at Donatello fiercely, but the brainiac didn't even flinch. "Stop it, both of you! Arguing is not going to get us anywhere. Leo, stop blaming Raph!" Raph smirked victoriously until Donnie turned to him with a scowl. "You're no better, Raph! Lay off!"

"Of course you side with Leo!"

"I'm not siding with anyone!" Don retorted.

Suddenly, Leo could feel his anger draining and he found himself in a very unfamiliar position. He was usually the one who fought with Raph, not Donnie. Something about this felt strange. A weird discomfort filled his chest. He didn't like this. He didn't like seeing his brothers fight. There was only one way to stop this and that was by keeping Raph's anger directed at him. "Back off, Raph!" He growled, stepping in front of Donnie and warningly poking his brother in the chest.

Raphael glared at his brothers. He wasn't going to win this fight. Damn. He turned and stormed towards the door. Leo blocked him.

"Not now, Raph. Remember we're going out to bash Footbots tonight!"

"How do we even know they'll be there? We got that intel last Friday, Leo, and we haven't heard anything to confirm it."

Fearless put his hands on his hips in the way that annoyed Raph even more and the hothead growled.

Donatello rolled his eyes and sighed. "Sometimes, Raph, I think you're more dog than turtle." That crack only earned the brainiac an additional growl. "Leo's right, Raph. Even though the intel hasn't been confirmed, we need to go check it out just to be sure." Don said plainly.

The hothead was certainly not pleased. "You always side with Leo."

"And you always act like a child when you don't get your way!" Donatello had lost his patience and he brought is bō down from his back.

Raph brandished his sais and lunged at his brainiac brother with a loud yell of frustration. Leo came between them and held both of them back. "Stop it, both of you! Fighting isn't getting us anywhere! Raph just stay in, alright?! We'll be leaving in two hours."

"Fine."

It was a long, tiring patrol. They repeatedly circled the area where the Foot where supposedly going to have some big operation, but there was no sign of them. Of course, Raphael was the first to launch a complaint.

"I told you guys that this whole thing was bogus. But did you listen to me? NO!" He blew up.

Donatello's lip curled. "Can it, Raph!"

Raph drew up to his full height, even though that meant he still had to look up to meet Donnie's eyes. "Seriously, what crawled up your shell, huh, Donnie?" He asked, his voice sounding a little tired.

Leo blinked in confusion. It wasn't like Raph to let something like tiredness slip through his angry mask. He drew away from the edge of the building where he had been looking down into the alley below and approached his bickering siblings. Donnie looked really mad.

"You did, Raphael! You're always blowing up at everyone, including me, and acting like an ungrateful brat all the time! You're seventeen years old, Raphael, GROW UP!"

Leo and Mikey both went rigid. There was a tenuous moment of silence and murderous anger flashed in Raphael's eyes. Leo's hands reached up to grip his katanas, ready to jump in the middle if need be. Surprisingly, Raphael's reply was not as loud as Leo had expected, in fact it was about the volume of Raph's average speaking voice, just with an angrier edge.

"Oh, I'm the one who's not grown up?! You're mad because you were wrong and I was right!"

"What?!" Donnie was seeing red. "No I'm not."

"Yes you are! You can't stand it when your answer for everything is the right one, huh, Donnie? You just hate the idea of anyone outsmarting you!"

Don's eyes narrowed and he grabbed his bō tightly in his hands. "Shut up!"

"No, I don't think I will. You just can't take it, can you, Donnie? You were wrong! Our intel wasn't good! It was bogus! It was unconfirmed! And yet you—"

"I said shut up!" Donnie said, gritting his teeth and gripping his staff so hard that his knuckles were turning white.

"It hurts, doesn't it, Don? It hurts to have people yelling at you for being—"

"I SAID SHUT UP!" Donatello shouted as he leapt forward. Raphael had seen it coming. He knew that it would happen. But he also knew that Donnie needed to get all the rage out of his system. So instead of avoiding the blow, he braced himself. But he underestimated the brainiac's strength.

Donnie hit Raphael with everything he had. With a pained noise that was part gasp, part grunt, the hothead hit the roof.

To Leo and Mikey, everything had happened too fast. Mikey had been watching, worriedly as Raph had gone on and on and on. And when Donnie had moved, the brainiac was little more than a purple blur.

Leonardo's world had slowed the second that Donnie shouted and jumped towards Raph. He had wanted to intervene, yet his mind seemed unable to command his feet and he had simply stared in shock. Leo, however, had seen something that Mikey and Donnie had not. He had seen Raph's balance shift. He alone had seen that Raphael, the hothead of destruction, had decided to _let_ Donnie hit him. Shaking his head, Leo focused in on the present situation. His heart stopped.

Donnie was still enraged. He was going to try and hit Raph again.

The hothead was down, but he groaned and looked up as Don approached and raised the bō staff high over his head. Raph stared up into his immediate younger brother's eyes with a calm that could rival that of Leonardo in the midst of meditation. "Don't be like me, little brother. You're better than that, Don. I know you are." Raph whispered.

Leo and Mikey were too far away to hear Raph's words, but as Donnie brought the staff down, they yelled, "Donnie, no!"

Raphael smiled as the brainiac cast the staff off to the side. Leo and Mikey reached them and immediately the eldest turtle dropped to his knees at Raph's side. His forest-green hands gripped his emerald green sibling tightly, frantically looking him over. Raph gently pushed Leo's hands away. The eldest sighed in relief and then turned upon Donnie, angrily.

"Donnie, what the shell were you doing?! You could have seriously hurt him!" A hand landing on Leo's shoulder made him look back at his red-masked brother.

"Don't yell at him, Leo. Anyone you should be yelling at, it's me."

"Raph…" Donnie began, looking both apologetic and saddened. "It was my fault, you didn't—"

"I made you mad. I didn't stop even when you warned me to. I was asking for it." He stretched a little, already feeling the pain of a couple bruised ribs. He winced and grunted.

Leo, the mother-hen that he was, was back at Raph's side in seconds, trying to help the hothead to his feet. "What's wrong, where does it hurt?"

"Didn't ask for nurse!" Raph objected, shoving his big brother away and reaching out for Donatello. The smart turtle pulled back. "Donnie, if you make me wait much longer I'm gonna lose my balance and falling would not feel good right now." He said, holding out his arm towards the purple-masked turtle.

Donnie grabbed it slowly, tentatively. He frowned darkly when he wrapped Raph's arm over his shoulder and the hothead hissed in pain. Leo and Mikey came closer, but Raph looked at them sternly. "You two go on and do one more loop of the perimeter. Donnie will take me home."

Mikey rubbed the back of his neck nervously. He looked at Don. "That cool with you bro? I can take him if you want."

"No." Raph said, not giving Donnie a chance to answer. "Either Donnie takes me or I'm staying here." He stated stubbornly.

Leo sighed. Raphael was as stubborn as a boulder. And right now, said boulder didn't want to moved by anyone but their purple-masked brother. Though Leo was still a little bit worried, he could see that Donnnie was back to being his old self, and that reassured him a little.

"Alright. Call us when you get there, that way we know you're alright."

Raphael rolled his eyes. "Yes, mom."

Leo glared and crossed his arms over his chest. Raph just smirked. Leo sighed. "We'll probably be home in another forty-five minutes or so. Try not to kill each other, okay?" He asked, completely serious.

Raph scoffed at Leo's face. "Shut up, Fearless. Donnie and I will be fine."

The two middle turtles walked side-by-side, one supporting the other. They walked for the most part, in silence, until pain shot up Raph's side and he hissed. Don stared blankly at his older sibling and muttered, "I didn't mean to hurt you. I-I-I didn't realize what I was doing."

"It's alright."

"No, Raph, it's not alright!" Don objected, tugging his big brother closer to him. "I love you, bro. I shouldn't have—"

"It's all good, Donnie. Don't worry about it. I'm fine."

"I can tell when you're lying, Raphael."

A smirk lit Raphael's face. "Wise-ass." He muttered, though it was said with a soft hint of affection that Raph knew only Donnie would pick up.

Donnie grinned for the first time that night, though he soon frowned again. "Raph…We all lose control every once in a while. Just because it's happened to you more than it's happened to us doesn't mean that I'm better than you."

Raph shook his head. "No. But you were able to stop yourself before you went too far. That's what makes you stronger."

"I've seen you stop yourself, Raph. You are in control." The smart turtle added in a whisper, "You're the strongest person I know."

Raph grinned. "You haven't seen all the times I've been unable to stop. Like Sensei always says anger is a dangerous ally. It's dangerous because it's not only an ally, but also your worst enemy." Raphael smiled as his younger brother's arms wrapped around his shoulder and pulled him into a hug. "Aw don't worry, little brother. You controlled it, ya did good."

"Only after hurting you." Don said, his voice muffled as his head was currently bent down and pressing into Raph's shoulder.

"But before hurting me even more. Donnie, ya gotta appreciate the fact that it's okay. I'm here, you're here. Our brothers are—" Raph looked back over their shoulders. "Out there somewhere. But it's the four of us. Well, five with Master Splinter, though he's not up here, but I think you get what I—"

"I get it." Don replied with a soft smile. He hugged his big brother tighter. "You're an awesome brother, Raphael."

"You, too, brainiac. You too."

* * *

 **How was it? Review please!**

 **P.S. So, I know that you guys have been asking me for sequels on a lot of these, so far including: Replaced, Home and Picky Portals. (I am already working on the sequel to Replaced and I am considering starting a sequel to Home and Picky Portals) So, yes, no? Maybe? Let me know! :)**

 **Till next chapter!**


	15. Invisible

**So here's the sequel to Replaced. Hope you all like it! Let me know what you think after! Thanks everyone!**

* * *

 **Ch. 15-Invisible**

Raphael had always been jealous of Leo. He still was sometimes, but in their younger years Raph's jealousy had always been directed at the eldest turtle. Sometimes towards Mikey and Donnie as well but mostly towards Leo. Because Leo had Sensei wrapped around his little finger. Leonardo was Sensei's favorite and, oh, how it made Raph burn. Much as he had wanted too, however, Raphael just couldn't hate Leo. He loved Leo. Leo was his big brother. He and Leo competed over everything, including their father's love and affection. But Leo was Splinter's favorite and as the years went by it got harder and harder for Raph to compete, especially taking into consideration that there were two little brothers to deal with as well. Raphael grew to crave any bit of attention he could get from his father be it good or bad. Either way, at least he knew that Splinter noticed him.

Brothers. Raphael might never voice it aloud, but he was so grateful to have his brothers in his life. Whenever he felt alone or unwanted it was his brothers that quelled his doubts. They gave him the attention and affection that he needed. Whenever he didn't get what he needed from Sensei, he sought out his brothers and they gave it to him. His brothers loved him and their love kept him going.

But now, something had changed. Their family dynamic had shifted. Splinter had a new favorite and this time it was someone Raph knew he could never compete with. Karai was Splinter's biological daughter and Raph was only an adopted son. Maybe that was why it hurt so much. Hard as his heart fought to deny it, Raph knew that Splinter would always love her more. Nothing would ever be the same again.

Donnie and Leo were being really nice to him. They'd tried to include him in the family movie night last night, but it had been awkward and uncomfortable and he'd ended up going to bed early anyway.

Morning training was over now and Raph had gone back to his room. He didn't really feel like talking to any of them right now. Besides, he knew that Don would try to talk him into doing those heart tests or whatever it was. Having Donnie do those tests would only get the others worried unnecessarily. It was probably nothing.

Suddenly, voices passing in the hall made him pause.

"Hey Karai, do you want to go pick up some pizza gyoza with me?"

"Sure, you leaving now?"

"Yeah."

"Alright. Just let me grab my stuff."

Raphael blinked slowly. Karai was going with Leo? Then that would mean that Sensei would be alone. Maybe he could try talking to his father about his feelings. But—could he really? Sensei wouldn't want to hear him complain about Karai. But he wouldn't really be complaining about Karai. He just…he just wanted to talk to his father. That wasn't too much to ask, _right_?

The red-masked turtle waited a good ten minutes just to make sure that Leo and Karai were, in fact, gone. Raphael padded softly through the lair to the dojo. He hesitated, took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

"Enter." Splinter said from inside.

He stepped tentatively into the room, rubbing the back of his neck and shifting nervously. The old rat gave him a stern look and Raph's resolve nearly melted away completely.

"Raphael, I was just about to begin my daily meditation." Splinter said, a hint of strict scolding in his voice.

Raph deflated and bowed his head, lowering his eyes to the floor and instinctively retreating towards the door. "Oh. I'm sorry Sensei. I'll just-"

"Was there something you needed, Raphael?"

 _Yes!_ Raph's mind screamed. Desperate, wary eyes looked at his father in silence. He chewed on his lip nervously. Did he have to need something to consult his father? That didn't seem right somehow. The sudden feel of a hand on his shoulder made him flinch, then glance up into his father's eyes. Splinter was staring indulgently down at him.

"Sensei…I need…" the words wouldn't come. His throat felt tight. Raph swallowed. He decided that he'd have to show his father what he needed. He surged forward and wrapped his arms around the mutant rodent, pressing his face against the soft robes.

Splinter was so shocked that he found himself unable to move. He stared down at his second son, perplexed by this behavior. Raphael was crushed when Splinter didn't hug him back. It took every ounce of strength in his body to hold back the tears that he desperately wanted to cry. He squeezed tightly one last time and then he peeled himself away. "Thank you for your time, Sensei. And don't worry, I won't bother you again." And then he was gone, leaving behind a very confused and slightly concerned mutant rat.

Perplexed, Master Splinter wandered from the dojo into the main room. He heard the telltale squeak of Raphael's door before it slammed shut. Glancing about, his gaze eventually came to rest upon Michelangelo. "Where is Leonardo, my son?" He asked softly.

Mikey slowly rolled onto his carapace, playing his video games upside-down. "Hmm?"

"Michelangelo!" Splinter snapped loudly. Mikey immediately paused his game and rolled back over, giving his father his full attention.

"Umm…I don't know," the turtle shrugged. "I think he and Karai were heading over to Murakami's for some pizza gyoza."

"And Donatello?"

Splinter received another shrug in reply and he crossed his arms over his chest to show his youngest that he was not amused. Michelangelo sighed. "He's working on some project or something, I don't know. It's just so boring. Everybody's busy."

That made Splinter pause. He gave his youngest son a curious look. "What about Raphael, my son? He did not seem 'busy'."

The mutant rat father watched as a light went on in Michelangelo's head. The youngest turtle smiled mischievously and rubbed his hands together with a falsified cackle. "Yeah! I could pay Raphie a visit! Thanks Sensei!" And then the flighty, over-energized Mikey was gone, sprinting away down the hall.

Splinter watched Michelangelo go, shaking his head and rolling his eyes. "Kids." He muttered to himself. He was going to return to the dojo, but instead found himself heading for Donatello's lab.

* * *

Mikey cradled a water balloon behind his back with a wicked grin on his face. Oh, this was gonna be epic! He thought as he crept closer and closer to Raph's room. Silently as he could, he turned the handle and pushed it open, peeking tentatively inside. Raph was on the bed! Perfect. Mikey's arm pulled back, ready to make the shot. All he had to do now was…

That line of thought was interrupted as Raph sat up and dropped his head in his hands. The hothead made a rather pitiful whine of distress and his shoulders began to tremble.

Mikey's water balloon throwing arm dropped and hung limply at his side. He watched, his bottom lip pushing outward as his older brother's shaking only intensified. Tucking the water balloon safely away, Mikey straightened and pushed Raph's door the rest of the way open with a gentle squeak.

Raph didn't even flinch. In fact, the red-masked turtle couldn't even bring himself to look up. Whoever it was in his room, they'd caught him in a very fetal position and he wasn't ready to face that kind of humiliation.

Sadness permeated Mikey's habitually joyful countenance and he stepped slowly into the room and fell onto the bed, wrapping his arms tightly around the scarred shell of his red-masked, and currently sobbing, sibling. Michelangelo could count on one hand the number of times that he had seen Raphael cry. Even when they were little, Raph almost never cried. Yeah, he whined and he yelled and he pouted, but he never cried. Or at least…never that Mikey had seen.

Vaguely, in the back of his mind, Mikey recalled mentioning to Leonardo the fact that he'd only seen Raph cry once or twice in the past and Leo had looked at him rather strangely. Hadn't Leo said that Raph used to cry a lot when they were kids? It didn't seem feasible to Mikey that big, tough Raph, no matter how soft he was in the inside, could cry openly. But according to Leonardo, Raph had back then. Key word: then. Now it looked like Raph had been hiding his pain. But what had hurt Raph? What could have hurt his big brother so badly?

"It's okay Raph. I'm here. Mikey's here." He whispered as he rubbed Raph's shoulders in a way that he hoped would comfort his brother. Truth be told, Mikey couldn't bear seeing Raph like this. Raphael was like a pillar of strength, an anchor that held them down and kept them stable. This…this was throwing Mikey off.

"M-Mikey?" Raph asked, disbelievingly. Then, when he realized that it really was his little brother, he drew away rapidly, trying to remove himself from Mikey's grip. But Mikey wouldn't allow it.

"I've got you, Raph. It's okay. I'm here for you, bro. What's up?"

Raphael hesitated. He wasn't really sure that he wanted Mikey to know the truth. He didn't want to upset him. So he shook his head.

A dark frown clouded Mikey's face. "What? Why won't you tell me? Raph…" Mikey allowed his concern to shine from his eyes like a beacon. "Please, Raphie. I hate seeing you like this. Please, tell me the truth."

"I-I'm not sure I want to, Mikey. I-I-I'm really just-not ready to talk about it. Please, trust me on this, little brother. You're better off not knowing."

"But I want to help you!"

"And you can." That made Mikey perk up a little. Raph could tell that his youngest sibling truly was desperate to help in any way that he could and just having that knowledge lifted a huge weight off his chest. He smiled and threw an arm around his orange-masked brother's shoulders. He cleared his throat, his voice still sounding a little strained as he said, "Let's just hang out a little bit, yeah? We can play some games or something."

Mikey smiled as he saw the genuine grin on Raph's face and nodded eagerly. Hearing Raphael's laughter as he dragged the hothead out of the room and down the hall was the greatest reward that Mikey could have received. He laughed along and eagerly plopped down on the cushions in front of the television beside his older brother, handing the hothead a remote. "Here, now let's go!" Mikey whooped as he took the lead and smiled as he heard Raph growl. There was the hothead he knew! He laughed and teased his sibling. "Pick up the pace, Raph! I'm kicking your shell!"

"Hey, I've never played this game before! I'm still learning the controls!" Raph snapped back, clearly a little bit frustrated, but mostly focused on the game.

Mikey's eye-ridges furrowed, yet he was still intently concentrated on winning the race. "What do you mean? I've had this game for months. Been playing it with everyone."

"Not me." Raph responded, the words leaving his mouth unchecked because his mind was currently engaged as he tried to keep his videogame vehicle from crashing into anything. It wasn't until Mikey actually paused the game that he realized his mistake. Aw shell. He shouldn't have said that. Now Mikey was going to be all upset and…

Raphael stared at his little brother's face. Mikey wasn't upset, per se. Raph couldn't really tell what Mikey was feeling. Slowly, the strange, emotionally conflicted countenance turned towards him. But Mikey's baby-blue eyes were not on him. They were unseeing, as though staring beyond him into some other world.

"I didn't, did I?" He said, his voice sounding vacant and stunned. "I didn't even ask."

"It's okay Mikey." Raph said, trying to reassure his brother before Mikey really got upset.

"I played with Leo and Donnie and...Karai...but I never even asked you. We haven't hung out since…" Mikey's sentence dropped off and hung over them like a thick, heavy cloud.

"Since Karai came to live with us." Raph whispered under his breath, the words coming out shaky and uneven. The youngest turtle's eyes began to water and Raphael couldn't stand it so he looked away, but Mikey reached out and pulled him back around.

"Raphie...I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean to! Please forgive me!" Mikey shouted, barreling into Raph's side and clinging tightly.

Raphael smiled, blinking away the tears in his eyes. He reached out and snagged his little brother, tickling Mikey's sides and turning the would-be sobs into barely-restrained fits of laughter. He grabbed the freckled turtle into a tight headlock and said playfully, "I forgave you a long time ago, knucklehead!"

Mikey smiled and laughed. Once Raph had finally released him, he pulled his hotheaded brother into another hug. And this time, Raph returned it full force.

In Donatello's lab, Splinter found his purple-masked son, as Michelangelo had said, hard at work. It looked like Donatello was examining a close-up of an image, though of what, the old rat could not tell. "Donatello." He called softly, and his son looked up.

Donnie briefly looked away from what he was working on to address his father. "Sensei." The turtle acknowledged. "Was there something that you needed?"

Splinter padded softly over to his son's side and looked over the olive-green shoulder to the screen above. "What is this, my son?"

"It's Raphael's last full-body scan, Sensei, from about three months ago. I'm checking for any abnormalities in the chest cavity. Raph's been experiencing acute irritation in the heart region."

The rodent's grip on Don's shoulder tightened significantly and the color drained from his eyes. "What?! What is wrong?!"

"I am not sure, Father. It could be nothing, but Raph keeps refusing to let me do more tests. I just-I just want to make sure that he's alright." The brainiac confessed earnestly, love, devotion and worry plainly clear in his soft, brown eyes.

"I will speak to him, my child. We must convince him to allow the tests."

"Hai, Sensei."

There was a short moment of silence. Splinter's hand pulled away and the rat turned to leave the room, but he paused. "Donatello?"

"Hai, Sensei?"

"If there is something wrong with his heart...can you help him?"

"I don't know, Father. I just don't know." He responded, sounding drained.

Splinter took a deep breath at the painful and very worrisome reply. "Then I hope that it is nothing serious."

After the rat had gone, Donatello resumed his in-depth examination of Raph's previous scans and muttered under his breath. "Me too, Sensei. Me too." His eyes softened and his heart clenched at the thought of losing his immediate older brother to heart condition.

Splinter emerged from the lab to find Michelangelo and Raphael laughing and playing video games. He smiled and sat in the kitchen where he could hear their laughing, cheerful voices and revel in their happiness and companionship. Much as he wanted to speak with his red-masked son, he would not dispel their happiness in such a tender moment. Leonardo and Karai returned not long after with plenty of pizza gyoza to satisfy everyone's dinner needs. Splinter couldn't help but notice that Raphael was not eating as much as usual and the realization only made him worry even more. It wasn't until Raphael and the others had all retired to their rooms for the night that Splinter was able to get his son alone to talk. He knocked on the door and entered with little preamble. Raphael, who was laying on his side, didn't react much beyond grunting. Realizing someone else was in the room, Raph muttered, "What do ya want, Leo?"

"I am not Leonardo, my son."

The turtle jolted upright. "Sensei!" He exclaimed, startled, jolting upright. "If this is about interrupting you earlier, I-"

The old rat held up a hand silencing his child. He crossed the room, and took his beloved son's face in his hands. "Raphael, I am not upset with you." His arms wrapped around the turtle, pressing Raph against his robes. Raph's resolve lasted a grand total of two seconds before he gave up and melted into the loving embrace with a relieved sigh, tears stinging at the corners of his eyes.

Raphael muttered something that splinter couldn't quite catch and the fatherly rat pulled away to look down at his son's face. His heart clenched as he saw the tears in Raphael's eyes. With a gentle, loving smile, he softly wiped them away with his fingers. "What did you say, Raphael?"

"I-I l-love you father."

Splinter sighed contentedly and pulled his son close to him once more. "And I love you, my son."

Fresh tears welled up in Raphael's eyes and Splinter cupped Raph's face, wearing a very melancholy smile. "It pains me to think that you did not know that, my child."

"I've always known Sensei. It's just that-sometimes, there's a part of me that…"

A soft hand came to rest on Raphael's shoulder and the turtle met his father's eyes. Splinter didn't look angry or upset, he looked understanding.

"I know, Raphael. Doubt is in your nature. It is a valuable quality, yet it can also cause misunderstanding and misfortune if you do not share your doubts with others. You have been feeling outcast since Karai's arrival, haven't you, my son?"

"How did you-" A look of wary realization crossed his face. "Did Donnie tell you?"

"No, I meditated on it."

"Oh." Raph said, immediately feeling a little bit more self-conscious.

"I am glad that you told your brothers. I regret that you felt you could not confide in me, Raphael."

The way that Raphael rubbed the back of his neck nervously made Splinter frown. That type of behaviour meant that that wasn't the case. If so, how long had Raphael kept these feelings of exclusion to himself? How long had he been facing the enemy of doubt alone?

"Actually, Donnie sort of figured it out a couple days ago. I didn't want to say anything because I was afraid that you'd-and everyone was so happy-and I just couldn't-"

Splinter felt his heart drop to the pit of his stomach as he stared at his most emotional child's distraught face. Raphael had kept his feelings to himself. He hadn't told anyone. The only reason he knew that Donatello had seen through his facade was because the smart turtle had probably confronted him on the subject. Splinter began to tear up.

 _Oh, my sweet, sensitive little child! Why must you always take the weight of the world upon your shoulders. Broad though they may be, you are young and you should not be troubled so. Yet that is why I am so proud of you. Because you have a heart as pure as gold and it shines through you, a beacon of love and purest devotion. But you cannot bear all that weight yourself, little one. You must share the load. You must let us in. We long to help you, to support you. I long to nurture you and guide you, but I need you to trust me! To trust all of us! How I wish you would only let us in. Beyond your impenetrable walls of anger and toughness there is a core as malleable as aur. I only wish that it was easier to reach._

"My son!" Splinter cried softly, placing a very whiskery kiss upon the forehead of his red-masked son and receiving an awkward cross between a surprised squeak and rather disgruntled yuck from the emerald green teen. He smiled. "Raphael, not every enemy is one that you have to face alone. You have your brothers and you have me. And now you have Karai as well. We are all here for you, my son."

"I know, Father. But I didn't want to hurt you guys."

The rat's eyebrows furrowed. There had to be some way to get Raphael to understand. "And I do not ever want to hurt you, Raphael. But now I have," Raph opened his mouth to speak, but Splinter motioned him to remain silent, "and it shall be quite some time before I find the strength to forgive myself for that, my beloved child."

There was a long pause. Raphael was no doubt absorbing everything Splinter had said. The old rat sat on the bed next to his red-masked child in silence. Slowly, Splinter reached over and wrapped an arm around his son's shoulders. He smiled as Raphael leaned against him and whispered:

"I forgive you, Father."

A deep chuckle hit the air as looked over at his son, who at this moment reminded him of the tiny little turtle with a very feisty disposition that he had known years ago. His turtles had been so adorable at that age. He had plenty of pictures of them, all through childhood, but mostly from about ages seven to ten. Yet there was one album of pictures from when they turned three that he absolutely cherished. The moments that he had managed to capture had been precious. Hmm...perhaps it was time that he showed it to them. Splinter's wistful smile faded as he realized that his son's breathing was rather erratic. True, the turtle had been sobbing not long ago, but his breathing should've evened out by now. Abruptly, the rat was reminded of the other thing he had come here for. "Raphael...I am most concerned about you."

The turtle straightened and raised an eye-ridge, canting his head to one side. "Huh? Why?"

"Donatello shared with me that he thinks there might be something wrong-" Splinter found himself unable to even voice the rest of the statement. His hand rose shakily towards the turtle's plastron and hovered over the area in question.

Raph's shoulders dropped and he sighed. "I'm fine, Sensei. It's not a problem."

"Please, my child, allow Donatello to perform the necessary tests. I do not want to lose you little one." Splinter's hand moved over to his own chest. "I fear my heart would not survive the ordeal."

"Master Splinter, I-"

"Please, Raphael. Let me go with you to see Donatello now."

"Now? Sensei he's probably-"

"Your brother is up working late, trying to assess your condition from past medical scans, Raphael. Please."

The turtle hung his head. How the shell was he supposed to say no when his father was practically begging him to do it? As soon as Master Splinter took him by the shoulders and looked him in the eyes, the matter was settled. "Alright. Let's go."

As soon as they entered the lab, Donatello looked up at them from behind his computer, where he was, as Splinter had predicted, still examining old scans. He took one look at Raph and Splinter and his shoulders sagged with relief.

"Thank goodness you were able to convince him." Don said, sounding truly lightened, making Raphael feel guilty that he hadn't realized how much this had stressed his immediate younger brother. "Lay down on the table Raph. I'm going to take some blood samples and get you hooked up to a heart monitor. Then we'll do some scans."

Once all of that was done, Splinter and Raphael watched Donatello flit about from place to place with an air of nervous anxiousness. "Well, my son?" The old rat finally prompted.

Donnie looked surprised as though he'd forgotten his brother and Sensei were still there. "Oh, I'm afraid I won't know for certain until the morning. I need time to analyze the blood samples and examine the scans in depth. I'm sure all know by morning."

"Donnie, you don't have to work through the night just for-"

"Raph, whatever's going on with your heart is top priority right now. I've put everything else on the back-burner. If there is something wrong we need to know as soon as possible so I can set about fixing it."

"And if you can't fix it?" Raph asked quietly. He frowned in understanding as both Splinter and Don paled with horror at the blunt question.

"Raph…" Donnie looked worried. Really, really worried.

Raph stood and walked over to his brainiac brother's side, pulling him into a tight hug. "It's okay, Don. We'll get through this. But not all the weight has to be on you. Sensei, and all the others and I, we'll all be there for you."

Don hugged back more fiercely than he had ever hugged Raph in his life. "Thanks Raph. I love you, bro."

"Love you too, brainiac!"

Splinter smiled at the tender scene, but felt that it was time to step in. He placed a hand on Raphael's shoulder. "My son, I believe that you should at least try to get some sleep. And I do not want you going out to the surface until Donatello has presented us with the results of these tests, understood?"

"Hai, Sensei." Raph sighed, knowing that his father would accept nothing less. Though honestly, knowing the amount of worry he had already caused them, he wouldn't dream of disturbing his family even more so by running off. "But I'm not really sure that I'll be able to get much sleep." He admitted honestly, rubbing his chest out of nervous habit. When he saw that his father and brother were both staring at his hand he realized what he was doing and stopped.

Splinter stroked his beard thoughtfully, then he smiled. "Then I think I have an idea, my son. Let us leave Donatello to his work."

Raph nodded and allowed Splinter to lead them out into the main room.

"Wait here, Raphael." He said, gesturing over to the cushions in front of the television. Raphael did as told, though he was curious as to what Splinter had in mind.

Moving soundlessly down the hall, Splinter stopped in front of his eldest son's door and knocked gently. There was the sound of shuffling and the whine of a yawn before the door creaked open to reveal a very sleepy-looking Leonardo. "My son, Donatello has performed some tests on Raphael, but it will be some time before the results are complete. Would you mind keeping your brother company for a few hours? I am cancelling morning training in light of these events."

Leonardo yawned and stretched a little. "Tests?" He echoed sleepily, but within a fraction of a second a light had snapped on his head and bolted forward. "Raph let Donnie do them?!" He asked, sounding very frantic.

Splinter nodded. "Donatello and Raphael did not tell me that you were aware of what was going on."

"I am, Sensei. But none of us have told…"

"Hey, what's goin' on? You guys are being super loud." Complained the turtle in question.

Leo smiled at his brother's crooked mask and straightened it out for the youngest. Mikey just grumbled sleepy pouts at him.

"I was just asking Sensei to cancel morning training tomorrow. Raph and I were having trouble sleeping so we decided to have a movie marathon."

Sleepy, and not fully absorbing the information, Mikey trudged back to his room, muttering back over his shoulder, "Okay. Have fun with that." He disappeared into the dark doorway, but reappeared moments later, minus the sleepiness. "Wait, what?! You guys are gonna have a marathon without me?!" He screeched, offended.

Leo smiled and rolled his eyes. Typical Mikey. "I was just about to ask you to join us, knucklehead. But if you're too tired…"

"Nah, bro. Not at all! I got energy to last all night!" He said enthusiastically.

Shaking his head in amusement, Leo motioned Mikey to go with him. They entered the main room and Mikey bounded straight over to land at Raph's side, which startled the hothead a little more than it should have.

"Hey dude! Leo told me about the movie marathon! So what're we watching?"

The second-eldest sent a careful, questioning look over at his big brother. Leo subtly shook his head. Mikey still didn't know anything about the tests. Alright. Much as Raph felt it was unfair to keep it from the youngest, he didn't want to worry Mikey unnecessarily. In answer to Mikey's question he shrugged. "I figured we'd each pick a movie to watch. Why don't you choose first?"

Mikey looked thrilled and opened his mouth, but another thought occurred to Raph and the hothead added, "But no horror films tonight, okay? Those things give you nightmares and I don't think Leo and I are up to any of that tonight."

Mikey deflated a little, but then a smile lit up his face. Raph fought the urge to face-palm. Mikey was going to make sure that they watched something stupid. Oh well. At least it would time well spent with his brothers.

About an hour later Splinter entered the main room and smiled as he found the three of them stretched out upon the cushions, intertwined. Raphael had his head resting on Leo's plastron. And Michelangelo was cuddling up to Raph's side. It was truly a sweet sight to see. With a smile, the rat father covered his sons with a blanket and whispered a very quiet, "Sleep well, my sons." as he left the room.

* * *

The next morning was a doozy. All three of them slept in. Karai noticed the sleeping turtles as soon as she stepped into the room and sent a questioning look at Master Splinter. He smiled. "Raphael needed some company." Then the old rat's face darkened. "Donatello was analyzing some tests, he believes that there is danger of something being wrong with Raphael's heart."

Karai's face hardened. She didn't know Raphael as well as she did the other turtles. And they didn't exactly have the best history of getting along with one another, but now he was one of her brothers. The thought that there could be something wrong with him bothered her. In fact, it perturbed her very deeply.

A cry of "Raph get your arm off of me!" made them glance up to find the turtles stirring. In answer, Raphael growled and wrestled his complaining little brother until the youngest screamed uncle. Leo, awakened by their antics, smiled sleepily at the scene. Mikey motioned them to follow as he headed for the kitchen. "Come on guys, let's get some breakfast."

As he was cooking, Mikey glanced back over his shoulder at his older brothers. "Dudes, we totally should have invited Donnie to join us. We kinda left him out."

"Donnie was...working last night, Mikey." Leo said, warily. The hesitation on the eldest turtle's part was what clued Mikey in to the fact that his brothers were hiding something from him.

"Working on what?" He asked. The silence that ensued only confirmed his hunch that they were keeping something back. "What's going on, Leo?"

Leonardo sent Raph a questioning look that said: do you want to tell him, or shall I? Though he felt it was his duty to tell Michelangelo, Raph couldn't even think of where to begin. So he motioned Leo to do it. With a deep breath, Leo stood and moved over to Mikey. He turned off the stove, just for safety's sake in case Mikey flipped out. Then he put a very gentle hand on his little brother's shoulder. "Mikey…"

"Leo, what the shell is going on, dude? You're a ten and a half on the creeping-Mikey-out-meter!"

"Mikey...last night Donnie did some tests," Leo had to clear his throat before continuing and Raph could see the nervousness in Mikey's eyes, "On Raph." Suddenly, Raph could feel his little brother's worried eyes on him. "He thinks that there might be something wrong with Raph's heart." There was a moment of absolute silence and complete inaction.

That was why Mikey's cry made all of them jump when he screamed, "RAPHIE!" and ran to his red-masked brother's side and latched onto him as though Raph were about to disappear. There were tears in his eyes.

"Hush, little brother. It'll be okay. It's probably nothing. Don just wanted to make sure."

"But what if-"

"We'll cross that bridge when we get there. For now, we just have to wait.."

Mikey still clung to his older brother, afraid that if he let go, he'd lose him forever. He didn't want to lose Raphie. He couldn't. Raphie just had to be okay. He just had to! But Raph didn't make him to let go and he was extremely grateful.

That was when Donatello burst into the kitchen and headed straight over to the coffee maker. He had a very drained look on his face and his eyes were red from lack of sleep. He got himself a cup of steaming hot coffee and finally turned to face his brothers, who were all holding their breath and staring anxiously at him. He sighed and broke eye contact.

"Come with me to the lab."

Everyone gathered in Donnie's lab, worriedly surrounding the brainiac. Leo stood next to Raph, who still had Mikey attached to his arm. Feeling the need to brace himself, Leo did the first thing that popped into his head. He sidled closer to his hotheaded brother and took hold of an emerald green hand. Raph sputtered in shock, but upon seeing the look of desperation in Leo's eyes, he couldn't pull his hand away.

Donnie took a slow sip of coffee and finally muttered. "It's not life-threatening."

Everyone relaxed and let out a breath that they hadn't realized they had been holding. But Splinter was a little more perceptive than his children and he realized that Donatello had been very selective in his wording. "But there is something wrong?"

The tension returned full-force. Donnie nodded and Raph winced as Leo squeezed his hand unbearably tight and Mikey's arms suddenly restricted his breathing. Lucky for him, Donnie noticed. "Let him breath, for goodness sake!" He said and Mikey and Leo both took a step back. Raph sent the brainiac a grateful nod.

"So what's going on, Don? What's the problem?" Raph asked, not entirely sure he wanted to know.

"Far as I can tell, it's just an arrhythmia."

Leo's eye-ridges furrowed. "An irregular heartbeat? But Raph's never had that before. What could have caused it?"

"Any number of things. Trauma, particularly electric shock trauma, which we all know Raphael has experienced. Or perhaps, high blood pressure, which with Raph's ferocious temper, is rather a given."

"So what do we do, Donnie?"

"I'll have to monitor him every so often to make sure that he remains stable, Raph will have to be more careful about avoid future electric trauma, and we'll all have to help him with the blood pressure bit by making sure he has the right intake of vitamins and minerals. We already lead an active lifestyle, so I don't see that as being a problem."

"But other than that?"

"He's fine. Perfectly normal."

There was a collective sigh of relief, even from Raphael himself. Donnie took advantage of the opportunity to hug the hothead. "I'm so glad that it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I was terrified. I love you Raphael."

"Yeah, yeah, brainiac. I told ya nothing was wrong."

"There is something wrong, Raph. And it isn't to be taken lightly." The hothead frowned. Donnie stared deep into his eyes. "But it could have been much worse and it wasn't and for that, I'm grateful."

"We all are." Leo chimed in. Karai nodded in agreement, which made Raph raise an eye-ridge, but he just grinned at all of them.

"You saps! I told ya I'd be fine. You guys just worry too much."

"We love you Raph. We have the right to worry."

"Whatever you say, Fearless." Raph pulled his brothers into an awkward hug, which made them smile and Sensei wrapped them all, including Karai who he tugged over, in his arms as best as he was able.

"I love you all, my children."

* * *

 **How was it? Review please!**


	16. Ready

**Just a short but enjoyable chapter I whipped up a week or so ago. It kinda ended itself and I thought I would add more, but I realized I like where it ends so I'm only just now publishing it. Enjoy!**

 **Just some more father son bonding. I know I called it Brotherly Bonds but what can I say? I love Splinter and Sons moments. Particularly between him and Raphael! :)**

* * *

 **Ch. 16-Ready**

A shadowy figure crept lightly into the dojo, his soft footfalls rousing the rat in the room adjacent. Splinter listened carefully. Light, careful footsteps, so quiet he might not have noticed had he not been sleeping so lightly these days. He sighed and sat up. What was Leonardo doing up at this hour? He slid open the door, prepared to tell his eldest to return to bed, only to met with a very different sight entirely.

It was not Leonardo, but Raphael who stood in the dojo, practicing a kata with his eyes closed. Splinter watched appreciatively, noting a few small imperfections which could be corrected later. As he waited for Raphael to finish, he found his attention being drawn to his son's footwork. It was very impressive and light. He raised a furry eyebrow. Out of all his sons, Raphael was the least stealthy and yet now, the red masked ninja was exhibiting a level of prowess that could best Leonardo himself. He hesitated. Should he confront his son? Or would he gain more through simple observation?

The old rat chose the latter. He drew back into the shadows of his room, sliding the door quietly, yet not closing it all the way. He left a thin gap so that he could watch Raphael. Splinter's eyebrows furrowed as he watched Raphael throw his weapons on the floor. What was the turtle up to?

It didn't take long for him to get an answer. Raphael tried various different combinations and attacks, all while trying to retrieve his sais. Hmm, so that was it. After a few attempts, which were successful but in a battle might leave Raphael a vulnerable target, the turtle finally got around to what Splinter would have done, were he in such a scenario. The old rat smiled. Perhaps Raphael didn't learn as quickly as some ninjas-He grinned as Raph executed the move to perfection and swept up his sais along the way-but the red-masked turtle always ended up with the right answer.

Still, he was concerned. He decided it was time to reveal himself. He slid open the door and stepped into the dojo loudly enough for Raphael to hear. The turtle barely glanced at him. "Father."

"You sensed me?" Splinter asked, though he already knew the answer. He was both proud and extremely pleased. His sons were still young and yet each of them was improving at an unparalleled rate. It would appear that Raphael was progressing even faster than he'd thought.

"Sorry I woke ya. Didn't mean to."

Splinter smiled at the soft display of concern. He was reminded of Raphael in his youth, how sweet and cuddly the little one had been then. Of course, now woe betides any one who dared cuddle the rebellious youth. "Do not fret, my son. You would not have, but I have been sleeping more lightly of late."

"Just wanted to figure something out." Raph said tersely. He fingered his sais absently, they way he always did when he was nervous.

With a reassuring ease, the old rat placed a hand on his strong son's shoulder. "You need not be nervous, Raphael. I am not angry with you. Though I am curious as to what brought you here at this time of morning."

"Got back from Casey's a couple minutes ago."

"I see." Splinter acknowledged. He sighed. "Raphael, I am pleased that you consider Casey Jones a close friend, but I am concerned at the hours this friendship is forcing you to keep."

"It's fine, Master Splinter. I can handle it."

Though Splinter wasn't quite sure he believed that, he didn't argue. There would be no point. Raphael's stubbornness was unparalleled. Was that…blood? He seized his son's wrist and turned the arm gently. There was a shallow wound running down the length of the forearm. "You are injured."

"It's no big deal, Master, it's just a scratch. I can take care of it." He tried to pull his arm away, but Splinter was strong for his size.

"Absolutely not. There is danger of infection!"

"Sensei, " the teenager whined, "I can—"

"Silence, Raphael!"

Raphael's mouth closed. His father looked him directly in the eyes. "We are going to the bathroom and I will wash and dress this wound. I do not want to hear another word out of you until I have finished. Do I make myself clear?"

Knowing he was beaten, Raphael nodded. Splinter tugged him out of the dojo and down the hall to the bathroom. He allowed his father to sit him down. He waited and watched silently as the old rat gathered the medical supplies. He let Splinter wash, disinfect and dress the cut without so much as a whimper.

Focused on his task, Splinter didn't slow until he was wrapping his son's arm. "How did this happen?" He asked softly.

The turtle lowered his eyes and shifted nervously. "It really isn't that big of deal, Sensei."

"Raphael, please tell me the truth."

"Casey got in over his head. I had to step in." Raph looked everywhere but his father's eyes, ashamed. "They got the drop on me. I lost my sai. There were too many and they were all attacking at once. One of 'em hit me in the plastron with a giant wrench."

That made Splinter's ears twitch. He finished wrapping Raphael's arm and stood, moving around his son so that he could better see the scutes of plastron. Sure enough, parts of them were slightly darkened, which Splinter had learned was actually his turtles' version of bruise. He reached out and touched the injured plates softly. Raphael growled in discomfort and Splinter immediately withdrew. A trembling, furry hand reached out to cup his child's face softly. "Are you alright, Raphael?" He asked, tenderly, his genuine concern rippling through his voice.

Raphael smiled grimly. "I'll be okay, Father. My pride's a little bruised, that's all."

Smiling lovingly, Splinter wrapped his arms around his second son. Slowly, Raphael reciprocated. When the fatherly rat pulled away, he patted the sinuous green shoulder encouragingly. "Raphael, sometimes a bruise to the pride is exactly what is needed to excel."

The mutant turtle looked puzzled. "Run that by me again?"

Shaking his head, Splinter put both hands on Raphael's shoulders then he looked his son in the eyes. "I believe you have been hiding your progress from your brothers and myself." A strange light flashed through Raphael's eyes. Splinter knew exactly what it meant. It meant that Raphael would never admit it, but he was exactly right. The rat went on, "That maneuver you devised to retrieve your sais from the ground in the midst of battle was executed to perfection." Raph's eyes looked away. Splinter could sense that his temperamental child didn't believe him. "I could not have done it better, my son." Again, he received no response. "You know, when you first came in here I thought you were Leonardo?" Finally, Raphael looked up. Splinter grinned. "Your skills have improved very, very much. I believe that you shall soon be ready to progress to the next stage of you training, along with your older brother. "

"Wait, so…" Splinter looked up at his son. Raphael wore a look of shock combined with disbelief and a quickly growing look of extreme satisfaction. "You really think I'm ready?"

Frowning Splinter turned back towards him. There was a hint of fear in the question. Squeezing shoulder, Splinter stared deep into Raphael's eyes. "I know you are, my son."

* * *

 **Review Please! How was it?**

 **And Don't worry, sequels to Home and Picky Portals are already underway. Though they probably won't be ready until the weekend, so I might post a couple more of these little bits through the week to keep you guys interested! :) But trust me, I haven't forgotten about the other sequels.**


	17. Forever and Always

**Sequel to Home! Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Ch. 17-Forever and Always**

"Stop it." Raph growled as his brothers chomped away on their food at the breakfast table. That was the longest sentence he'd said since they woke up that morning and they all looked at him, their expressions ones of innocence, fear, and confusion.

"Stop what?" Leo asked, slowly, trying to tread as carefully as he could. He didn't want to frustrate the red masked turtle or drive Raphael away. Every time Raph so much as stepped towards the door, alarms screamed in his head and he feared that his brother would leave them again.

"I can feel it, you know."

The three turtle brothers exchanged confused glances while Master Splinter averted his eyes to the floor. "Raphael they are not intentionally—"

"You stare at me all the time when I'm not looking and when I look you turn away. Look at me!" He said, his fist thumping down on the table, yet there was no rage or fire in his eyes. It was just cold, chilling stoicism that made them all flinch and look away. Raphael's voice dropped into a very quiet decibel, "Look at me, Goddammit!"

All three sets of eyes snapped up to Raph's face at the sound of the hothead's voice. It wasn't just their imagination. It was real. Just the tiniest little spark of the fire that they had once known.

"All of ya take a good, long look and just get it out of your system, alright? I'm tired of being a spectacle in my own home, so just do it!" He snapped, angrily.

Leonardo was the first to take the hothead up on the offer. He stood, approaching Raphael with footsteps that the hothead knew were intentionally heavier than his usual tread so that Raph could sense him coming. Raphael knew that staring Leo in the eyes would make him uncomfortable, so the hothead's green eyelids closed softly. Leo's eyes pored over every inch of his immediate younger brother, who had grown so much, and whose frame was so decidedly unfamiliar. Raphael had grown much, and as he had previously noted, the red-masked turtle was now taller than him. The sai-wielder's muscles were as chiseled as ever, though Leo had a distinct feeling that Raph was not in particularly good health and had not been for a while.

Chairs scraped across the floor as their two younger brothers joined in. Mikey's smile twisted into a frown at the number of new marks and scars that Raph's arms sported, along with plenty of nicks and dents in the hothead's plastron that he was certain weren't there before. He knew his brothers like the back of his hand, or at least he had. He knew each and every scar that they bore and how they got it. But now…there were so many. So many scars on his older brother that he might never know the origin of. He sidled closer to Leo and grabbed his eldest brother's arm with a slightly muted whimper. Muted though it might have been however, Raph heard it, and it made the red-masked turtle cringe.

Donnie patted Mikey's shoulder reassuringly and re-examined Raphael. The brief glance-over he had done at Raph's return had been fleeting. It was really only to make certain that Raphael was in no danger of dying before they could convince him to return and to stay for good. Now, Raph had opened a door that Don knew would lead to both questions and confessions. He, like Michelangelo noted every new scratch and dent, cataloguing them in his mind, hypothesizing how and when they were inflicted. A few of the images that his brilliant mind presented to him made his breath stall in his chest. Of all his brothers, however, Donnie was the only one who could really see how poor Raph's condition was. Much as he wanted to ask, he'd wait until they were seated again and Raph had calmed down. The brainiac glanced at his brothers.

Leo looked at his younger brothers, silently asking whether they were finished. They both nodded. He returned the gesture. "We're done, Raph."

The neon green eyes of their red-masked brother opened slowly, that small spark of fire still present, faint though it may be. "Good. Now try not to watch me so much, okay? It drives me nuts."

They smiled wanly at him. Then Mikey looked down and noticed that Raph hadn't touched his food. "Go on, Raph. Eat up."

Raph looked blankly at his little brother, then back down to the plate in front of him. His stomach rebelled at the thought of eating. He didn't want to hurt Mikey's feelings but—

"He won't be able to keep it down, Mikey. His stomach's not used to that kind of food anymore."

Raph's head snapped up to Donnie and their gazes locked for a brief moment before Raph looked down and away. His other family members were staring inquisitively at him, as though awaiting some kind of confirmation, but Raph refused to look at them. He stared silently back up at his immediate younger brother with a look of somber gratitude. Don acknowledged with a nod, but said gravely, "But you'll have to try and eat something, Raphael. We need to get vitamins, minerals and calories into your system. I can—"

"Donatello." Splinter interrupted, making everyone turn to him. The rat stood slowly and approached Raphael. "Do not push your brother, my son. He will recover in his own good time. For now, simply allow him to readjust as he sees fit."

"Hai Sensei." Don said softly, his statement echoed quietly by their other brothers as well.

Master Splinter put his hand on Raphael's shoulders and examined the scars and bruises that littered the once vibrant emerald green skin. "In the meantime, Raphael, I should appreciate it if you allowed Donatello to examine you, just to get a general idea of your overall health, my child."

"I will allow it, Father." Everyone relaxed a little, but the tension returned when Raphael said, "But I would let it be known now that I've been hurt a lot over the past few years."

Splinter raised a furry eyebrow. "Where are you going with this, my son?"

"There are more scars beyond those you can see."

The old rat's face went pale at the hushed, level whisper. His horrified brown eyes met with a hard green stare that was once again so cold and icy.

"They will bring very little ease." Raph whispered, his voice almost too quiet to be heard, but in the silence that surrounded him, it was as loud as shout and hit all four of his family members like a shot to the heart.

Compared to the calm, cold tone of their red-masked brother, Leo's voice sounded airy and weak. "W-Where did you go?" He asked slowly, not sure whether Raphael would answer or not.

Raph scoffed and made them all look back up. "Where didn't I go?" He turned his carapace to them. Leo's eyes mapped out all the new scars and gouges that it bore before Raph's voice rose to meet their ears once again. "I made my way south to Florida and west through the southern states. Then I went up the Midwest, stopped in Chicago and Detroit. I headed further southwest. Spent a little time in Vegas and a week in L.A. From there I managed to catch a cargo plane heading west."

They all looked up at him with fear, wonder, and awe in their eyes. Leo blinked slowly. Did Raph mean that he'd gone to—

Raphael turned and looked over at them, smiling at their shocked and inquisitive expressions. "I spent about a year in Japan. Then I got on a plane for Shanghai." Again, the hothead's family was too shocked to respond. "Ended up in Sydney for a week or two before I was able to sneak on a plane bound for San Paulo."

Mikey was a little lost. "Where's that?"

"South America." Donnie said, his voice raspy from the shock that Raph had been traveling all these years.

"I snuck aboard a couple of different ships headed north along the coast until I got to Venezuela. Then I got on a boat bound for Florida and from there, I made my way back up until…" He fell silent.

"Seeing the world has changed much within you, my child." Master Splinter stated slowly, placing his hands on his son's shoulders which he could sense were more worn and burdened than they had been in a very long time. "You are safe, Raphael."

"No."

They all stared.

Raph stared coldly at his father, with eyes that Splinter realized were unseeing. Raphael was not here with them, but somewhere halfway around the world, seeing things that Splinter could only guess. But they were dark, terrifying things, things that had weighed down his son's already heavy heart with greater sorrow and hopelessness than splinter could ever have foreseen.

"My son…"

"No, father. I am not safe. Neither are they and neither are you. There is no true safety. There is no true retreat. There is no place where we cannot be found or traced or hurt or even killed. It is life. It is risk. But it is not safe. It will never be safe. There is nothing more dangerous than the illusion of safety."

Leo looked a Raph and Mikey clung tighter to his big brother's arm. They were overjoyed that Raph was back, yet they were scared of the creature that their brother had become. Leo pried Mikey off his arm and positioned his brother so that the youngest could easily latch onto Donatello.

"I used to believe the same." All eyes were suddenly upon him. "In a way, I still do. But while I accepted that there would always be danger, I realized that it is my loved ones who bring me the greatest sense of safety, for I know that no matter what happens, I will always protect them and they will always protect me. Safety is derived from love and trust, brother. You should feel safe with us, Raphael. And if you don't now, then let us remind you." A forest green hand entered Raph's field of vision and he stared at it for a very, very long time. Then he looked up at Leo and his lip curled ever so slightly.

"Don't assume that the Raph you see is the one you knew." He growled lowly.

Leo stared straight into his eyes into his very soul and replied, "I'm not. But, if nothing else, you'll always be my brother."

"That Raph died a long time ago." The statement hung in the air like an ominous cloud, warning them of a coming storm. Then, all the charge was sucked out of the air, lightning flashing across Raph's eyes. "Be careful Leo. I'm not as fiery as I once was. Three years ago I learned how to run away from my problems. If you truly want me to stay, slow down, or you'll send me running again."

Everyone paled. Leo gaped, sputtering, struggling and gasping for words. Don's eyes stared flatly at the hothead, realizing that Raph meant every word of it. Mikey was shocked, his fingers digging harshly and rather painfully into Donnie's arm, but the brainiac couldn't complain. Splinter stared, fearful, yet slightly impressed and more than a little bit hopeful. Raphael's statement had not been one of pure anger. It was not a threat, rather an honest, forthright confession. Though his sons were confused, Splinter understood. Raphael had just laid down the ground rules for his stay. As long as they didn't rush him, he would stay. Clearing his throat, Splinter regained their attention.

"I believe both your brothers and I will agree to those terms, Raphael."

Raph nodded and they all returned to silence.

* * *

After everyone was finished eating, including Raph, who ate a light meal that hopefully wouldn't upset his system, Don excused himself and headed for the lab. He entered and paused to turn on the lights, nearly jumping three feet in the air when a silent puff of air billowed over his shoulder. He whipped around to see that Raph had followed him in and he placed a hand to his plastron.

"You scared me! I didn't realize you were—"

"Sorry." Raph said, remotely. He hadn't meant to surprise Don. He'd just assumed that the brainiac had known he was there. His three years away had left him stealthier and more alert than he was before and he apparently took it for granted.

Donnie held up his hands. "No, no, it's alright." There was a beat of silence. Then he asked. "Did you need something?"

Raphael raised an eye-ridge and it pleased Donnie to see an actually expression on Raph's face instead of his rather grim apathy that he'd displayed since breakfast. "Do I have to need something?" He asked softly.

The soft-spoken words slowly penetrated Don's stupor and his eyes lit up. His hand reached out to grab Raph's shoulder. He ignored the way that the muscles tensed uncomfortably beneath his grip. "Never. I'm always here for you Raphael."

A ghost of a grin flitted across Raph's face, before vanishing into nothing. "You wanna scan me 'r what?"

"Are you sure you're up for it?"

"Are you?" came the cool retort. Don shuddered.

"Honestly, I'm not sure." The brainiac muttered genuinely. His eyes glanced over his brother's frame and locked on the three dark scars that concerned him the most. He allowed his fingers to trail down Raph's arm to one of them. Raph's entire body tensed and Donnie looked up, meeting the neon green eyes that were staring at his face. "These are bullet wounds, aren't they?" He whispered, amazed that his voice hadn't cracked.

Raphael didn't answer. He didn't have to. Donnie already knew what the answer was going to be. Tears gathered in Don's eyes and the brainiac's shoulders began to shake. Raph's heart, which for so many years had been cold and distant, suddenly flared back to life and clenched painfully at the sight of his younger sibling's suffering. When the purple-clad turtle's arms reached out and grabbed him by the shoulders, Raphael found himself returning the embrace with gusto. The moment stretched for three long minutes.

Finally, Don whispered. "I love you, Raph."

Tension. Silence. The world froze. Raph's arms fell from the hug. Don only hugged tighter and more desperately, not wanting to lose his brother again. "Stay."

One word. One simple command. No conditionals, no superlatives. Just an order. An order. All his life, he'd rebelled against them, hated them, struck out against them anytime he could, but this one…this one order…This was his salvation. Before he could even process his reply, words spilled from his mouth. "For as long as you want, little brother."

"Forever and always." Don whispered under his breath, tears still pouring down his cheeks.

Raph brought his arms back up to return the hug once again, rubbing Don's shell gently. He glanced up at the door to see Leonardo and Michelangelo in the doorway. From the looks on their faces, they had heard what was being said. They eyed Raph hopefully. Closing his eyes, he opened up the hug and soon both of them had joined in.

"We love you Raphie," Mikey whispered clinging to Raphael's plastron.

It wasn't long before they all collapsed in a pile due to emotional exhaustion. Raph watched as his brother quickly fell asleep, each of them clinging or cuddling up against him. He glanced at them each in turn his eyes noting how they, too, had changed. He wouldn't be able to sleep with them around him like this, but he wasn't going to even try moving them. As he watched them cling and cuddle and smile in peaceful dream-filled states, he smiled, truly smiled, for the first time in three years.

Leo blinked sleepily at Raphael. The hothead undoubtedly thought he was asleep, and he very nearly was. But just as he was dropping into slumber, he heard a hushed whisper. His heart flooded with relief and warmth as he wiggled closer and lay his head on Raph's plastron listening to the beat of his returned sibling's heart in true peace. For his own heart had been eased by Raphael's quiet, genuine admission:

"Forever and always."

* * *

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	18. The Phone Call

**I'm not so sure about this chapter. I feel like it's good, but I hesitated to put it out. Tell me what you think at the end please. I'd really appreciate it.**

* * *

 **Ch. 18-The Phone Call**

Damn. The phone was ringing. Oh, the ringing. Leonardo groaned as he sat up in his be and rolled over onto his plastron. He burrowed his face into his pillow and settled down even further. "Leave a message." He grumbled irritably, willing the caller to do so. The phone didn't stop ringing. With a sigh the eldest of the turtle siblings lifted himself up onto his elbows and glanced over at the caller ID. April? At three o'clock in the morning? He jerked upright and answered the call.

"April? Is everything alright?"

"Leo! Thank goodness you're there! You need to get here, fast!"

His eye-ridges furrowed. He had a bad feeling about this. There was obviously something wrong, so why wasn't April telling him anything? "April, what's going on?" A choking sound traveled across their connection and Leo was suddenly very afraid. "April?! April please talk to me!" He shouted, not caring if he woke his entire family.

"I need you to get over here now Leo. Casey just called, though I'm not sure where from. There's been…an accident."

Leo's heart dropped. "Is Casey okay?!" He asked insistently. His dark blues eyes flicked up and acknowledged his brothers and Father as they entered his room with sleepy and inquisitive stares. When they realized he was on the phone, they waited patiently, though they, too, looked worried.

There was a long silence on April's end and then some sobs. Leo's jaw clenched and he repeated softly but just as urgently, "April, is Casey okay?"

"He's fine, Leo." She choked out, sniveling a little. "It's-It's Raph."

The ninja leader's stomach constricted and his face paled. He had a million questions, each more insistent than the next, yet his throat was tight and he couldn't voice any of them. "We'll be right there." He managed squeakily. When he turned to see the eager faces of his family members, Leo's throat ran dry. They hadn't heard and he couldn't bring himself to voice it. The news that something had happened to Raphael would only make them all lose their minds with worry. Better that he keep it to himself for now. "We need to go to April and Casey's, now! Donnie, bring all your medical supplies! Mikey, you help him. Master Splinter…" The two younger turtles had run off to do as their brother said with the greatest immediacy.

Splinter looked down into his oldest son's panicked eyes and felt ill at ease. Leonardo was hiding something from him, trying to shield him from something. He could feel his aged heart skip a beat. "It is Raphael, then?"

Leonardo stared in awe at his father. "How did you…?"

"Your brother is not as reckless as he seems, my son. He did inform me that he was going out tonight."

There were tears in Leo's eyes. "It's bad, Sensei. April sounded…"

A furry hand landed on Leonardo's shoulder and squeezed tightly. "We must stay strong, my son. Even in the face of deadly injury."

"Hai Sensei."

Three mutant turtles and a rat ran across the rooftops as fast as their feet could carry them. Unlike their usual patrols, they were in complete and utter silence. Inside, Leo knew that Donnie and Mikey already knew that something had happened to their brother, even if the two of them had yet to say so out loud. Raph wasn't with them and it was very early in the morning. They were rushing to April and Casey's apartment without really knowing exactly what had happened, yet they were frantic. But perhaps the most telling fact of all: Raphael wasn't with them.

Donnie's heart was threatening to beat out of his chest. He clutched his medical bags even more tightly in his already white-knuckled hands. If something horrible had happened to Raphael they may already be too late. He shoved those thoughts to the back of his mind as Casey and April's apartment came into view. Don could feel all three of his family members tensing beside him. And he caught his big brother's whispered plea, "Please let him be alive."

Allowing his eyes to dart over in his big brother's direction, Don's heart clenched in pain. Leo looked horrible. The eldest turtle's skin was pale and his face was grave. Don shuddered. He would not want to be in Leo's shell at the moment. After all, before Raphael had left those two had been screaming at each other. What had been the last thing Leo had said? 'If you would just be more responsible for once' or something to that affect. It had always amazed Donatello how furious his two older brothers could get with one another and how much both of them managed to say that in the end carried no weight because they made up with quiet apologies and one-armed hugs. But what if this time there was no apology, no forgiveness? What if Raphael was truly in a bad way and there was nothing to be done? What if they lost Raphael forever? What would Leo do then?

That line of thought was coarsely interrupted as they dropped down on the fire escape outside Casey and April's apartment, opened the unlocked window and rushed inside. April felt the cold draft coming from the window and knew that they had arrived. Her face was pale, her cheeks were wet and her eyes were red and puffy from tears. Slowly, she turned to face them all.

Leo's heart fell to the pit of his stomach. Raphael was nowhere to be seen. April was in here alone. He felt as though icicles were forming on his lungs and slowly spreading to his heart. April wouldn't be away from Raph if he was hurt. Unless…

Don could hear his heartbeat pounding in his ears as he made the same deduction Leo had, though ultimately faster. His voice hitched and cracked as he forced out two words: "April, where?"

April's breathing became erratic, her chest heaving with intense sobs. Her breathing whirred in and out in harsh, uneven gasps. It took every ounce of what little control she had left to point at the door of the den. Donnie, Leo, and Sensei stared at the door, terrified of what they would find beyond it. A loud snivel and whine of denial made them all turn to their youngest family member. Mikey's entire body was shaking in fear and anguish. Before they could do more than whisper his name, he was moving forward. They all rushed to stop him, desperate to spare him the pain, but he pried away from their gentle hands and whispered words. His family watched with heavy hearts as their most jovial brother froze in the doorway with a look of horror upon his face. Leo went forward and wrapped an arm around Mikey's shoulders, to steer his baby brother away, but he, too, was soon frozen to the spot.

A call of 'Raph' left his lips, so faint and airy that it might have been the breeze. Perhaps it had been, he wasn't sure. All he could do was stare. He swayed a little, his hand jutting out to catch the doorframe and pull himself back onto his feet. The next thing he knew, Michelangelo was no longer beside him.

Mikey scrambled across the room, bumping into furniture and tables and not caring in the slightest. In the doorway, Leo swallowed painfully at the sight. He could hear Donatello gasp over his shoulder, and suddenly the brainiac had whooshed past him, making a beeline for their injured brother's side. Leo's feet were glued to the spot.

Casey Jones cradled Raph's head in his lap, balling his eyes out. Snivels and shakes racking his entire frame as he whispered over and over, "Why? Why? Why?"

Blood was everywhere, the red life liquid had pooled around them. There was so much of it. Casey's hands were slick with it and his clothes were darkly stained.

Donnie stared at the unmoving form of his brother on the floor. He couldn't be too late. He just couldn't be. There had to be something he could do. He refused to believe that he'd lost his bother forever. His fingers rose to press against his brother's neck but there was no movement, no sign of life. He keened and pulled them back.

Mikey pulled his eyes away from Raph to glance over at the brainiac and saw the look in Donnie's eyes. A soft call of denial left his lips and he shook his head, tears welling up in his baby blue eyes. He wailed their brother's name to the sky. Devastation flooded them all.

Splinter pushed past Leonardo into the room and knelt at his son's side. "Raphael…" he whispered, his voice sounding old and weary. His thin, gnarled fingers hovered over the horrendous gash in his child's shell. Tears came to his eyes. There was head trauma, dark bruises littered the strong emerald green frame, and blood poured from the crack that traveled almost all the way down to the center of his plastron. The old rat could not even bear to think about the amount of force it would have taken to split the shell open in such a manner.

Finally, Leo's spirit crumpled. He fell to his knees with an unearthly cry. Tears ran in torrents down his face. Not trusting his feet, he dragged himself over to his brother's body. He threw his arms around Raph's neck, pressing up against the still form. He didn't care about the blood. He didn't care about the rest of his family watching. All he cared about was his brother. His little brother. His brother who had been so cruelly ripped from him. Intense sobs and endless keens shook him. Never again would he feel the warmth of Raph's smile. Never again would he know the thrill of competing with his immediate younger brother. Never again would he hear Raph's snicker and teasing. Never again would their brother's fire ignite their souls. This was the end. This was the last time he'd ever be able to hold Raphael in his arms. But this time there was no warmth. The fire had left them and the world was cold.

A few hours ago they had been fighting. He couldn't even remember why anymore. It was over something trivial, it no longer mattered. How he wished he had been able to hug his brother before Raph had left. He hadn't even told the hothead to be careful. He hadn't even said goodbye. And now Raphael was gone. He was too late.

For the first time in his life, Leo wanted to give up. He wanted to surrender himself to grief. But he knew he could not. There was a family that would be relying upon him. They needed him if they ever wanted to go on with their lives. But how?! How could there be life without Raph?! How?! Another wave of misery overtook him and he felt cold tears travel down his cheeks, dripping down onto his brother's bloodied chest. In a voice so low he spoke words meant for Raphael's ears alone. Apologies for all their fights and for failing him, declarations of undying love and eternal remembrance, and a promise to protect what was left of the family that the hothead had held so dear. As though something had been lifted away by his words, there was an odd peace that settled over them. Leo's fingers brushed the cold cheek tenderly as he wore a wan smile. His brother was at peace.

Leo's focus shifted to the wounds upon Raphael's body and any sense of peace was suddenly whisked away, replaced with bitter rage. His hands shook and his heart cried out for vengeance. For the first time in his life, Leo truly wanted to cause someone pain. He wanted someone to blame for his brother's painful and premature demise. He wanted to run someone through and rip out the blade, leaving a hole akin to that in his own heart. Raphael was dead and gone. And someone was going to suffer for it.

"Who?" Leo growled as he released his bother's body and rose to his full height, his vicious eyes staring directly into Casey's very soul.

The human shook a little as he stared into Leo eyes. He knew that look. He had seen it Raph's eyes often enough to know what it meant. "Leo…" He began, but the ring of katanas being unsheathed cut him short.

"Tell me now."

"Leonardo…" Master Splinter said softly, reaching out to put a hand on Leo's shoulder. The eldest turtle hissed and twisted away.

"They killed my brother!" He cried.

"He was our brother too." A quiet voice whimpered from off to the side. Leo whirled around to stare at Michelangelo. The second their eyes met, Leo saw in his little brother an echo of the pain-induced fury in his own heart. All the life in Mikey's eyes was gone, the light and the innocence had left. There was only pain, anguish and anger. The youngest turtle looked at Casey and demanded, "What happened?"

Casey turned his back to them to hide another wave of tears. "It was just a couple of Shredder's henchmen. Raph said to retreat, that we couldn't handle 'em. He wanted to call for backup. But—"

They all looked up at him. His shoulders began to shake and he put his head in his hands. "I didn't listen. I told him we could take 'em. I should've listened to 'im! I shoulda listened! He wouldn't be—"

"You don't know that Casey." Don whispered, though the words sounded hollow.

Casey shook his head and went on. "No, ya don't understand. It got harder and harder to fight. We couldn't find a way out of it. He said…he said that staying and fighting was a mistake. And he said—that he had to t-take responsibility for it. We were gonna retreat. He was about to throw down the smoke bomb but t-that's when…" Casey turned back around and his eyes fell upon the fracture in Raph's shell. "They showed up out of nowhere, from behind us. R-Raph—he shoved me out of the way. They-they broke his shell."

 _If you'd just be more responsible—responsible—responsible—responsible…_

Leo's mind echoed over and over. He could feel his heart breaking. Raphael had been responsible. The hothead had made a choice and taken responsibility for that choice. Tears stung his eyes. His brother had paid the ultimate price.

"Who?" Don asked. "Who broke his shell?"

"The Pig and the Rhino." Casey whispered gravely, but he looked back up at them. "But the crack wasn't that bad. Raph was still fighting them off. I tried to help him, but the others were holding me back. T-they held him down, pinned him to the rooftop." Tears were running in rivulets down Casey's face as images flashed before his eyes. "I-it was T-T-Tigerclaw that cracked his shell the rest of the way."

"They held him down while Tigerclaw struck the final blow?" Leo asked, his voice a deep, dark tone.

Casey nodded wordlessly. April slowly went over and wrapped her arms around him. The turtles looked at each other with murder in their eyes. Splinter, too, exuded a deeply unsettling aura.

Mikey's cry of pure fury echoed out into the night. Leo and Donnie stared. Mikey's knuckles were white as he clenched his nunchucks in his hands. "I will end them."

Leo placed a hand on the youngest turtle's shoulder. "We will do it together, Mikey."

The Foot had snuffed out their fire and taken someone dear to them. It had broken them, that much was true, but it had also left them cold. Without their fire to warm them there was no more compassion or mercy, there was only pure, unbridled, animalistic rage. Their brother's loss left no qualms nor questions. They would destroy their enemy with no remorse and no regret, with no more concern than that of squishing a bug or swatting a fly. They would fight with honor and hold their heads up high, for their enemies would die with none. There would be no pleasure from the deaths of those that had caused their sibling's death. All of them were wise enough to realize that revenge would not ease the ache in their hearts, nor would it bring their brother back to them. But it was time to take action. To restore balance to the universe and to prevent the powers of darkness from taking any more life than they already had.

Leo knelt down to cup Raph's cheek. "Rest in peace, brother. The Foot will be disbanded. I promise."

* * *

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	19. Never Alone

**Just a little Leo and Raph bonding set in Season 2 after Race with the Demon, but before Vision Quest while they're still at the farmhouse. I had a lot of fun writing this.**

* * *

 **Ch. 19-Never Alone**

"How you doin', buddy?"

Raph's eyes slowly moved up to give Leo a look and the eldest turtle's wan smile quickly melted.

"Bad time?"

"Nah, just not exactly the type of thing I hear from you."

"What would you have me say?"

He thought for a few moments then looked back up at his older brother, who was waiting expectantly. "It's time for training."

"But it isn't time for training."

Raphael shrugged. "That's not my fault."

Leonardo frowned and limped closer to the couch so that he could lean against it. "No, it's mine. Guess I've been so concerned with training, before and after all of this," Leo nodded pointedly down at his injured leg, "that I allowed it to pull me away from the four of you."

"Three."

"Four." Leo reaffirmed, staring straight ahead. "I refuse to believe that Splinter is gone."

There were a few more moments of silence after that. Leo took that silence as an opportunity to examine his younger brother in greater detail.

Raph felt Leo's eyes on him and looked up, glaring defensively. "What are you looking at?"

"How are you healing?"

Raph's eye-ridges flew up to the top of his face and a grim smile flashed across his face. To Leo it was a smile of forced good humor. He used to be able to read Raphael in a way that his younger brothers could not, but sometime over the past year, he'd fallen out of touch. Raph had changed a lot and Leo felt as though he'd been a little bit out of the loop. All of them were when it came to Raphael. Since Splinter had granted them the gift of venturing to the topside, Raph had taken advantage of it more than any of them ever had. Leo sensed that it was Raph's experiences up in the human world that had catalyzed the change in his younger brother.

"Isn't that my line?" Raph asked, the grim, saddened smile still curved upon his lips.

Leo frowned. "I wasn't the one who lost all my mutagen to some deranged plant mutant."

"Don got me back to normal, I'm fine."

"I can see that you're fine, physically. But that wasn't exactly what I was asking."

Their eyes met. Raph tore his gaze away, knowing that his older brother, despite their recent changes, would have no difficulty in seeing straight through him.

"I'm fine. Any trouble I might have had getting over that whole 'plant' thing is done."

The sound of a screen door slamming made them both look up in time to see Donnie and Casey on their way to the kitchen. "Dude, Donnie! Those new turbochargers you've been working on are totally awesome!"

"Yeah, they are. And they are going to make that old van wicked fast! Next I'm gonna start working on the weapons systems."

Raph could hear the happiness and enthusiasm in Casey's voice being echoed in Donnie's own. He drew his head in a little closer to his shell and exhaled slowly. His eyes followed the two of them to the door as they headed back out to the old barn and as soon as they were gone, he sighed and rolled onto his carapace to stare at the ceiling.

He suddenly found his blue-masked brother's face looming over him.

"And what about that 'whole thing'?" Leo asked, flatly.

Raph frowned, his defensive glare returning. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"It's okay."

Raphael raised an eye-ridge, confused. Leonardo's big, blue eyes stared softly and earnestly down at him. "It's okay to show your feelings, Raph. I don't want you to feel like you have to hide from any of us, especially not me."

"I said: I don't know what you're talking about." Raphael repeated, holding fast to his original statement. Leonardo looked a little bit saddened, but decided not to push any more than necessary.

"But you understand them?"

The younger turtle rubbed his temples as his mind whirled. "Who with the what now?"

"Don't play dumb, Raph. You know just as much about motor vehicles as Casey does. You could easily join in on the action, just ask them."

Raph glared at the door Donnie and Casey had disappeared through. "I'm sure they're having plenty of fun on their own." He sat up and placed his hands on his knees, looking a bit resentful. "Don't need me slowing them down."

They fell into silence. Leo bent down leaning most of his weight on his good leg and jumped over the arm of the couch to sit next to Raph. He snatched the remote out from under Raph's hand and the hothead let out a cry of protest.

"So, little brother, now that I have control of the TV, what shall I watch?" He asked with a playful smile. Raphael sighed and his shoulders drooped.

"Channel eight's running an all day Space Heroes marathon." Leo's face lit up like a star at the mention of his favorite show, but his smile faded as he saw his younger sibling's crumpled posture. He caught Raph's eyes as they strayed one more time towards the door Casey and Donnie had left through.

"Knock yourself out." Raph said flatly, standing and heading for the front of the house.

"Raph, wait—"

"I'm going for a walk."

"I'll go with you." Leo said, shifting to stand. Raph paused and seemingly thought it through before nodding and helping his brother up off the couch.

* * *

Raphael led them through the woods down to a little glade where there was a little pool of water, too large to be a pond, yet too small to be a lake. Leo stopped and gasped. It was absolutely beautiful. Raph wordlessly moved and sat on a large rock about ten feet from the edge of the water. Leo settled in beside him and they sat in silence for quite some time.

"Leo, I…I know I don't tell this very often but…you're a great brother…and a great leader. Way better than I could ever be. I know I give you a hard time all the time…and I know that I'm not exactly easy to handle or fun to be around. I haven't been a very good brother to ya…and I—I'm real sorry. When you were—unconscious—I promised you that I'd try to be better. Try to be…nicer and less, well, angry. I always get angry and fly off the handle…and you guys don't deserve that. I try so hard to control my temper and even then I end up hurting you guys. I don't mean to, I really don't, and every time I do…" His voice broke and he looked away.

Leonardo stared. _Where had all of this come from?_ Raphael had always been a pillar of strength. Yes he was stubborn, hotheaded, emotional, but even when he allowed his inner sensitivity to show there was always a sense of power. Like his sais. Deceptively meager and not very imposing, yet their sharpened tips glinted even in the dark tunnels of their sewer home, an ever-present reminder of the lethal potential they possessed. So it was with Raphael. So it had always been as far as Leonardo could remember. Even in his softest moments, there was always a glimmer of light in Raph's eyes, a testimony to the passion that lay within him. And Raphael's passion was his strength.

But there was no passion in his eyes now. Leonardo didn't like that. Raphael's eyes weren't supposed to look like that. Leo wanted to open his mouth to say something, anything, but his mind drew a blank. He stared impassively at his immediate younger brother, sizing Raph up silently.

"If I'd been a better brother, I would have tried harder to stop you and Donnie from fighting. If I'd been a better brother…I would have been with you."

Leo stared at his younger sibling in growing shock. Raph couldn't mean…

"If I'd been there I could've…"

"Gotten beat up, too?" Leo scoffed lightly and rolled his eyes. "Then there'd be two of us." He'd hoped to lighten the mood, but Raphael's frown only deepened.

"I would have taken every blow to protect you." He said quietly.

"You know I wouldn't have allowed that." Leo retorted, glaring Raphael sternly in the eyes.

"I wouldn't have asked for your permission." Raph shot back, his glare just as intense, a flicker of passion resurfacing in his neon-green irises. The air in the glade grew tense and they both averted their eyes as silence spread between them. Raph sighed, "But I wasn't there. I-I-I'm sorry, L-Leo."

Leonardo's eyes flew up to little brother's face, concern etched upon his features. Was Raph…?

Yes, yes he was. Much as Leo desperately longed to reach out and pull his younger sibling into his arms, he dared not do so. For he knew that if he did, Raphael would clam-up and he'd never hear the rest of what his little brother had to say.

Seeing tears on Raphael's cheeks had always had a way of breaking Leo's heart. Raphael had always been the strongest of the four of them, even when they were little. Watching his strongest sibling overwrought with tears always felt like a swift punch to the gut.

"I'm s-sorry I c-c-couldn't protect you. I f-failed you, b-big brother. I-I'm s-s-so s-sorry." Raph whispered, dejectedly. Then his volume rose and an angry edge returned to his voice. "I wish it had been me, not you. It should have been me."

One of Leo's hands jerked Raph violently around. Raph's bright-green eyes were wide with shock, his mouth slightly open, as he stared at his big brother. Leaf green hands stiffly grabbed his face and forced him to make eye contact.

"Don't you ever say that! Don't even think that, Raphael! You didn't fail me! You did the right thing. You got our brothers out of there and you kept them safe. You saved my life, Raphael."

Raph obviously wasn't convinced. "It should've been me." He whispered. "They…needed you Leo. I tried to do my best but…they drifted away. I couldn't…"

Leo's grip tightened and he crushed Raphael against his plastron in a powerful embrace. "Raphael…If it had been you, I would have been completely beside myself. I wouldn't have been able to do anything except blame myself. You're my little brother, Raph, even if you don't always acknowledge it. It's my job to protect the three of you and I—"

"No."

"What?" Leo blinked, surprised by the sudden interruption. He was even more surprised by the look in Raph's eyes. The green irises burned with emotion.

"No."

Leo raised an eye-ridge, motioning Raph to go on.

"I'm the protector. Not you. You're the leader."

"A leader is responsible for protecting their team Raphael. And I'm your big brother, I'm supposed to—"

"No."

"Raph—"

"No, Leo. Just because you're leader doesn't mean that you have to take responsibility for everything. Why do you think I always want to be the first one in and the last one out? It isn't just cause I love bashing skulls…though that is part of it…" Raph's voice tapered off and Leo was left staring at his younger sibling in astonishment. He'd always known that Raph was protective of Mikey and Don, the hothead had shown it on multiple occasions, but Leo had never fully realized that that same level of protectiveness was applied to him as well. Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, Leo zoned back in on Raphael, who was staring at the scar on the left side of his plastron. Leo, too, ran his eyes over the light-bolt-shaped gouge, curiously wondering what Raph was thinking about. Slowly, the hothead looked up at him and whispered, "Did Sensei ever tell you how I go this?"

Leo's eyes widened. Sensei _knew_ how Raph had gotten his scar? All these years the he'd just assumed that their rat master didn't, for every time one of them asked he always said something vague like, 'I suppose it must have happened when Raphael was very young'. He shook his head in answer to Raph's question. "After all the times we'd asked and never gotten real answers, I think we all just assumed he didn't know. I just figured you'd had it since before our mutation. It's been there as long as I can remember."

"Yeah." Raph agreed. His fingers brushed absent mindedly over it. "It's been there as long as I can remember, too. Sensei…He didn't tell me the truth until…" Raph's shoulders drooped. "About three months after we first went topside, I was a little bit…"

As Raph's voice faded, Leo raised an eye-ridge. He was listening intently to every word that came out of his younger brother's mouth, because it might be a long, long time before he'd have a chance to get Raphael to open up like this again. Raph's emerald green fingers fiddled with bright red bandana tails. Leo could feel concern rising up in the back of his throat. Raph only fiddled when he was feeling extremely nervous or uncomfortable.

"You don't have to tell me if you're not comfortable, Raphael." Leo said softly. Much as he wanted to hear what his brother had to say, he wasn't about to pry information out of him that Raph wasn't willing to give.

Raph stood and made his way over to a large rock on the edge of the pool. He frowned down at his own reflection and closed his eyes. "I was feeling less than confident." He admitted, a little bit uneasily.

Leo absorbed what Raph had just confided slowly before gently prodding gently with honest, careful curiosity. "In what? Training?"

"I…" Raph took a few moments and Leo could tell he was sorting out the words in his head. "My role as the hothead of the team isn't exactly essential." He summed up bluntly.

It was the bluntness that rather caught Leonardo off-guard. Of course, he expected no less from Raphael, but when it came to emotional matters, Raph was a lot more likely to skirt around issues than spit them out. His mind took a few moments to put the two statements together. What did Raph mean? Had the hothead lost confidence in the fact that he belonged on the team or was he afraid that there was not place for him on the team? Or was it that he felt expendable? None of them boded well.

Sensing his older brother's confusion, Raph hesitated. His weight shifted nervously. He didn't know why he was telling Leo all of this…but he had a feeling that Fearless needed to hear it. Whatever was happening between them right now, it had been a long time coming, yet somehow, Raph had always known that it would happen someday.

"When I told Sensei that each of you had your own weird roles in our team he wasn't surprised. He asked me what mine was. I didn't answer and he decided to tell me a story." A smile ghosted across Raph's lips and Leo couldn't help but grin wistfully. Sensei would often tell 'stories' to get his point across. But as soon as Raph's smile vanished, they grew somber once again. "It happened back when we were first mutated…"

Leo stood, shakily limping his way across the rocks to the one Raph was seated on, leaning into his brother's side, his knees pulled up to his chin, eagerly listening to the story.

"You know the part about the Krang and the mutagen that they spilled on us."

Leo nodded an affirmation.

Raph's face grew clouded. "Well…what Splinter didn't tell us was that they didn't just walk away."

Leo could feel his facial expression darkening at Raph's words.

"Splinter was down, still in pain from his mutation. He heard the Krang saying something about 'containing the ones that were mutants'. He looked up and saw a Krang bot walking towards four little mutant turtles who were huddled together like scared children. It reached down to try and take them. Splinter slowly pushed himself up, but the pain slowed him down. The next thing he knew, the Krang robot was yelling. He saw that one of the little turtle mutants had jumped in front of the others and bitten the Krang's finger. The Krang was shaking its hand around wildly, trying to get the turtle to let go. Splinter stood and started moving forward, but before he could help, the Krang bot waved its hand even more violently. The turtle went flying. Splinter fought for a short minute until the Krang retreated. Then he turned back around to find that the four little turtles were not where they had originally been. He glanced around and quickly found them. Huddled together against the wall of the building, tucked rather neatly between two trashcans, three pairs of scared eyes turned and looked up at him. The fourth was shaking like a leaf while the others were supporting him as best they could. There was blood on one of the bricks that jutted out slightly further than the rest. The Krang had flung the little turtle so hard that the impact with the brick gouged his shell, leaving a bloody, jagged scar." Raphael finished and took a deep breath.

The older turtle stared. He had somehow always considered Raph's scar to be a blemish, but now he was beginning to see it as something entirely different. It was a medal. It was a concrete representation of his younger brother's strength and passion. It stood for strength, valor, and love of his brothers.

"I've always been the protector in this family. And though I know I'm not alone in that role," He sent Leo a pointed look, "I am your guys' protector. I have been from the very first." His fingers traced the scar again. He looked out into the trees, his voice dropped in volume and he whispered, mostly to himself, "And I will be to the very last."

Leo turned, threw his arms over his red-masked brother's shoulders, and hugged the turtle tightly. He didn't like that dark edge in Raph's voice. He didn't like the tone of this conversation. He didn't like that Raphael had taken the weight of their safety upon himself, but he knew trying to dissuade Raph from his dangerous role would be pointless. "I understand. But like you said…you'll never be alone. We all protect each other. We're brothers, it's what brothers do. We'll always be there for you. Whenever you need us."

Raph's arms came up to return the hug and Leo could feel his brother's tears on his neck. But he didn't say anything. He just held Raph tighter. A short silence followed as they held each other close. Leo was so relieved that Raphael was here, with him, in one piece, shell and all. That whole 'plant' ordeal had really had him worried. "Leo?"

"Yeah, Raph?" He whispered, seeing no need for volume when they were this close.

Raph squeezed him a little tighter and whispered, "I know I don't say it much…but I…I love you, big brother. After you were…I was afraid I'd never be able to tell ya, and—"

"Hush, Raphael. I know. Even if things had turned out differently," Leo felt the way Raph stiffened as he said that and rubbed his little brother's shell, comfortingly, "I still would have known. You don't have to say it. I know." Leo squeezed the turtle in his arms and lowered his voice even further. "Raph, I love you, bro."

The next thing he knew he was being shoved onto his carapace. Raphael stood smirking down over him. "Don't be getting all sappy on me, Fearless."

Leo chuckled and crossed his arms over his chest, sending his brother a smirk of his own. "I think we passed sappy a long time ago." He eyed the smooth surface of the quiet pool of water. "Hey, Raph?"

"Yeah?" The other turtle acknowledged.

Leo's smirk grew. "How good are you at skipping stones?"

Competitiveness twinkled in Raph's eyes and he smirked. "Three times as good as you are, Fearless!"

"Oh, you think so?" Leo asked, raising his eye-ridges.

Raphael laughed and his laughter echoed through the trees. The eldest turtle felt his heart swell with happiness at his brother's mirth.

"I've had a lot more time to practice." Raph said with a grin.

Leo and Raph scouted around until they found some flat, reasonable-sized stones and settled down by the water's edge. For about half an hour they skipped stones, laughed, wrestled in the mud when they couldn't agree on whose throw was better, and joked. Raphael felt like his heart was fifty pounds lighter. He had really needed this. Leonardo had probably realized that. He sent Leo a discreet glance and smiled.

When they ran out of stones and the sky began to turn pink, they lay on their backs and watched the clouds, chatting and joking, and occasionally pushing and shoving.

"So what about Casey?" That question made Raph's smile vanish faster than a mouse at a cat convention. In an attempt to preserve the cheer, Leo quickly added, "Think he and Donnie have finished installing those turbo-whatsits yet?"

Raph shrugged. "Doubt it. Those things take days of planning. Then there's always the uncertainty of installation, what would be best where, and all of that. I'd say they've got their work cut out for them." Since Raph didn't sound upset, Leo decided to go a little further.

"I really thought you would have wanted in on repairing the party wagon."

Again, the red-masked turtle just shrugged his shoulders. "Meh, those two can handle it. If they need my help, they'll ask. Besides, all that repairing stuff is more Don's thing."

"Not true." Leo called Raph out, knowing that the hothead couldn't deny it. "I've seen you working on the Shell Cycle in the garage late at night. Giving it new pistons and turbos and—whatever."

Chuckling deeply, Raph smiled. "You'd make a horrible mechanic, Leo."

"Better believe it." Leo agreed, rolling his eyes. "Don't come to me for a tire change. I'd probably slash them all out of frustration before I could even get them on the car."

They were both laughing now, Leo's chortle joining his brother's chuckle. After the laughter died down, they both fell quiet, staring up at the beautiful clouds stained pink, purple and orange by the setting sun.

"Hey, Leo?"

"Yeah?"

Raph stared straight up into the sky at one little cloud, removed from the others, almost cast aside. "Do ever feel like…no one would notice if you disappeared?"

Leo tensed. He wanted to roll over and yell 'No! And you shouldn't either!' but he doubted that such an outburst would benefit Raph in any way. Raphael was confiding in him one his deepest, most sincere doubts. He needed to seriously consider his answer. So he did. And then he voiced it.

"Everyone has moments like that, Raph. But I taught myself to ignore that feeling."

Raph's neon-green gaze never left the sky and neither did Leo's. "Why?"

"Because I have three brothers and a father who love me, and I know that they will never let me go." Leo answered confidently. He heard Raph snicker.

"Sap."

"It was your question, Raph."

"Yep. And it was a sappy answer, but…I like it."

Leo cast a sideways glance at Raph to find his brother smiling and he grinned. "Speaking of brothers, we should probably get back to the farm. I bet they're wondering where we are."

"Probably think we got turned into plants." Raph remarked dryly, hoisting his older brother up.

"Don't even joke." Leo said, rubbing his temples. "That one's definitely going on my list of 'Tensest Nights of my Life'."

"Was it really that bad?" Raph asked softly, putting a hand on Leo's shoulder. Leonardo sighed.

"I was afraid we'd never get you back."

Chuckling quietly, Raph patted his older brother's shoulder. "Well, I'm here now, so ya can stop worrying."

Leo rolled his eyes and smirked. "Yeah, like that's ever gonna happen! You give me more heart attacks than the rest of our siblings combined, hothead!" He whacked Raph on the back of the head affectionately.

Raph growled, but he was still smiling. "Come on, Fearless Leader, let's head back." He punched Leo in the shoulder for good measure.

* * *

They got back to the Farmhouse just as the stars were starting to appear in the sky, covered in a thick layer of dirt, dried mud staining their faces, hands and feet. They went in through the back door to the kitchen so that they wouldn't have to leave a dirt trail through the whole front of the house. As soon as they walked in the door, four figures seated at the kitchen table jumped up with frantic exclamation.

"Whoa, what happened to you two?"

"Are you guys alright?"

"Where have you been?"

"Nice mud-face, Raph." Casey said, sending Raph a mocking smirk. Leo saw all of Raph's relaxation drain away, replaced with tension. "What'd ya do? Face-plant into mud puddle?" The human teenager jeered.

The eldest turtle immediately grew uneasy. Yeah, even he'd teased Raph like that on occasion, it was something brothers and friends did from time to time…but right now, it just felt wrong. Raphael's jaw clenched and he averted his eyes. The hothead was probably still doubting whether or not it was a good idea to have confided so heavily in Leo earlier. It was analogous to Raph being helpless on his back and Casey Jones laughing and poking him with a stick. Leo snapped.

"None of your business, Jones." He growled. The room became so quiet that they could hear the wind rustling through the trees outside. They were all staring at him in shock, Raphael included. Leo ignored them and took two steps over to the sink, wet a towel and wiped off his face and arms. He washed it off and wrung it out, and wet it again. During all of this no one said a word. Leo looked only at Raph, not in the mood to deal with the others' questions. "Catch." He muttered, tossing the wet towel to Raph. "I'm gonna go see if the Space Heroes marathon is still on." They all nodded and watched him go.

Instincts true to form, Raph caught the towel and quickly wiped his face. He cast a glance in Donnie and Casey's direction.

"What's with him?" Mikey asked, the 'him' in question being Leo.

Raph shrugged, genuinely uncertain. Mikey pouted, a little upset that he didn't have answer, then he bounded out of the room shouting that he'd forgotten to feed his chickens. April said something about wanting to write in her journal before it got too late and excused herself. Raph watched her go then turned back toward Casey and Don, contemplatively. He took a deep breath and went over to them. They paused their conversation and looked over at him curiously. He began to get nervous, but he shook it off.

"Hey."

"Hey, sup man?" Casey asked, the conversation feeling unpracticed, empty and awkward.

"Uh…heard you and Donnie talking about fixing up the party wagon. Mind if I join ya?" His jaw clenched as Donnie and Casey exchanged sideways glances. As soon as Donnie rubbed the back of his neck nervously, Raphael knew what the answer was going to be. He looked down and away to hide the hurt he knew they'd see in his eyes.

"Raph, it's not that we don't want your help…it's just that…" Raph grimaced as he could hear that Donnie was trying to make it sound nice. "…we got this."

"Yeah. Besides, we wanna build stuff, not break it."

"Casey!" Don chided. Casey frowned.

"Aw, come on you know I'm just kidding! Thanks for the offer though, Raph!" Casey Jones said jovially.

Raph forced a grin. "Yeah, sure. Anytime."

He watched the two of them head back out to the barn. Funny. Real funny. One day they can't stand each other, a couple days later they don't want to hang out with anybody else. Casey's words, kidding or no, stung a lot. He wasn't a complete meathead. He could build things. There just wasn't much point when Donnie was around. He looked around the empty kitchen feeling more alone than ever. Desperate to escape the emptiness, he trudged into the den where he saw Leo watching Space Heroes. He approached slowly, knowing that Leo would hear him.

"Hey."

"Hey." Leo replied, motioning for Raph to sit next to him. Raph did. They both stared at the screen for a little while. Raph coughed to get Leo's attention and deep blue eyes slid over to him.

"I asked them." He said softly. Leo was staring expectantly at him and Raph suddenly found himself unable to look his older brother in the eyes. "They said no."

Leo's face softened and was soon flooded with sympathy. Still, he smiled encouragingly. "Maybe next time then, huh?"

Raph scoffed and shook his head. "Nah. They need someone who 'builds stuff, not breaks stuff'." He echoed from earlier.

Dark blue eyes were suddenly filled with anger. "They said that to you?!" He asked jumping up to his feet, not caring whether or not his leg hurt. Raph's hands on his shoulders pushed him back down gently.

"It's a joke, Leo." Raph said, though he could feel his brother's eyes burning straight through him.

"Not to you." Leo frowned s Raphael refused to look at him.

"It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does!" He retorted vehemently.

"No, it doesn't, Leo!" Raph repeated. He smiled and shoved his older brother playfully with his shoulder. He relished the look confusion on Leo's face and grinned. "Long as I'm not alone."

Leo grinned and threw an arm over Raph's shoulders. "Never, Raphael. Never alone."

* * *

 **How was it? Review Please!**


	20. Paint it Black

**Sorry I haven't been doing much lately guys! School's almost done and I have a lot of work to do, but I managed to find a couple spare hours to whip this up today, so hope you enjoy. this is 2007 movie-verse so, yeah. Once all this craziness has died down I will hopefully be able to get back to updating more often!**

* * *

 **Ch. 20-Paint it Black**

Mikey's eyes followed his older brother across the room. The hothead's step was tilted, unsteady, and a couple times he even swayed precariously, but Michelangelo knew that he couldn't do anything. There was no point trying to help Raphael when the red-masked turtle didn't want it. In spite of everything that had changed recently, some things were just destined to remain the same. Raph was stubborn as ever.

Almost a year had passed since Leo's return from South America. It was rough at first, 'specially with the whole thirteen monsters and the stone army thing, but after all that had died down, Mikey had seen a tremendous change in his two older brothers. They still fought, of course. That would never change, but their fights had gotten milder, less angry and more like brotherly bickering than anything else. Occasionally Raph would blow his top, but that was to be expected. Leo knew how to handle it.

Leo's return had also reacquainted them with their hotheaded brother, who had drifted out of reach during their big brother's absence. Mikey felt closer to Raph than he had felt in years, even closer than he was in the years before Leonardo had left, and maybe that was why—

Mikey had this weird feeling he didn't know how to explain. Something was—he didn't want to say wrong, because it didn't really feel wrong, exactly—but something was off. Back before Leo had left, Raphael had been, in Mikey's mind, a playmate, someone that he could poke fun at and play games with. Raph was like a fire: awesome, warm and soothing, that every once in a while would lash out with a stinging hot fury.

But lately, Mikey had been catching things, just little things at first: Raph in the kitchen at three in the morning, Raph gritting his teeth as he struggled to focus during training, Raph staring blankly off into the distance, Raph's footsteps creeping past his door in the middle of the night, Raph tentatively raising his fist to knock on Sensei's door, only to pull it back and storm away. And just last night: Raph's eyes widening, his face flushed with panic, Raph's body shoving Leo out of the line of fire and taking a tranquilizer dark to the neck. They were lucky it was only tranquilizers. Aside from that, and a nasty gouge on his right arm, the hothead was okay. Thank goodness.

Those sick bastards had lured them out in hopes of capturing them and selling them off to some scientist. If Raph hadn't alerted his brothers to what was going on with his shout, they probably would have lost Leo. As it ended up, they were able to defend their brother and retreat to safety, but that wasn't what had Mikey so lost in thought.

There was a touch of frigidity in Raphael. Coldness that seemed so abstracted by Raph's warmth and yet, it was always there. What was bothering Michelangelo more than anything else was that, in the back of his mind, he sensed it always had been. Mikey's heart ached and his eyes watered a little as he swallowed hoarsely. He opened his mouth to speak, but it was dry. He had so many questions, so many things that he wanted, no, needed to know:

How many sleepless nights had Raphael spent in the kitchen, alone and in the dark? How many times had he blown up at them for leaving him out? How many times had he been criticized beyond his breaking point? How many nights had he spent in the dojo, doing the same move over and over and over, only to get scolded for being tired? How many mornings had he lingered in his room, afraid to step out and face the pain that a new day would bring? How many hours had Raph isolated himself in his room, letting himself be swept away by dark thoughts? How many times had Raphael thought about just giving up?

Mikey shuddered. That last one scared him the most. He took a deep breath and followed Raph into the kitchen.

Apparently, Leo was already there, nursing a cup of steaming hot tea. The second Raph stepped into the room he jumped to his feet and put on his sternest scowl.

"You should be in bed."

"Well, I ain't. I'm hungry." Raph responded, sounding every bit like his normal, sour self. He tottered over to the fridge and almost fell over. Leo jumped up and was at his side in a blink.

Donatello had told them that Raph wouldn't be completely back to his senses until about twenty-four hours had passed. For now, the hothead was groggy, slow, unbalanced, and oddly forthright, which they'd discovered when he'd first woken up this morning. When they asked him how he was feeling, instead of protesting that he was fine, he'd proceeded to supply them with a very long, whiny list of everything that was bothering him.

Leo glanced over at Mikey as the youngest entered the room. Mikey nodded and moved into the kitchen as Leo softly steered Raph away from the fridge.

"Relax, Raph. Mikey will make you something."

Raph glared at his big brother, then at Mikey. "I can do it myself." He grumbled.

Leo's mouth flattened into a thin, displeased line. "Not when you're still drugged up."

"Ugh. Fine." Raph sighed, wiggling in discomfort and scowling as Leo insisted on helping him to the table.

"What would you like to eat, Raph?" Mikey asked, trying his best to keep up a happy face.

It was a rather disconcerting shock, therefore, when Raphael, drugged and exhausted as he was, called Mikey out. "What's wrong, Mikey?"

Mikey tore his gaze away and his shook his head, "Nothing." He went to the fridge and grabbed some eggs, deciding to make French toast. "Want some French toast, Leo?"

"I'm fine, Mikey, thanks." Leo replied curtly.

Raph's eyes narrowed at his little brother. "Liar."

Leo, who felt rather like the monkey in the middle, glanced between his two younger siblings with a penetrating gaze, but other than that, decided to stay out of it.

Mikey got straight down to cooking and Raph said nothing for a while, so he assumed that he was in the clear. Unfortunately, he relaxed too soon.

"Is it cause I told you eating too much pizza will make ya fat?" Raph asked, slurring the words a little.

Mikey jumped at the unexpected question and turned away from the stove to face his brothers with wide eyes. "What? No! Shell, I'd completely forgotten about that, Raph! It was nothing you said!" He said emphatically, trying to impress upon Raph that his current mood was not the hothead's fault. Well, in a way it kinda was, but not that way! He wasn't upset with Raph, he was frustrated with himself. He felt so helpless. He had no idea what to do or say, or how to act. If his suspicions were correct, which he was ninety-nine percent sure they were, Raph was fighting an enemy greater than any he or the rest of his brothers had ever faced. He wanted to help, but he didn't know how and knowing that was tearing him apart. A loud sizzling, crackling sound met his ears and turned around to find the French toast smoking in the pan.

"Shit." He muttered, turning off the stove watching the now blackened pan slowly simmer down.

Leo frowned and narrowed his eyes. Raph was right. Something was wrong. Mikey hadn't burnt anything since last month.

"Is it cause Leo almost got his ass kidnapped last night?" Raph grumbled, ignoring the white-hot glare Leo shot in his direction.

Mikey said nothing, still tending the pan, ignoring his older brothers for as long as he could.

In a softer voice, Raph asked, "Is it cause I almost got my ass kidnapped last night?"

Mikey's cooking utensils slammed down on the counter and his brothers jumped a little. With the speed and silence that only a ninja could possess, Mikey was suddenly standing in front of Raphael. His brother's gold eyes stared up at him, warm and concerned, but just behind that surface layer Mikey could feel the slight chill of doubt and blame.

A gust of cold air permeated Raphael's thick skin and sent a shiver running up and down his back. Mikey was looking at him in a way that was unfamiliar, unpracticed. Almost like the youngest could see straight through him. He drew back a little, his chair scraping loudly against the concrete floor. The way that Mikey's face fell told Raph all that he needed to know. Shell. Mikey knew. Somehow, his youngest brother had found out. He didn't want any of them to find out. He'd never wanted to burden them with this, his own weakness. It wasn't fair to them. They'd worry.

Michelangelo looked down into Raph's eyes and saw the recognition there. More than that, he saw a desperate plea. Raph was begging him not to tell the others. Shell. What was he going to do? If he told Leo and Donnie would Raph resent him for it? Would it only make things worse? Mikey frowned, but hid his face from Leonardo, but bending down and hugging Raph tightly, burying his face in his hotheaded sibling's shoulder. Raph returned the embrace then released his little brother.

Mikey smiled and patted Raph's shoulder. "I'm fine, bro. Trust me. But I'm gonna have to make some more French toast." He returned to kitchen grinning and whistling to himself. _I'll talk to Don informally later, he'll give me advice_ , Mikey thought as he got back to cooking.

At the breakfast table, Leonardo sat stunned. He had no idea what had just passed between his younger brothers, but he knew they were keeping something from him. He wouldn't push, though. Not yet, anyway. If need be, he could always squeeze it out of Michelangelo.

Raph leaned back in his chair and stretched his arms.

"Don't do that, you'll reopen the wound." Leo chided firmly.

"So what? Wounds open, ya just stitch em back up again, and apply disinfectant constantly. You think I never learned how to take care of my own injuries? I've stitched myself up plenty of times, not that I ever want to again, but it's a handy skill to have, 'specially when times 'r hard."

Leo stared at Raphael in horror. Mikey almost dropped the plate of French toast he was bringing to the table, but managed to dive down and catch it just before it hit the ground. Raph looked at him and chuckled.

"Good catch, little brother. Almost had to make more French toast!" He teased, playfully. A strong grip on his shoulder made him turn back to his older brother.

Leo's face was grave. He looked stricken. "What times?"

Raph was confused.

"You said you stitched yourself up plenty of times. I want to know about them." Leo murmured, his hand squeezing Raph's muscular shoulder even more tightly.

"Then sit back and grab yourself a piece o' toast. It's gonna be a loooooong breakfast." Raph drawled, leaning forward and snatching some fresh, warm French toast off the plate Mikey had prepared for them.

Mikey dropped down into a chair, inviting himself to the party and watching Raphael closely.

Raph chewed slowly, growling a little which made his brothers stop staring at him. He smiled as he caught sight of Leo giving in and helping himself to French toast.

Leo chewed slowly and put a hand in front of his mouth, "Well?"

Raph smirked. "Nobody tell you not to talk with your mouthful, Fearless?" He teased.

"Shut up and talk."

"Bit counter-productive, ain't it?"

"Raph…" There was a gentler, urging plea in Leo's voice as the eldest turtle allowed his emotions to shine through.

Raphael sighed. "Fine." He chomped down on a piece of French toast and began. "First time was a couple months after we defeated Shredhead. Got nicked in the arm by a raging hot-shot with a switch-blade. Needed couple stitches, didn't wanna wake Don, he was actually sleeping in his room for once. Besides, I knew where he kept everything."

"But how did you know what to do? Don never really taught you much beyond basic first aid."

Raph swallowed his food and took a swig of orange juice. "Casey." He grunted.

Leo's eyes darkened a little, imploring Raph to explain.

"Knucklehead practically keeps a mini-hospital stocked at his place. We fixed each other up more often than not. He got free medical care, and I didn't have to get Don's help unless it was an emergency. I asked the brainiac a couple questions and he told me what I needed to know. After that, it was all kid stuff."

Leo's face fell, "You could have come to me." It was true. Aside from Don, Master Splinter and Leo were the go-to medics of the family.

Raph sighed. "Not without a lecture, I couldn't."

Anger surged through Leo and he jumped up from his seat. "My brothers' lives are far more important to me than giving lectures, Raphael!"

The hothead refused to meet his older brother's gaze. "Sure."

That one word was spoken with certainty, which lifted a weight off Leo's chest. Raph had willingly conceded his brother's point. Leo sat back down.

"But it's hard to go to someone who isn't there." Raph whispered.

Mikey tensed. It had been almost six months since Leo's trip had been mentioned. He'd hoped that Raph was finally able to let it go but, apparently not. He glanced at Leo. The blue masked turtle's head hung down, dejectedly, guiltily.

"No point going into that, though. Let's just leave it at that." Raph said, sensing Leo's distress and impending self-blame.

Before they could move on, however, "How many times were you injured?"

Silence greeted the question.

"While I was gone, Raph, how many times?!" Leo demanded.

"Superficially?" Raph asked in a quiet whisper, "More times than I could count. Gravely? About five, give or take a graze or two."

"Graze?" Leo latched onto the word like a magnet to iron. "As in bullets? You got shot?"

"New York vigilante," Raph said flatly, since it should have been an obvious point, "bound to happen sometime."

"How many times did you get shot?"

Mikey could tell that Leo was growing increasingly insistent and panicked. He, too, was horrified by what Raph was telling them. Suddenly, his love of the Nightwatcher felt incredibly wrong. He had never suspected that Nightwatcher was his brother until Raphael fessed up to Master Splinter. Mikey was proud of Raph, so proud that his brother had taken it upon himself to do his best to protect the city, that he had never truly thought about the dangers. Hearing his brother talk like this was a very scary eye-opener. Mikey could understand why Leo was so worried, but all of this was in the past. Raph was still with them, that was what mattered, not the past, not the number of times Raph had been hurt. But in all truth, Mikey was sure that Raph had been injured worse than admitted and had probably danced with death on multiple occasions. Unlike Leonardo, Mikey didn't want to know. He didn't want a number that he could put down as finite, a number that would represent how badly he'd failed his brother when Raph had needed them most. Mikey didn't need that. Not now. Please Raph, don't answer.

Raph looked up. He saw Mikey's face. "Get lost, little brother. Leo and I'll clean up 'round here."

Mikey didn't need to be told twice. He took off, heading straight for Don's lab. Raph's grave, tired face turned to his oldest brother. He hesitated.

"Please, Raph. I have to know. I'll never achieve peace of mind if I don't, and neither will you. I need you to tell me everything, Raphael."

"With or without grazes?" He asked, giving in to his older brother's demands.

Leo stiffened and chewed his lips in thought. Finally he squeaked, "Without."

"Eighteen times."

The blue-masked turtle could have sworn that in that moment his heart stopped. He flung his arms around his younger brother and squeezed tightly, afraid that if he let go, Raph would disappear forever. "A-and you didn't ask for Don's help?"

Raph shook his head. "Took real good care of myself so that he wouldn't have to worry. I'm fine, Leo, really."

Leo hugged tighter. "I should have been here."

"Yeah, you should have." Raph quipped, stubbornly.

Leo smiled through the tears that gathered in his eyes and chuckled. He rubbed Raph's head affectionately. "I'm glad you're so stubborn little brother. Otherwise you wouldn't have stuck around to let me lecture ya." He joked.

Raph grinned. His arms finally rose and returned the hug gently. "Pfft. Like I'd ever dream of missing that."

* * *

"Donnie?"

"What is it, Michelangelo?" Don answered, distractedly.

"I need advice."

That was interesting. Don pulled his eyes away from his computer and leaned over to look at his little brother. Mikey looked—tired. That was never a good sign. "Sit down." He gestured to the lab table.

Mikey hopped up on the table and smiled a little as Don jumped up beside him. "Donnie, yesterday Raph was telling me that Casey was acting pretty weird. He said he was gonna ask you about it, but with everything that's been going on, I'm pretty sure he forgot. So I thought I'd ask you."

"Okay, shoot."

After the conversation Mikey had just left behind in the kitchen, the wording of that sentence was more than a little unnerving. He shifted nervously and Donnie raised an eye-ridge. He hastened to explain himself.

"I-uh-well, you see that's not exactly true. It's actually about one of Casey's friends. His friend has been acting…um, strange…and he thinks that he figured out why. It's a very serious thing and the friend asked Casey not to say anything, but Casey's not sure whether he should tell his friend's family or not."

Donatello seemed intrigued. He regarded Mikey quizzically for a moment and motioned the youngest to proceed. "What kind of thing? What are his friend's symptoms?"

"Um, well, he locks himself in his room a lot. He reacts very emotionally to things, which has caused some trouble with his friends and loved ones. He has irregular and unreliable sleeping patterns. He looks really rundown and he's been pretty apathetic lately."

"Sounds like it could be a case of depression."

"That's what Casey guessed, too."

"And the guy admitted to this?"

Mikey nodded. Don hummed thoughtfully.

"Why doesn't he want anyone to know? Is he ashamed?"

"No. He just doesn't want them to worry and crowd him. He doesn't like too many questions and he doesn't like it when people try to get inside his head." Mikey said solemnly, putting all his passion behind the words.

"Hm. Understandable." Don admitted.

Mikey whined. Don wasn't helping. He whacked Don's shoulder to get his attention and blurted out, "What do I do, Donnie?"

Donnie blinked. Mikey slowly realized his mistake, but the brainiac had already run away with the statement. "Mikey…is this friend of Casey's someone we know?"

The youngest didn't answer. He headed straight for the lab door, but was caught by the shoulder and tugged back.

"Mikey, whoever this friend is, their family needs to know. There are things that can be done to help, but not only that, it's important that they know the dangers. Any form of depression isn't to be taken lightly." As soon as Don finished, his arm released Mikey and the youngest bolted out the door.

* * *

Later that night, after they had all supposedly gone to bed, Mikey crept into Raphael's room. Raph looked up as he entered, as though expecting him. The hothead was more-or-less back to his old self, the affects of the tranquilizer just about worn off. They sat side by side on the bed. Mikey leaned against Raph's shoulder, carefully minding the injured arm. Raph grinned and whacked him softly on the head, which only made Mikey cling tighter.

"What's up, Mikey?"

"You know why I'm here."

Raph sighed. "Mikey, please…"

"No, Raph, listen. I talked to Don, he says that the family deserves to know."

"If you've already told Don, then half the family already knows." Raph growled, angrily, shoving Mikey off and away from him.

Mikey scooted after his brother and reattached himself to the hothead's side. "No, Raph, I made up some story about it being a friend of Casey's. I wouldn't just go and blab to Donnie about this! But, dude, I wanted to! You need to tell them! They should know. It's dangerous keeping it a secret, Raphael!"

"They don't have to know. We'll just keep it a secret. You know what'll happen if we tell them, they'll baby me and start treating me different. And it's not dangerous Mikey, not anymore."

Mikey keened. "You mean you thought about…" He fought valiantly, but was slowly losing a battle to keep his composure. Tears filled his eyes.

Raph reached out and pulled him close, pressing Mikey up against his warm plastron. "I did once, till I realized it wasn't worth it. I'd miss you guys too much."

"I love you, Raphie." Mikey whimpered,

"You too, knucklehead." A loud smack followed and Mikey hiccupped, staring up at Raph's gruff, yet gentle face. "Don't call me Raphie!"

Desperate, baby-blue eyes pleaded with Raphael. "You need to tell them, Raph."

Raph sighed. "Alright. We'll tell them in the morning. Every single time someone starts babyin' me I'm gonna blame you."

"Promise." It was command, not a question.

"Promise." Raph agreed after a short hesitation. His face changed. He looked doubtful, apprehensive, and almost scared. Michelangelo reached over and consoled him.

"I'm here for ya, Raph."

The hothead grinned gratefully at his little brother, but he was so wound up he couldn't sleep.

* * *

The next morning at breakfast, four turtles sat waiting. They hadn't actually eaten anything yet, nor had they been able to grab any cereal from the cupboard before Michelangelo had herded them all to table. What they were waiting for, two of them weren't entirely sure. Leo and Donnie looked at Raph and Mikey, then each other.

"You have any idea what this is all about?"

"Absolutely none." Leo said curtly, really wishing that Mikey had at least let him put the kettle on.

Then, their father entered. "Good morning, my sons." Splinter immediately noticed the lack of food on the table. "Is there something going on?"

Mikey opened his mouth, but before he could speak Leo cut in.

"That's what we're apparently trying to find out."

"Sh!" Mikey said emphatically to his oldest brother. The fact that he had a serious face made Leo straighten slightly.

The orange-masked turtle's behavior was making Leo and Donnie nervous. Splinter came over to the table and had a seat. He did not know what was going on, but he fancied it had something to do with the fact that Raphael had so far refused to make eye contact with any of them.

"There's something, errr well, something we need to discuss."

"Which would be?" Leo asked impatiently. If something was wrong with one of his brothers he wanted to know now. _If it were something medical, surely Donatello would be aware of it,_ his mind proposed. The thought eased his worry a little, but the look on Mikey's face continued to eat away at his composure. Eventually, he sighed. "Mikey," He put a hand on the youngest turtle's shoulder, "please just tell us what's wrong."

Mikey's face went stone cold serious. "It's not my confession to make."

Raph could feel their eyes suddenly shifting to him. He refused to look at them. How the shell was he supposed to say this: 'I've been depressed for a long time now and Mikey said I should tell you'? Like that would work. It'd send them into full-on panic mode, he glanced up enough to catch Leo's posture as the eldest practically leaned across the table, looks like Leo was panicking already. Mother-hen.

He cleared his throat and took a deep breath, but he still couldn't look them in the eyes. "I—" his voice died. Mikey put a hand on his shoulder.

"Take your time, Raph."

Raph's resolve flew out the window and tears began to prick the corners of his eyes. "Dammit, Mikey, I can't do this!"

Mikey calmed Raph as best he could, rubbing the hothead's shoulder's gently. "Yes you can, Raph. I know that you can."

Raph collapsed wearily in his chair. "How the shell am I supposed to say it?" He whined, looking up at Mikey, wishing his brothers and father couldn't see him.

"Tell them the truth." Mikey whispered.

Raph's hands began to shake. Donnie eyed the hothead with steadily growing concern. He wanted to go to his brother and hold him close, but right now, he didn't think the gesture would be appreciated. Raph seemed terrified by the fact that he was acting this way in front of them, and a hug might only make things worse.

Leo, meanwhile, was watching Mikey. The way that the youngest was commanding the situation was admirable. Leo's eyes noted the way that Mikey's hands squeezed Raph's shoulders gently in reassurance. Whatever it was that Raph was about to say, Leo could already tell that he wasn't going to like it.

"We're here, Raph." The eldest said softly. "We're listening. Take your time."

The shaking of Raph's hands spread to his entire body. He closed his eyes. He didn't think about what to say. He just let it leave his mouth in a stream. "Ain't gonna be a better time. No matter how much I take, won't be able to word this nicely." He paused, then let the bomb drop. "I-I've been depressed for a while now." He cracked an eye open and saw that Don, Leo, and Master Splinter had all gone stock-still. He kept going, "I thought I wasn't worth much…still do sometimes. I feel, well, I feel like I don't deserve you guys as brothers. Feel like I'm not up to snuff, not needed for anything, 'cept getting into trouble. I thought that maybe this world would be a better place without me in it—"

"Did you—?" Don's voice cracked. He couldn't finish the sentence, the idea was just too horrific. He just couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe that somehow he hadn't seen the signs.

Raph knew what was meant. He eyed each of his family members. Leo and Don looked terror-struck and Master Splinter looked solemn and thoughtful, but it was obvious that the old rat was deeply disturbed. After a slight pause he answered Don's question with a nod. His brothers gasped and his father rushed forward. Mikey stepped back and allowed Master Splinter to hold Raph close. There were tears in the old rat's eyes.

"My son…" He stroked Raph's head, lovingly. In a soft, broken voice the rat whispered, "When was this, my child?"

"It was after Leo stopped writing letters, when he didn't come home. I almost—" Raph let the sentence hang. He shook his head and wiped the tears. "But…with Leo gone, I knew that my brothers needed me with them. I had to stick around. I had to keep the city safe…to keep them safe. I loved you guys too much to leave."

Splinter sobbed and hugged Raph as tightly as he could. "I love you so much, my son. I always will. I hope that in the future you will come to me with your doubts and even if you do not, know that I am always here to support you."

The old rat pulled away and another figure, standing straight and tall came into Raph's view. He looked down and away, ashamed. The next thing he knew all the air had been squeezed out of him by a fierce embrace. A hand tilted his face up.

"Don't you ever be ashamed of this, Raphael. I will never think any less of you for this and neither will our brothers. We're here for you, Raph. And what you've done today only proves to me that you are the strongest of my brothers. I love you and I consider it an honor to call you brother."

"Just promise me one thing, Leo." Raph grunted.

Leo's arms around him tightened even more, which Raph had thought was impossible.

"Name it."

"Don't baby me because of this."

"Done." The eldest said softly.

"And I get permission to call you out on it?" Raph asked, knowingly.

Leo sighed. "Fine." The eldest released his younger sibling reluctantly.

Raph was therefore not surprised when Donnie came rushing up to him and gripped his shoulders tightly. He hissed a little as the brainiac's fingers came dangerously close to his arm wound. Don immediately jumped back and frowned apologetically. Raph huffed and opened his arms.

Slowly, more hesitantly than expected, the brainiac stepped into the embrace. Don's hands softly stroked Raph's shell, as though he were proving to himself that his brother was indeed, whole and standing before him. There was glint of guilt in Donnie's eyes and it made Raph's stomach churn.

"I should have noticed." Don said, dejectedly.

The hothead whacked the brainiac's carapace softly. "There's nothing you could have done, Don. Let go."

Donnie shook his head. "It's my job in this family to notice—"

"Yur an inventor not a doctor, Donnie! You can't do everything. Besides, I didn't want you notice. You only saw as far as I would let you."

Tugging the hothead even closer, Don whispered into Raph's ear, "Promise me you'll fight this. Promise me that you will believe in us and in yourself."

"Long as you're there to help me. I—I can't do it on my own, I realize that now."

Leo, Mikey and Master Splinter all added to the hug, savoring Raph's low mumbles of protest.

"We all will be here for you Raphael. We'll help you through this."

"Then I promise to try to believe."

Don shook his head. "No try. Will you or won't you?"

Raph smiled and glanced at his awesome and loving family members. "I will."

* * *

 **Review Please! How was it?** **I'm not particularly sure myself, I really don't know how I feel about this one. Anyway, hope you enjoyed! I appreciate your thoughts! Please Review!**


	21. Deception

**Hello everybody! Sorry it took me so long to get back! I've been enjoying my first week and a half of school free-ness! Hopefully I'll now be updating more frequently, and not just this but all my stories!**

 **(and yes, I am still working on the sequel to Picky Portals, but it is insanely complicated and will probably take a while longer.)**

 **Also, now that I'm free, I plan to finish several of my other efforts over the break, including:**

 **Silent Partner**

 **Walk the Line**

 **Sleeping Death (no it hasn't been abandoned!)**

 **and 6738 Miles**

 **I know, I know, it's a lot, but I think I can do it. Plus I hope to get as many of these out as possible. I'm currently working on three right now that are at least a fourth of the way done. So hang in there, and bear with me!**

* * *

 **Ch. 21-Deception**

Raphael staggered forward, brokenly. His stomach tied itself into knots, his knees wobbled, and his voice shook. "Splinter dead, our home destroyed, and you expect me to pretend it never happened?!"

A hand gripped his shoulder softly and tugged him back around. Leo was cool and collected as ever. "It didn't happen, Raph. We turned it around."

"That doesn't change the fact that it happened the first time! Our father died in our arms, Leo! Our world got sucked into a black hole right in front of our eyes! We were powerless to stop it, Leo! Powerless!"

"But we did stop it, Raph, it's okay—"

"None of this is okay, Leo! None of it! Because the next time something like that happens we might not be lucky enough to have a second chance!"

And there it was, out in the open. Raphael's bad mood and insane efforts at overworking himself finally made sense. Leo's hand left his younger sibling's shoulder as he paused to assess the situation. This was never easy with Raphael. Donnie and Mikey's moods could usually be easily dealt with by a good swift whack on the head, but Raph was different. He was more emotional, and likely to dwell on things. After a week of watching Raph working himself into this apocalyptic funk, Leo had finally decided to approach the hothead. And, after being on the receiving end of his brother's insults for over an hour now, it looked like they'd finally gotten to the root of the problem.

Leo coughed, the intense shouting match now coming back to bite him. That Raph managed to yell all the time and never once lost his voice always amazed him.

He didn't reach out this time. Now that they were breaking very tender ground, any kind of physical contact could lead to deep cuts or broken bones, neither of which Leo wanted to deal with this late in the evening.

"But we did have a second chance Raph, we fixed everything. It's alright now."

"Until it happens again."

"Don't think like that, Raph."

Raph turned on him and snarled. "The shell am I supposed to think, Leo? You think I want to think about this stuff? I wouldn't, but someone in this family has to!"

"Raph—"

"Shredder's still out there, Leo and he's gonna keep coming after Master Splinter! He's never going to stop trying to kill him!"

Leo's eyes flashed dangerously. "I know that, Raph. You really think that I haven't thought about that?"

"So you admit it! Everything's not alright, Leo! It might never be! We might run around in circles for years! Shredder, the Kraang, the Utrom, space missions and aliens and Foot clan and humans and sticking to the shadows and never being seen. It could go on forever! Until we kill Shredder, or he kills us, or we kill each other, or someone else finishes the job for us!"

Leo's heart was racing. Raph's words rang in his ears. He felt as though a swift punch to the gut had knocked the wind out of him. The words were haunting, hanging between them dividing them like a giant metal wall.

For the first time in his life, Leonardo could see what Raph meant by 'nobody understands me', because for the first time, he understood. His blind eyes were finally able to see the truth:

He, Leonardo, could live from one day to the next. He could accept what happened, acknowledge it, and move on. Raphael, could not.

Raphael was a creature of the past. He dwelled on it and he practically lived in it. Every decision Raphael made, he made based upon past experience. Everything he excelled in, he had been good at for a long time.

New things disturbed him, made him wary and suspicious. Space had made him uncomfortable and sick. He'd immediately been attached to Chompy Picasso because the little alien turtle reminded him of Spike.

Of course, how on Earth had he not seen it? Telling Raph to ignore the past was like telling him to stop breathing. Saying that everything was alright just wouldn't fly.

Leo's silence had Raphael convinced that the eldest turtle had given up trying to talk to him. He sighed and slumped.

"I'm tired, Leo," he said, wearily. "Every day I wake up thinking I'll make the same stupid mistake and that it'll start all over again."

Leo looked up at Raph, confused. He'd only been listening long enough to catch the end of the sentence as he'd been lost in his own thoughts. He raised an eye-ridge and leaned forward.

"What mistake?"

Posture softening, Raph stared tiredly at his older brother.

The hothead looked horrible. There were dark circles under his eyes and their bright green irises were duller than usual.

"When was the last time you slept?" Leo asked softly, daring to step a little closer.

A brief flicker of amusement swept over Raph's stony face. "When was the last time you saw stars out your window?"

Raph hadn't slept at all in the week since they'd been back? How had he not noticed? He should have known. But, then again, Raph was very good at keeping them from noticing things he didn't want them to notice. Each of the four turtles had their own set of skills, and they had each mastered certain aspects of their training more than others. Donatello's cunning intelligence was undisputable, Michelangelo's aloofness was his saving grace, Leonardo's precision was unparalleled, but Raphael…

Oh, how Leo envied Raphael. At first glance, everyone assumed that Raphael's strength was his greatest asset, but they were all wrong. Though it had been obvious for a very long time, Leonardo had only realized Raph's true ability when his brother's words had slapped him in the face on the planet of the Aeons.

 _"You were always Splinter's favorite!"_

He'd heard Raph say it plenty of times in the past, that was for certain. Especially when they were children. Leo had always denied it, feeling embarrassed and cornered. But it wasn't until that moment that Leo realized how much admitting it hurt his younger sibling.

That day, Leonardo had seen the truth. Yes, Raphael was strongest of the four of them, but that wasn't the gift he had been born with. Raph's strength was something he had worked for and compounded over time.

Of all the great ninja virtues, Raphael was an inherent master of deception.

He lied easily and without hesitation. His mind skillfully spewed out excuses and explanations with such efficacy that no one had any reason to doubt their honesty. Only those who were incredibly close to him could catch him in a lie, and usually it was only under unique circumstances.

Since that visit to the anger-inducing planet of the Aeons, every time Leonardo had actually been able to coax out Raph's true feelings only showed him how much deeper and deeper and deeper he had to probe to reach the real Raphael. It was difficult to know now, when Raph was telling the truth. It wasn't that he doubted Raph. Leo trusted his brother with his life. It was his own ability to understand his sibling that Leo doubted.

"Don't tell Mikey and Donnie." Raph murmured softly, rubbing his hands over his face.

A small smile crept onto Leo's face. Right now, though, Raph was being honest, and that was the only thing keeping Leo from hauling the hothead to his room and locking him in.

Raph yawned a little and Leo's smile grew.

"Of course not," Raph looked less than convinced, "You can trust this face, can't you?" He pouted, leaning closer to Raph.

With a grin Raph's hand shoved Leo's face away. Then a cloud swept over him and he turned away a little.

Leo felt the change and his smile dimmed.

"That's exactly the problem."

The eldest canted his head. "That you trust me? I'm your brother, Raph."

"Not you." Raph said, his voice getting sharp and dangerous once again. "I trust people, Leo! The wrong people! Way more than I should and it always ends up getting you guys in trouble! I've made that mistake more than once and look what happened!"

"Raph, what are you talking abou—"

Raph's voice dropped to a whisper, "If I hadn't trusted Zog, none of it would have happened in the first place. It was my fault, Leo."

Leo's head snapped up.

"It was my mistake. If it happens again, we might not get a second chance."

Once again, a green hand grabbed Raph's shoulder and squeezed reassuringly, but this time, Leo felt the powerful muscle flinch beneath the skin.

"It won't happen again, Raph. Not if we learn from the past."

"But can we, Leo? Can we really? Or are we only destined to repeat it?"

Blue eyes searched his sibling's face, hoping that somehow, Raph wasn't being serious. The longer he searched, the more he found himself wanting to despair, but he knew that he couldn't. First he had to pull his brother back to him, somehow.

"Raph, I know you."

The statement made Raphael look up and probe Leo's expression. "Do you?"

Leo bit his lip a little. In truth, he felt more lost around Raph than he had in a long time. Of all his brothers, Raph had changed the most since childhood, and with all these recent revelations, Leo truly had no idea where he and his brother stood.

"I think I do."

That made Raph smile. "You think?" He parroted.

The blue-masked turtle grinned back and said, playfully, "I recently discovered that I don't know you as well as I actually thought I did."

"Oh really?" Raph said, patronizingly.

"Really. You're a master of deception."

Raph's head turned slightly and he crossed his arms over his chest. "Am I?"

"Yes. You've been hiding form us." Leo said softly.

"Am I?" Raph repeated, his voice lowered, "Maybe you just haven't been looking."

"I have been."

"Then you must not have known what to look for."

Leo opened his mouth to protest, but Raph's hand flew up in a silencing gesture. The red-masked ninja swept past him into the hall that led to their rooms.

"I'm going to bed. Goodnight, Fearless."

"Love ya, bro," Leo whispered.

Raph didn't turn around. "Yeah, yeah. G'night, Leo."

Six months ago, Leo would have smiled. He would have believed that that was Raph's way of saying, 'love you too, big bro'. But now…what he saw frightened him. Leo, the fearless leader, was scared.

Raph was hurting, had been hurting for so long, craving any form of love and attention, good or bad, that he no longer knew how to respond to one of his brothers saying that they loved him. Leo couldn't even bring himself to think about how long it had been since Raph had believed them.

Now alone in the darkened center of the lair, Leo dropped the strong leader exterior, crumpled, and allowed a few silent tears to drip down his cheeks.

But, unbeknownst to him, there was a witness to his tears. A witness whose tears had long since dried. They thought he didn't know. They thought he didn't see the pain that they went through everyday. But they were wrong. He saw.

He saw everything. And he remembered.

That was why he had to stay strong.

That was why he always tried to hard to make them smile.

* * *

 **Didn't originally intend for it to end up going in the direction it did. Not sure how I feel about this one.**

 **What do you guys think? Review Please!**

* * *

 **Also, to guest Die In a Hole, who requested a chapter dealing with more of what Slash didn't tell Leo in Swap, I will do my best to make it happen, but it might be a little while before I get to it.**


	22. They Pick You

**So, Pheonix09 suggested that I make a chapter of Mikey comforting Donnie after a nightmare. I'm not really sure why, but my mind really got stuck on that idea. So, here it is!**

 **I admit, I ran away with it a little bit and decided to use it as a medium for tying SAINW, or Same as It Never Was from the 2k3 series, into the 2012 verse. I changed a few things, to fit my purposes of course, but it's really just about the same. Hope you enjoy! :)**

* * *

 **"Of all the things you choose in life, you don't get to choose what your nightmares are. You don't pick them, they pick you."**

 **-John Irving**

* * *

 **Ch. 22-They Pick You**

Deep beneath the streets of New York city in an old unused portion of the subway, an olive green teenager tossed and turned, tangling himself in his sheets. His forehead and neck were drenched by a thin sheet of cold sweat. He grimaced and whined, sucked back into a world that was damp and dark. Cold, alone, apocalyptic.

Everything was grey. He was alone. No, no, no! Where are they? His brothers, his friends, his father? All gone? Where were they?! Ah!

He was cornered by Footbots. They were everywhere, all around him. But these all looked different. They were bigger, more heavy-duty, dangerous. There was no way he'd be able to take them all.

Suddenly a dark figure swept in front of him and started taking them out. He watched in wonder as the figure twisted and turned, slashing them down and throwing them around with a pair of nunchucks. No, it couldn't be—

All the bots fell, and the figure jumped back into the shadows.

"I can't believe it. You actually came back."

Came back? What was that supposed to mean? And why did Mikey's voice sound so strange? It was older, deeper. He didn't sound like Mikey anymore.

Donnie flinched as 'Michelangelo' emerged from the shadows. Mikey—his arm—he was—but how? What?

He tossed and turned in his bed, a low whine leaving his lips. Sheets tightened around his neck, strangling him. He couldn't breathe. Brothers! His brothers! No!

He cried out in pain as he saw Leo struck down by a mind-controlled Karai. Tears gathered at the corners of his eyes and streamed down his cheeks as Raph charged and fell beside their older sibling. _No, no, please!_

"MIKEY!"

The sheets tightened even more. He twisted and turned, desperately trying to free himself.

No! He had to get to his brothers! He had to save them, he had to—

He awoke with a start, shooting up in bed, tearing the sheets off of him and away from his neck. Panting wildly for breath, he couldn't stop shaking. A pathetic whimper left his lips and he curled up into a ball, pulling his knees in towards his plastron.

The creaking of the door opening made him jump. The figure outlined in the doorway was a familiar one, not the strange one from his dream, but the real one. Don jumped off the bed and tore across the room. He clung to his brother for dear life. "Mikey!"

Such an enthusiastic welcome stunned Michelangelo for a few moments, but he soon smiled and returned the hug with fervor. "Gee, Don, yur acting like you haven't seen me in days!" Then he noticed the tear trails on his brother's cheeks, his face softened and settled into a worried frown. "Donnie, you okay?"

"I'm fine."

Mikey stepped out of the hug and saw the way that Donnie's face fell. He put a hand on Donnie's shoulder. "Doesn't look that way to me."

"I said I'm fine, Michelangelo!" He snapped.

The youngest turtle straightened. "Fine, then you won't be needing me to bother you anymore!" He turned to leave, but Donnie called him back almost immediately and wrapped him in a desperate backwards hug.

"No, don't leave." Don begged, pulling his younger sibling tighter. "Please don't leave."

Mikey pouted. "I'm not stupid, Donnie." He murmured.

"I know you're not."

"Yeah, sure. That's why you guys treat me like an airhead all the time. You think that I don't notice anything."

Don's grip on Mikey's shoulders faltered a little as the image of an older, solemner Mikey flashed before his eyes. No, he wasn't going to let that happen. He couldn't, not to Mikey, not to his precious younger brother. Mikey was their joy, without that—they'd collapse.

"Do you really think that I don't notice, Donnie?"

The brainiac couldn't answer. He'd just assumed Mikey's aloofness was parallel to youthful ignorance, but he was wrong. Perhaps they'd all been wrong about their little brother.

"You think I can't see the way that Leo beats himself up every time we botch a mission? You think I don't notice the way that Raph wallows in his depression? You think I'm blind to the way you sulk every time an invention goes wrong or one of us gets hurt? I know how nervous you get every single time we go out because you don't know what's going to happen or what you'll have to deal with. We put a lot of pressure on you to solve our problems, Donnie. I've seen how hard you work for us."

Donnie was dumbfounded. His arms fell to sides somewhere in the middle of Mikey's tirade and he stared with a dropped jaw.

Mikey smiled, his youthful innocence returning, and turned around, wrapping his immediate older sibling in a proper hug. "We love you, Donnie. And I'm always here for you."

And then, Donnie did something he hadn't done since he was seven and a half years old: he lay his head on his little brother's shoulder, let go of all his inhibitions and sobbed. Mikey quietly hushed him and rubbed his shell gently.

"What happened, Don?" he asked, softly.

Shaking his head, Donnie whined at the memory of his horrible nightmare and squeezed Mikey tighter.

"I heard you shout my name," the youngest whispered, allowing his fear to show.

The brainiac's bottom lip trembled and he bit it gently. He didn't want to say it. He didn't want to relive that horrible nightmare. He wanted to push it to the back of his mind, to forget. He wanted it to just go away, to be like it had never happened. But it had, and there was no going back now. He sniveled a little. Mikey eyed him worriedly.

"Nightmare?"

Don nodded through his tears feeling pathetic, embarrassed and weak. He shouldn't have to burden Mikey with something like this. He shouldn't have to burden any of them. He shouldn't have been so damn upset by a stupid nightmare. But—what if it came true? What if he lost them all? What if they fell apart? No, no, no…

As though reading his brother's mind, Mikey said softly, "It's okay, Don. We all get nightmares."

"But it was so real, Mikey! So real! Everything was destroyed! Shredder had taken over the city—Our team had fallen apart!"

"You-you said I'd been missing for years. You guys had tried to face Shredder, but he defeated you. You were—you'd lost an arm."

Mikey seemed very disturbed by that. His eyes were wide and he pulled back, rubbing his arms nervously.

Don turned his carapace to the youngest and rambled on in a terrified whisper.

"Leo was blinded, Raph lost an eye, and Sensei was—" His voice died, indicatively.

Mikey stared, a shudder running up and down his spine.

"Raph and Leo had a major falling out and everything had gone to hell. I got everyone back together and we made another try at defeating Shredder."

"And?" Mikey asked, sounding small and afraid.

"I killed him, but—" he swallowed heavily, his whole body starting to tremble in terror. "Karai was under his control. Leo was trying to talk her out of it and she—" Again, his voice faltered.

Mikey went pale, small tears gathering in his eyes.

As fresh, salty tears cascaded down Donnie's cheeks, he choked out, "Raph went at her and she—k-killed him, too. And—and," he could barely process the words as they tumbled from his mouth, "you were—"

Mikey shakily stepped forward and placed his arms on Donnie's shoulders, though he, too was horrified.

"You were fighting Footbots. They surrounded you. There were too many. One of them struck you and shoved you backwards onto a blade. I-i-it went straight through…" Donnie couldn't take it anymore, he fell to his knees, "And even after all that, April thanked me. She said that we'd given them back their future! She said that I'd saved them! But I lost you! I failed you! I—"

"Donnie!"

The unexpected ferocity of the shout made his mouth snap shut. He found Mikey kneeling on the floor in front of him.

"You did save them, big brother. You saved them from darkness and hopelessness. It's okay. It's all okay, Donnie. We're safe. We're all safe. You don't have to be afraid. That won't ever happen."

Don shoved Mikey away roughly. "How can you possibly know that, Michelangelo! No one can know that! It could happen! We can't predict the future." He said, his voice dropping to a low whisper.

A harsh slap to the face made him gasp and stare at his little brother.

"That kind of attitude is as good as admitting defeat, Donnie! I know you're a lot stronger than that! Didn't you learn anything from this nightmare?!"

Mikey's words ignited something inside of him and he glared. "Learn? What the shell am I supposed to learn from it, Mikey?! That weight of the world rests on my shoulders? That one of these days I'll get you all killed? That—"

Donatello cut off when he found himself robbed of air by his little brother's tight embrace.

Shaking his head, Mikey whispered, "That we can't function without you."

Don's arms slowly rose to return the hug. He hadn't seen it like that at all.

"Without you, everything would go to shell. You're an important member of this team. We need you."

Tears came once more to Donnie's eyes, but this time, he couldn't tell whether they were from fear, sadness, or relief.

"But, I'm not—"

"Yes, you are. We're a family, Don, we need each other because we're all we've got. No matter how many fights or insults or failures or challenges we face, we'll get through and we'll always come back, because that's who we are. No matter what."

With a relieved sigh and a beaming smile, Don hugged Mikey tightly.

"Uh—Don?"

"Hm?"

"Can't breathe."

Don's eyes widened and he let go, a little embarrassed. "Sorry."

Mikey waved it off. "S'all good."

Don rubbed Mikey's head, affectionately. "Thanks, little brother."

"Anytime, Don, anytime. What are bros for?"

"You're the best."

"Of course I am, bro! I'm the cute and cuddly one, remember?"

Don snorted and punched him gently in the arm.

"Playin' favorites, Don? I don't know if I should feel relieved or offended."

Both he and Mikey whirled around in time to see Leo punch Raph roughly for the comment. Raph snorted and grumbled, "Okay, fine, fine, I'm just yanking your bandana tails."

Leo leaned an elbow casually on Raph's shoulder and smiled like a proud father. "It's so nice to see our younger brothers getting along so well, isn't it, Raph?"

With a roll of his eyes, Raph muttered, "As if they didn't get along well enough already."

Don couldn't help but smile.

Leo let out a startled yelp as Raph shoved him off and he toppled to the ground. He glared up at the hothead and Raph smirked.

Mikey giggled at the look on Leo's face. Don smiled and crossed his arms over his chest as he realized, "How long have you two been standing there?"

The question made the older turtles' smiles fade. Raph yanked his older brother up and received another punch to the arm. After shooting a warning glare at Leo, he took a few cautious steps toward Donnie with a very serious expression.

"Long enough."

Don avoided Raph's eyes. He didn't need Raph making fun of him for being so disturbed by a nightmare.

He wasn't expecting to receive a harsh growl for his evasiveness. Raph stomped angrily away, heading for the door, but paused in the doorway and spoke lowly over his shoulder, "You're not the only one with nightmares, Don. You're not the only one who gets scared. Nightmares aren't always rational, they don't always relate to your experiences or past events. Sometimes they're meant to teach you something. So learn from them and move on." He vanished into the shadowy hallway, leaving the three of them alone.

"Raph's right, Don." Leo said evenly, coming closer and wrapping the brainiac in a protective hug.

Still trembling a little, Don whispered, "You think I should go apologize to him?"

"Don't worry about it. He's just out of his depth. You know how he hates enemies that he can't punch in the face." Leo said soothingly.

Don laughed. "Yeah, I know."

"Besides, he's just lingering outside the door. He'll be back as soon as he lets out his frustration."

A telltale bang made them all jump and less than thirty seconds later, Raph came stomping back into the room like clockwork.

"Feel better?" Mikey teased jovially. He cried out as his older brother tackled him to the ground and tugged him into a headlock.

Completely at ease, if a little sleepy, Leo sternly stared Raph down. "I hope you didn't make a hole in the wall this time."

"Wall's fine, Fearless." Raph turned to his captive. "What do we say, Mikey?"

"Raphael is all wise and powerful," Mikey recited remotely, "and he's better than me in every possible way."

A forest green hand on Raph's shoulder made him sigh.

"That's enough for tonight, Raph."

"Aw, we were just getting to the good part." The hothead whined.

Leo rolled his eyes and shook his head, with a faint smile on his lips.

Raph let Mikey up and they all stood there awkwardly for a few moments.

"What now?" Mikey asked softly.

"Well, we do have training tomorrow so we should get back to bed." Leo stated.

All eyes slid over to Donatello. A bit of anxiety swept over him at the mention of returning to bed. Frowning with understanding, his three brothers fell silent once more, deep in thought.

Snapping his fingers and grinning excitedly, Mikey blurted out, "Let's have a party!"

His brothers' eye-ridges rose.

"We'll eat leftover pizza and watch movies and play games and listen to music and stuff!"

Donnie smiled at the idea, but paused in thought and asked, "But what about training?"

The three younger siblings all turned to their eldest brother. Leo glanced at each of them in turn. Mikey was pleading, Donnie was uncertain, and Raph was giving him the 'you're an idiot if you say no' look. Keeping a straight face, he put a hand on his genius brother's shoulder.

"Donatello, I am the leader of this team," Leo enjoyed the way his brothers deflated at his words, and then added, "but even I know that there are some things more important than training."

All three of his brothers smiled widely and Raph patted him approvingly on the shoulder. Mikey was bubbling with excitement.

"Booyakasha! Let's get this party started!" The youngest grabbed Raph and Don by the arm and ran for the door, Raph snagging Leo's arm at the last possible second and tugging him along as well.

His brothers' laughter echoing down the hall, Leo beamed happily. _Yes, indeed, there were some things that were far more important than training._

* * *

Less than an hour later, an old rat was awakened by the sound of strange voices coming from the main room. He silently padded across the dojo and exited silently into the main room, concealing himself in the shadows. His guard dropped as soon as he realized that the strange voices were emanating from the television. He was standing behind the couch and could not see them, which meant they were either lying down or seated on the floor, but his sharp ears had already told him that more than one of his sons were present. He began to approach, intent on reprimanding them for staying up so late, when a voice said softly:

"Donnie, I hope you know that we'll always protect you. You're safe. You don't have to be afraid."

 _Leonardo_. Hmm, there was a gravity in the eldest turtle's tone, which meant that he was being very serious. Splinter paused and took a couple steps back into the shadows.

"Yeah, dude, we're always here for you."

 _Michelangelo as well, interesting._

"But what if—"

"It's not gonna happen, Don. It was just a nightmare."

Raphael's forthrightness was always a very useful quality to the old ninja master. He could always count on Raphael to come directly to the point. Splinter frowned. _A nightmare?_

"Donnie, you know that even if something did happen to us—" Leonardo was cut off by a warning growl from Raphael, but quickly finished his sentence, "we'd still be with you in spirit."

Raphael huffed and added, "Fearless is right. I know I'll never really leave you guys. I'd come back and kick your shells if I heard any of you were losing it cause of me bein' gone."

It was a harsh statement that brought about rather morbid thoughts and Splinter could sense disquiet in Leonardo and Michelangelo's aura because of it, but Donatello, upset as he was, seemed oddly comforted by the gruff words.

"Thanks Raph."

"No prob. Anybody for thirds?" He stood with a pizza box in hand.

"Me! Me! Me! Me!" Michelangelo shouted eagerly, jumping up and grabbing the box from Raph's hands. It was empty. His face fell.

Raph conked him over the head, playfully. "There's more in the kitchen, goofball. You two knuckleheads want any?"

"I suppose." Leo replied.

"I think I've had enough," Don said, a hint of laughter in his voice.

Raph moved to take the box from Mikey, but the youngest jumped away.

"I'll get it!" He chimed in a singsong voice. He turned to head for the kitchen, but paused and did a double-take as he eyes swept over Splinter's hiding spot. He caught the old rat's gaze, smiled, and gave his father a thumbs-up.

Grinning and shaking his head, Splinter returned to his room. Tomorrow he could determine whether or not it would be best to approach Donatello about this nightmare, but tonight…he was content to let it rest. Though they didn't always realize it, their bond was by far their greatest strength.

* * *

 **So, how was it?**

 **Review Please!**


	23. Past the Red

**This one is for Die In a Hole. It's related to the Swap series of Brotherly Blunders, but can definitely stand on its own for those of you that haven't read Brotherly Blunders. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

 **Ch. 23-Past the Red**

Slash was not surprised when Leonardo dropped in that night as they were preparing for evening patrol. And he said 'dropped in' because when one has a skylight in their HQ, one can expect stealthier visitors to prefer that to the door. Though the leader of the turtles was certainly not expected, the Mighty Mutanimals had gotten rather used to him just casually 'dropping in' to talk to Slash. Leo usually came with questions about Raphael, describing certain situations or encounters they'd been having that he wasn't sure how to respond to or deal with, and Slash would respond with advice. But today, Leonardo seemed to be in a rather dark mood. All four of the Mighty Mutanimals could feel it and they sent their leader wary glances.

"Leatherhead, lead the patrol. Leo and I need to talk."

"Are you sure, my friend?"

Slash nodded. "Call if you need help."

The alligator mutant nodded and they left. As soon as the door slammed behind them, Leonardo spoke.

"You always say that he wants to be closer to us, but every single time I try he shoves me away!" Leo growled angrily.

Slash's defenses flew up and his fists clenched. "That's because you're smothering him, you're trying too hard and it's got him convinced that there's some kind of catch!"

"There's no point in trying if he won't even let me close!"

Slash advanced a step and poked Leo in the chest. "And that's exactly why you've never been able to understand!"

Leo's anger lessened, but his posture remained haughty and stern. "Just what is it that I don't understand, Slash? What is it that I don't get? Raphael has problems, same as the rest of us, why is that so hard for us to understand?"

"Do you remember the time Master Splinter had the three of you insult him in training?"

Dark blue eyes narrowed. "You've mentioned that before."

A wave of anger swept over the larger mutant and he snarled. "You really didn't notice anything different about him that week?" he scoffed, bitterly, "Some brother."

"That's uncalled for!" Leo snapped.

"Is it? Is it really?! You clearly have no idea what affect your words had on him!"

Suddenly, Leo's anger was gone, replaced with confusion and concern. "What do you mean?"

Slash sighed, his shoulders drooped and he sat with his back to the eldest turtle. "Raphael spent two extra hours in the dojo every day that week working on his form." Slash allowed the statement some time to sink in. When Leonardo still didn't respond he growled. "What's the matter? Aren't you smart enough to find the connection?"

Thinking hard for another minute, the answer finally came to him. His eyes widened. No, Raph wouldn't—not just because of— He stared at Slash's spiked carapace.

"He didn't—it wasn't—not because of Mikey saying that he moved—"

"—like a bloated buffalo." After letting that sink in for a moment, Slash went on, "Tell me, Leo, what injuries did Raphael suffer that week?"

Leo paused and considered. "He hurt his hand. Got some glass shards in it or something. Donnie said he'd punched his—mirror."

This time Slash could tell he wouldn't have to elaborate. Leonardo had already connected the dots, but still, Slash wanted Leo to know just how deeply Raph had been hurt. "He didn't sleep for an entire week. Every time he walked past a reflective surface he paused, depressed by what he saw. He was torn and confused. He didn't really think he was ugly, but always in the back of his mind, there was someone shouting it out at him."

A hint of horror and guilt flashed through Leo's eyes, quickly replaced with apprehension as he asked the dreaded question, "What about what I said? About him being a…"

"Scared little baby?" Slash finished, quietly.

Leo gulped and nodded.

"Leo says I'm a baby 'cause I'm always whining that nobody understands me…but they don't understand Spike, they just don't get it! They say that I act tough like it's a bad thing! They just don't get it. I have to be tough. I have to get angry because—because it doesn't hurt as much…ya know? Anger is better than sadness. And I—I think it's because that way it's about them, not me. You understand, don't you Spike? You always understand."

Leo crumpled like a stricken old man. "It's a defense mechanism. He gets angry because—" as though slapped from a daze he asked, "He—he really said…?"

"Word for word."

He keened a little. Then stared pleadingly at Slash. "Please, tell me more."

"You sure you can take it?"

Leo shook his head. "But I have to know."

"As you wish."

Slash took a deep breath and went on.

"D-Do you think it's wrong, Spike? I mean, I don't want to hurt them, but my anger does hurt them. You know, Spike, sometimes I just don't get it. They make such a big deal about how the things I say hurt them and that I need to control my anger and all that, but don't any of them ever see that the things they say hurt me? Mikey's been calling me ugly since we turned eight, but he always said it like he was joking, so I let it slide, but then Donnie said it and Don doesn't lie. Do they really think I'm ugly?"

"No, Raphael, no…" Leo's heart was breaking into a million pieces. "What have I done?"

"It wasn't just you. And Raph doesn't blame any of you for it."

"How can he not? We've been hurting him all these years…"

"Why do you think I was so angry when I mutated?"

Leo stared at him with wide eyes and Slash shrugged it off. "I wanted to kill you for the amount of hurt you'd caused him, but I was blinded by anger. In that way, we're alike, Leonardo."

"I don't understand."

Slash smiled, bitterly. "All we could see was red, Leonardo. You and your brothers could never see past Raphael's anger, and I couldn't see past my own."

"What did you find when you finally saw past it?"

"Love."

Leo's head rose in fascination.

"Love of his family. He cares for you all so deeply. The four of you make him so happy, Leonardo, that would endure even the harshest of treatment to stay close to you. Every time you reach out, every time you compliment him, or laugh at one of his jokes, or spend time with him instead of in the dojo, it makes him feel like he's worth something. His family is worth more to him than anything else in the world and every time you show him affection or acknowledgement, all the hurt, all the harsh words and sleepless nights, they just don't matter anymore."

"Then why does he push me away?" Leo whispered, airily.

"Because he's afraid."

"Of what?"

"Himself." Slash sighed and lowered his head. "He did develop his anger as a defense mechanism, Leo, but somewhere along the line he lost control."

"But what does that have to do with—"

"I already told you: family is everything with Raphael."

"I still don't—" Leo paused and thought about Slash's words, until the answer struck him like a sucker punch to the heart. "He thinks he'll lose us."

"The closer you get, the harder he'll try to pull away, Leo. He's scared."

Leo stood and straightened with determination. He headed for the door, but paused to call back to Slash, "That first time we talked, you told me not to stop trying. You said that I had no idea how much he truly appreciates it. You knew."

"Of course."

"You've known a long time."

"Not as long as I should have, but yes."

"And you didn't tell me until now."

"You weren't ready to know. I couldn't trust you until I knew you would understand." Slash admitted.

"I couldn't be trusted with my own brother's feelings?"

"No." Slash answered sternly, glaring at the blue-masked turtle. "I couldn't be sure that you wouldn't go to him and demand an explanation. Doing that would drive him away, Leo. And I'm certain that if he found out I trusted you with this information he'd never confide in me again. He needs someone to confide in. I couldn't tell you until I was absolutely sure. I trust you enough to assume that you will be gentle with him. He's not fragile, but isn't made of diamond, either."

Leo's anger diminished as he realized that Slash was only protecting Raphael. He nodded. "I understand. I-I really appreciate you telling me all of this."

Slash's eyes clouded a little, he turned his back on the turtle. "I didn't do it for you."

* * *

When Leonardo got home, he found Michelangelo on the floor asleep with a videogame controller in his hand. A blanket was draped carefully over his shoulders and same could be said for Donatello who was sleeping at his desk in the lab. Leo smiled.

His smile dimmed as he looked down the hall to the one room that had light peeping out from under the door. He took a deep breath and knocked quietly. The door opened soon enough.

"Hey Leo. Whatta ya need?"

Leo frowned at the question and shifted uncomfortably. Over the last couple weeks he felt like he'd really been getting to know his brother better, at least until that whopping fight they'd had earlier this afternoon. But with everything he knew now, he found a lot more indicators in Raph's question that things hadn't been going as great as he'd thought.

"Do I have to need something?" he asked, allowing a little bit of the hurt he was feeling to show. He saw a flash of panic and guilty remorse in Raph's eyes.

Softening a little, Raph stepped back and motioned Leo to come inside, which the eldest did without hesitation. Raph was looking anywhere but him and muttered, "Sorry."

"No, you shouldn't be."

That got the younger turtle's attention.

Leo slowly went on. "I'm the one who should be sorry. You know, I think the real reason that we fight over so many things is because we both get super worried. I just want to keep my three little brothers safe, and you…you want to keep the three of us safe, no matter what the cost. Is that true?"

"Leo—"

"Is it true, Raph?"

"Yes, of course it is." He snapped, a little annoyed that his big brother seemed determined to drill him out of protesting.

"Is a ruby cheaper than a sapphire?" Before Raph could answer he added, "Think carefully about how you answer, little brother."

Raphael stared deep into his older brother's eyes. He knew exactly what Leo was asking and the advice to think carefully meant that his older brother already knew the truth. "It takes fifty reds to equal a blue." He said quietly, unable to face his older brother. He was surprised when Leonardo's arms shot out and wrapped around him tightly.

"Do you have any idea how much you mean to us?"

Raph didn't answer. Leo hadn't expected him too.

The leader hugged Raph tighter and the hothead squirmed. "Leo, let go."

"Not until you hear everything I have to say." Leo said sternly. "You have a family that loves you Raphael. I wish I could make you realize just how much. I really don't know where to begin… You're this family's strength, Raph. You're the fire that keeps us going even when we think we can't take anymore. You're the perfect combination of warmth and toughness to keep us from falling down and losing confidence. Think about it, Raph! You're the only one able to literally shove Donnie out of his lab to get some sleep, or help Mikey when he's feeling sad, or beat some sense into me whenever I over work myself in the dojo! We need you Raph! And we love you so much for everything that you do for us, but more than that—"

"Leo, let me go."

Raphael was on the brink of tears, Leo could tell. The hothead didn't want to look weak, but Leo just had to make him understand.

"—we love you just for being you. You can trust me, Raphael, and if I ever say anything that hurts or bothers you, I want you to tell me. If anyone says anything that bothers you, you can trust me. I'll help you."

Raph was struggling to pull away, but Leo just had one more thing to say.

"I know you use your anger to shield you from hurt, little brother."

The red-masked turtle froze with bated breath.

"I want to protect you so that you don't have to rely on your anger anymore."

"I can't control it, Leo. I don't want to hurt you. You, or any of the others."

"I know. But I love you, little brother. And I know that you would never purposely hurt me. I'm not afraid." Finally, he released his younger sibling.

Raph recoiled violently all the way to the other end of the room. "Leo, get out."

"No. I'm not going to let you push me away, Raphael. I want to understand you."

Sliding down the wall into a seated position, Raph grumbled dryly, "That isn't an easy thing to do, Fearless."

"I know. Believe me, I know."

The forlorn edge to Leo's voice made Raph eye him warily. He suspected that Leo already knew a lot more than he was saying. How long the eldest had been scrutinizing him, he couldn't say, but it must have been while now.

"And you still want to?"

"Absolutely." Leo said with certainty. He poured all his emotions into his voice, hoping with all his heart that Raphael would let him try.

After looking the blue-masked turtle up and down, Raphael sighed and patted the empty spot next to him. Leo bounded over and sat there, hugging Raph with a sigh of relief.

Raph smiled wanly at the action. "I certainly hope this isn't going to be a regular thing with you."

"What, heart-to-heart chats?"

The younger scoffed. "Hugs."

"I reserve the right to offer hugs at any time or place I see fit."

"You sound like Mikey." Raph grinned.

Leo smiled. "Then I'd say Mikey has the right idea."

"Just to settle my own curiosity, what brought all of this on?"

"The hugs?" Leo quipped, receiving a soft bonk on the head.

"You know what I mean."

"I think it's time I see past the red." He said with a grin.

* * *

 **How was it?**


	24. The Three Worst Words

**I've been working on this for a while. Hope you enjoy it.**

* * *

 **Ch. 24-The Three Worst Words**

"Shut up, Mikey!"

"I hate you! You're the worst big brother ever! You're always yelling and hitting and pushing me around! I hate you! I wish you'd go away!"

Young Raphael stared at his little brother, shocked. Then his eyes narrowed and he looked at Leo and Donnie. They were just standing there.

"You can't just let Mikey say something like that!" Raph said, getting a really bad feeling in his gut. Donatello refused to meet his gaze.

Leo sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. "Raph, you do yell and hit too much. You're always hurting our feelings."

"And you are mean sometimes, Raphie," Don said, rubbing his neck nervously. He still wouldn't look up.

Mikey, still angry stomped over and got in Raph's face. "You're always mean to me! I hate you Raphael, I hate you!"

Tears filled the eight-year-old's neon-green eyes. "You-you can't mean that Mikey."

"I do mean it! I hate you! I hate you!"

Raphael's little heart felt like it had been shattered into a million tiny pieces. Tears gathered at the corners of his eyes and his little fists clenched. He wanted to hit Mikey, to shut his mouth, to beat him up, but he couldn't. Sensei would be mad at him. Leo and Donnie too, and Mikey would still hate him. They'd all still hate him. He turned on his heels and ran into the sewers.

He ran and ran and ran until he couldn't run anymore. His little legs gave out and he fell to his knees in the dirt and grime of the sewer. His muscles ached, his lungs burned, his eyes stung with tears. He had no idea how long he'd been running, how far he'd gone, or how he'd ever get back to the lair. His brothers wouldn't be wanting him back anytime soon anyway.

With a sniffle and a sob, he shoved himself up to his feet and took a few more, weak, tiny steps forward. He stepped on something sharp in the sewer water and cried out, falling plastron-down amongst the debris. Something scraped his knee, his chin hit something hard, and his hands, grasping out for leverage during his fall, burned in pain. For almost five minutes he couldn't gather enough strength to get up again. Part of him wanted to die and melt away into the shadows. At least his brothers wouldn't have to put up with him anymore.

His little body shook with sobs as the tears came faster and warmer now. Inside, he'd always known that they hated him. Always. They'd never said it—before today, that is—but he'd always known. Even Sensei. They all hated him. They never wanted him around.

All he wanted was to be included, but the harder he tried, the more they sighed and rolled their eyes and resigned to having him around. Joining any game or activity they were engaged in was always a big chore. Every time he asked he was met with some negotiation from Leo, timid evasiveness from Don, or pouting from Michelangelo. He was always the bad guy. They didn't like him, he knew that, but if in the end, he got a couple of hours with his brothers out of it, it was all worth it.

He loved playing with his brothers. At least, he used to. They'd never want to play with him again, now.

He'd never admit it, but they had been meaner than usual to him lately. Every game they played either required three players or had him as the villain. Every time he tried to talk to them, they would talk over him to each other, or just flat out ignore him. It made him mad. In fact it made him furious. He felt so lonely, and the only way he knew how to show it was by yelling and banging his fists on the wall, because it was the only thing they ever seemed to notice.

And he was punished for it, constantly. The only thing that he ever got noticed for was being bad, but at least that was better than nothing, so he'd easily settled into a routine of doing and saying things that would make them listen and rebuke him, because that way they at least acknowledged his existence.

Every day he watched his brothers grow. He watched them play and learn and thrive. So many times he'd watched from the sidelines, too afraid to ask if he could join them. He was stupid. He wasn't good enough for them. He knew that, had known that, for a long time. But he'd still wanted…

He'd just wanted one day. One day where everything could be perfect.

One day where Leo could have extra time to practice his katas and Mikey could cook and Donnie could build things and Master Splinter could hold them all in his arms and squeeze them tight. They could play with him the way they used to, like they had back before they knew how stupid and useless he was, when they all used to run and laugh and play without caring. All he'd ever wanted was for his brothers to be happy. Was being included in that really such a big thing to ask?

It was all he'd ever hoped for, all he'd ever dreamed of, but it would never happen. Not now. Now, his brothers hated him. Tears rolled down his cheeks. His foot was throbbing in pain and he looked down to see a sharp glass shard protruding from it. A whimper escaped him. Fresh tears filled his eyes. He yanked the glass out, biting his lip so hard that it bled. He wouldn't cry out. He was no wimp. He discarded the shard, feeling anger rising up inside of him. Stupid glass! He should have been trying to prove himself to his brothers by doing something awesome, but of course he screwed it up and ended up hurting himself! Stupid glass, stupid foot, stupid world!

Pulling himself up onto his one good foot, he lifted the other gingerly. It was still bleeding and it throbbed a little, but for the most part, the numbness had set in. Raph lowered the foot to the ground and forcibly tried to proceed down the tunnel, but the second he put weight on it, his legs buckled and he went down. In a momentary lapse of control, a sharp cry of pain escaped him. He shook his head, growing desperate.

 _Can't stop_ , he thought, _Have to keep going! Gotta show brothers…not stupid…Have to show brothers so that they won't hate me! If I don't make it back, they'll think I'm weak! Gotta reach brothers!_

* * *

Master Splinter returned from his scavenging trip to hear the sound of little voices and small footsteps echoing through the lair. He peeked into the main room and saw his sons playing a game. He smiled at first, but frowned at the queer look on little Donatello's face. Splinter decided to remain where he was and watch for now.

Donatello padded softly over to Michelangelo, who still seemed to be playing some kind of game with Leonardo, and put a hand on the younger turtle's shoulder. "Mikey, don't you think we were a little mean to Raphie?"

Splinter stiffened a little as Mikey straightened and frowned in anger, crossing his little arms over his chest. "No. He's always mean to me. I'm not gonna let him yell at me anymore, ever again."

Donnie shifted nervously. "He doesn't mean to, Mikey. He just gets mad."

"I don't care. He's always hurting me!"

Donnie's rather pleading gaze shifted to Leo. "I'm going to look for him."

That was as much mystery as Splinter could take. He stepped out so that his sons could see him.

"Where is Raphael, my sons?"

They all jolted and turned slowly to look at him.

Mikey scoffed and looked away. "He ran off Sensei. He was being mean again."

Splinter's eyes darkened with concern. "Ran off? Where?"

"The sewers, Sensei." Leo provided, respectfully.

Splinter's ears fell a little. "How long ago was this?"

They all looked at each other. Donnie shyly rubbed the back of his neck. "Almost an hour, Sensei."

"And he has not returned?" The dark brown ears jerked upright in concern.

The turtles shook their heads.

Worry swept through the old rat and he immediately turned towards the lair exit. He paused and glanced back at his sons. "Remain here, my sons."

Donnie frowned. "No, Daddy, I want to go with you!" He insisted.

Splinter sighed. He scooped Donatello up and allowed the little purple-masked turtle to cling to his shoulders. "Leonardo, if Raphael returns, make sure that he isn't injured in any way. In the meantime, take care of your brother."

"Hai Sensei."

The worried father started for the door, but was called back by the soft, fearful voice of his eldest child. "Raphie won't be hurt, will he?"

Flooded with worry, Splinter murmured, "I hope not, Leonardo. With all my heart, I hope not."

* * *

Forcibly dragging himself along the tunnel by gripping tightly to the walls, tears of pain spilled from Raphael's eyes and trickled down his cheeks. In spite of his best efforts, little whimpers and whines escaped him. His bleeding lip stung in the rancid air. Every step was grueling and the bleak, unending labyrinth of sewer tunnels baffled him every time he tried to recall from which direction he'd come. But none of that mattered. All he could think about was his brothers. All he could see was Mikey's face, angry and upset, shouting over and over: "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!"

In his distraction, he lost both his grip and his balance, and fell into a drainage tunnel. A scream was ripped from his lips as the skin was ripped from his knees by the scraping impact with the harsh metal floor. Pain exploded across his body. He lay helpless and sobbing at the bottom of the metal pit, the water slowly rising. He knew that when it got high enough he would be sucked away and his brothers would never be bothered by him again. He cried and cried and cried, wishing that he could have said goodbye and apologized to Mikey for being mean.

Painful and hopeless as it was, he flailed his arms and legs as best he could, fighting to keep from going under. Then suddenly, he heard a loud creaking noise. The water began to rush downwards as the drain to the septic tanks had been opened. He cried out in panic as it pulled him under and held his breath. Things were hitting him from all sides, objects of all sizes and descriptions. He wanted to scream, but he couldn't waste precious air. He closed his eyes and flailed hopelessly. He was unsuccessful.

 _I'm sorry, guys. I'm so sorry._

Suddenly, the drain closed and he floated back up to the top of the water again. More began pouring in. He wailed in terror and fear, sobbing even harder. He couldn't swim hard enough to get out and he couldn't climb his way out with his injured foot. If the water went down again…

* * *

Donatello gripped tightly to his father's strong neck as the mutant rat tore through the sewers at tremendous speeds.

"Raphael! Raphael, my son, where are you?" Sensei called, receiving no answer. He set Donatello down and began looking around. Donnie held Splinter's hand and started to follow, but paused, and turned.

Splinter had tracked his hotheaded son as best could, but from here it was anyone's guess which way the little turtle had gone. He was beside himself with worry. So beside himself, that he didn't notice Donatello's hand slipping out of his.

This was a junction of many sewer tunnels, each going in a different direction. Splinter had turned towards the first one and wandered into it, calling out for Raphael.

Donnie let go of his father's hand and frowned. He didn't know why, but he felt certain that something important was going on in the third tunnel. It wasn't logical, or scientific, but he just…felt it. When he looked up and realized that his father wasn't beside him, he called out.

"Sensei!"

Splinter was back at his side in an instant. "Yes, Donatello?"

Worried, but still timid, Donnie whispered, "I think we should try that one." He pointed to the third tunnel.

The rat mutant raised an eyebrow and canted his head, but nodded, scooped up his son and proceeded down the indicated tunnel. He had no desire for Donatello to walk through here. This was one of the more hazardous tunnels, which eventually led to drainage ducts. He repeatedly cautioned his sons never to go there without reason, but in light of what little Donatello had told him of what had been said to Raphael prior to his departure, it wouldn't be surprising if he had ended up getting lost. Even at their most vigilant, Splinter knew that his young children were no match for the dangers of the sewer system. Young Raphael, distraught and emotionally afflicted, didn't stand a chance.

All the worried father could do was hope that he would not be too late. The sound of water filling a drainage pool reached his sensitive ears, coupled with something that sent a chill down his spine: the pitiful whines and sobs of a child in distress. Donatello, whose ears weren't sensitive enough to pick up on the faint vibrations, seemed to sense his father's dread and clung even tighter to the warm robes.

Splinter burst into a frantic run. As soon as he reached the mouth of the drainage basin he set Donatello down, far from the edge. The cries were now loud enough for Donnie to hear and his little face filled with horror and agony.

"Raphie!" He cried out, trying to shove past his father to reach his sibling.

Splinter held firm and looked the little turtle in the eyes. "Donatello, you must stay here."

"But Raphie's hurt! Raphie's hurt!"

"I know, I know. I will save him, little one, but I need you to promise me you'll stay here. You must wait here while I save your brother."

Youthful brown eyes were desperate and scared, but the little one finally nodded and Splinter rushed to the edge of the tunnel and looked down.

Flailing hopelessly against the strong pull and the debris was Raphael, small, vulnerable, and in pain. Just as the rat prepared to jump he heard an ominous groaning sound and the water began to swirl downward. A shrill scream left the terrified child as he was pulled under and Splinter dived into the water without further delay. It was murky and debris collided with him from all directions. It took him about half a minute to find his son in the gloom, but as soon as he did, he latched on tight and pulled the little life close to his chest, using all his strength to force his way back to the surface. Cradling Raphael in his left arm, he scaled the wall with his right, using what little claws he had for added leverage. As he knelt, drenched and gasping for air at the mouth of the tunnel, his purple masked son came rushing up to him, frantic with worry and fear.

"Raphie!"

Donnie's hand eagerly reached out for his brother, but Splinter blocked and brushed them away gently, pulling the battered young turtle slightly away from his robes to get a better look at the injuries Raphael sported. His stomach twisted at what he saw.

The smell of blood was thick in the air. Raphael's hands, face, legs and feet were stained burgundy with blood and muck. The large neon-green eyes were closed, and the he was breathing weakly. He coughed a few times, which made Donnie lean forward desperately and call out to him, but Raphael was in a state of complete unconsciousness and did not respond.

Splinter's worry only increased. "We must get your brother back to the lair."

Donatello rode on Splinter's shoulders, never taking his eyes off of his injured brother.

The rat father tucked his son in his robes to make sure that the little turtle stayed warm and safe from any further harm. He burst into their lair in a frenzy, tearing past his other two sons and heading straight for the spare room, which he kept as a sick room since it was closer to his room and easier for him to monitor whenever one of his precious sons was ill. He struggled to keep his fear from showing. None of his sons had ever been injured this severely and he was utterly terrified. Just the thought of losing a single one of them…

No, he couldn't bear to think about it.

He set Raphael gently down on the bed and then set Donatello down beside it. The purple-masked turtle stared worriedly at his older sibling's unresponsive form. "Father, will he be okay?"

Splinter wanted to say yes. He wanted to reassure his son that everything was going to be alright but…at this point, he really wasn't certain.

"Donatello, please fetch me washcloths and a bucket of warm water."

Donnie nodded and ran as fast as his feet could carry him to get the desire items.

Michelangelo and Leonardo burst into the room less than a second after and sprinted to their brother's side. The eldest of the siblings sobbed loudly and repeatedly called his brother's name, but received no response. Immediately, he looked to his father for guidance.

"S-Sensei, what's wrong with him?"

"He has lost a lot of blood and is in much pain, my son. He is unconscious, he cannot answer you."

"Will he ever be un-unconscious again?" He asked, sounding out the big word that was so strange to him.

"That will depend on how strong your brother is, my son."

Leo's response was cut off by a loud wail of despair from behind them. Mikey, tears streaming down his face, dashed to the bedside of his injured brother and pressed his forehead against his brother's unconscious brow.

"It's all my fault! I yelled at him! I told him I hated him and that I wished he'd go away! I didn't mean it Raphie! I didn't mean it! I was mad! I didn't mean it! Please! Please! Come back! Don't be un-con-science anymore!"

Splinter pulled Michelangelo away gently. "Calm yourself, Michelangelo. The best thing you can do for your brother right now is to help me take care of his injuries. Please, go and get all the bandages you can find."

"From the dojo?"

"Yes, and from my room and the kitchen and the main room. Can you do that for your brother?"

"Hai Sensei." Mikey sniffled, running off to get the bandages.

Donnie passed his youngest brother in the doorway, returning with the washcloths and warm water.

"What can I do, Sensei?" Leo asked softly.

Splinter put a hand on Leonardo's shoulder. "I'm going to trust you'll be extra careful and gentle, Leonardo."

The blue-masked turtle nodded.

"Then you may help me clean the dirt and the blood off of your brother. We will not really know the extent of his injuries until we do." He squeezed Leo's shoulder and made eye-contact, "If it scares you, my son, then you don't have to."

"No. I want to help."

Splinter nodded solemnly and handed Leonardo a warm washcloth. The young one was true to his word. His movements were gentle as he wiped and cleaned the grime and dried blood from his immediate younger brother's form. Splinter wiped the blood from Raphael's cheeks and face with tender and loving care, his ears drooping more and more at each pained sound that left the little, red-masked turtle's lips. As soon as he had finished, he kissed Raphael's forehead and whispered, reassuringly:

"I am here, my son."

Leo reached Raphael's knees and immediately, at the first swipe of the cloth, the little emerald green face wrinkled in pain. Splinter narrowed his eyes and motioned Leonardo to stop. He took the cloth from the eldest and focused his attention at the knees, wringing some warm water out on them to rinse away some dirt. He grimaced as he saw that both were very badly skinned.

Michelangelo returned with the bandages and brought them over to his father.

Nodding gratefully, Splinter took them and set them on the corner of the bed. He turned to Donatello.

"Donatello, please go and get the bottle of antiseptic from the dojo."

"Hai Sensei." Don ran off to do as told. He was back in less than thirty seconds.

As Splinter poured antiseptic over the little turtle's wounds, Raphael began to writhe. The old rat's arm held his son down, much as it pained him to have to do so.

"I'm sorry my son, but it is necessary." He said softly. He shifted his attention to the wound on Raphael's foot. "I shall also have to hold you down while I treat your foot."

"Can I hold him, Sensei?" The question made him look up. It had come from Donatello. Slowly thinking it over, Splinter nodded.

Donnie got up on the bed and wrapped his arms around Raphael, placing his head just above his brother's. Leo followed and climbed up, wrapping himself around Raphael's other side. Both of them whispered words of comfort into Raph's ears as Splinter gripped the injured foot. Mikey, his face meek and timid, climbed up beside them and cuddled against Raph's plastron.

"I'm so sorry, Raphie." He whispered forlornly.

His other two brothers watched sadly and nodded. Leo added, "We all are, Raph. We love you so much. Please be okay."

Splinter carefully disinfected and wrapped Raphael's foot, bandaged his knees and hands, and carefully treated the bleeding lip.

Mikey sat up a little and looked at the old rat. "Will Raphie be okay now?"

"I truly do not know, my sons. I'm afraid the only thing we can do is wait." Their sensei said sadly.

"Can we stay with him?"

The desperation in his sons' eyes eventually led Splinter to say, "Alright, my sons, you may stay, but be mindful of his injuries and do not crowd him. He will be confused and distraught when he awakens."

"Hai Sensei." They all chorused, softly, cuddling closer to their injured sibling, but being extremely careful.

Splinter dragged an old beat-up chair into the room and settled at Raphael's bedside. Three hours later, all of his sons were asleep, except Leonardo, who was gently holding Raphael's hand. Splinter canted his head at the little one.

"Leonardo, why don't you get some sleep?"

Leo shook his head. "Nuh-uh, Sensei. I wanna be 'wake when he gets up." He said with a little yawn and stretch.

The rat father smiled and pulled a blanket up over his four sleepy children. "Sleep, Leonardo. I will wake you if your brother awakens."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Sensei?"

"Yes, my son?"

"We all love Raphie."

"I know you do." Splinter said softly, with a small smile.

"But we all said things today that—that hurt Raphie's feelings. It's our fault that he's hurt. We hurt him."

The old rat sighed. "My son, you need to understand how large an effect words can have on a person, especially one as sensitive as Raphael. He loves you all very much, my son, and he tries very hard to be strong."

"He is strong, father. He's the strongest turtle ever."

Splinter grinned. "You admire him for being strong, don't you?"

Leo nodded enthusiastically. "He's awesome. But sometimes, I miss the days when I could just hug him, ya know?"

"And why can't you hug him, Leonardo?"

The young blue-masked turtle shrugged. "I don't know. He's just…I don't know."

"I believe that your brother would very much enjoy being hugged, Leonardo. Even though he grumbles, he appreciates the gesture."

Leo glanced at his immediate younger brother's unconscious face. He smiled. "I'll remember that. Thank you, Sensei."

"You are quite welcome, my son. Also, it is my advice that you tell Raphael everything you have just told me when he wakes up. After what was said earlier, he will need to be reminded that you and your brothers care for him."

"Hai Sensei. I'll tell him."

"Good. Sleep well, Leonardo."

"Goodnight Sensei. Love you."

"And I you, my son."

* * *

About an hour later, the rodent father was woken by a whimper of pain. His ears shot upward and his eyes snapped open. Michelangelo was writhing in his sleep. Splinter's mouth bent downwards into a frown. He lifted the littlest turtle out of their small pile on the bed and rocked Michelangelo lovingly in his arms. The big, baby-blue eyes opened slowly, clouded with sleepiness.

As soon as he realized he was in his father's arms, the tears began to fall and Mikey pressed into the comforting warmth of his father's robes. "I didn't mean to, Sensei, honest! I didn't want Raphie to get hurt! I was mad! I didn't mean what I said! I just want Raphie back!"

Splinter rubbed Mikey's carapace, but kept a stern face. "Michelangelo, things said in anger can greatly affect your loved ones. You are not the only one of your brothers to say things you do not mean when you are angered, and as long as you keep that in mind, I expect you understand how your brother feels."

Mikey blinked, confused.

"He does not mean to hurt you, my son. He gets angry and says things he doesn't mean. He feels very guilty for the things that do hurt you. He has trouble forgiving himself."

"But Raphie apologizes and that makes it all better. He will be okay, right Sensei?"

Lovingly rubbing Michelangelo's head, Splinter couldn't help but frown. He glanced over Raphael, eyeing all the bandages and injuries.

"Right, Sensei?"

"We shall see, my son. We shall see."

* * *

The night passed and in the morning, the turtles awoke to find that their brother had not stirred. Splinter cancelled their lessons for that morning on account of how worried they were. He tried to get them to eat, got them to watch their brother while he prepared plates of worms and algae for them, but they hardly ate a bite.

Especially little Donatello. His brothers and father had to coerce him into consuming even two spoonfuls. He whispered into Raphael's ear and held his immediate older brother's hand tightly. It was Leonardo who finally pulled him away.

"You have to eat, Donnie."

Don started to object, but Leo hugged him tightly.

"I'll take care of him while you eat."

Finally Don relented and sat on the floor beside Michelangelo who was lethargically eating his worms and algae. He could see that his little brother was still very upset and started a conversation to distract the youngest. Mikey latched on eagerly and began chatting incessantly.

Leo climbed on the bed and knelt beside his sibling, squeezing Raph's hand gently. He stared intently at Raph's unconscious face. He gasped and leant forward as the pale eye-ridges furrowed. He turned towards his father who was seated on the floor with Michelangelo and Donatello.

"Father! Father, Raph moved!"

Splinter was by their side in an instant, and Leo could hear his brothers scrambling, practically climbing over each other to reach the bed. Mikey, who was small and couldn't climb up the bed on his own, used Donatello's shell to boost himself up, before turning to yank the purple-masked turtle up. They surrounded their brother, Mikey leaning gently on Raph's plastron.

A groan left Raph's parted lips.

"Raphie!" Mikey cried.

"Raphie…" Don murmured breathlessly.

"Raphael! Raphael, can you hear me?" Splinter called, softly.

"D-Dad?" he sounded tiny.

Leo squeezed Raph's hand tighter.

"Raphael, my son, open your eyes."

"It's too bright." He whined as the light hurt his eyes.

"Please, little one."

Slowly, he opened his eyes all the way, wincing in pain as he did so. "D-Daddy?" He looked around and saw his brothers. "I-I was in the water…"

"I know, my son. Your brothers were worried and told me what happened. Donatello was the one who helped me find you. Without his instincts, I might have lost you." The old rat gently lifted his son into his arms and held him close. Raphael curled instinctively in towards his father's chest. "I love you so much, Raphael."

Tears escaped the little one's eyes. "Y-you don't hate me?"

"No, of course not, my son, I never will. I love you and your brothers with all my heart."

Raph sent a pained look at his brothers, then curled up against his father once more. "But they hate me, Daddy." His eyes filled with tears, "They all hate me."

Before Splinter could even open his mouth a startling, "NO!" echoed through the room. Raphael flinched violently and the action made his injuries cry out in protest. He keened in pain.

Michelangelo crawled to the edge of the bed, to get as close as he could to his brother. "I love you, Raphie. I'm so sorry I said I hated you! I didn't mean it! I didn't mean it, Raphie! Please, please forgive me! I'm sorry!"

"I love you, too, Raphie." Donnie said, softly.

"So do I. We all love you, Raphie." Leo added, firmly.

He turned to look at them with tears in his eyes. His father slowly set him back down on the bed and his brothers swarmed him, each of them latching onto him. Raph stared at his brother's heads as they wrapped him in a tight, warm embrace. His voice broke a little and his tears ran down his face. "I love you guys."

Donnie looked up and smiled at him. "We love you too, Raphie. We're so sorry."

Raph didn't say anything. He just nuzzled into his brothers' embrace and grinned, his tears becoming ones of joy.

Splinter smiled. He touched Raphael's forehead softly. "You need to rest, Raphael."

"I want my brothers to stay."

"Raphael—"

"Please, daddy?" pained, neon-green eyes pleaded with him.

The rat father's muscles relaxed and he sighed. He couldn't argue with that face. "Very well, little one." He eyed his other children sternly, "You three let your brother rest. And be wary of his injuries."

"Hai Sensei." They chimed obediently, curling up beside their brother and tucking their arms around their red-masked sibling.

Mikey put his head on Raph's scarred plastron and whispered, as the four of them dropped into sleep, "I'll never hate you, Raphie. Never, ever, ever."

* * *

 **How was it? Review Please!**


	25. Prescription

**Ch. 25-Prescription**

Donatello smiled and leapt out of his chair. Done. The blueprints were complete. Yes! Now he could get started. First he'd need to make a junk run and then he'd have to get one of his brothers to—

He saw the clock. Oh. Midnight.

Aw shell. His brothers would be in bed. Training started at six.

He sighed and his shoulders drooped. He made his way towards the lab door. There was noise coming from the other side. His face lit up and he rushed into the main room.

He stopped.

One of his brothers was reclined on the sofa with a magazine draped over his snoring face. Don hardly needed a second glance, but he took one anyway. The magazine title clinched it: _Modern Ninja Magazine_.

Raphael.

Donnie shuddered at the screams and pleas coming from the character on the television. He had no idea how Raph could stand to watch these things. Fighting the urge to throw up at the cracking of bones and the sight of blood, Don rushed for the remote and turned it off. Once he'd shaken off the frayed nerves, he crossed his arms and thought about whether or not it would be wise to wake the sleeping beast.

He gingerly lifted the magazine off Raph's face and made up his mind. The brainiac took down his bō and gently conked his brother over the head.

"Wh-ga-Huh?!" Raph straightened and then leaned back.

Don lifted his bō for another light whack when—

"Once more, Don, and I'll break your stick." Raph said, coldly.

"That's absolutely fine with me, Raph."

Raph yawned. "Turn the lights out on your way—what did you say?" The hothead bolted upright.

"Break it." Don handed Raph the staff.

Raphael stared at Donnie. He stared at the staff. "I'm dreaming."

"No you're not." Don reassured. "Go on. Snap it."

"No regrets?" Raph was still disbelieving.

"None whatsoever."

"No catch?" The hothead raised an eye-ridge.

"Just a free opportunity to break things."

"I'm in for that." Raph said amicably, but instead of breaking it right away, he glanced around. "What time is it?"

"Little after midnight."

"Shell, we have training early tomorrow." He grumbled.

"Yep." Don nodded.

"Let's go to bed." Raph stretched his arms.

Donatello shook his head and said, "No."

"No?" He sounded crestfallen.

Donnie's amusement left. Raph wasn't this open unless he was really tired. Maybe it would be better if he didn't say anything about it tonight. He might be able to talk Leo or Mikey into helping him out tomorrow. But then—

Raph rubbed the sleep from his eyes, took one look at his little brother's face and said, "Whatta ya need, Brainiac?"

"It's nothing. Get to bed Raph. I can do it myself." Don turned back toward the lab.

Raph's eyes narrowed.

"Do what?" he asked, suspicion clawing at his brain.

"I need to make a junk run before dawn. Just finished the blueprints for a new weapon."

Raph huffed. "Don, ya can't replace the stick with a robot. Thought you learned that lesson last time."

"I did, and I'm not trying to. I have other plans."

"Finally gonna go for the solar-powered staff?"

Donnie sighed in frustration and stomped back to the lab, calling out over his shoulder, "I'll be back in an hour."

Once inside the lab, he started gathering his things. The soft thump of the door closing a second time didn't deter him. He grabbed a shoulder bag and a couple of empty trash bags so that he could gather what he needed.

"Takes at least two to drive the Shell Raiser." Raph informed Donnie.

Why the hothead felt the need to do so escaped the brainiac. He had built the Shell Raiser and he knew darn well how many turtles it took to drive it.

"I'm not taking the Shell Raiser." Don calmly responded.

"Party Wagon needs new sparkplugs. She isn't reliable."

Don nodded again. "I know."

"Then how ya gonna get there?"

"Old fashioned way."

"Skateboard?"

Don glared at him. Raph just grinned.

The brainiac shook it off and started for the garage exit through the old subway system. A hand caught his wrist.

"We're not supposed to go up alone."

"And?" The purple masked turtle raised his eye-ridges.

"Leo would kill me."

"Tell him you were asleep."

Raph shook his head. "He won't buy it."

"That's his problem."

There was a beat of silence before Raph announced, "I'm going with you."

"You don't have to—"

"Just get in the Shell Raiser." Raph ordered, shoving his younger sibling roughly into the old subway car.

The hothead drove in silence. The stereo systems were on the fritz and Don still hadn't had the time to get around to them yet. It wasn't until they were almost to the junkyard that Raph spoke again.

"If anything happened to you, Leo wouldn't have been the only one killing me."

"Master Splinter?" Don asked.

Raph scoffed. "Me." He pulled in to the dark junkyard. "Oh look, the junkyard." His voice was thick with fake surprise and sarcasm. "Made it all in one piece, too. How un-exciting."

"Stop complaining." The younger brother said.

"Give me a nice, warm bed to sleep in and I'll stop complaining."

"I didn't ask for your help."

"Yes, you did."

"No, I didn't."

"You bonked me with your 'mighty' stick." Raph grumbled.

"Which is the same as a plea for help?" Don asked, raising an eye-ridge.

Raph followed Donnie out of the Shell Raiser. "Coming from you, in the middle of the night, yes."

Donnie immediately began his search, ever aware of the other turtle mutant lurking not far over his shoulder. "And if Mikey came and hit you on the head with his nunchaku in the middle of the night—"

"He'd get one of the biggest beat-downs of his life."

"But you said—"

"You, Brainiac, aren't the type to wake me up without damn good reason," Raph pulled an item from the middle of a stack and smiled when it didn't collapse, "Mikey is. Odds are, he wouldn't hit me on the head if he wanted my help. He knows better."

"Maybe you just like to think he does."

Raph shrugged. "Eh, maybe." He leaned over Donnie's shoulder as the genius began sifting through a pile of metal parts. "What are we looking for?"

"Good quality metal. Preferably pieces shaped like this." Don shoved the blueprint into Raphael's plastron.

"Ah, a new stick. Shouldn't you be looking through the wood scraps?"

"Shut up and make yourself useful."

"Yes, oh mighty brain. What would I do without your tireless wisdom?" Raph mockingly bowed.

Don put down the piece of metal he was holding and turned to glare at his older sibling. "At least I'm productive! A little knowledge can make a person more than just a walking muscle!" Donnie's anger petered out and his eyes widened as he realized what he'd said. "Raph, I—"

BAM!

Donnie fell back a couple of feet from the force of his brother's punch. His jaw ached. He'd have a bad bruise later, but he didn't really care. He jumped back up to his feet and tried to apologize.

Raph cut him off and lowly said, "Last time I do you any favors. If you need me—which I'm sure you won't—I'll be finding new sparkplugs for the Party Wagon."

Donnie sighed as Raph stormed away. "Smooth, Donnie. Real smooth." He face-palmed and rubbed his temples. Now he'd have to make it up to his brother somehow.

Fifteen minutes later, Donnie had gathered everything that he needed. Raph still wasn't back yet. The brainiac took his bag of parts back to the Shell Raiser, before seeking out his older sibling.

"Raph?" He whispered as he glanced around.

The emerald-green figure materialized seemingly from thin air and stepped out from behind a pile of car parts.

"Here." Raph answered and held something up, "Got the sparkplugs. Won't last forever, but they're decent enough."

"Great." Don said enthusiastically, hoping to lighten the mood. It only seemed to deepen Raph's displeasure. The hothead grumbled and shoved past him. Don noticed something new.

"Your arm."

"Yeah?"

"It's bleeding."

"You don't say." Raph's voice stank of sarcasm.

It wasn't appreciated. Don swallowed his rising irritation and tried to remain calm.

"What happened?" Don demanded.

"Rusty nail sticking out of an old board I brushed up against."

The brainiac rubbed his head and sighed. "I'll need to give you a tetanus shot when we get home."

"Yeah. Yeah. Same old, same old." Raphael grumbled.

The way home from the junkyard was as silent as the way there, but the atmosphere was tighter. Don had the feeling that both of them were equally uncomfortable. As soon as they got home, Donnie corralled his brother in the lab and practically flung the hothead on the exam table. Raph disliked shots as much as he disliked pain meds and the sooner they got it over with, the better.

Don washed and disinfected his hands and left his older brother sitting on the cold metal table. He could feel Raph's eyes on him. He reached into a drawer where he kept a few tetanus boosters for times like this, since accidents did happen, and in the sewers they could never be too careful. He readied the brand-new syringe and turned back to Raph.

"Arm."

Raph complied easily. The hothead knew better than to put up a fight, and after the things Donnie had said earlier, he didn't really feel like it.

Donnie dabbed the upper arm with disinfectant and, with extreme care, pressed the needle into his brother's arm.

Raphael tensed his arm to keep it from moving.

"It's easier if you relax."

"Hurts."

Don rolled his eyes. "Stop whining," He removed the needle. "There, all done." He placed a clean cotton ball over the little puncture wound. "Pressure please."

"Don't like needles," Raph whispered. He reached over and held down the small cotton wad with his other hand.

"I know." Don pulled a strip of adhesive bandage and tucked it under Raph's arm. He wrapped it around and when he reached Raph's hand muttered, "Lift."

Raph did and Don efficiently wrapped it the rest of the way around the emerald-green arm.

"Didn't know that you knew." Raph murmured.

The brainiac looked pleased with himself. "There, you're all done. Try and get some sleep."

"'M wide awake."

"Why do you think I always save you for last whenever we need some sort of immunizations?"

"Because you hate having to deal with me."

The answer surprised Donnie more than it probably should have. After what he'd said earlier, Raph was probably—He shook it off.

"Because you don't need Leo and Mikey making fun of you for a perfectly reasonable aversion." Don tossed Raph an earnest glance.

There was a long pause. Raph whispered, "Awful nice of you."

Donnie grinned. "I can be nice on occasion."

"Can be mean on occasion, too."

I certainly deserved that, Don thought. He straightened up. "I know. I'm sorry."

Raph nodded. They stood in silence.

"I'm not afraid of 'em."

Don raised an eye-ridge.

"Needles." Raph clarified.

The purple-masked turtle nodded remotely.

"Just don't like 'em."

Donatello didn't speak. He knew better than that. Raph was composing. Planning out exactly what he wanted to say.

"Don't like laboratories either." Raph's green eyes darted around the room. "Cold metal tables, little white pills, bottles of chemicals…"

The younger sibling tilted his head, intrigued. His gaze swept over Raphael, cataloguing the physical responses.

"Makes me feel too much like a…" it was a few seconds before Raph found his voice again, "…test subject." A short silence followed. Raph whispered, "Never understood how you could go in for this science-y stuff."

"It's fascinating."

"Hmph. 'Least you never dissected anything."

"Actually, I dissected a frog once."

Raph's face grew greener than usual.

Don was quick to blurt out, "It was dead when I found it."

That didn't calm Raph at all. The hothead seemed quite on edge. "Doesn't make it right."

"I needed to understand how the systems functioned."

"Mhm. Keep tellin' yourself that. Maybe someday you'll believe it." Raph said, sliding off the table onto his feet.

"The best way to understand certain organs is to cut them open and—"

"Change the subject before I lose my dinner."

Don crossed his arms. "This coming from the turtle who enjoys watching someone break their captive's ankles with a sledgehammer."

"Those are movies, Don! Everything is staged. It isn't real life."

"No, but in real life such a thing would look very, very similar!"

Raph's raised voice dropped to a whisper. "At least I can know it's fake. This—" he glanced around him at the lab, "—this stuff is all too real."

"That's why I can't stand the fake." Don said softly.

Raph looked at him.

"It's all too real to me."

"We feel opposite ways for the same reasons."

Donnie nodded. "Looks that way."

The hothead looked at the floor. "I guess I'll just—get out of your way, then."

"You don't have to." Don urged, hoping that Raph would stay and give him a chance to patch things up.

Green eyes drifted away before settling back on Donnie.

"I can stick around. If I can't sleep might as well do something useful." Raph said. The emphasis on the word useful reminded Donnie of the earlier words.

"Raph, what I said earlier, I didn't mean—"

Raphael pulled the blueprints off the table where Donnie had left them. "Think I'll go make a pot of coffee. Looks like we're in for a long night."

The brainiac blinked. "I didn't know you drink coffee."

"Do when I need it. Cream or sugar?"

"No."

Raph smiled. "My kind 'o turtle. Back in a jiff."

"Did you really just say jiff?"

"Give me a break. It's one in the morning."

Don shrugged. "Give or take a couple minutes."

"Technicalities." Raph waived it off with a smile.

Donnie grinned.

* * *

The next morning, Leonardo and Michelangelo sat at the breakfast table. It was ten past five. The other two seats at the breakfast table were empty. Leo looked across the table at the youngest.

"Did you tell Raph he had ten minutes to come in to breakfast?"

"He's not in his room."

That surprised the eldest. A chill ran across his carapace. "When did you last see him?"

"'Bout ten. He was watching old horror flicks."

"You think he might have snuck out?"

"He's Raph, Leo. I just kinda assumed he was still on the couch, but he's not there."

"If he did leave, he'd be back by now. Something must have happened to him. Is Don in the lab?"

"Yep, saw him passed out in his desk chair."

Leo frowned. "I'll wake him up. Maybe he can track Raph's t-phone."

Mikey nodded gravely. At first he'd thought Raph's absence was nothing to stress about, but Leo's worry was contagious. He followed his big brother to the lab.

The door swung open with a loud creak. Leo could hear Donatello's snores. He started to head for the desk, when his peripherals caught another source of movement. A look of astonishment replaced his worried frown. Raphael was seated on Donnie's examination table changing some wrappings on his upper arm. Raph brought his finger to his lips and pointed at their sleeping sibling.

From behind Leo, Mikey let out a sigh of relief. Raph was okay. That was good.

Leo's eye-ridges furrowed. "What's going on in here?"

Raph face contorted and he flung up a hand. "Quiet down, will ya? 'Been up all night. Wait till I get my hands on the guy with the sledgehammer."

Leo and Mikey looked at each other. The eldest crossed his arms over his chest. "Someone you fought last night?"

Raph rubbed his temples and shook his head, "Nah, the one inside my head."

Leo's arms fell to his sides and he smiled. "Good luck with that."

"Fresh pot of coffee, a slice of pizza, and I'll catch up with him." Raph grumbled and took a long sip of cold, black coffee.

Mikey giggled. The mug said 'Loading…Please wait.'

The blue mask turtle tilted his head to one side. "I didn't realize you drank coffee."

"Who the shell d'ya think gets the pot going in the morning?" Raph groaned and rubbed his face. "It isn't Mikey."

Donatello stirred and stretched. His eyes sleepily glanced across the room.

"What's everybody doing?"

The coffee mug in Raph's hand thumped lightly on the exam table. "Wishing for more coffee." He hopped down and headed for the door.

An olive-green hand flung out and Don called out: "Put me down for ten cups."

"We keep going the way we're going, we'll be on the biggest caffeine high in the tri-state area."

"We already are." Don glanced at the clock, "We'll probably crash in about four to six hours."

"I say eight p.m." Raph responded.

"Two dollars it happens before that." Don said.

Raph lightly banged the mug against the doorframe. "You're on."

Leo shook his head. "I'm real glad you two aren't old enough to drink alcohol."

"No way. Stuff tastes disgusting."

Suddenly all eyes were on him. Raph tensed up.

Donatello swept in and saved him. "Come on Raph, let's go down some more coffee."

The ploy worked and Leonardo easily took the bait. "Isn't too much of that stuff bad for you?"

"Sure. Caffeine is a drug." Don replied.

Donnie and Raph walked out of the room together, Leo and Mikey following closely behind.

"Just go easy on the coffee, you two. Bet or no bet, I don't want you two hurting yourselves." Leo said sternly.

"Relax, Fearless. To hurt yourself on caffeine you'd have to drink like eighty cups of extra strong brew. Isn't that right, Donnie?"

The brainiac thought about it for a moment. "That's almost exactly right, Raphael. How did you know that?"

"Tried to reach it once."

Mikey seemed very interested in that. "How far did you get?"

"Thirty-two."

Leo's eyes practically bugged out of his head. "Thirty-two consecutive cups of strong coffee? How is that even possible?"

"Dedication." Raph said solemnly.

Don raised his eye-ridges, "I'll just bet."

They reached the kitchen and Raph got the coffee-maker started while his brothers settled at the table. Mikey grabbed the leftover pizza and started munching away. Leo turned to Donnie.

"So what have you two been up to? I mean, Raph said something about being up most the night."

Don nodded. "Oh yeah, Raph was helping me with my latest project."

"Did you finish it?"

"Yes, we certainly did." Don said happily.

There was a moment of silence. Leo waited. Nothing happened. Finally his legendary patience wore thin and he blurted out:

"Well, what is it?"

"One of those blaster-beam thingies that Fugitoid had. Don installed it in his weapon. It's a lot like the one Fugitoid gave him except more stick-ish." The hothead explained eloquently.

"Oh, that's—that's…" Leo really didn't know what to say.

"Fantastic diction, Raphael." Don quipped dryly as Raph poured him a fresh cup of steaming hot coffee.

"Thanks." Raph said, helping himself to another cup.

"I don't understand how you guys can just drink that stuff. Especially without any cream or sugar or anything." Leo said with a little grimace.

"Can't help it. I love coffee." Don explained.

"I love tea." Leo said.

Mikey squinted and rubbed his chin. "Isn't there a song like that?"

Don's eye-ridges furrowed, "The Java Jive, isn't it?"

Raph nodded. "I love the Java Jive and it loves me."

"I am surprised you boys remember that."

They all jumped to their feet and bowed courteously to their father. "Good Morning Father." They chimed.

The old smiled. "Good morning my sons. I did not think that you remembered the old record player, let alone the old records."

"How could we forget?" Raph muttered, with a sigh.

Splinter padded over to the red-masked turtle. He patted Raphael's head affectionately. When he saw the cup of coffee in Raphael's hand, he leaned over his son's shoulder.

"Raphael, is there something wrong?"

The other three turtles tensed a little and leaned forward, concerned.

Raph shook his head, "No, of course not, Sensei. There's nothing wrong."

"And yet you are drinking coffee?"

"I was up late."

Splinter nodded with understanding. "Ah, your insomnia is giving you trouble again."

"Sensei!" Raph whined.

"Insomnia?" Don asked, worry creasing his face.

"Just forget it! It's not important, there's nothing wrong, so just drop it!"

"It isn't about what I said last night at the junkyard last night, is it?" Donnie asked in a whisper.

"No, of course it isn't."

"So it is," Leo said, knowingly. "What did Donnie say?"

"It isn't important. Will you just forget it?" Raph snapped, feeling exhausted and annoyed. He turned to Donnie. "Don, you know I forgave you last night."

"Maybe you forgave me, but I'm starting to think that maybe you took what I said a little too seriously."

"What makes you think that?" Raph asked.

"You've been acting very intelligent all morning."

Raphael jumped to his feet, furious. "And of course I can't be! I'm just stupid!"

"That's not what I meant!"

"Just forget it Don, let's get to the dojo. It's time for training." Raph said, starting for the door.

Sensei caught Raphael by the arm. "I think we could all benefit by knowing the words which you two exchanged last night."

Raph opened his mouth to object, but Don cut him off.

"I was angry, Sensei and I told Raph that a little bit of intelligence would make him more than just an angry fist."

Mikey stared with sad eyes at his big brothers, particularly Raph. "That's a low blow, Donnie."

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it and I know that Raphael is intelligent, in his own ways."

"Sure, I have degrees in 'how to throw a temper tantrum' and 'Pain 101'."

Leo frowned and came around the table to put a hand on Raph's shoulder. "Raph, you know you're so much more that."

Raph shook off the hand and stomped away. "Maybe I don't see it that way. If anybody's interested in training, I'll be in the dojo."

"Raphael, your brothers and I love you." Sensei said softly.

"Why?" Raph asked, stopping at the door.

The three other turtles exchanged shocked and horrified glances at the forthrightness and sincere flatness of the question.

Splinter's ears fell a little and his whiskers twitched. "Love is unconditional, my son. We are a family. Do you truly need greater reason than that?"

"Reasons always help." Raph's shoulders drooped a little.

"You think you're a burden to us, don't you? That you're more trouble than you're worth? Raph—"

"Shut up, Don." Raph snapped, discreetly wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. "Just back off, if you know what's good for you."

"Right now all I care about is what's good for you." Don said, staring his sibling directly in the eyes. Raph recoiled a little. Don put down his cup of coffee and crossed to Raphael, wrapping his arms tightly around the hothead so that he couldn't escape. "Hugs are the best medicine, Raphael. And after long days and long, caffeine-drenched, emotionally-draining nights, sometimes a good hug is what we need the most. I think that you have been without proper emotional reassurance for some time, Raphael. Furthermore, I find hugs to be the perfect solution. I'm sure our brothers and I will be more than happy to assist you in achieving the proper daily dosage. I prescribe three hugs a day, seven days a week."

Sensei tapped his stick loudly on the concrete.

"—make that four hugs a day, seven days a week. And if we don't see any improvement in the next month, I can up the dosage."

Chuckling happily, Leo and Mikey wrapped their arms around Donnie and Raph.

"You guys try and hug me three times a day and I'll deck the lot of ya."

"No good, Raphie. Medical orders. You refuse your medicine and Donnie'll hit your over the head with his big stick." Mikey said, gleefully.

"Oh, that's so scary." Raph rolled his eyes.

"A stick which you helped me upgrade into a premium metal blaster ray." Don reminded.

"You guys are so going to pay for this." Raph growled.

Leo smiled and rubbed Raph's head affectionately. "We're only doing it because we love you, Raph. You protect us, you help us, you put our needs first, you'd do anything for us, and it's about time we started showing you how much we appreciate it. Now come here you big, cuddle-muffin!"

"Leonardo, so help me, if you ever call me a cuddle-muffin again—"

"Raphael," Splinter called lightly.

The turtle trapped in the center of the brother-hug stiffened a little. "Hai Sensei?"

"I should like a hug when your brothers are through." He said with a chuckle, enjoying the sight of his toughest child's embarrassed face.

* * *

 **Ta-da! Review Please! How was it?**


	26. Baby Brothers

**Took me a while to come up with some new ideas that I liked. Figuring out all the intricacies of the sequel to Pick Portals is stressing me out. We'll see how it turns out. Anyway, this idea came to me today and I just ended up typing it all out in one go. Hope you enjoy! :)**

* * *

 **Ch. 26-Baby Brothers**

Rain wasn't exactly Raph's favorite kind of weather. He liked clouds well enough, but rain just made the ground more slippery. He didn't really care about getting wet, of course. Being a turtle was nice that way. But what he didn't like about rain was it impaired visibility and slowed things down. He couldn't drive fast in the rain, he couldn't sprint across rooftops without taking an occasional dive, and he couldn't hear as well. All in all, rain dulled the senses. Though, in retrospect, it was the same on the flipside. Chances are, his enemies wouldn't see him coming. Or in this case, the person he was currently seeking, who wasn't an enemy at all. Quite the opposite, actually. Not surprising that the idiot would go running off topside even in this kind of weather. Raph sighed and peered out across the wishy-washy city skyline. Unfortunately, when his baby brother got upset, it never ended well.

Mikey had been acting weird for a while, but they'd all just put it down to stress. A stupid mistake, Raph realized now. Everything had seemed okay, until yesterday when Mikey had gone an entire day without even speaking to any of them. Since Don was fully engrossed on a project and Leo was deep in meditation for most of the day, it had been Raphael who'd ended up bringing it to their attention.

"He's probably concocting some big prank or something, Raph. Don't worry."

Raph scoffed. Don't worry. Hah.

It was a good thing that he was worried, because he was also the first one to notice when Michelangelo went topside for pizza and was gone more than an hour. He called Mikey's shell cell and the little shit didn't answer him. Raph was a hothead and a tough, shell-kicking fighter, whose temper could be a pain in the ass, but he wasn't made of stone. He loved his little brother, even if Mikey did annoy the crap out of him most of the time. He called a grand total of five times at five minute intervals before chucking his shell cell at the wall and storming through the lair to inform his brother's of Mikey's absence.

Leonardo had glared at him at the intrusion of such a furious aura in the sanctity of the dojo, but Raph had glared right back and spat out:

"Mikey's in trouble."

Leo had sprung to his feet with fire in his eyes. Looking back on the moment, Raph grinned a little. They were all real partial to Mikey. They loved the guy and cherished him for what he was: their baby brother. There was nothing they wouldn't do for him. Well, almost nothing, sometimes Mikey could think up some pretty ridiculous stuff. Even so, Raphael was aware that sometimes they humored the knucklehead a bit more than was healthy, but it just showed how much they cared for the little guy.

And Don, whose braininess clashed so readily with Mikey's childlike simplicity, was close as could be to their little brother. When Raph had stomped into the lab and told him the same thing he'd told Leo, the brainiac had been tripping over his words, he was so worried.

Raph had told them of his five consecutive attempts to call Michelangelo and the lack of an answer and both the other turtles shared his concern. Leo, ever the leader, attempted to take control of the situation.

"Where did he say he was going?"

"Pizza run."

Leo paused, rubbing his chin as he carefully weighed their options.

Raph lost patience. "That was over an hour ago, Leo! I've called him five times, he didn't answer me. The rain is coming down in buckets out there. There are a million different things that could have happened to him."

"Probably more like ten or twenty thousands, realistically." Don injected.

"Not helping, brainiac!" Raph growled. He stuffed his sais in his belt and turned for the door. "I'm going to look for him."

"Slow down, Raph." Leo said, holding the hothead back. "We should get Don to track his shell-cell. He could be visiting April and Casey or something."

"You stay and waste time if you want to. I'm going to find my little brother." Raph said, shrugging off Leo's hand and rushing out the door.

And now, here was. Ten minutes later and no nearer to finding Mikey. No idea of where to start either. Mikey was a tough nut to crack beneath the surface. Unlike Leo and Don, Raph had sense enough to know that his little brother wasn't all fluff. Mikey had a sharp mind under all that youth, though you wouldn't know at first glance. Besides that, Mikey had a little bit of a vicious streak, which amused the hothead to no end.

Mikey kept score, and Raph was probably the only one of his brothers that actually noticed it. Anyone who played a trick on Mikey, or who said something that angered him usually wound up receiving Mikey's strange form of revenge. Like being on the wrong end of one of the youngster's pranks. That's why Raph didn't always feel guilty about exchanging punches with his little brother. One way or another, Mikey would see that he got his comeuppance. Mikey was fair like that. It eased Raph's conscience.

Leo and Don weren't like that. They'd just forgive Raph for an outburst of temper and be done with it. Mikey's way somehow gave the hothead closure.

Raph shook those thoughts away and resumed his search. Ugh. Hunting around blindly in the rain like this wasn't going to get him anything, except maybe a nasty cold.

But if he found Mikey and got the knucklehead home safe, that wouldn't really matter.

He sighed and looked around as well as he could through the sheets of pouring rain. His mask was soaked and so was the rest of him. Wherever Mikey is odds are he ain't dry, Raph thought.

If I were a goofball little brother worrying his older siblings into an early grave, where would I be? He wondered.

Mikey liked the docks. He liked to watch the ships go in and out.

Raph grimaced. The docks were dangerous this time of night. Not a great area to go if you weren't looking for trouble. Mikey wasn't a hothead, so he would have opted for someplace safer. Something more…secluded. That is, assuming that he was just brooding and not—

No, Raphael, don't even start thinking like that. Lose your nerve and you'll end up slipping off a skyscraper. Raph reasoned with himself.

Mikey's been a little weird for a while now, if he's upset he likes to be alone and think.

They were alike in that regard. Raph always liked dealing with his problems alone.

But Michelangelo was more the brood-at-home type, who'd lock himself in his room and pout. This type of behavior was not normal and therefore even more troublesome to his older brothers.

"C'mon Mikey—where'd you go?" Raph murmured under his breath. He jumped to a higher rooftop and skidded a little on the landing. His mind supplied an answer to his question. "He wouldn't want to go far. He knows we'll worry. Realizes we'll come looking for him. Want to stay within a half-hour distance from the lair…One-mile radius from the most direct manhole cover…"

Raph closed his eyes and thought, his frown ingraining itself of his face.

"A place where he could be alone to think…"

He lifted his eyes and turned around, heading back towards the manhole cover.

The rain only seemed to be coming down harder. Raph landed at the manhole cover and climbed the nearest building. From there he glanced around. Not many options for seclusion. Mostly apartment buildings, which were always chancy, some human could just glance up at any time, though on a night like this, that didn't seem likely. Most humans, in Raph's experience, don't like getting face-fuls of water.

Suddenly, his fists clenched. Just there, a few buildings away, was a water tower. If Mikey wasn't there, Raph would have to start all over from scratch. He jumped to the next building, but his foot slipped and he let out a pained cry as felt a twinge in his ankle. His hands shot out and gripped the edge in time to avoid an early death. Whew.

He yanked himself onto the roof and panted, looking back down into the alley that had almost been his final resting place. He turned toward the water tower with a gleam in his eye.

Mikey you better be there, because Leo'll lecture me to death if he finds out I went running around the city looking for you on a sprained ankle. Raph thought with a grimace.

The ankle really didn't look so bad. He'd probably just strained it, not sprained it. Don would still make him stay off it for a couple days, but right now, Raph had a brother to find. He limped at a quick pace and when he jumped over to the next building, he was careful not to put any landing pressure on his aching ankle. He hobbled around the water tower.

There, sure enough, seated on the perimeter of the water tower, behind the railing, was his little brother. Mikey had he knees pulled in towards his plastron and was resting his chin on them. In lieu of jumping, Raph used his sais to hoist himself up the leg of the water tower and join his brother.

Mikey's head turned a little, acknowledging his arrival with a faraway stare at the stormy sky.

"Nearly killed myself looking for you." Raph grumbled. He followed Mikey's example and stared at the sky.

"Didn't have to come." Mikey said, softly.

"And let you enjoy this nice wet rain all by yourself?" Raph remarked sarcastically.

A little smile flitted across Mikey's face. "Isn't it great?"

"Not quite the words I'd use."

Mikey smiled again, a bit wider. "I like the rain."

Lighting flashed.

"It just makes a mess in the sewer. Raises the water level."

"Don't you ever think beyond the sewers, Raph?" Mikey asked.

Raph raised an eye-ridge. He crossed his arms over his chest. "Mikey, you realize who you're talking to?"

With a roll of his eyes Mikey said, "All you do is think about the sewers Raph. You can't fool me. Even when you're up here you think about them."

"Alright, you got me." Raph admitted, throwing up his hands. "When I'm here is when I think most about 'em. I wonder what you guys are up to—"

"—and whether or not the lair is safe, and how late you can stay out without worrying the rest of us—"

"You psychic, Mikey?"

Mikey smiled and shook his head. "Nah, just smart."

"Can't fool me either, little brother. Come on, spit it."

"You told me once."

Raph shook his head from side to side. "Nuh-uh. I didn't say nothing to you."

"When I picked you up at Casey's the other day…"

"Yeah?" Raph asked. He thought about it. "I was sleeping on the couch."

"You talk in your sleep."

"You sneaky little…" Raph swung a playful fist at his brother. Mikey dodged it with a lighthearted laugh.

Thunder boomed through the sky and Mikey's smile vanished. Raph's mouth closed and he eyed the youngest thoughtfully.

"Always were scared of thunder, weren't ya?"

Mikey looked back out at the sky. "Just wanted to see if I'd gotten over it, I guess."

"Why?" Raph asked. He didn't get an answer and he knew that he'd touched on the root of the problem. He thought long and hard about the events of the past week, trying to pinpoint exactly when Mikey had fallen into this weird funk. It wasn't long before he found it.

"This wouldn't have anything to do with Leo's lecture on fear, would it?"

Earlier that week, Michelangelo had been screaming bloody murder about some horror film or something on television and Leo, whose meditation time had been rudely interrupted, had gone into lecture mode and given the baby brother a low-down on fear and getting scared. It was a long lecture and one that really wasn't very fair of Leo to spring on Mikey, but the blue-masked turtle was annoyed. And when he was annoyed, lecturing was what Leo did best.

"He was wrong, ya know." Raph muttered, sliding a little closer and pressing his shoulder against Mikey's.

"Leo's never wrong."

Raph scoffed in disbelief and Mikey turned to him.

"Mikey, Leo gets things wrong as often as you and I do. The guy's not as perfect as he pretends to be."

"Then why does he act like it?"

"Cause he's an idiot."

Mikey looked away.

Raph huffed. "He thinks that getting down off his high-horse will make us stop respecting him."

"I'd always respect him."

"Yep, that's why he's an idiot." Raph confirmed with a nod.

Mikey grinned and Raph felt like he was regaining touch with his little brother. He threw an arm around Mikey's head in a mock head-lock that was suspiciously more like a hug.

"Listen up, little brother. Leo doesn't know everything and he gets things wrong sometimes. But just because he says that your fears are juvenile and whatever else he said, doesn't mean that they make him any better than you are. Everybody gets scared. Just because some fears seem weird to other people don't mean that you're not mature or intelligent."

"Like you with bugs? That's a pretty silly fear."

"Exactly. That would be a good example if I was afraid of bugs, which I'm not." Raph crossed his arms indignantly.

Mikey smiled wickedly. "Oh yeah? Well, there's a cockroach by your foot."

"What? Where?!" Raph jumped to his feet, forgetting about his injured ankle. He hissed in pain and slid back down beside his little brother.

Michelangelo was laughing his head off.

He glared. "That was just low, Mikey."

"Aw, come on, Raphie. You know you love me." Mikey said sweetly, making a puppy-dog face at him.

Raph rolled his eyes. "Sometimes I wonder why."

Mikey punched him in the arm and said, "Hey!"

Tugging his ankle in for a better look, Raph let another slow hiss of pain leave his lips. This time, Mikey actually leaned forward and took notice.

"What's up?"

"I think I sprained my ankle. Damn near slipped off a ten-story building."

Mikey jolted upright, alert and concerned. Raph patted his shoulder.

"No big deal. I'll be fine in the morning."

"You sure?" Mikey asked.

Raph nodded.

They were silent for a few minutes, until Mikey's voice swam to Raph through the rain and asked, "What's your biggest fear, Raphie?"

Raph closed his eyes as he answered gravely, "Losing you guys."

Mikey scooted closer to him and their shoulders rubbed together. With gentle care, the youngest turtle's arms wrapped around Raph's shoulders and they sat in silence for a few more minutes, offering comfort as they got thoroughly drenched.

"What's yours, Mikey?" Raph asked, keeping his gruff voice at a gentle rasp.

Mikey's arms tightened around him. "I—I have this nightmare…" He whimpered.

Raph couldn't tell if Mikey was crying or if it was just rain droplets on the kid's cheeks. He didn't really care for either one. He hated it when his brothers cried. Dammit, he wasn't made of stone. He freed an arm from Mikey's embrace and rubbed his brother's carapace soothingly.

"It always starts off the same way…" Mikey sniffled.

Raph squeezed tighter.

"You guys are upset with me—"

The hothead already didn't like the way this dream was going.

"You're yelling at me. Telling me how annoying I am and how much you hate me—" Mikey buried his face in Raph's plastron and the words came out muffled, "—and then you guys start hitting me and you—you kick me out and leave me alone…"

That was as much as Raph could stand. He grabbed his baby brother and pulled Mikey as close as he could. There were tears escaping his own eyes, he knew, but he didn't have to worry because the rain would camouflage them. He whispered firmly into Mikey's ear.

"Michelangelo, now you listen to me. I'm not a great brother. I'm mean and I'm rough and I beat ya up and put ya down sometimes, but I would never, ever do anything like that to you. Yeah, ya annoy me sometimes, but ya know what? That's what brothers do. Heck, that's part of what they're for!" He pulled away from the hug and looked Mikey in the eyes. "Do you know why I'm here, Mikey?"

The youngest stared at him for a few moments. Raph rolled his eyes.

"I feel stupid doing this." Raph muttered, pressing his thumbs together and curling his fingers to make a heart shape.

Mikey smiled and wiped his eyes. "You're my brother and you love me."

Raph grinned and opened his arms. Mikey practically tackled him into another hug. An emerald green hand rubbed the orange-masked turtle's smooth, bald head with a squeak. They both laughed.

Mikey pressed his head against Raph's shoulder with a sigh. "You're wrong, Raphie."

"How's that?" Raph asked, incredulously.

Mikey beamed up at the hothead. "You're a great brother."

"Yeah, I sat in the pouring rain for half an hour because of you."

Mikey laughed. He looked at the sky one last time before looking back at his older brother. "Think we should head back to the lair?"

Raph nodded. Mikey helped him up. They traveled quickly as they could manage with Raph's ankle back to the manhole cover, trading teases and quips.

Michelangelo wasn't scared. He didn't even care about the thunder.

* * *

"ACHOO! AH-CHOO!" Raph's sneeze practically shook the entire lair. Mikey went to bed a couple hours ago with the rest of his brothers. But that cold, Raph had somehow known would come had set in even earlier than expected. He sighed, bringing down his elevated ankle and heading to the kitchen for some cold medicine. Don kept some in there for times like this.

When he returned to the couch, he was surprised to find another one of his brothers waiting for him.

Leo handed him a fresh box of Kleenex. He accepted it with a sneeze and stuffed-up thanks.

"You really should have gotten out of the rain as soon as you could."

"I did." Raph said before sneezing again.

Leo sighed. "You said you talked to him out there. You really should have gone some place dry."

"If I was smart, maybe I would have." Raph wiped his snout.

"How's your ankle?"

"Achy." Raph answered truthfully, too tired to do anything else.

Leo reached for the injured ankle and Raph eyed him warily. "I just want to have a look at it."

"Don already did."

"I know, I was there."

"Then why do you wanna—"

"Just checking up on you."

Raph's eye-ridges rose. "Oh, sure you were."

Leo resented the implications of that statement and he made sure Raph knew it, too. "It's true."

"Sure it is, but that's not the only reason you've come slinking out of your room at three in the morning."

"What did you and Mikey talk about?"

"None of your business." Raph answered confidently.

Leo glared. "I make it my business. I'm your leader and your older brother I deserve to know. Whatever it is, Mikey's been upset all week."

"And just whose fault was that?" Raph shot Leo a pointed stare.

The leader blinked. "Me? What did I say?"

"That whole fear spiel of yours got Mikey thinking that we thought less of him because of the way he is. Just cause he acts like a kid on the outside doesn't mean he's happy-go-lucky all the time. He notices things just like we do and he knows a lot more than you give him credit for. Just cause he's loud and childish doesn't make him inferior."

"I never said he was." Leo protested.

"But it just about amounted to it. Leo, just cause Mikey annoys you doesn't mean you can lecture him the way you lecture Donnie and me. I know when the difference between you saying something because you're annoyed and you saying something because you think it needs to be said. Mikey doesn't know how to distinguish that. If you know what's good for you, you'll apologize to him in the morning."

Leonardo's jaw slackened. Raph had never stood up to him like that before. It was a very logical, level-headed point of view, even if there was a hint of anger in Raph's voice. Raphael was right, of course. He really should apologize to Mikey. But first…

"I'm sorry."

"Shouldn't be apologizing to me."

"I think I should. You tried to tell me something was bothering Mikey all week, but I didn't believe you."

"And?"

"And I should have tried looking a little deeper into it, but I was only willing to trust my own judgment, which means that I failed in my duties as a leader."

"Aw, cut the crap, Leo."

"I mean it Raph. Even worse, I didn't trust you." Leo frowned.

"You usually don't."

"I'll try to change that."

"Don't, I'm usually not right." Raph said with smile.

Leo glanced penetratingly at his immediate younger brother. "I'm not sure I believe that. Sometimes your instincts come in handy."

Raph looked at his injured ankle, then he sneezed. "Yeah, like getting drenched and nearly falling to my death. Sure sound like great instincts."

"You know Raph, you baby Mikey a lot, but you also keep him grounded."

"So?"

"You never seem to appreciate the fact that, at times like this, I'm the one who babies you."

Raph's eyes narrowed. "Maybe that's cause I hate bein' babied."

"But sometimes, you need it." Leo held out a couple of small, white pills. "Pain pills."

"No way."

"You'll sleep better." Leo offered.

"Don't care. Hate those." Raph said, turning up his nose.

Leo shook his head and grinned. "You know, Don's thinking of doing a test to see our ages. Just think, little brother, Donnie could be older than you."

"There's no damn way."

"I don't know, he does act more mature." Leo jabbed.

"Oh, I'll show you mature, you little—" Raph hissed as he hastily jarred his ankle.

Leo crossed his arms and gloated. "I rest my case."

"Give me the damn pills." He grunted.

Leo smirked. "I thought so."

Raph took the pills and Leo sat beside him on the couch. For a couple minutes they sat in silence.

"Greatest fear." Raph mumbled.

"What was that?" Leo asked, confused.

"Mikey asked me what my greatest fear was."

Leo smiled and nudged Raph playfully. "Let me guess: a giant bug?"

"Losing you guys." Raph whispered.

The smile was wiped off Leo's face. He leaned over and hugged Raph gently. Raph's hand rose to rest on Leo's shoulder, gratefully.

Leo cleared his throat. "Mine is—"

"—Let me guess: you're still on that whole failure hang-up."

Leo's eyes widened. "How did you know that?"

"I know you, Leo." Raph scoffed, rolling his eyes. "That's enough. Look, you're never going to fail us. We believe in you. And even if you do fail us, which you won't, we'll still love ya in spite of it. There, I said it. I'm done being sappy."

They sat in silence again until Leo asked:

"What was Mikey's?"

"He thinks we'll get annoyed with him, say nasty things to him, beat him up and kick him out."

Leonardo was extremely perturbed by the concept. His eyes were full of fear and questioning as he stared at Raphael.

Raph nodded and patted Leo's shoulder. "Yeah, I set him straight. He ever cooks up anything like that again and I'll knock him silly."

Leo's smile returned. "Please don't. I like my brothers in one piece."

"Yeah, I guess they are better that way." Raph acquiesced, pretending to pout.

Leo poked Raph's side. No reaction. He tried it again and got a muted snicker. On the third time, Raph growled and tried to grab his hand. Leo laughed and continued this game.

When it was done, they both leaned back against the couch, smiling. Raph rolled his eyes at his big brother, though his eyelids were getting heavy.

"Leo?"

"Yeah, Raph?"

"You're a dork." With that the hothead closed his eyes and fell sound asleep.

Leo smiled sweetly and wrapped a blanket around Raph's sleeping form.

"We're all dorks, little brother. But I'm sure you wouldn't have us any other way."

* * *

 **Well, how was it? Review Please!**


	27. Can it be Love?

**Ch. 27-Can it be Love?**

"Is there something wrong, my son?"

"No, Sensei, I'm fine."

The old rat frowned at the blatant lie and sighed. "I can tell when you are lying to me, Raphael."

No answer. He eyed his son thoughtfully and allowed his tail to twitch behind him, a gesture that he knew the red-masked ninja would understand.

Raphael sighed for the twentieth time that very afternoon. For the past ten minutes or so, he had been feeding his new pet turtle, Chompy.

Splinter eyed the little alien turtle warily. He was still not quite sure how to feel about the fact that they now had an alien creature, no less, one that would eventually grow to bigger than their entire planet, living with them. But Donatello's tests had shown that via his current growth-rate, Chompy would not be large enough to pose a true threat to anyone until millions of years after their deaths.

Raphael was happy. He appeared to have grown very close to his young turtle pet and his bond with his brothers appeared to have gotten even closer, which made Splinter smile. Raphael seemed thrilled to be back in New York, but there was still something…off about him. All of them were acting a little different, particularly around their sensei, but Raphael's behavior was maddeningly uncharacteristic of the hotheaded turtle.

"My son…I realize that I know very little of the time that you have spent away from me, but if there is something bothering you—"

"No, no, it's nothing, Sensei."

"It doesn't not sound like nothing," Splinter's stern voice rumbled lowly.

A wistful, breathy sigh, a sound which seemed so alien for Raphael, escaped the turtle's lips. He stood and scooped up Chompy Picasso. "I'm going to my room."

Splinter reached out, "Raphael, do not—" He stopped and his hand fell, allowing his son to walk away. If Raphael needed time, then time he would allow. Confronting the red-masked turtle about his mood could wait until later that evening. For now, he would let the child be.

Leonardo strode into the kitchen and brewed some tea. He offered a cup to Splinter, which the old rat accepted with a soft mutter of thanks.

Leo immediately sensed his father's distress. "Is there something wrong, Sensei?"

"It is your brother, my son. I begin to grow very concerned about him."

"Donnie?"

Splinter raised an eyebrow. Surely, Raphael's behavior could not have escaped his brothers' notice. Unless, of course, there was something wrong with Donatello that was much more pressing than Raphael's current state.

"I confess, he was not the brother I was thinking of. Is there something wrong with Donatello?"

"No, Sensei, it's just that he's been running nonstop for the last couple of days trying to replicate some of the technology we had on board Fugitoid's ship." Leo said with a shrug.

Splinter hummed. "I see." He fell back into silence.

"Who were you talking about, Sensei?"

"Raphael," the old rat sighed, wearily.

Leo's face fell a little before steeling over.

Splinter noticed the change and frowned. Something was being kept from him, that was clear, but whatever it was, it was anyone's guess.

"What is it, Leonardo?" He asked gently, probing his son's eyes for any clues. There were none forthcoming.

"That's for Raph to tell you, Sensei. It isn't really my place."

"I can understand that, my son, as long as his ailment in no way threatens your fighting abilities and teamwork."

Leonardo shook his head vehemently. "Not at all, Sensei. It's just something Raph has to work through on his own. Things like that are hard enough, but when you add in the distance—I mean, long distance is hard, but interplanetary? I've tried to talk to him about it, but he knows that I'm against his current decision. Not that I have anything against him for it, you know? I just don't want him to end up being the one who gets hurt."

In the midst of Leonardo's ramblings Splinter had been lost. He had no idea what the eldest turtle was speaking of, but he had heard enough to know that the eldest only had his brother's best interests in mind.

A loud scoff made both their heads turn. Mikey leaned against the counter behind them. "Oh, come on, Leo! You know ML wouldn't do anything like that! 'Besides, Raph's absolutely crazy about her."

"Gee, I hadn't noticed." Came the overly sarcastic reply.

Splinter raised both eyebrows. "Who?"

"Mona Lisa! Raph's GF!"

Splinter crossed his arms, clearly not appreciative of his youngest's abbreviations.

"GF?" he asked.

"Yeah, his giiiiiiirlfriend." Mikey chimed in a sing-song voice.

"Mikey—" Leo began.

Donnie walked in and cut him off, heading straight for the coffee machine. "Lay off Raph, Mikey. He's having a hard enough time as it is," the genius mumbled tiredly.

"I know, I know…" Mikey admitted, his shoulders dropping a little. "He really misses her, bros."

Taking a sip of steaming-hot coffee in his hand, Don leaned against the counter. "What did you expect? Those two really had something."

"I won't pretend to understand it," Leo sighed and admitted, "but I'd never really seen him so—"

"—Enamored?" Don suggested.

"—Lovey-dovey?" Mikey offered, making faces.

Leo's face softened drastically, "—happy."

A smile tinged with sadness spread across both the younger turtles' faces.

Mikey looked particularly saddened, "Yeah, he really fell hard."

"Yeah, you know the last time we saw her, I was expecting him to—well, you know." Leo said softly.

Don frowned and nodded, "Yeah, me too. I mean, she—she told him she loved him."

Mikey's sad smile resurfaced. "Raph's never been too great with words."

His brothers looked at him.

"He told her, bros. Just not in a way that we could hear."

"You really think it's love, then?" Leo asked softly.

Both younger brothers shook their heads.

"Do you really need to ask, Leo?"

Images of Raphael and the Salamandarian flitted through his mind. The happiness on his brother's face, the affection in the neon-green eyes…Raphael risking his life to save hers. The raging fury when she'd been injured…

It wasn't a startling realization. He'd known, he'd just tried to deny it. He hadn't the heart to discourage it, but he knew how sensitive his emotional sibling was. He didn't want Raphael getting hurt. But—

"Raph loves her."

"With every last bit of his giant heart." Don muttered.

A tail thump brought the three sons to silence. The moment they saw the look on their father's face, they grew uncomfortable.

"You believe that your brother—is in love?"

They looked at each other, and finally nodded. Leo shifted nervously under Splinter's gaze.

* * *

Raphael tickled Chompy Picasso's plastron with his finger. The little turtle's limbs flailed and excited clicks could be heard. A full smile stretched across Raph's face.

"Who's a cute little turtle?" He asked softly, waving his finger around. Chompy bit it softly. Raph chuckled.

Splinter cracked the door open and peered inside.

Prying his finger from Chompy's tiny, but strong grip, Raph frowned a little. "Must be hard for you without a mama around, huh?"

Chompy trilled happily and rubbed his head affectionately against Raph's hand.

"Yeah, that's right. I'm here to look after ya. I'll keep you safe."

"Raphael."

The red masked turtle cranked his neck around towards the door. "Sensei."

"Do not get up, my son." Splinter urged. He sat on the end of Raphael's bed. "Your brothers and I were expecting you at dinner."

"Just wasn't hungry, I guess."

"Perhaps that is simply because your mind is otherwise occupied."

"Yeah, maybe." Raph answered softly. He held Chompy in one hand and rolled onto his carapace so that he could look up at his father.

Chompy trilled and crawled out on Raph's pillow. He licked Raph's face. Raph stared wide-eyed for a few seconds then smiled.

Master Splinter chuckled. "That creature is very fond of you, my son."

"Yeah. Chompy knows I'll always be there for him."

"You always were good with animals." Splinter said, thinking of when Raphael's head was barely higher than his knees.

Raphael laughed and Splinter looked at him. "I used to bring all kinds of critters home."

"That, you did." Splinter, too, laughed at the memory.

"You always made me go with you to take them to the humane society." Raph mimicked his father's voice and said, "These creatures do not belong in the sewer, my son. We must leave them with people who will help them find a proper home.' The only one you didn't say that for was the alligator."

"It was a feral baby alligator, Raphael."

Raph crossed his arms. "I still think I could have trained it."

"Very well. Next time you decide to keep an alligator as a pet I will not stop you. But do not blame me when it bites off one of your fingers." Splinter remarked dryly.

Raph laughed. Chompy started chewing on his finger again.

"Thanks for the thought and all, Father, but I think I'm gonna have my hands full with little Chompy here."

"Yes, indeed. Two pets in this household is quite enough."

Raph's forehead creased the way that it always did when he was thinking very hard about something. Splinter raised an eyebrow. What could that child be thinking now?

"Master Splinter…"

"Yes, Raphael?"

"When the guys and I go out on missions and stuff—do you think you can keep an eye on Chompy for me?"

The old rat suddenly found himself staring down into the huge, maroon eyes of an infant turtle alien. He sighed.

"Raphael, I am not sure I can—"

"It's just because he's so little, ya know? He can get into things that Spike couldn't and I don't want anything bad to happen to him."

Splinter knew he was beaten before he even looked at Raphael's face, but as soon as he looked up into the sweet, sensitive eyes of his son, he couldn't say no.

"Very well, my son. I will watch over him."

The feeling of his temperamental son hugging him close was worth it. Besides, one little turtle was hardly any trouble to watch over. He had once managed with four, after all. If it eased Raphael's mind, he would happily guard this tiny little alien as he would his sons.

"Thank you, father."

Ah, Father. How good it was to hear them call him that again. Silence spread between them. Chompy wandered over to the edge of the bed and gnawed at Splinter's robes. Master Splinter was not amused. His finger gently brushed over a well-known pressure point just under the jaw on the left side. The little turtle mewed unhappily and immediately stopped what he was doing. Splinter looked down into Chompy's eyes.

"I hope you have learned that my robes are not for eating."

Chompy trilled as though he had understood.

"Good. As long as you remember that, I shall not have to do it again."

Chompy trilled again, happily, this time.

Raph grinned, but the expression faded quickly. Splinter frowned. Raphael looked as though his mind was worlds away from their home in the sewers.

"Are you certain you feel alright, my son?"

"I'm fine, Sensei." Raph sighed. "I'd tell you if something was wrong."

"While I am glad to know that, Raphael. I should prefer it if you would tell me about Mona Lisa."

The red-masked turtle seemed surprised. "My brothers told you?"

Splinter nodded. Raphael sat up, his muscles slowly tensing up. The old rat was quick to soothe him.

"Raphael, I am not angry with you for not telling me. Nor am I angry that you are in a relationship. I do think you are a little young, but do not worry about that now. Tell me: What is she like?"

A few minutes of absolute silence passed. Raphael absorbed his father's words. His eyes began to sparkle and his heart fluttered.

"Well, she's—she's beautiful, Sensei." He said, dreamily. "She's a Salamandrian. A Lieutenant in their fleet. She's super strong and smart and she has the most beautiful eyes…"

"Stronger than you, Raphael?"

Raph grabbed his father's shoulder excitedly and smiled. "Yeah, like way stronger and smarter!" he sighed. "What a woman."

"She sounds like a most interesting individual." Splinter remarked.

"She is! She is, Sensei! You'd like her. She believes in honor and nobility just like us. I—" The light in Raphael's eyes flickered and died.

"Raphael?" Splinter asked, gently prodding the unresponsive turtle.

"It's just—last we heard, her planet was being overrun by Lord Dregg. I just—I hope she's okay. If anything happens to her—"

The wise father put an abrupt stop to his son's morbid thoughts. "From what you have told me, Raphael, I am certain that Mona Lisa is more than capable of taking care of herself."

"Yeah, you're right. Thanks, Sensei."

"Raphael, your brothers seem to support this relationship. And after what I have just heard, I find myself in complete agreement with them. All I ask, my son, is that you are cautious. Such relationships can bring danger, and love, if turned into hatred, can be everlasting." Splinter pulled his child into his arms. "No matter what happens, Raphael, your brothers and I will always love you. We are all here for you. I know firsthand the strain of being parted from the one's love. If you ever need company, come to me. I will stop whatever I am doing, understand?"

"Hai Sensei." Raph took comfort in Splinter's words. "I love you, Father."

"And I you, my son."

Chompy Picasso trilled ecstatically. Splinter and Raphael chuckled.

* * *

 **How was it? Review Please!**


	28. Terrible Truths

**Right off the bat, I wanna let you guys know that this is not my usual style. This is, in my opinion, quite a bit darker than I usually go with the turtles. But I wrote it out and I liked it so, hey, let's toss it out.**

 **It's short and bitter. Absolutely no sweetness to speak of in this one. Hope you enjoy it anyway.**

 **Instead of being about Brotherly Bonds, it's more centered on a bond shattered by jealousy.**

 **P.S. Warning! Mild use of foul language.**

* * *

 **Ch. 28-Terrible Truths**

It was just a normal fight, another run of the mill argument with Raphael. The same mundane argument that they had every night about whether or not Raph should leave the lair alone had escalated into something larger, as per usual. This time Raph was pushing it. They'd scraped with the Foot too often for Leo's liking lately and the last thing he needed was for Raph to go off half-cocked and land them smack in the middle of another jam.

Fearless even said as much, but of course simple-minded, hotheaded Raphael had only plunged further into an argument! Grrrr...sometimes he was just so unbearably frustrating! What would it take to get through that thick skull that Leo was trying to protect him.

"I don't need your protection! I can take care of myself! I ain't a damn child, Leo!"

Oh, of course, he'd forgotten, Raph was just too damn prideful to let go and admit just for once that Leo was right! The leader's eyes narrowed, his posture straightened and he ordered Raphael to stay in.

"I don't listen to your freaking orders just because you're my older brother!"

"I'm the leader! Splinter chose me—"

"Fuck Splinter!"

SHING!

"Aaaah! Fuck!"

For a few moments, Leonardo stood, breathing heavily, until the realization of what he'd done fluttered slowly down upon him. He felt cold, horrified. Bewildered eyes traveled down to his hand where he clutched a shuriken between his fingers. The red liquid that slid down it, staining his wrappings wasn't his own.

The light in Raphael's bright green eyes shone more than ever. Leo stammered to say something, anything, but the words just wouldn't come. Raph seemed to understand that they weren't going to.

A choked call of "Raph," escaped Leo's lips, but died in the open air.

Terror—horror—filled him. He was repulsed by what he had done. The pain he had inflicted on his own brother was massive. He could see it. He could see tears of anguish wetting the corners of Raph's eyes. The red-masked turtle's mouth was set in an ugly grimace. Yet, something eerie and disconcerting tinged the expression, as well: a twisted, rueful smile.

Leo shuddered.

"I said fuck Splinter, Leo! I'm amazed you finally cracked. I was wondering how long it would take you. Welcome to the other side of the line, big brother. Or should I say, welcome to the edge. It's all down from here."

Leo stared at his brother, his anger welling up inside of him once again.

Raph rubbed salt in the wound. "Been wondering a long time: How long before the Fearless leader cracks? Before the first of our blood is spilt upon his hands."

"Shut up, Raph. It'll never happen again." Leo said, determinately shaking his head.

"Sure it won't." Raph sneered.

Leo didn't break. "It won't. I won't hurt my brothers."

"You just did."

A long shiver traveled down Leo's shell like a cool, icy breeze.

"How long before you yield yet again to your nature, hm? Revert to-baser instincts? We're all just animals, after all. How long before you hurt Mikey or Don, or your precious father? How long, Leo?"

Leo said nothing. He bowed his head to evade Raph's accusing eyes. That wasn't a good enough answer for the hothead.

"HOW LONG?"

Leo's hand shot out and grabbed the lip of Raphael's plastron, shoving him backwards. "SHUT UP!"

His eyes were drawn, once again, to Raph's bleeding face. His fight evaporated, but his anger continued to boil. In a quieter tone he said, "Do you hate me so much that you feel the need to treat me like a monster!?"

"Is that what I'm doing?" Raph asked.

Leo's fists clenched. "You are so crude. I'm your leader, you should damn well respect me."

"And you drill it into me by slicing my face open?"

"Stop it." Leo growled.

"Stop what?"

"Trying to psyche me out."

"Oh, right, because feeling guilty for literally wounding me in a fit of anger is so unheard of, so completely more than I deserve." Raph said, his voice caustic as a red-hot branding iron.

"Shut up, you're deliberately fussing over this. You want me to be the bad guy in your play for attention."

"Attention? Attention?" That queer smile was back. Again, Leo fought the urge to shudder at Raph's coldness. Suddenly, where Leo was expecting a raised voice, Raph's voiced dropped a few decibels. He scoffed. "Maybe I just want you to know what it's like."

Leo frowned and raised an eye-ridge. He didn't have to await an explanation for long, however.

"A monster to your own family." Raph paused, looked up at Leo and asked, as one might ask the time of day, "How's it feel, Fearless? How's if feel knowing that you let down your Sensei and your two little brothers?" Something in Raph's grim intonation changed and a melancholy note replaced it. "Bet it's nice knowing that even after all that, you'll still be his prized student that can do no wrong. How does it feel knowing that he'll call it an accident and let it slide? How's it feel, knowing that he'll still love you?"

An odd feeling swept over Leo at Raph's words, bringing some of their earlier words back to mind. 'Your father'… Raph couldn't mean—

"He's your father too."

Raph chuckled bitterly. "Is he? I'm not so sure."

"He deserves your respect." Leo said, his anger rising once again.

"What for? It's not like he ever gave me any."

Leo snapped. "Oh shut up! You always used whining to get your way. Grow up! Sensei's our father he raised us, you should respect him for that! He loved us, cared for us, nurtured us—"

"He loved you. He always loved _you_ , cared for _you_ , nurtured _you_! It was always about you!" Raph's voice cracked and he looked away. There were tears in his eyes. He blinked them back and turned back around. "It still is," he whispered.

Though his mind cautioned against it, Leo reached out and put a hand on Raph's shoulder. He didn't know quite what to say.

Eventually he settled for: "He loves you, Raph."

That forced chuckle returned, only this time Leo could hear a tinge of sadness in it. Raph shook his head.

"No, Leo. Only thing Splinter ever loved was you."

Leo opened his mouth to protest, but Raph cut him off.

"That's why all he's ever wanted was turn me into you. And as you so kindly point out: I'll never be good enough for that. You'll always be better…and I'll never be enough."

Leo's heart leaped into his mouth. He couldn't say a word. He was in emotional shock. He'd always suspected that Raphael had a persecution complex, but he'd always thought it was a paranoia Raph would eventually get over. He was wrong, so, so very wrong.

"How can you say that about yourself?" Leo asked, breathlessly.

"It's the truth," Raph said. "I can't be more than I am. I'm a mutant monster, a freak." His hand rose and his fingers brushed over the cut on his face. He stared down at his bloody fingers and smiled. "I live for moments like this, big brother. Times where I can convince myself you're as much a monster as I am."

"I think you should go to your room," Leo said.

Raphael smiled. "Whatsamatta, Fearless? Can't take the heat?"

"Go to bed." The leader ordered.

Raph tossed up his hands and headed for the hall. He turned back to Leo.

"Incidentally, next time, ya might wanna use yur katana."

Leo's eyes flashed. "I just might."

* * *

 **Like I said, not my usual style, but it's good to try a hand at different things.**

 **So what did you guys think? Review Please!**


	29. Gonna Be Alright

**Quick tidbit I came up with today. Hope you enjoy.**

* * *

 **Ch. 29-Gonna be Alright**

"Raphael I'm warning you—"

"Oh, I'm so scared! Come on! Come at me bro! Oh wait, I forgot, you don't have the guts!" Raph was surprised when Leo didn't come charging at him.

"I don't get it Raph. I just don't get it." Leo muttered, shaking his head side to side. His eyes glazed over.

If Raph didn't know any better, he'd think that his older brother was about to fall over standing up. He wanted to go topside. Run from this fight like he did many of the others, but—

He looked at Leo. Leo looked sick. He didn't want to make Leo think he was going soft, but he couldn't leave with Leo being so...un-Leo-ish.

"Leo?"

"Just go, Raph. Run away like you always do." Leo said softly, dropping down on the couch and turning his back on his younger brother.

"I don't wanna."

Leo's head turned slightly in his direction. His older brother's watery blue eyes glanced disinterestedly up at him. "I don't want to fight you anymore, Raphael. Just go."

"No." Raph gave that a moment to sink in before adding, "I don't really want to fight you either."

"Funny. You usually find a way of doing it."

"So do you."

"Uhuh. Yeah." Leo coughed, seemingly getting worse by the minute.

Raph frowned and put a hand on Leo's forehead. "Shell, you're hotter than Mikey's flaming hot pizzas. You sick?"

"Exotic flu or something. Low survival rate apparently, but Don has high hopes. Most cases are nowhere near healthy as we are."

"Your life is in danger?"

Leo shrugged. "Don doesn't think so."

Raphael immediately felt guilt and rage churning in his stomach.

"And you didn't tell me?"

Leo scoffed, bitterly, and looked away.

"You'd have just laughed," he grumbled. Two hands landed on his shoulders and he looked up at his younger brother's serious face.

"Not at this." Raph growled. He looked Leo in the eyes. "Don's sure you'll be okay?"

"Nothing's for sure. He thinks so."

"Where is the brainiac? I wanna talk to him."

"Gone. He and Mikey went to the junkyard. Probably be gone all night."

Raph hopped down next to his brother on the couch. For two minutes they stared at the commercials on television and said nothing. Raph looked over and saw Leo struggling to keep his eyes open.

"Sleep, Leo." He said.

Leo's head shook from side to side. "Nuh. Don and Mikey still out." He huffed, "And you'll probably sneak out while I'm sleeping."

"With you like this? No freaking way. I'm staying right here."

"Promise?"

Raphael blinked. When was the last time he'd kept a promise to his brothers? Must have been a while...

He'd promised Leo he'd be careful on a night out with Casey. He'd come home with two bullet wounds and a concussion. Raphael was very good at breaking promises, especially the ones he made to Leo. But this time...

He looked at Leo's tired face, noted the labored breathing, the watery eyes, and adding in the fever...

This was a promise he'd keep. No matter what. Yeah sure, he and Fearless didn't always see eye to eye, but what brothers did? Just because Leo annoyed him didn't mean he didn't love the guy. Ugh. Now he was getting sappy.

Raph shook it off and nodded confidently.

"I promise, big brother. I'll be here when you wake up."

Leo appeared less than convinced.

"Fine, but I plan to ensure compliance." Leo stretched out across Raph's lap and made himself comfortable. "Just to spite you for fighting with me."

The hothead chuckled and snatched the remote, much to his older brother's chagrin.

* * *

Raph awoke four hours later. Almost three o'clock in the morning. Leo was shaking like a leaf and his forehead was still burning up. Raph decided that it would be best to get the Fearless leader to bed. He shook the blue-masked turtle gently.

"Leo," he whispered. There was no response. Worry rose up inside of him. "Leo?" he asked, shaking his brother a little harder. There was still no response.

Raphael scooped his older brother up into his arms easily.

Sure, Leo was no feather, but he wasn't that much heavier than Donnie or Mikey, and Raph was the strongest of the four of them.

He headed straight for Leo's room and carefully placed Leo in the bed, bringing the covers up around him. He then dashed to the kitchen and got a bowl of cold water and a washcloth.

For the rest of the morning he tended his brother's feverish brow. Mikey and Donnie returned at four, with medical supplies in tow. Don immediately berated himself for not realizing that the symptoms of the disease would set in as soon as they did. Raph took a step back and let Don do his thing, but his eyes were fixed on Leo, and his mind was turned to the past.

When he was little, he'd contracted a bad case of pneumonia. And in their younger years his immune system had seemed the weakest out of all his brothers. He'd spent many feverish nights on the bed in his room—most of them with his big brother holding his hand, telling him over and over again that he was strong and that he'd be alright.

Soon Donatello was gone. Raph and Leo were alone. Raph lay his arms at his brother's bedside and took one of Leo's hands in his.

"Leo...it's me. You're gonna be alright, you understand? You're strong. Strongest I've ever known. You're gonna be alright." Raph whispered, squeezing Leo's hand tightly.

He spent a day and a half at Leo's side before the fever finally broke. When it did, Raph just smiled and asked unresponsive Leo what the heck had taken so long. Leo was delirious most of the day, his body taking time to recover from the strain of the disease.

* * *

Leo's eyes fluttered open at one o'clock in the morning and found Raph drooling on the edge of his bed.

"Raph."

Raph just snored softly on.

"Raph."

More quiet snores.

"Raph!" Leo's arm reached out and shoved the hothead away from the bed.

Raph, who was sitting on a stool, toppled backwards and landed on the ground with a loud thud. He woke up to a shout of his name and the feeling that he was falling. The impact with the ground told him it wasn't a dream.

"Leo?" He asked, rubbing the back of his head. When he saw an irritated Leo looking back at him he smiled and leapt up. "Leo!"

"Raph, how long have you been in here?"

Sheepishness swept over the hothead. He settled for a brief, "Long enough. How are you feeling?"

"Thirsty."

"Want me to get you some water?"

Leo blinked. If you wanted something from Raph you usually had to ask him for it. He almost never offered. Leo nodded.

"Yeah. That would be great," he said.

Raph stood up and stretched his back, grimacing a little.

One of Leo's eye-ridges rose. "Back bothering you?" He asked.

Raph rubbed the back of his neck. "Uh, yeah. Been kinda hunched over for a while." For a few moments they stared at each other. "I'll—um—get Don. He'll probably wanna take a look at you."

Leo nodded assent.

Minutes later, Leo had his glass of water and Donatello was bombarding him with questions about how he felt and rambling on and on about how Leo's survival had aided his understanding of disease statistics. Leo was getting tired. He didn't want to tell Donnie to leave, but he couldn't take much more of this.

"Ey brainiac, you're exhausting him. Go on and get back to your hyper-glycolic experiment or whatever."

"Hypoglycemic. I'm testing the dosages of a new insulin supplement I've created."

"Yeah, go finish your nerd stuff. Let Leo sleep."

Don frowned. "What, now you're his doorman?"

Raph bristled and opened his mouth to reply, but Leo stopped him.

"Raph, why don't you just go?"

"What?" Raph asked, feeling shocked, and a little bit hurt, "but he's annoying you and you should rest—"

"Don's the one who should be telling me to rest. Besides, he and I have a few more things to discuss, so if you'd please just go find something else to do?!"

Raph stormed out of the room, but the second he was outside the door, his shoulders fell. From inside he heard Don's smooth voice say:

"Leo, you know Raph's just trying to help."

He left before he could hear anymore. No need to stick around and hear Leo growling that there was no need for his help. He went into his room and locked the door behind him.

* * *

Don watched Raph's carapace as his hotheaded brother stomped away. When the door closed, he frowned at Leo. "Leo, you know Raph's just trying to help."

Leo sighed. "I know, Don, but he's just stirring up a fight."

"He means well, and I was stirring one up as much as he was. We've been under a lot of stress with you down for the count."

"No action from Shredder or any of the others?"

"Not sure. We haven't been topside since the last patrol you went on with us."

Leo's eye-ridges rose. "Not even Raph?"

"Especially not Raph. He's been with you since you got sick. It was all Mikey and I could do to keep him fed and hydrated."

Leo was astounded. "He stayed by my side?"

"Unwaveringly." Don tossed a thoughtful glance at the door. "All things considered, you should have let him down a little easier. He was really worried about you."

"How long before I can get back to training?"

Don sighed. "You should really wait a full week if you can. It'll give your systems some time to recover and to apologize to Raph."

"Yeah." Leo agreed. He sat up a little. "Think I can do it now?"

Don put a hand on Leo's shoulder and held him down.

"Wait a couple of days till you're strong enough to get back on your feet. Then talk to Raph."

Leo nodded.

* * *

The next day, after Leo had eaten a light breakfast, Don came in to check on him again and ask how he was feeling. They were having a cheerful conversation when a timid knock came at the door and they looked up to see Mikey standing in the doorway. Leo smiled.

"Hey Mikey."

"Hey guys." Behind the soft smile was a slightly worried frown.

"Everything alright?" Leo asked.

Mikey shook his head and Donnie leaned forward a little.

"What's wrong?" asked Don.

"It's Raph."

Leo and Donnie looked at each other.

"He's been in his room since early this morning. I've tried bringing him food, but he says he isn't hungry. His door's locked." Mikey said sadly.

Leo frowned and sat up in bed. "I'll go talk to him."

Don grabbed Leo by the forearm. "You really shouldn't be up yet. You need to rest."

"I'll rest once Raph's eaten." Leo stated, daring his younger brother to try and stop him.

Donnie yielded.

Leo had Mikey help him make it to the door of Raph's room.

Mikey spoke first. "Raphie, let us in."

"No. You and Don get lost."

"I'm not Don, and I can't stay standing much longer, so it would be very convenient if you could open the door."

The door flew open and Leo felt himself being lifted out of Mikey's grip and whisked onto Raph's bed. Has lifting us always been this easy for Raph? He wondered.

"What the shell are you doing out of bed?" Raph asked, roughly.

"Beating some sense into you. You need food to survive, you idiot."

"I'm not hungry." Raph grumbled, pouting.

Leo shook his head. "Don't care. Mikey, get some food for Raph, will you please?"

Mikey nodded and ran off.

"I won't eat it."

Leo crossed his arms. "You'll eat it if I sit here and watch you until you do."

"You're in no condition to—"

"Exactly. So either you eat, or you'll be responsible for me passing out and possibly further injuring myself."

"Do you have a death wish, Fearless?"

"No, but I want my little brothers to take proper care of themselves."

Raph growled, which made Leo jump. He wasn't expecting a hostile reaction. Though with Raph, perhaps he should have.

"So you can help me, but I try to do one little thing to help you and I get my head bitten off. Geez, Leo, if you don't want me around just say so. You don't have to pretend you wanna be nice to me."

"I was weary of fights, Raph. I just wanted to shut it down before it got started. It had nothing to do with you."

"Sure it didn't," Raph's sarcasm was prominent as ever. Then a dark edge filled his voice. "You thought I wouldn't even care to know that my own brother was sick—that he could die. You thought I would just leave you behind in that state and let you worry about me." He turned his back on Leo. "I know what I am. But I know that whatever I am, I'll never be that big of a monster."

"Raph...come here."

Raphael slowly obliged and took a seat on the edge of the bed. Leo tossed his arms around his shoulders. Raph flinched.

"You aren't a monster, Raph, and I will never, ever, ever look at you that way. I guess it's just because we fight all the time, I forget—"

"—that I'm not heartless?"

Leo frowned. "That's not—"

"It's fine. I understand."

Leo could tell by Raph's tone that it definitely wasn't 'fine'. He squeezed Raph tighter, as tightly as he could.

"I'm so glad you stayed with me, Raphie. I needed it." He lay his head on Raph's shoulder. "Thanks for keeping your promise, Raph."

"You're welcome, Leo." Raph whispered, one of his arms finally coming up to return the embrace.

Leo smiled into the hug. "Forgiven?"

"Yeah, all forgiven."

Mikey returned with the food. Raph gave it a doleful look and pouted at Leo. The eldest gave him a stern face in reply. He sighed and began to chew on an apple. Leo smiled and began a light conversation with the hothead. Yeah, Raph could be a pain sometimes, but he was one of the three best little brothers Leo could ask for. And Leo wouldn't change him for anything in the whole wide world.

* * *

 **How was it? Review Please!**


	30. In Alternative

**Here it finally is, everybody! The sequel to Picky Portals! Man this took forever.**

 **You know, I realized that I've reached thirty chapters in this story. I think I'd like to keep these at about thirty chapters a piece, so this is the final chapter of Brotherly Bonds. Don't worry; I will soon be posting a new collection of oneshots called Brotherly Baggage.**

 **So enjoy the last chapter everybody!**

* * *

 **Ch. 30-Alternatives**

I watched my brother head towards the freaky sphere with his head held high. I had never felt more terrified and more proud. My little brother. My little brother truly was a hero. But—the sacrifice. He can't, I won't allow it! I can't lose him, none of us can.

"You can't do this." I whispered, one of my hands extending only to fall away limply as Raph shook his head. I felt as though glass shards were slicing into my heart.

"I have to, Leo." He looked at our little brothers sadly and turned back to me. "Please, whatever happens, take care of our little brothers."

Bleary-eyed, I shook my head. "I will." I honestly have no idea how I managed it, but I didn't stutter at all even though my throat was closing up.

"Promise?"

"Promise." He smirked.

I choked, my strength wavering. The sight of his answering smirk made me want to yell, laugh, and cry all at once.

We watched with bated breath as our hotheaded sibling jumped into the green sphere surrounding the strange man. Suddenly there was a blinding explosion and a blood-curdling scream hit the air, the likes of which I had never heard before. The voice was one that I knew well. Every bit of air left in my lungs was forced out in a desperate, tortured cry of my brother's name. I darted forward, blinded by light and the need to reach Raphael. The bright orb of light exploded. I was flying backwards, my head hit something hard, and the world went dark.

Did any of that really happen? Or was it just a dream?

When I awoke, a blurred green and purple head was leaning over me. I blinked a few times and my vision cleared. Donnie's face was grave. I sat up slowly and raised a hand to rub the back of my head, but found out it was wrapped in bandages.

"Donnie?"

"Severe concussion. You had us real worried for a while there. How you feeling?"

"Not so hot." I admitted honestly.

He nodded, but said nothing.

"You guys alright?"

"Mikey and I are fine. Minor injuries."

"Raph?" I asked insistently.

Don avoided my gaze. "Leo…"

Every muscle in my body tensed. I surged forward and seized Donnie by the shoulders, almost falling off the lab table in the process.

He stabilized me. His face was very grave and there was no emotion in his eyes. Panic rose up in my gut.

"Donnie, where's my little brother?"

His lip trembled. His eyes fell to the floor of the lab, tellingly.

"No." I gasped. My arms gave out and I fell back on my elbows. Tears flooded my face. Not Raph. Not my little brother. Please, no. The striking neon green eyes that had held so much fire and passion were pale and soulless. My brother was gone and all that lay before me was a lifeless shell. "Raphael…" I whispered.

"Leo—" Don's voice tapered off, his hand fell just short of my shoulder. He knew there was nothing he could say that would make me feel any better. I'd just lost a brother. One of my precious little brothers. I was their leader, their guardian. This shouldn't have been able to happen. I shouldn't have allowed it to happen.

"How?"

Don's head rose and he stared incredulously at me. "What?"

"How did this happen?" I asked, my voice drained.

"I don't know, Leo. We didn't find a body. He's just gone"

"Then he could still be alive." I whispered.

A pitiful expression spread across Donatello's face. I scowled, not about to take pity from anyone. As long at there was still a chance—

"Leo, the magnitude of that explosion was—" Donnie's voice broke. He swallowed. "If Raph was at the center of it then—"

"I won't accept that, Donatello."

"Leo's right, Donnie." Michelangelo whispered from off to the side.

I sat up and stared at my younger brother.

Mikey looked horrible. His youthful face was pale and his eyes were red from crying. I opened my arms and offered Mikey comfort, which the youngest readily accepted.

Donnie joined in from Mikey's other side and said, "It's not that I want to believe he's gone, Mikey…but it already hurts so much."

"Your pain is understandable, but your eldest brother is correct," said a deep voice from off to one side.

My head snapped up and I turned on the speaker.

"You," I snarled, my heart igniting with angry fire. The man standing in the lab door was the same one who'd condemned my brother to death. My eyes darted about the room for my weapons, but they weren't within reach. So I flew at him with all the strength in my body.

Donnie grabbed one of my arms, and the next thing I knew, a green and orange blur grabbed the other.

"You! You're the reason he's dead! How dare you show your face here?! My brother died because of you! You don't deserve to live!"

"LEO!" Mikey shouted, yanking me back and whispering in my ear. "Cool off, bro."

"Cool off?!" I shouted incredulously. "Raph's gone and it's all his fault! How the shell do you expect me to cool off?"

"Then you do believe your brother is gone?" he asked.

My eyes narrowed, "As long as I have no proof of his death, I will never accept it."

"He has loyal brothers."

"I won't give up on him." I reaffirmed, my fists clenching angrily. "You know where he is, don't you?"

The rickety old man frowned and his voice boomed around the room. "I can but conjecture where the portal has taken him."

"Where?" I demanded.

He shook his head. "The prophecy was that only the purest of creatures with a heavy heart could appease the portal."

"Appease it? You speak like it's sentient."

"The portal transports its victims so they see what must be seen and feel what must be felt."

"Which translates to?" Mikey asked.

The old man didn't answer. My soft growl was the only sound in the lab.

"What do you mean a 'heavy heart?" Donnie asked.

"More importantly," I said, stalking over to the old man, "where is my brother?"

* * *

Ugh. My red bandana tails had flopped down in my face and I brushed them aside. I rubbed the back of my neck and pushed myself up as best I was able.

"Anybody get the number on that bus?" I grumbled.

Shell, my muscles ached. My lungs felt like they were on fire. What the heck happened?

I glanced around. My brothers! Where are they? What—wait! That old dude! The creepy portal thingy and the dreams! I screamed and my brothers shouted my name and then—

I'm here.

But where is here?

I grunted and pushed myself up onto my feet. My muscles felt weak. I swayed a little. My eyes cut through the darkness like a knife through butter. Wait a second—a

I'm in the sewers! Not far from the lair, actually. But why the shell would that portal thing send me here?

Aah! What the—shell?

Someone struck me from behind and barreled me over onto my carapace. The next thing I knew, there were two blades dangerously close to my throat. I gaped at the shadowy figure above when I realized who it was.

"Leo? What the shell—"

The katanas almost grazed my neck. Leo's eyes narrowed dangerously. His glare was cold and cruel. The kind he reserved only for enemies.

"Who are you? How do you know my name?"

My eyes widened. "Who the shell do I look like? I'm your brother, numbskull! Will you get those things out of my face?"

"What are you trying to pull?"

I growled. "Pull? I ain't trying to pull nothing! I'm your brother, Raphael! Seriously, Leo, will ya quit with the games and let me up?"

Leo shook his head, the katana inching closer. "You're the one playing games, stranger! I don't have a brother named Raphael! I never have had. If this is some trick designed by Shredder then he's got another thing coming."

My jaw dropped. Leo couldn't be serious and yet…he was serious. Completely serious. Leo's a horrible actor, there is no way he's faking this. I shook my head.

"No, it can't be, but I am Raphael. I am. And you're my brother. So are Mikey and Donnie. What the shell is—" that was when I realized: "The portal—it took me here. Transported me to one of those," I snapped my fingers searching for the phrase, "alternate realities. I—I don't exist here."

Leo's swords pulled away a little. He stared straight down into my eyes, into my soul. I've always hated that he can do that. I growled a little and his katanas rose again. I smiled.

"What's the matter? Scared?"

Leo scoffed. "Of you?"

I couldn't help but grin a little. "Well at least you're still the same, Fearless."

"Fearless?"

"'S what I call you. Back home." My mind wandered. I couldn't help but wonder about my brothers. Were they alright? Did they get affected by the portal like I did?

"You're telling the truth, aren't you?" Leo asked, katanas lowering.

I nodded.

Leo's eyes scanned me up and down. "You are unarmed?"

"What? You think I'm hiding weapons in my shell?" I asked dryly.

"Are you always this cooperative?" Leo responded.

Crossing my arms over my chest, I smirked. "This is about as cooperative as I get."

"Bet it drives your Leo up the wall."

"Nah, you're used to it." I grinned.

Leo sheathed his swords. "Follow me."

He led me through the sewer tunnels to the lair. The sound of voices could be heard from just outside the door. Leo gestured for me to go in first. He followed soon behind. As soon as we were inside, Donnie, Mikey and Sensei all turned toward us.

Don and Mikey stared at me with shocked and uncertain faces.

"Leo? Who's—" Don began to ask, but another voice cut him off.

"Raphael…"

All heads turned to Master Splinter. Leo's eyes narrowed. The old rat crossed over to me and put a hand on my shoulder. He looked like he'd seen a ghost.

"Raphael," He repeated.

By that time I was getting a little freaked out. And I don't exactly do physical contact very well. I shifted uncomfortably and he must have understood, because he released me. As he stared into my eyes, realization dawned on him.

"You are not ours." He said softly.

"Father, what do you mean? How did you know who he was?" Leo asked.

Splinter sighed and his ears flattened against his head. "My sons, I wish to apologize to all three of you for the secret I've kept from you for all these years."

"What do you mean?"

I was beginning to understand. "So I did exist here once."

Splinter turned away and lowered his eyes.

"Father, what's going on? We don't understand." Don said, softly.

"For all these years, I have led you to believe it was just the three of you, but I'm afraid that is not quite true." Splinter sighed. "You had a fourth brother whose name was Raphael."

Mikey's hands were shaking. "What? W-What happened to him?"

Splinter turned back around to stare at me. I shifted uncomfortably and looked away.

"He died before you turned four. The four of you wandered out into the sewers and ended up getting caught in a dangerous drainage duct. Raphael managed to save the three of you, but in doing so sustained great body trauma. I cared for him the best I could, but infection set in. I did not have the means to save him."

My hand automatically rose to the crack in my plastron. Splinter noticed.

"You went though a similar experience, I take it?" he asked.

I nodded. The others looked at me. "Everything happened just like you said, but in my reality, I was able to make it through the worst of it, though my father and brothers were very worried."

"Losing you the way we did, I have always felt guilty. If I had only had greater knowledge and supplies, I might have been able to—"

"It wasn't your fault. It just wasn't meant to be." I said.

Splinter smiled. "It pleases me to know that in an alternate reality, you have grown up as strong and fine as the rest of your brothers."

"I can't believe it." Leo whispered. "All this time and I never knew I had another brother." He stared at me. "Raphael—"

"You can call me Raph." I shifted under the intensity of their gaze and rubbed the back of my neck. "It's what my brothers call me." I coughed. "My brothers back where I come from, that is."

"Raph." Leo accepted, awkwardly extending his hand.

I took it and pulled it up into the starting position for one my secret handshakes with the Leo back home. He watched and slowly copied my actions. Once that was done he looked at me with his eye-ridges raised. I smiled.

"It's kinda my and Leo's thing."

Donnie and Mikey were still just staring.

"Whatsamatta brainiac? Cat got ya tongue?"

Don blinked. "Are you talking to me?"

"Guess nobody calls ya brainiac when I'm not around, huh?" I crossed my arms over my chest. I glanced at Mikey. "What about you, goofball?"

"Don calls me that sometimes." He said softly. "Are you really my brother?"

I shook my head. "Naw, my little bro is back in my universe, but in a way, I sorta am. Guess you can say I'm what your bro would have been like if he hadn't—"

"Raphael," Splinter called. Even though he wasn't exactly my father, I responded with the same stiff position.

"Hai Sensei." I answered. My 'brothers' looked at me strangely. "Something wrong?"

"You need not be so formal, Raphael." Splinter said easily.

"Guess my Splinter's more strict," I muttered.

"Perhaps," Splinter agreed. He looked at me. "Raphael, if you would be so kind, I would appreciate it if you could tell me about your life. It would ease my tired heart."

Leo nodded in agreement. "Yes. I want to know what it's like…having three brothers. Please."

I sighed. My shoulders drooped. "It ain't always easy. I give you guys shell sometimes, which you really don't deserve. Wish I could do better for you, but I'm a hothead. I jump in to all kinds of situations that get you guys hurt. I don't mean to. Sure, we get along just fine, but I've got a short fuse and you all get on the wrong side of it at some point or other." I scoffed. "Leo and I fight at least once a day."

"Why?" Leo asked softly.

I sighed again. "Different philosophies. You're a better ninja, a thinker, a leader. Like I said, I'm just a hothead. We clash."

"That doesn't seem like enough justification."

"It always has been for us."

Leo looked a little bit sad at the knowledge. "So we don't get along very well."

"I never said that." I added.

He tilted his head to one side.

"We're best friends. So alike we can practically read each other's thoughts, that's part of the reason why we're so good at getting under each other's skin."

"What about us?" Mikey asked.

I smiled at him. "Oh we fight all the time, little brother, but most of the time our fights involve drawing on each other's faces in permanent marker, or a bucket of water propped in a half-open door. Well," I grinned, "that and me chasing you around the lair with a wooden spoon."

Mikey giggled, mischief lighting up his face. "That sounds like fun."

"It is." I agreed. "Though it's annoying as shell, sometimes. Wouldn't have it any other way."

Master Splinter seemed pleased by the smile on my face.

"And you, brainiac. Sure, I'm a meathead, but that doesn't mean we don't look out for each other. I do what I can to help out. Even tried to help you out with April a few times."

Donnie blushed. "There's an April in your reality as well?"

"Yep, and a Karai and a Casey and the Mighty Mutanimals—"

"A Casey?" Leo asked.

"Mighty Mutanimals?" Mikey echoed just as perplexed.

I slowly realized why they were confused. "You-you don't have a Casey. You've never met him because I was the one who—"

They nodded in understanding.

"And the 'Mighty Mutanimals' you mentioned?" asked Donnie.

"Spike was my pet turtle, who got mutated. He's their leader."

"A turtle with a pet turtle? That is the funniest thing I've ever heard!" Mikey cracked up.

My fists clenched. "Can it Mikey! Or I'll give you a knuckle sandwich!"

"No way! You'll never catch the Mikester!"

"Oh no?" I smirked and threw myself at him. He squealed and took off at top speed. I had one advantage, however: this Mikey had never seen any of my tricks. With one hand, I signaled to my older brother—well, this Leo.

He grinned mischievously and nodded, moving into position. Mikey and I sprinted around the room, but the next thing the youngster knew, he was being bowled over by the eldest. He squealed nervously and tried to get up, but I tackled him. He looked nervous. I smirked viciously. My fingers immediately began running up and down his sides. He shrieked with laughter.

"Stop! Stop! Uncle! I yield!"

I tugged him into a headlock. "Say it little brother!"

"Say what?" He laughed, wildly.

I blinked. Right. It's so easy to forget these aren't really my brothers. "Right. Guess I never taught it to you. Repeat after me: Raphael is all wise and powerful and he's better than me in every possible way..."

Donnie appeared to be extremely amused, but the look on Leo's face made me a little bit uncomfortable. Mikey did exactly as I said, laughing hysterically the entire time. I turned back to Leo.

"Something wrong?"

Leo sighed. "This will sound strange, but I've always felt our family was slightly off balance…like something was missing. With you here—that imbalance is gone. It feels right."

Guilt and sadness rose in my gut. "Don't get used to it. Eventually I'll have to go back—"

"—but what if you don't?" Leo asked softly.

I frowned. "What the shell are you saying?" I asked, a hint of anger in my voice.

Leo put his hand on my shoulder.

"What if you were meant to end up here? To replace the brother that we lost."

I shook my head. "I can't, Leo. I have brothers back home. They need me. They probably think that I'm dead. You didn't even know my name before today. They've been left grieving for a brother they've known for seventeen years."

"But what if they can't find you? What if you can never go back?"

"Then I'll have no choice but to stay."

* * *

A week passed. I felt myself slowly growing closer and closer to my alternate siblings. Everyone here was eager to spend time with him. Splinter was extremely interested in my life, my upbringing, my brothers, my feelings. He truly wanted to know all he could about me. I almost feel like a child again. The alternative Leo and I have grown extremely close. His willingness to spend time with me had resulted in the same close, yet open friendship that the Leo back home and I had developed when we were tots. Sure we bickered, but we didn't fight nearly as much as back home Leo and I usually did.

Donnie and I had formed an easy friendship. I spent time sitting in his lab listening to him talk about his projects and telling him a little bit about some the things he'd built for me over the years.

Mikey and I had so far had three prank wars, all three of them put to a stop by either Leo or Master Splinter before they could last more than a day. Whenever I wasn't hanging in Don's lab, or in the dojo with Leo, the goofball followed me around like a puppy. It was kinda annoying, yet kinda nice to know I was appreciated that way.

Speaking of the dojo, I discovered that the alternate Leo isn't as skillful as the Leo back home. After watching us spar, Master Splinter concluded that the difference was due to the fact that I was never around to provide a challenge to Leo's abilities.

"Hey Raph, time for lunch." Leo called, sticking his head inside the door.

I hummed and stood. We walked down the hallway together.

"You alright?"

"Just thinking about home." I said softly.

Leo gave me a sympathetic glance. "Raph—Donnie still hasn't turned up anything. But I hope you know that this is your home now."

I looked at the hand on my shoulder and smiled gratefully at my older brother. No. He's not my older brother. He's not. My older brother is back home. But—I guess staying here wouldn't be so bad. It's so easy to be myself around here. I can be open and never have to worry about whether my brothers will think less of me because I know they won't since they never really knew me before. It's like starting all over again.

But then…

A strange sound made Leo and I tense and spin around. In the corner of the room a strange light materialized. It flashed extremely brightly and we were forced to cover our eyes.

Suddenly I felt myself being bowled over.

Alternate Leo's voice shouted: "Raphael!"

When I opened my eyes again, I found myself staring up at Leo. I knew at once. It was Leo. The real one, not the alternate. His hard, blue eyes stared icily at me. Oh man, I am in a heap of trouble.

"Guys! What's—" alternate Mikey shouted as the rest of my alternate family came running into the main room.

Behind the real Leo were the real Donnie and Mikey. At the sudden intrusion they reached for their weapons, but I shouted at them.

"No, guys stop! They're okay!"

They took one look at my face and lowered their weapons. Leo got off of me and scowled.

"Hamato Raphael, what the shell were you thinking? Oh wait, I forgot, you weren't!"

I growled and jumped to my feet. "Shut your mouth, Fearless! I was thinking I would save your lives and the lives of everyone in the entire city!"

"Do you realize how much strain you put us all under? If you had half a brain in your head you'd have at least thought about that!" he shouted, leaning over into my face.

Suddenly, he was shoved away from me. I stared. Alternate Leo had backed real Leo up against the wall. Alternate Splinter took a few steps forward, preparing to intervene, but in the end, it wasn't necessary.

"Don't you ever speak to my brother like that again! He doesn't deserve that after what he did for you." Alternate Leo growled.

I felt honored that he was taking my side. The real Leo shoved him off.

"He isn't your brother! He's obviously ours! Stick to yours!"

"They don't have one," I said softly. "In this reality I died from infection when I was four."

I watched the real Leo's eyes dart to my scar.

"Raph?" He asked.

I said nothing, feeling torn.

Alternate Leo came over to me. "Raph, I think it's obvious you'd be happier here with us."

Leo looked a little panicked. "Raphael, you can't really be considering staying here."

Again I didn't answer.

Melting into a scowl, Leo's face hardened. "You'd abandon your family?"

"Leaving them would be just the same, Leo. They're my family too." I said softly.

Donnie shook his head. "Raphie, we're your family. You're not their Raph. You're not their brother."

"Raphie, please!" Mikey begged.

Alternate Mikey and Donnie came over and wrapped me in a hug.

Alternate Donnie said softly, "You can't leave us Raph. We don't want to lose you again."

"I've never had so much fun in my life since you've been with us, Raph. Don't go."

"I—" I bowed my head.

Alternate Splinter sighed. "Raphael, you must go with your heart. There is no other way."

Alternate Leo scowled at the real Leo.

"No matter what you decide, Raphael, we'll understand, which is less than I can say for those three."

Donnie bristled. "How dare you! He's our brother! He's always been out brother! You can't just—"

"Don, stop." Leo said softly. He came over to me.

Alternate Donnie and Mikey scuttled away to give him room. Leo put a hand on my shoulder and the next thing I knew, I'd been yanked into a tight hug.

"I was devastated when I woke up and Donnie told me you were dead. I refused to believe it, no matter what the odds. I couldn't just accept that my little brother had given his life for me. The guilt was destroying me. I should have been able to stop it, but I couldn't. We can't even bear to think about a world without you in it, Raph. It's all we've ever known. Losing you would destroy us…it would tear me apart."

My hands slowly came up to return my big brother's hug. Over his shoulder, my eyes met alternate Leo's. He looked pained, but he nodded. He understood. I glanced over at alternate Don and Mikey. They too, looked upset, but they motioned me to go on.

My heart felt heavier than ever. I'd always regretted that I couldn't be more open with my brothers. That heavy-hearted feeling had gone away when the alternate family had taken me in and allowed me to be myself. I felt the pressure returning as I made my decision.

I turned to my alternate brothers. "I-I have to go home."

The three of them drew closer together.

"We understand," alternate Leo said.

I barreled into them, wrapping them in one last hug. They clung to me tightly, knowing we would probably never see each other again. Alternate Splinter joined us. I held back the tears. Man, I was gonna miss them.

Finally I tore away. "I gotta go."

They nodded sadly. My real brothers were waiting for me with sad looks on their faces. Donnie pressed some kind of homing beacon on his belt and portal opened to take us home. Mikey grabbed my hand and tugged me into the light. We grimaced as pain flashed through our bodies.

The last thing I saw was alternate Leo mouthing out: "We love you, Raphael."

I felt a tear run down my cheek. Next thing I knew, I was falling straight down on top of my brothers. They grunted.

Mikey grumbled, "Geez, Raph, you need to lose some weight."

I said nothing, too busy thinking about my alternate family and the events of the past week. The portal was still open. Wait—where's Leo? Just as I thought that, Leo appeared and fell right on top of me. I grunted and shoved him off.

* * *

I watched Raphael go through the portal and started to follow, but a hand grabbed my wrist. I turned to glance back at the other me.

"Take care of him."

"We will." I said, nodding solemnly.

"Be open with him. He needs that more than anything."

I sent him a grateful glance. "I'll do everything I can."

Just like the journey here, the transport home felt like I was being torn into a million pieces. I yelped as I suddenly found myself falling straight down. I landed on top of Raph, who grunted and rolled me away.

"How'd you guys find me?" Raphael asked.

"That old guy helped us. The one who kinda got you thrown into that portal in the first place. He finally told us how we could find you. He helped Donnie design and build the equipment." Mikey answered.

"So where'd he go?"

"Part of the deal." I grunted. "We gave him a one-way ticket out of here." Raph grinned a little. I smiled and gave him a one-armed hug. "It's so good to have you back, little brother. I was worried."

"I think we can all agree with both those sentiments, Leo." Don agreed, hugging Raph from the other side.

The hothead growled and tried to shove us off, but we just laughed. He smiled.

"Ditto." Mikey said, joining the pile.

Raph's smile dimmed. "I wonder what'll happen to them now."

We all knew who 'they' were. We looked at each other. I squeezed my brother a little tighter.

"Their life will go back to the way it was before you came into it."

"I—" Raph's voice died and he didn't finish.

"When you're ready, Raph. We can talk all about it. Don't push yourself. For now we're just going to be happy you're alive and well." I said.

One of his arms came up and swatted at my head, playfully.

"Fine. But you still aren't getting off easy for that stuff you said about me not thinking. I'm gonna kick your butt in training for that."

I laughed, just happy to hear Raph's voice again. "I'm sure you will, Raph. I'm sure you will."

* * *

 **How was it? Review Please!**


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